Over the course of our lifetime we may have many romantic relationships. You may actually have many people that you love. I know that I have loved more than 1 man so far in my life. When we enter these relationships there are qualities about the other person that we haven’t found in anybody else. Whether it be their sense of humour, their thoughtfulness, or they way they look at you, these qualities you love and don’t want to let go.
So has there ever been that one person that had so many of those qualities but for whatever reason things didn’t work out and since then you can’t find anyone as good?
I can say there is that person for me. I won’t reveal his name but for the people that know me…know who I’m talking about. He’s the one person that since my divorce has made me feel like I’m a truly beautiful person. Not only was it in the words that he said but in the funny noises he made, or the truly thoughtful things he did for me. I’ve never had someone appreciate me as much as he did. Not only did he make me feel beautiful but, he also made me feel sexy. That was something I never really felt when I was married.
We had so much fun together and it didn’t matter what we did. Hanging out with friends or hanging by ourselves. Sleeping in or staying out late. We were good at being spontaneous and being a little adventurous. There’s one thing that I can think of that was super feisty, but it’s too much for this blog.
And can I be perfectly honest? I’ve never found anyone as passionate as him either. If you know what I mean! He’s the one at the top of my list. So far no one comes close. Which I feel bad saying but, it’s true. Not that it’s been horrible since then, but let’s face it, some people don’t have all the skills. They’re too inhibited or need to come out of their shell a little.
Now that I’ve gone off on this tangent and probably made some people a little self conscious, I just wonder if everyone has that ONE…the one that no matter who you date or meet no one ever seems to have everything that was so great. I know I’ve talked to my girlfriends about guys we’ve dated and I said “You know this guy is great and all, but he doesn’t treat me nearly good as they did.” I’m talking good on all levels too. I’m talking isn’t as good in bed, doesn’t treat you as good, isn’t as thoughtful or giving. So why would you date or marry someone that wasn’t the best you ever had?
I know that nobody is perfect and I’m not looking for that. What I’m looking for is that feeling. The feeling they give you when they look at, touch, feel, and smell you. I know it sounds weird, but I like when someone smells me. I just wonder that if we maybe didn’t get married until we found someone the best at everything on our list maybe there wouldn’t be as many divorces. Think about it, would you really want to marry a person that is not that great in the sack but makes great lasagna? Or a guy that’s pretty good in bed but doesn’t treat you very good or doesn’t tell you how pretty you are? I guess, I just need to know it’s ok to look for the best you’ve ever had.
One more thing, don't think that I don't date people strictly because their not a "10" in all categories, because I have. Those relationships never laster more than about a month. Anyway, see what you think.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
DO GUY LIKE BITCHY GIRLS?
I really don’t think all guys like girls that are bitchy but I do think that some guys seem to gravitate towards those women. I’ve started to notice this over the last several years…and especially lately.
I currently know several women who may I say are complete nightmares. They just aren’t very friendly and when it comes to their mate, they’re not much better. One girl that I can think of yells MOTHER F*&$ER to her boyfriend. She’s highly dramatic and throws tantrums. Not only that she’s high maintainence, and materialistic. Yet…this girl has a boyfriend. Although, I’m not jealous of her because, I wouldn’t want to date him either.
Another fine example of a bitchy girl that has a guy is the one I know nit picks everything he does. Sometimes it’s not just what she says but how she says it. She picks on his driving, his clothes, he doesn’t make enough money. She’s even yelled at him later at work than she’d like.
Do men like women of this nature because deep down every guy wants a girl like his mother? Do guys subconsciously like an over bearing woman? If you’re single, think of your married guy friends and what they say about their wives. How many times have you heard them go off on how they’re nags and bitching about this and that? I would venture to say that 9 out of every 10 guys would say that their wives are always on their case. So then why do these guys marry these women?
My only thought is that are these girls always like this and you were too blind to see it? I can’t imagine they become that way over night!
Now I will say that I have my moments where I have a short fuse and I might go off on somebody but, that’s if you really I mean really tick me off. So guys just like when you wonder why girls don’t like nice guys…why do girls that are bitchy get the good guys.
I currently know several women who may I say are complete nightmares. They just aren’t very friendly and when it comes to their mate, they’re not much better. One girl that I can think of yells MOTHER F*&$ER to her boyfriend. She’s highly dramatic and throws tantrums. Not only that she’s high maintainence, and materialistic. Yet…this girl has a boyfriend. Although, I’m not jealous of her because, I wouldn’t want to date him either.
Another fine example of a bitchy girl that has a guy is the one I know nit picks everything he does. Sometimes it’s not just what she says but how she says it. She picks on his driving, his clothes, he doesn’t make enough money. She’s even yelled at him later at work than she’d like.
Do men like women of this nature because deep down every guy wants a girl like his mother? Do guys subconsciously like an over bearing woman? If you’re single, think of your married guy friends and what they say about their wives. How many times have you heard them go off on how they’re nags and bitching about this and that? I would venture to say that 9 out of every 10 guys would say that their wives are always on their case. So then why do these guys marry these women?
My only thought is that are these girls always like this and you were too blind to see it? I can’t imagine they become that way over night!
Now I will say that I have my moments where I have a short fuse and I might go off on somebody but, that’s if you really I mean really tick me off. So guys just like when you wonder why girls don’t like nice guys…why do girls that are bitchy get the good guys.
Monday, January 26, 2009
YOU NEVER REALLY LEAVE HIGH SCHOOL! PART # 1
After I had a couple of interesting things happen to me this weekend I’ve decided that even though you can graduate, be in your career, and move all over the country: YOU NEVER REALLY LEAVE HIGH SCHOOL!!!
I honestly don’t know where to begin. I have so many interesting things that happened this weekend that it’s hard but I’ll try. This story has to be one of the biggest “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” moments I’ve had in a long time. So last week I ran into an ex while out with my girlfriend. We talked for a bit and got caught up. A day later I get a text saying it was good catching up and maybe we’ll have to do it again soon. I responded basically with yeah and that sounded good. Well I ended up going to an event with people from the gym. I ended up running into this girl that is a F%$& Buddy of my ex’s friend. I said hello to her and she asked if the ex and I were still together, I said “Oh no, we’re not. He’s been dating someone else, so whatever!” Then she tells me she’s in VIP so I should join her. In total I talked to her…what…1 minute? If that!
The rest of the evening I was dancing my butt off. I ended up booty dancing with some guy from the gym that I NEVER talk too. That should be interesting the next time I see him. Anyway, the next day I get a text from the ex saying that he wanted to meet up but he heard I went off on a tirade last night about what an A$$ hole he is and how much I hate him!!! WTF??? At first I thought it was a joke. I tried calling…no answer. No call back either! What? I tell him I have no idea he’s talking about in fact, the only tirade I was on was the one I had on the dance floor! HOLLA!!! I ended up calling him again…with no answer and sending him another text that read “point #1 I didn’t say those things, I have no reason to point # 2 What would I agree to meet up with you sometime soon and 10 minutes later tell someone that you’re an a$$hole and I hate you?” It just doesn’t make sense!!
So needless to say, I think I have an idea who said it and she better hope I don’t see her anytime in the near future because I WILL say something. Oh and I will climb her like a tree and poke her in the eye or smack her in the forehead! And another thing…I still haven’t talked to the ex. He’s never returned my phone calls or texts. Now, this is the part that doesn’t make sense. If I heard that he said that stuff about me after he agreed to meet up later…wouldn’t you think that you’d want to talk to the person themselves and put things to rest instead of just in a text? I would want to hear from the horse’s mouth what exactly happened. Isn’t that the mature and reasonable thing to do?
I mean, even in high school when some girl thought you were talking bad about her…she’d confront you in the hall about it and try to get your side of the story! This whole thing is ridiculous and I’m not sure why I really care. I have been more than nice and forgiving and though he has treated me bad in the past I think I’ve come to a point where I can say “Oh well” AND I certainly don’t hate him. Yet, this situation bugs me because #1 I didn’t do any such thing #2 it came out of nowhere #3 It’s ridiculous # 4 It’s juvenile #5 It makes NO sense. # 6 again I didn’t do it # 7 It’s unnecessary drama # 8 It’s without merit # 9 THE EX STILL HASN’T CALLED TO RESOVLE IT and # 10 IT’S SO HIGH SCHOOL!!!!
I honestly don’t know where to begin. I have so many interesting things that happened this weekend that it’s hard but I’ll try. This story has to be one of the biggest “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” moments I’ve had in a long time. So last week I ran into an ex while out with my girlfriend. We talked for a bit and got caught up. A day later I get a text saying it was good catching up and maybe we’ll have to do it again soon. I responded basically with yeah and that sounded good. Well I ended up going to an event with people from the gym. I ended up running into this girl that is a F%$& Buddy of my ex’s friend. I said hello to her and she asked if the ex and I were still together, I said “Oh no, we’re not. He’s been dating someone else, so whatever!” Then she tells me she’s in VIP so I should join her. In total I talked to her…what…1 minute? If that!
The rest of the evening I was dancing my butt off. I ended up booty dancing with some guy from the gym that I NEVER talk too. That should be interesting the next time I see him. Anyway, the next day I get a text from the ex saying that he wanted to meet up but he heard I went off on a tirade last night about what an A$$ hole he is and how much I hate him!!! WTF??? At first I thought it was a joke. I tried calling…no answer. No call back either! What? I tell him I have no idea he’s talking about in fact, the only tirade I was on was the one I had on the dance floor! HOLLA!!! I ended up calling him again…with no answer and sending him another text that read “point #1 I didn’t say those things, I have no reason to point # 2 What would I agree to meet up with you sometime soon and 10 minutes later tell someone that you’re an a$$hole and I hate you?” It just doesn’t make sense!!
So needless to say, I think I have an idea who said it and she better hope I don’t see her anytime in the near future because I WILL say something. Oh and I will climb her like a tree and poke her in the eye or smack her in the forehead! And another thing…I still haven’t talked to the ex. He’s never returned my phone calls or texts. Now, this is the part that doesn’t make sense. If I heard that he said that stuff about me after he agreed to meet up later…wouldn’t you think that you’d want to talk to the person themselves and put things to rest instead of just in a text? I would want to hear from the horse’s mouth what exactly happened. Isn’t that the mature and reasonable thing to do?
I mean, even in high school when some girl thought you were talking bad about her…she’d confront you in the hall about it and try to get your side of the story! This whole thing is ridiculous and I’m not sure why I really care. I have been more than nice and forgiving and though he has treated me bad in the past I think I’ve come to a point where I can say “Oh well” AND I certainly don’t hate him. Yet, this situation bugs me because #1 I didn’t do any such thing #2 it came out of nowhere #3 It’s ridiculous # 4 It’s juvenile #5 It makes NO sense. # 6 again I didn’t do it # 7 It’s unnecessary drama # 8 It’s without merit # 9 THE EX STILL HASN’T CALLED TO RESOVLE IT and # 10 IT’S SO HIGH SCHOOL!!!!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
LEAVE THIS POOR SINGLE GIRL ALONE!!
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! I need to have a talk with the men that read this blog. Especially the ones that read this, that maybe have a crush, are interested, or whatever in me. Because we need to get a few things straight here.
I’m writing this blog because someone made the comment about me having more self confidence. Here’s the quote…”You need to show more self confidence and be open to giving people a chance.” First of all, what in the world are you talking about? The reason that this comment bothers me is because I do give people chances. Sometimes, over and over and over and over again. Get my point? Sometimes I give the wrong people a chance. On the flip side, I’ve given lots of different kinds of men chances. I’ve given the “bad boy” a chance. The “sensitive guy”, “Mr. I’m afraid to get married”, “Mr. I can’t date you because I’m hurt”, “Mr. What do you want I’m really busy right now!”, “Mr. I’m gay and don’t know it yet” guy, all of these guys I’ve given chances to. And not only that but, they all look different.
I don’t think that I need to give every guy that comes along a chance. If I did, that would mean I have no standards. Let’s face it we all have standards. We all need standards. It’s our own way of sifting out the riff raff. The one’s that just are not right for YOU. And be perfectly honest with you, I think my standards are pretty simple.
Someone asked what kind of guy I'm looking for. I feel like I’m beating a dead horse here but, here it goes. A guy that is successful and smart. Someone caring, thoughtful and takes time to notice the little things. A guy that doesn’t come with too much emotional baggage or any type of baggage. I like a guy who likes to stay fit, likes dogs, likes to travel, red wine, sushi, nice restaurants and there are other things. Most importantly, I like a guy that is attentive and unselfish.
Most of my relationships have revolved around the other person. Not because I was obsessed with them but because everything revolved around them. It revolved around their schedule, their job, and what they had going on. Basically they had their priorities and I wasn’t top 5. For instance, I had an ex tell me they couldn’t meet me for dinner the next day because he might have to meet the big boss if he came into town. Wait, so the guy isn’t for sure coming to town and you’re already canceling? Or the ex that told me that dating me was tough because he didn’t exercise as much as he wanted. So having someone unselfish or at least willing to compromise would be great.
Now, if you think to yourself. I’m all of those things…why don’t I get a chance? Well I have to be physically attracted too. LBS here, when you meet someone randomly out at a gym, grocery store, whatever, you see them and something strikes you. And like I’ve said before, I’m attracted to guys all over the board looks wise. I’ll even give some different looking guys that are celebs to give you an idea.
I sometimes like guys with shaggy hair
I sometimes like an exotic looking guy
I somtimes like guys with no hair
That’s all I have on this topic. So no more writing me saying “Erin why don’t date that fat guy with the ponytail that lives in his van down by the river?” Because I won’t but I WILL hunt you down and smack you on the forehead! :)
I’m writing this blog because someone made the comment about me having more self confidence. Here’s the quote…”You need to show more self confidence and be open to giving people a chance.” First of all, what in the world are you talking about? The reason that this comment bothers me is because I do give people chances. Sometimes, over and over and over and over again. Get my point? Sometimes I give the wrong people a chance. On the flip side, I’ve given lots of different kinds of men chances. I’ve given the “bad boy” a chance. The “sensitive guy”, “Mr. I’m afraid to get married”, “Mr. I can’t date you because I’m hurt”, “Mr. What do you want I’m really busy right now!”, “Mr. I’m gay and don’t know it yet” guy, all of these guys I’ve given chances to. And not only that but, they all look different.
I don’t think that I need to give every guy that comes along a chance. If I did, that would mean I have no standards. Let’s face it we all have standards. We all need standards. It’s our own way of sifting out the riff raff. The one’s that just are not right for YOU. And be perfectly honest with you, I think my standards are pretty simple.
Someone asked what kind of guy I'm looking for. I feel like I’m beating a dead horse here but, here it goes. A guy that is successful and smart. Someone caring, thoughtful and takes time to notice the little things. A guy that doesn’t come with too much emotional baggage or any type of baggage. I like a guy who likes to stay fit, likes dogs, likes to travel, red wine, sushi, nice restaurants and there are other things. Most importantly, I like a guy that is attentive and unselfish.
Most of my relationships have revolved around the other person. Not because I was obsessed with them but because everything revolved around them. It revolved around their schedule, their job, and what they had going on. Basically they had their priorities and I wasn’t top 5. For instance, I had an ex tell me they couldn’t meet me for dinner the next day because he might have to meet the big boss if he came into town. Wait, so the guy isn’t for sure coming to town and you’re already canceling? Or the ex that told me that dating me was tough because he didn’t exercise as much as he wanted. So having someone unselfish or at least willing to compromise would be great.
Now, if you think to yourself. I’m all of those things…why don’t I get a chance? Well I have to be physically attracted too. LBS here, when you meet someone randomly out at a gym, grocery store, whatever, you see them and something strikes you. And like I’ve said before, I’m attracted to guys all over the board looks wise. I’ll even give some different looking guys that are celebs to give you an idea.
I sometimes like guys with shaggy hair
I sometimes like an exotic looking guy
I somtimes like guys with no hair
That’s all I have on this topic. So no more writing me saying “Erin why don’t date that fat guy with the ponytail that lives in his van down by the river?” Because I won’t but I WILL hunt you down and smack you on the forehead! :)
Monday, January 19, 2009
SHAKING OFF THE LONELY BUG!
I don’t know what it is about this time of year that seems to get me down but it does. Maybe I’m vitamin D deficient right now, or PMS’ing at the moment. Or maybe I’m just starting to feel a little lonely.
I’m starting to feel like an endangered species! Ok…so that might be a little dramatic but 2 of my good girlfriends actually have boyfriends. And when I say actually let me clarify. These girls have been single for a long time. One of them is completely comfortable with her singleness and it never seemed to bother her. The other has had some interesting times with men and she wants to get married and have children. Now, don’t think for a second that I’m jealous of them. In fact, I’m very happy for them. I will say it makes for girls night plans a little harder but whatever. And now me and Melissa are the only 2 girls that I’m really good friends with that are single and not dating!
Like just now, I was on Facebook checking out some pages of my friends from high school. I started to notice that everyone I know is married, engaged or in a relationship with someone. I also noticed that I’m one of just a few without kids. That part doesn’t bother me so much but kids that were freshman when I was a senior are married now!!! What is the world coming to??? I think Melissa and I are going to be the last single women on earth!
I know I bring this topic up a lot and I’m beating a dead horse here but I can’t lie…I get a little lonely. And no matter how many times someone says “I know you’ll find someone great” it doesn’t make you feel any better. No matter how many times someone tells you “When you stop looking for it it’ll happen”; it doesn’t make you feel better. Let’s face it; everyone is looking for someone in some capacity. Someone told me to listen to the song by John Mayer ‘Good Love is on the Way’. I watched the video on YOUTUBE and he said at the beginning basically what I said, that everyone is looking for it. He also said let’s not focus on past loves, think of the future and put your faith forward. Sounds great. I just wish I didn’t get lonely. If I never felt lonely I would probably be just fine without anyone ever.
Alright, so…I just slapped myself and told myself to snap out of it!! The remedy for now will be…
1. Take more vitamin D
2. Tell myself I have bigger fish to fry right now.
3. Write myself love letters…ahh maybe not
4. Stay positive
5. Listen to that John Mayer song all the time
6. Find a gay man to love me!
7. And spend more time with my single girl Melissa…misery loves company.
I’m starting to feel like an endangered species! Ok…so that might be a little dramatic but 2 of my good girlfriends actually have boyfriends. And when I say actually let me clarify. These girls have been single for a long time. One of them is completely comfortable with her singleness and it never seemed to bother her. The other has had some interesting times with men and she wants to get married and have children. Now, don’t think for a second that I’m jealous of them. In fact, I’m very happy for them. I will say it makes for girls night plans a little harder but whatever. And now me and Melissa are the only 2 girls that I’m really good friends with that are single and not dating!
Like just now, I was on Facebook checking out some pages of my friends from high school. I started to notice that everyone I know is married, engaged or in a relationship with someone. I also noticed that I’m one of just a few without kids. That part doesn’t bother me so much but kids that were freshman when I was a senior are married now!!! What is the world coming to??? I think Melissa and I are going to be the last single women on earth!
I know I bring this topic up a lot and I’m beating a dead horse here but I can’t lie…I get a little lonely. And no matter how many times someone says “I know you’ll find someone great” it doesn’t make you feel any better. No matter how many times someone tells you “When you stop looking for it it’ll happen”; it doesn’t make you feel better. Let’s face it; everyone is looking for someone in some capacity. Someone told me to listen to the song by John Mayer ‘Good Love is on the Way’. I watched the video on YOUTUBE and he said at the beginning basically what I said, that everyone is looking for it. He also said let’s not focus on past loves, think of the future and put your faith forward. Sounds great. I just wish I didn’t get lonely. If I never felt lonely I would probably be just fine without anyone ever.
Alright, so…I just slapped myself and told myself to snap out of it!! The remedy for now will be…
1. Take more vitamin D
2. Tell myself I have bigger fish to fry right now.
3. Write myself love letters…ahh maybe not
4. Stay positive
5. Listen to that John Mayer song all the time
6. Find a gay man to love me!
7. And spend more time with my single girl Melissa…misery loves company.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
AM I REALLY CUT OUT FOR THIS?
I was out to brunch with my friend, a co-worker and his wife. We were all talking about the economy, jobs, and how we're all looking for new opportunities. The conversation turned to me and they asked what have I been finding. I said that there wasn't much out there but I've been wrestling with the idea of switching careers and becoming a TV reporter. Going to a smaller market and taking a HUGE pay cut. Like I'd be making about half. Then after we talked more I started to wonder..."Am I really cut out for that job?"
Many people don't understand that the media business is very cut throat. I mean look at our show! It's not like Mathew, AJ, or I did anything wrong...or even that we're bad people. We're not but, we didn't fit the new plan for the radio station and so there you go. When people ask me or my friend about our business they just thinks it's crazy. They can't imagine working 12 hours days without overtime, or the kind of talk that goes on in the halls. It would probably make most people blush. Although, at the moment I can't imagine what I'd want to do more. I think a lot of people can't imagine doing anything else.
On Tuesday, one of the biggest companies in the industry, Clear Channel plans to lay off possibly thousands of people. Tuesday is also inauguration day for Barack Obama. It's not a coincidence. They hope that the inauguration will over shadow the laying off of many people. My friends and ex husband could be one of them. I cross my fingers for them. In a way, especially my ex. This business is all he knows. He started working in radio when he was 14 and didn't go to college because he was off doing his career. He does very well for himself now and he's high on the food chain but the higher you are, the more money make, and the bigger target you are. He wonders what will be next for him if he gets the ax...and I wonder too.
So, back to my dilemma. When we were at brunch talking about jobs, my friend started telling a story of how horrible it can be at times. And I started freaking out. Thinking, "Can I really do this job? Am I going to suck at it?" What happens if i get my first job in a smaller town and then I can't get out?! I can't imagine living in El Paso, TX for the rest of my life. All I know is that the state of radio isn't the same. And I need to figure out what I should go for. TV has always been a path I wanted to go for but, will I be good at it? I almost wish God would send this huge sign that says..."GO THIS WAY...YOU WON'T FAIL!" I just don't want to fail or be unsuccessful in life.
A lot of people I know have family that has money and if things don't work out for them then they can always bum a few bucks from daddy. I can't. It's not even an option. In fact, I have no one to rely on but myself, so if I fail I have no one to depend on or blame but me. I think most people when they make huge career changes they have someone to rely on. The uncertainty is a little unnerving and to be honest, the fact that I'll possibly be making No money scares the snot out of me. I thank God I don't have any debt...but when you make no money you can't save money either.
I'm really hoping I can get a sign of a clear path I should go down.
Many people don't understand that the media business is very cut throat. I mean look at our show! It's not like Mathew, AJ, or I did anything wrong...or even that we're bad people. We're not but, we didn't fit the new plan for the radio station and so there you go. When people ask me or my friend about our business they just thinks it's crazy. They can't imagine working 12 hours days without overtime, or the kind of talk that goes on in the halls. It would probably make most people blush. Although, at the moment I can't imagine what I'd want to do more. I think a lot of people can't imagine doing anything else.
On Tuesday, one of the biggest companies in the industry, Clear Channel plans to lay off possibly thousands of people. Tuesday is also inauguration day for Barack Obama. It's not a coincidence. They hope that the inauguration will over shadow the laying off of many people. My friends and ex husband could be one of them. I cross my fingers for them. In a way, especially my ex. This business is all he knows. He started working in radio when he was 14 and didn't go to college because he was off doing his career. He does very well for himself now and he's high on the food chain but the higher you are, the more money make, and the bigger target you are. He wonders what will be next for him if he gets the ax...and I wonder too.
So, back to my dilemma. When we were at brunch talking about jobs, my friend started telling a story of how horrible it can be at times. And I started freaking out. Thinking, "Can I really do this job? Am I going to suck at it?" What happens if i get my first job in a smaller town and then I can't get out?! I can't imagine living in El Paso, TX for the rest of my life. All I know is that the state of radio isn't the same. And I need to figure out what I should go for. TV has always been a path I wanted to go for but, will I be good at it? I almost wish God would send this huge sign that says..."GO THIS WAY...YOU WON'T FAIL!" I just don't want to fail or be unsuccessful in life.
A lot of people I know have family that has money and if things don't work out for them then they can always bum a few bucks from daddy. I can't. It's not even an option. In fact, I have no one to rely on but myself, so if I fail I have no one to depend on or blame but me. I think most people when they make huge career changes they have someone to rely on. The uncertainty is a little unnerving and to be honest, the fact that I'll possibly be making No money scares the snot out of me. I thank God I don't have any debt...but when you make no money you can't save money either.
I'm really hoping I can get a sign of a clear path I should go down.
Monday, January 12, 2009
I NEED TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH
Over the last few weeks I've been kind of mentally freaking out. It hasn’t been too bad of a freak out. I've been putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I've been running a lot of thoughts, scenarios, what ifs, and why's through my head. I've been wondering a lot about my future, Career-wise, relationship-wise, and age-wise.
Career-wise, I think is fairly obvious. There just isn’t a lot of work out there and although I’ve been reassigned at work and I have a job, I’m not doing what I love to do. I am very thankful that have a job though. As I’ve mentioned before about switching careers to maybe to do TV reporting had got me a little worried as well. Where will I have to move for my first job? Will I even like it? Am I going to be poor? Funny thing is I don’t know why I’m freaking out. I act as though I need to find a job in the next week. When in actuality, I have some time. Does that mean I’m going to be lazy? Absolutely not! What I’m going to do is, do a good job at the task I’ve been given and keep my eyes open for my next opportunity. There’s no need to freak out just yet…I just need to take a deep breath.
Relationship-wise, I think I always have an issue with this. I do my best not to obsess over this but I wonder why a lot. I wonder why things didn’t work out, and if I’m doing something wrong. Like the other night I was out with my girls and we ran into some people that were from my past so to speak. After we got done talking I just felt like a loser for a second. I ended up texting my guy friend and an ex to say, “Is there something wrong with me that nobody wants to date me or claim me for a girlfriend?” Of course the answer was no but; I just couldn’t help but feel like I have the scarlet letter or something. I got bothered that girls that are L.A.F can keep a guy around yet I can’t. Girls that are immature and annoying with nothing to offer can get a boyfriend. Now, who’s to say that these people are truly happy? Maybe they have really low standards and are just settling till they figure out what they want. Like my friend said, “Erin I truly believe great things are going to happen for you soon.” So let’s see what the future holds and take a deep breath.
Age-wise, I think that this gets tangled up in the other two topics. I kind of freak out thinking that I’m getting too old sometimes. For instance, this career change that I’m thinking about, am I too old to go into a different field? I’m going to have to start all over like a kid just out of college. Lucky for me, I do have a little more experience and I’m a little more polished. But still. And what about getting married again? I’m 31 and I’m not even close. I’m not sure I want kids or not but just say I meet someone in the next 2 years and I think that’s what I want. Then I’ll roughly 33 or 34, then go through the whole dating, get married and then kids at 36? Is that too old? Deep down I’m not really concerned. I think the only reason it crosses my mind is because in Milwaukee something is wrong with you if you’re in 30’s and single with no kids. I know if I lived in Chicago being single in your 30’s would be all too normal. So as long as they make Botox I’m not going to worry and I’ll just take deep breath.
Career-wise, I think is fairly obvious. There just isn’t a lot of work out there and although I’ve been reassigned at work and I have a job, I’m not doing what I love to do. I am very thankful that have a job though. As I’ve mentioned before about switching careers to maybe to do TV reporting had got me a little worried as well. Where will I have to move for my first job? Will I even like it? Am I going to be poor? Funny thing is I don’t know why I’m freaking out. I act as though I need to find a job in the next week. When in actuality, I have some time. Does that mean I’m going to be lazy? Absolutely not! What I’m going to do is, do a good job at the task I’ve been given and keep my eyes open for my next opportunity. There’s no need to freak out just yet…I just need to take a deep breath.
Relationship-wise, I think I always have an issue with this. I do my best not to obsess over this but I wonder why a lot. I wonder why things didn’t work out, and if I’m doing something wrong. Like the other night I was out with my girls and we ran into some people that were from my past so to speak. After we got done talking I just felt like a loser for a second. I ended up texting my guy friend and an ex to say, “Is there something wrong with me that nobody wants to date me or claim me for a girlfriend?” Of course the answer was no but; I just couldn’t help but feel like I have the scarlet letter or something. I got bothered that girls that are L.A.F can keep a guy around yet I can’t. Girls that are immature and annoying with nothing to offer can get a boyfriend. Now, who’s to say that these people are truly happy? Maybe they have really low standards and are just settling till they figure out what they want. Like my friend said, “Erin I truly believe great things are going to happen for you soon.” So let’s see what the future holds and take a deep breath.
Age-wise, I think that this gets tangled up in the other two topics. I kind of freak out thinking that I’m getting too old sometimes. For instance, this career change that I’m thinking about, am I too old to go into a different field? I’m going to have to start all over like a kid just out of college. Lucky for me, I do have a little more experience and I’m a little more polished. But still. And what about getting married again? I’m 31 and I’m not even close. I’m not sure I want kids or not but just say I meet someone in the next 2 years and I think that’s what I want. Then I’ll roughly 33 or 34, then go through the whole dating, get married and then kids at 36? Is that too old? Deep down I’m not really concerned. I think the only reason it crosses my mind is because in Milwaukee something is wrong with you if you’re in 30’s and single with no kids. I know if I lived in Chicago being single in your 30’s would be all too normal. So as long as they make Botox I’m not going to worry and I’ll just take deep breath.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I NEED TO DEFEND MYSELF
I’m writing this blog because I feel the need to defend myself. Over the last year people have made good and bad comments about ME and MY BLOG. Some people have praised me for what I write while others call me names, make fun of me, and judge me. If you notice on my profile to this blog I label myself as a girl that wears her heart on her sleeve. I talk about things that bother or upset me, that’s just how I am. If I’m hurt I need to tell someone about it, it makes me feel better. I am a good girl.
One of the biggest issues of me having this blog is that men seemed to be bothered by it. Almost as if they think that if I have a bad time with them that I’ll write about them. This is simply untrue. There are many instances where I either had a bad date or a lack luster encounter and I’ve never mentioned anything. I’ve actually had several guys that were interested in me warned by their friends to “Watch out for her!” Really? ME? They act as though I’m some Man-eater, chewing guys up and spitting them out. Or they act like I’m some player that always is on the prowl for a guy. UNBELIEVABLE! I’m like any other girl. I just want to find a great guy that loves me for me and treats me the way I’ve always wanted to be treated. I can’t help that my experience with men in the town of Milwaukee has been less than pleasurable.
When guys I start to date ask me about my blog and what it’s all about, I have one warning for them…”Don’t treat me like crap and I won’t talk about you!” Funny thing is the 3 guys I’ve had to tell that to I’ve written about all of them…Gee I wonder why they were so scared. Probably because they know they were shady mother scratchers! When things would go south and I’d write about them and of course their friends would check it out. I always kept their identity concealed but, the friends always knew who I was talking about. Listen, I can’t help that your friends read my blog and that they know the crappy things you pulled. That’s not my problem. Like I said, “Don’t treat me like crap and I won’t talk about you and the stuff you did.”
As for people sending out the warning flare for their friends, you really don’t know me. Yeah I said, just like they do on the Jerry Springer Show…”YOU DON’T KNOW ME!! DON’T JUDGE ME!” I know that having stuff written about you is maybe a little scary but, my thought is, if you have nothing to hide than you have nothing to worry about. Every person that I’ve written about in a less than perfect light has acted just the way I’ve described. I don’t lie about these situations. My group of girlfriends can absolutely verify…most of the time they were there.
What I’m afraid of is that I won’t find a guy because of this blog but, my friend Mathew said to me, “Erin those guys just aren’t the ones for you that’s all.” I hope he’s right. Although, when I end up moving to another city maybe things will be a little different. Milwaukee is a small town. There’s about 2 degrees of separation between you and the person next to you.
One of the biggest issues of me having this blog is that men seemed to be bothered by it. Almost as if they think that if I have a bad time with them that I’ll write about them. This is simply untrue. There are many instances where I either had a bad date or a lack luster encounter and I’ve never mentioned anything. I’ve actually had several guys that were interested in me warned by their friends to “Watch out for her!” Really? ME? They act as though I’m some Man-eater, chewing guys up and spitting them out. Or they act like I’m some player that always is on the prowl for a guy. UNBELIEVABLE! I’m like any other girl. I just want to find a great guy that loves me for me and treats me the way I’ve always wanted to be treated. I can’t help that my experience with men in the town of Milwaukee has been less than pleasurable.
When guys I start to date ask me about my blog and what it’s all about, I have one warning for them…”Don’t treat me like crap and I won’t talk about you!” Funny thing is the 3 guys I’ve had to tell that to I’ve written about all of them…Gee I wonder why they were so scared. Probably because they know they were shady mother scratchers! When things would go south and I’d write about them and of course their friends would check it out. I always kept their identity concealed but, the friends always knew who I was talking about. Listen, I can’t help that your friends read my blog and that they know the crappy things you pulled. That’s not my problem. Like I said, “Don’t treat me like crap and I won’t talk about you and the stuff you did.”
As for people sending out the warning flare for their friends, you really don’t know me. Yeah I said, just like they do on the Jerry Springer Show…”YOU DON’T KNOW ME!! DON’T JUDGE ME!” I know that having stuff written about you is maybe a little scary but, my thought is, if you have nothing to hide than you have nothing to worry about. Every person that I’ve written about in a less than perfect light has acted just the way I’ve described. I don’t lie about these situations. My group of girlfriends can absolutely verify…most of the time they were there.
What I’m afraid of is that I won’t find a guy because of this blog but, my friend Mathew said to me, “Erin those guys just aren’t the ones for you that’s all.” I hope he’s right. Although, when I end up moving to another city maybe things will be a little different. Milwaukee is a small town. There’s about 2 degrees of separation between you and the person next to you.
Monday, January 5, 2009
A NEW ME FOR THE NEW YEAR!!!
Many people make New Years Resolutions and I guess I'm no different; although, I don't call mine resolutions. I call mine New Years Improvements. There are a few things I need to improve about myself in 2009. There are also a few things that I need to accomplish in 2009. While I was in Oregon spending time with my family over the Christmas holiday, I noticed where I got several of my bad habits. Let’s start there.
NYI #1 Being messy
My house growing up was always a pig sty. I had always believed that it was just us kids that were messy. Well, I just realized I was wrong. Over that Christmas holiday I noticed that I was picking up after my parents. Tissues, napkins, pop cans lying where they leave them. I also found myself throwing things away that they were keeping for whatever reason. Things like a salt packet! Really? We're saving a salt packet? I can't be like my parents. I need to be clean. Now, I don't keep salt packets but, I do leave things around and I can't do it any longer. So, starting tonight I will go home and start the new and improved cleaner Erin. Little by little I'll change this bad habit. I will love to clean! Well, I hope I end up loving to clean.
NYI #2 Worrying about everything
My dad and late grandmother are the worrywarts in my family. My dad is more of the nervous Nancy than a worry wart. I also get the nervousness from him. I've already noticed improvements in myself on this. For instance, when traveling to Portland, I missed my connection due to weather. I had to get rebooked to a different flight and wait 3 hours in the airport. I didn't end up getting to Portland till past midnight. I missed a dinner with my friends at my favourite restaurant because of it. Yet, I was calm the entire time.
Some other things I worry about: life, career, money, relationships, getting fat, why people don't call back, why guys do the things they do, why people don't like me and why...I mean list could go on and on. I talked about in my last blog but, I can't worry about guys anymore. "Why does DD28 treat me the way he does?" WHO CARES!!! Lately, I started to repeat a saying over and over in my head when I catch myself starting to get bothered. I just keep on saying “To accept the things I cannot change and I can't worry about it if it doesn't affect me." When I start to wonder why my ex husbands gf hates me I think, 'She doesn't know ME and I can't change her feelings so I just need to let it go.' Or when I wonder a why a certain person didn't want to date me but someone else, I just have to think it's their loss and they have no idea what they're missing out on. Remember, worrying about something isn't going to change the outcome; it's just going to give you an ulcer.
NYI #3 Saving money
Now, I'll say this. I'm not in debt up to my eyeballs thank God. In fact, the only debt I have is a car payment; although, I'm not very good at saving money either. Maybe with the holidays passing I feel especially poor but, right now I look at my bank account and cringe. It just looks so sad. So, it will be this year 2009 that I transform into my grandfather and become a miser. Yes, than man that had holes in his shoes and would put the paper cup from McDonalds in the cupboard, yes I will become that big of a miser. Well...maybe not the paper cup thing. Remember, I need to work on being messy. Within a week I will work out a plan of how much money to save which leads to my last new year’s improvement.
NYI #4 Finding a new job
With WKTI being kaput, I need to find a new job. At the moment, I do have a new set of duties at the station. Something that doesn't really excite me but, on the positive side of things, it will be for me to learn and improve on. The new set of duties is not something I hope to do long term. So, I must look for a new job and right now that is difficult. There's just not much out there in my industry. I've even contemplated going into TV and becoming a reporter in a smaller market till I'm completely comfortable. Now, if I go that route I won't be making much money at all. I would take a huge pay cut and that scares me. Do I make a career move for a potential better future career or stay the course? It's a thought that has been running around in my heads for over a month now.
All of these New Years Improvements I will work my tail off to fix or make happen. Some will be easier than others and there will be times where I'm put to the test. I just hope that I can keep all improvements going for the entire year. NO quitters allowed!!
NYI #1 Being messy
My house growing up was always a pig sty. I had always believed that it was just us kids that were messy. Well, I just realized I was wrong. Over that Christmas holiday I noticed that I was picking up after my parents. Tissues, napkins, pop cans lying where they leave them. I also found myself throwing things away that they were keeping for whatever reason. Things like a salt packet! Really? We're saving a salt packet? I can't be like my parents. I need to be clean. Now, I don't keep salt packets but, I do leave things around and I can't do it any longer. So, starting tonight I will go home and start the new and improved cleaner Erin. Little by little I'll change this bad habit. I will love to clean! Well, I hope I end up loving to clean.
NYI #2 Worrying about everything
My dad and late grandmother are the worrywarts in my family. My dad is more of the nervous Nancy than a worry wart. I also get the nervousness from him. I've already noticed improvements in myself on this. For instance, when traveling to Portland, I missed my connection due to weather. I had to get rebooked to a different flight and wait 3 hours in the airport. I didn't end up getting to Portland till past midnight. I missed a dinner with my friends at my favourite restaurant because of it. Yet, I was calm the entire time.
Some other things I worry about: life, career, money, relationships, getting fat, why people don't call back, why guys do the things they do, why people don't like me and why...I mean list could go on and on. I talked about in my last blog but, I can't worry about guys anymore. "Why does DD28 treat me the way he does?" WHO CARES!!! Lately, I started to repeat a saying over and over in my head when I catch myself starting to get bothered. I just keep on saying “To accept the things I cannot change and I can't worry about it if it doesn't affect me." When I start to wonder why my ex husbands gf hates me I think, 'She doesn't know ME and I can't change her feelings so I just need to let it go.' Or when I wonder a why a certain person didn't want to date me but someone else, I just have to think it's their loss and they have no idea what they're missing out on. Remember, worrying about something isn't going to change the outcome; it's just going to give you an ulcer.
NYI #3 Saving money
Now, I'll say this. I'm not in debt up to my eyeballs thank God. In fact, the only debt I have is a car payment; although, I'm not very good at saving money either. Maybe with the holidays passing I feel especially poor but, right now I look at my bank account and cringe. It just looks so sad. So, it will be this year 2009 that I transform into my grandfather and become a miser. Yes, than man that had holes in his shoes and would put the paper cup from McDonalds in the cupboard, yes I will become that big of a miser. Well...maybe not the paper cup thing. Remember, I need to work on being messy. Within a week I will work out a plan of how much money to save which leads to my last new year’s improvement.
NYI #4 Finding a new job
With WKTI being kaput, I need to find a new job. At the moment, I do have a new set of duties at the station. Something that doesn't really excite me but, on the positive side of things, it will be for me to learn and improve on. The new set of duties is not something I hope to do long term. So, I must look for a new job and right now that is difficult. There's just not much out there in my industry. I've even contemplated going into TV and becoming a reporter in a smaller market till I'm completely comfortable. Now, if I go that route I won't be making much money at all. I would take a huge pay cut and that scares me. Do I make a career move for a potential better future career or stay the course? It's a thought that has been running around in my heads for over a month now.
All of these New Years Improvements I will work my tail off to fix or make happen. Some will be easier than others and there will be times where I'm put to the test. I just hope that I can keep all improvements going for the entire year. NO quitters allowed!!
Friday, January 2, 2009
WHEN PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU...JUST ACT LIKE NICOLE!
One thing that I've always a hard time with is when people don't like me. Especially when a guy doesn't like me. For instance, for several months I was really bothered by the fact that a certain person broke up with me. This person would call, we would occasionally hang out, etc. Yet, this person didn't want to date me. The reason they gave at the time was I required more time than they wanted to give. Now, they date a much younger girl in college 2 states away. Whatever. This is where I bring in the "NICOLE FACTOR".
I have a very good guy friend named Ben. Even though Ben and I went on a few dates we remain good friends. I think both of us realized we were better off just friends. So a few months ago I called Ben up and was venting and he was semi-listening. I told him about the ex and was trying to come up with a reason why this guy wouldn't want to date me. Then he brings up Nicole. He starts telling me that he doesn't understand why I give these guys a second thought. Why do I stress over them. He said, "Erin you're a very attractive girl, like one of the most attractive girls I know. You need to start acting like Nicole. If a guy doesn't like her she says 'Screw it. I deserve better than that, and if they don't like me...F$&* THEM!"
Now Nicole is a young girl. I think she's like 21. She's a very attractive girl. Confident, sexy dresser, exotic looking, she's very cute. Now, it's probably easy for Nicole to be so confident because, I don't think there's ever a real shortage of guys after her. So if one doesn't work out...move on to the next. It's definitely NOT like that for me. Although, there is a lesson to be learned in this situation.
The Lesson: So what if Ex boyfriend # DD28 broke things off with me? HIS LOSS!! Really, it is his loss. I am a great catch. I'm a funny, attractive, loving, smart, career minded, and passionate girl. Hell, I'm one of Milwaukee's hottest 100 people!! So...he better recognize!! J/k. So, if he chooses to settle with a young, mindless, not attractive, not funny, lame P.O.A...HIS LOSS! It really is...and all his friends know it too. I think everyone knows it except him.
It's funny, your friends always try to convince you that it's their loss and most of the time you don't believe it because you're so upset and you miss that person but, this time I'm going to believe it. I recently told a guy that wants to be just friends that I shouldn't ever have to convince, coax, or beg for someones attention or to have them spend time with me. If they choose something else...again THEIR LOSS. I'm worth someone wanting to spend time with me. I am worth dating.
Like the great Stuart Smalley of 'SNL' said...
I have a very good guy friend named Ben. Even though Ben and I went on a few dates we remain good friends. I think both of us realized we were better off just friends. So a few months ago I called Ben up and was venting and he was semi-listening. I told him about the ex and was trying to come up with a reason why this guy wouldn't want to date me. Then he brings up Nicole. He starts telling me that he doesn't understand why I give these guys a second thought. Why do I stress over them. He said, "Erin you're a very attractive girl, like one of the most attractive girls I know. You need to start acting like Nicole. If a guy doesn't like her she says 'Screw it. I deserve better than that, and if they don't like me...F$&* THEM!"
Now Nicole is a young girl. I think she's like 21. She's a very attractive girl. Confident, sexy dresser, exotic looking, she's very cute. Now, it's probably easy for Nicole to be so confident because, I don't think there's ever a real shortage of guys after her. So if one doesn't work out...move on to the next. It's definitely NOT like that for me. Although, there is a lesson to be learned in this situation.
The Lesson: So what if Ex boyfriend # DD28 broke things off with me? HIS LOSS!! Really, it is his loss. I am a great catch. I'm a funny, attractive, loving, smart, career minded, and passionate girl. Hell, I'm one of Milwaukee's hottest 100 people!! So...he better recognize!! J/k. So, if he chooses to settle with a young, mindless, not attractive, not funny, lame P.O.A...HIS LOSS! It really is...and all his friends know it too. I think everyone knows it except him.
It's funny, your friends always try to convince you that it's their loss and most of the time you don't believe it because you're so upset and you miss that person but, this time I'm going to believe it. I recently told a guy that wants to be just friends that I shouldn't ever have to convince, coax, or beg for someones attention or to have them spend time with me. If they choose something else...again THEIR LOSS. I'm worth someone wanting to spend time with me. I am worth dating.
Like the great Stuart Smalley of 'SNL' said...
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