Monday, July 17, 2017

LIFE IS SHORT AND PRECIOUS

Several things have happened lately that have really demonstrated how short life is and how truly precious it is.




Some people may know that back in May my father died unexpectedly.  He was out mowing the lawn and collapsed.  The paramedics and medical examiner determined that he had a massive heart attack.   He was just 64 years old.  He wasn't even old enough to get social security.  He also wasn't able to enjoy any of his retirement because he and my mother struggled financially.  As a result of his passing I'm currently taking care of my mother until we figure out what the next step is for her.

My mother and father were married 41 years and spent everyday together. They went everywhere and did everything together.  Now that my dad is gone, I know that my mom doesn't really know what to do with herself.  I'm not sure even knows what she wants to do moving forward.

When my dad died, not only did his life get cut short, but my mom's life was turned upside down. She keeps talking about all the things that she and my dad wanted to do, looked forward to doing, or hoped they would be able to do one day.



Another example happened while I was on a date recently.  I explained to him that my dad recently passed away and that I was taking care of my mother while we figure out what to do next.  He explained that he also was taking care of his mother.  However, she was battling cancer and was staying with him while she was getting treatment at MD Anderson.  It's early in her treatment process, so who knows what will happen in the coming weeks and months, but it was something that weighed heavy on him.  She also is pretty young. I believe she's 66 and from what my date mentioned, a lot of his family members have passed early in life or have had cancer at a young age.

My last example is something that just happened today.  I had logged onto my Bumble app and a guys' profile pops up.  I was going through his pictures and noticed that in some of them he appeared to be rather skinny and gaunt.  When I got to the his profile description he mentioned that he was battling stage 4 cancer and was currently undergoing chemo.  My mouth dropped.  I went on to read him say that he wants whoever he dates to know that he may not be around in 2-5 years.  My eyes just welled up with tears.  Here was a guy the same age as me that was hoping to find love just like me.  Yet, he was dealt a terrible hand and was battling for his life.

I just sat there and cried, thinking about life and the things that I worry about.  How the things that have kept me up at night, whether it's a guy that doesn't want to date me or finding enough money to pay all my bills were all so trivial in comparison to what he was dealing with currently.  I then wondered if he felt alone and sad because he was going through the biggest battle of his life and was possibly doing it all alone without anyone to help.  I also wondered why he decided to get on Bumble.  Did he put off getting into a relationship until it was the perfect time for him, but then this happened and he realized he didn't have time to waste anymore?

Our time on earth is so short.  Are you making the most of it?  Are there things that you want to do, but are putting off until it's a perfect time?  There are things that will happen when it happens, but there are things that we ignore and put off until we think the timing is right for us.



Be thankful for your health.  Be grateful for the time you have with the people you love. And if there's something that you want to do, don't wait to do it until it's too late.


Thursday, July 6, 2017

HOLY MOLY I'M TURNING 40!





What is it with these milestone ages, i.e. 30, 40, 45, 50... that gets people all freaked out? And I'm one of them!!

 It seems like just yesterday yet, it seems so long ago that I turned 30. It was a non-eventful one. I lived in a new city and didn't have any friends.  The only people I knew were my 2 morning show co-hosts and their wives.  I was somewhat recently divorced and the relationship I got in post divorce just ended. There were a lot of life changes I was experiencing around the same time.

Flash forward 10 years.  I live in a different city.  I have a job that I've been at for almost 8 years now. My role has changed about 4 times in the time frame, but we're doing good.  I have been single for most of that time, but also was engaged very briefly.  There's been some interesting and great learning experiences during the last 10 years.

So here I am 1 month away from turning the BIG 4-OH.  I've been on a kick of losing weight and getting fit by my big day.  I planned a big trip for myself to hopefully have some enlightening moments.

 There's definitely some things I struggle with this big birthday.

 * I'm not sure where I thought my life would be, but I definitely thought it would be AND feel different. 

 * If you would have told me back in 2005 when I was 27, getting a divorce, that 12 years later I was still single and trying find my person, I would've probably asked the bartender for the strongest drink he had. 

 * If you would've told me that time would fly by as fast as it has, I would've taken more vacation days. I would've done more things to get out and see the world. I wouldn't have worked every holiday because I felt guilty.


Still being single is something I really struggle with.  (SHOCKER!!) I just have a hard time believing that in the last 10 years or so that no one has come along that is a good fit for me.  It's especially frustrating when I have my girl friends, my guy friends, and my friends parents tell me that they don't get why I haven't found someone.  (This will be a topic for another blog)  When I hear them say that it gets me down.  It makes me feel like I have something wrong with me.




Over the last 10 years I've learned a lot and I've been through a lot, but I know I still have so much to learn. Some things I want to do differently after turning 40 

 * I want to do a better job of standing up for myself. 

Whether it's in my search for my lobster or with other aspects of my life, I've let people take advantage of me.  I've let guys take advantage of me.  I've let people walk all over me, and take advantage of my kindness.  I don't want to become some militant hard ass, but I should stop letting guys disrespect me and stop letting people take advantage of me.

 * Stop worrying about trivial guy crap or trivial crap in general

 I've spent way too much time over the years worrying about if some guy liked me or not.  I need to start telling myself that if a guy doesn't want to date me than that's his issue and not mine.  I'm frickin' Erin Austin!  I'm funny, have a good job, I'm decent looking, I'm talented, have a good heart and I'm a good person with great friends.  If a guy doesn't want to be a part of my world than I should just let him be.

 * Stop worrying about my age so much 

Does that mean I'm going to let myself go and stop coloring my hair? No,  I'm still going to keep myself looking as young as I can for as long as I can, but I'm going to try like hell not to let the number of my age affect how I feel about myself or worry about if my age scares off guys.  'Cuz if it does...than go to the point I made above. 

I mean, look at all the women in their 40's + that look amazing: Gwen Stefani, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lopez...I mean there's a ton of them.  And you know what else?  A lot of these ladies are with younger guys! BOOM!!!  So there!  As someone said to me the other day..."The boys love the cougars!!" 

So as much as I'm freaking out about this milestone birthday and where I am in my life, I'm here and the only thing I can do is keep learning, keep experiencing, and be the best Erin Austin I can be and hopefully it will all come together.  

Cheers to older women!!  

   

Monday, July 3, 2017

HE JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU ENOUGH

We've all heard about the book and movie, "He's Just Not That Into You."  Well this is along those lines, but goes a bit further.  This is for all the ladies that sit there dissecting the moves of a guy you're interested in.  He seems interested in you, but then sometimes he doesn't.  This is the classic case of mixed messages.

One of my recent dating experiences has had my scratching my head for awhile.   I met this super funny, attractive, successful guy on a dating app.  We spent a good month messaging before we met for our first date.  The banter was great and on the first date the great banter continued.  He was hilarious! He was really great at asking questions to get to know me. (which was different) The date ended with a walk towards my car and a quick hug goodbye.  We kept texting and messaging, but he wasn't asking me out again.   I finally asked him if he was interested in meeting up again.  He told me that he wouldn't keep messaging if he wasn't interested, but his job had him working and traveling a lot. Combine that with being new to town and not in his new place yet it made made things difficult. OK...so there's that. I get it.

Well another month or so goes by and we meet up again for a drink.  Over the course of the next week or so we hang out a couple more times.  In that time he got off the dating app and deleted his account. However, on our last "date" he told me that basically he wasn't ready to date. Hence, why he got off the app.  He said that since he just moved to Houston he wasn't ready to answer to anyone. In a way I could understand where he was coming from, but then there was that part of me that was reading between the lines.  What I heard him say was, "Hey I'm new to town and want to keep my options open and not be tied down."

While he explained his position of not wanting to date and things he wanted to do differently with dating in the future, I got the "You're great" speech.  He told me that we have the same sense of humor and we can have a actual conversation.  He finds me attractive and said I have pretty eyes.  All of that is very nice, but apparently that's not enough.



Since that conversation, we still talk and kept in touch. Sometimes he's flirty and other times he's just popping his head in to check in.  I've been so confused. Yes...SURPRISE!  I've been a typical girl and have over analyzed what it all means.  So of course with anything I over analyze, I hit up the Googles and found an article that pretty much summed it up.

Sabrina Alexis wrote, If He's Sending You Mixed Messages, The Message Is Clear: He Doesn't Like You.    There's a couple things she said that really smacked me in the face.  This paragraph was one of them:


In the end, the guys who liked me were the ones who clearly liked me. The guys who had my head spinning were maybe a bit interested, maybe somewhat attracted to me, but they didn’t like me … not enough anyway.

She went on to say that, "He may want to hang out with with you, he may want to hook up with you, but that's not the same as being with you." 

Sabrina did also mention later in the article that "Sometimes a guy just isn't in a place where he can be in a relationship. Maybe he has deeply ingrained trust issues, maybe he just isn’t ready, maybe he’s struggling with his career." His career was the main reason I got from him not wanting to date.  So when Sabrina follows up with "And if he isn’t demonstrating he likes you in an obvious way, then he doesn’t like you enough."

What sucks is...she's right.  The guy that got me all smitten,  just isn't that smitten with me...for whatever reason.  And there's nothing I can do to change his mind. I can't convince him that I am awesome.  He's either going to see that on his own or he isn't. And if really isn't ready, there's nothing I can do about that either.

After I read that article I was bummed out for sure.  I think what bummed me out the most was the word ENOUGH.  I think most girls want to know that they are enough for someone.  I know that's what I want in a relationship.  I know that there will always be a girl that's prettier, skinnier, or younger.  I want to know that even when those girls out there, that my guy looks at me as a total package and I'm ENOUGH for him.




I think when a girl isn't ready to date, but meets a great guy, she changes her mind.  Where a guy  in the same position, he doesn't change his mind. He'll let the good girl go. (That's a topic for another blog)

I'm not saying this guy is bad or a jerk.  He's been pretty upfront with me.  So, whatever the reason is for him not wanting to date me, it boils down to him not finding me "enough" to make things any different...at least not anytime soon. Even if the reason is him not being ready.




Thursday, June 29, 2017

SHOULD I DATE THE DORKY GUY?

This past weekend I went to Vegas with 2 of my best friends.  We spent a lot of time talking about all different parts of our lives.  Besides the recent passing of my dad, the other topic that came up (and always does) is my dating life.  I've been friends with these girls for years, so they've seen me through just about everything...and then some.  We talked about some of my most recent dating experiences and how the guys I meet don't seem be looking for a serious relationship.  Either they are just looking to hook up, just want to see what's out there, or say that they're too busy with work to date anyone seriously.







Now, what sucks is that with every person I go on a date with I try do something different from what I did the time before. Whether I'm picking a guy that's not my "typical type", or try to go in at a slower pace, I make the effort to not repeat doing the same thing over and over again. I even tried meeting a guy through friends of friends. However, no matter what, I'm getting a bunch of guys that are either non-committal types or just looking to play the field. Oh...and keep in mind these guys are in their late 30’s to early 40’s. 

As I told the girls about the last 6 months of my dating life, one of them chimes up and says, ”You know Erin...you need to date the dorky guy. These guys you meet don't appreciate who you are as a person and want to keep their options open. You need to find a dorky guy that will appreciate you and worship you.”  Now while I agree with them that the guys I meet probably don't appreciate me and all I have to offer, I'm not sure how I feel about just going for a dork just because he might appreciate me more.


There's no doubt that the guys who think and know they are good-looking, tend to be a little more self-involved. The same can be said for the girls that are always posting bikini pics with their hand placed at the correct angle above her hip. It also is no surprise that whatever I'm doing in finding someone is not working. 

In the last year I've gone through just about everything relationship wise. It started with ending a serious relationship with someone that constantly cheated, there's a couple of guys that I thought drank waaaay too much. 1 guy stopped dating me because I wasn't sure about kids, 1 guy ghosted, 1 guy didn't even make it to the first date because he was acting douchey, and 1 guy was new to town and told me that he didn't want to answer to anyone right now. 

After my friends, my friends' mom, and her aunt told me I need to start dating dorky guy, I decided to look up advice online. I found a great article in Cosmopolitan Magazine giving “14 Reasons Nerdy Guys Are The Best.” Some of the reasons were a bit silly, but one stuck out. Reason 5. They Aren't Superficial. WHOA!! I like that!

It seems like a majority of the guys I meet lately are searching for the hottest girl they can land. I went on a few dates with a guy that talked about what guys like in a girl. He said guys like a girl with really big boobs and anorexic girl arms. Although, he didn't say anorexic girl arms he used another disease as a reference point. 


I know I'm not a supermodel, but I'm not hideous.  Sheesh...I mean, unless of course you catch me on a morning where I'm hungover, forgot to take my makeup off, and my hair looks like I rolled around in grease.  I think once you add up all the parts of  my package, I'm pretty awesome! Yet, for some reason I'm still finding guys that don't appreciate me as a package. 

Is there really something to dating a dorky guy?  A few of things that I've wanted in "my person" was for me to find them attractive (even if they're not "my type"), I wanted someone that makes me laugh and I make them laugh, and I want someone I can have a conversation with.  Oh and love dogs! So...Is there a dorky guy that is funny?  Or one that is someone I'll find attractive?


I can't help but think of the song from Lonely Island - "I Just Had Sex."  The line in the song that says




Friday, February 24, 2017

WHERE SHOULD MY NEXT TRAVEL ADVENTURE BE?

I've hadn't had the chance to travel like I really love to do.  I've been saving my money and getting that all straightened out.  Now I'm really getting anxious to go somewhere and have something to look forward to.  The question is when and where do I go next?


The very first trip I took alone was to Paris France.  It was Christmas time and I don's usually spend the holidays in a traditional sense.  That became the time of year for me to travel.  That trip was so liberating because I had never traveled all by myself before. Not only that, but I don't speak or understand any French.

Arc de Triomphe








The next trip was to Rome Italy. I went in the summer, which was simply amazing.  I loved it!  I can't think of anything I didn't like about that trip.


Trevi Fountain





While in Rome I took an excursion to the island of Capri!  Seriously, it was so gorgeous!

The top of Capri


The next Christmas trip I took was to London.  I landed on Christmas day and left New Year's Eve night.  I watched the fireworks at midnight and then got on The Underground and headed to Heathrow


Stonehenge


Each one of these trips was amazing in their own way.  I left each country meeting people and making friends.  I came back with amazing stories and amazing experiences.


Last April I took a trip to Australia.  I booked my travel plans a week before I left.  It was a last minute trip to say the least.  Australia has always been on my places to go.  The only bad part of my trip was only being there for about a week.  Australia is so big and there's a great distance between the major cities that you definitely need to take a plane to each stop.



I landed and then walked across the Harbour Bridge to take my first selfie


Sun down at Manly Beach




It's not bungee jumping...just bridge climbing

So where do I go next?  Granted, I'd love to have a travel partner, but I don't know when I might find one. So a girl has to make her own plans. South Africa has always been on my travel wish list.  Cape Town looks amazing!  Spain and Greece are high up on my list as well.  Cuba would be awesome to see before it totally changes.  Iceland would be cool. I have to see the Northern lights at some point in my life.

There are so many places that would be amazing.  My only requirement is that I don't do tropical beach vacations by myself.  That's one type of vacation that I want to be with either girlfriends or my romantic friend.


The adventure is mine to make.


Saturday, February 18, 2017

LOVE: THE ONE GOAL YOU CAN'T CONTROL



This morning while I was in the shower, I was doing some deep thinking like I often do.  I was thinking about all the goals that I've set for myself over my life. I thought about all the things that I've achieved in my life, and all the things that I've set out to overcome.  

It's often said that anything you put your mind to, you can do.  When you set your mind to something that you can make it happen.   For the most part, I believe that's true.  I know despite where I've come from: not having a lot growing up, not getting the best grades, along with other factors, I've achieved a great deal to overcome what others would see as big setbacks.  

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be in Radio or TV.  Despite not having the best grades in school, I was determined to make this my career.  With hard work, determination, and people willing to give me a chance, I've been able to make a career of that childhood dream. 

Traveling has been a goal of mine as well. Even though I might not have had a travel partner for most of it, I've been able to visit some amazing places by myself that have been on my bucket list. For instance, most recently, my trip last April to Australia. (My goal is to make it to Cape Town, South Africa soon.)  

Others goals I've set of for myself have been: buying my house, getting in a good spot financially, and finding my person.  All of those goals I can make happen or have, except when it comes to love.  Love is the one goal that I think none of us can just set out and achieve or find.  Love is something that is out of our control.  

Many parts of our destiny, we have direct impact on seeing things come to pass or not.  If we want to make more money, there are things we can control to make that happen.   If you want to buy a house, start a business, or climb the corporate ladder, those are things that can be achieved with hard work and determination.  Love is not like that. 

I certainly can say "I want to find a husband by the end of 2017." However, finding a husband and finding love are two very different things.  I could go out on 100 dates over the course the year.  I might find someone who wants to marry me, but I won't necessarily find love.  I could put myself out there, go out every night of the week, meet some amazing people, but I may not find love. 

Love is a goal that most of us have, but it seems it is the one goal that we can't just make happen.  It's the goal we have absolutely no control over.  We can put ourselves in better situations in hopes to find it, whether it's in a physical spot or a mental spot. The point is, love seems to be something you can't just set out to find. Love has its own set of rules.  Love sets out to find you. 





Monday, January 16, 2017

JUMPING FROM ONE RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT... "THE MONKEY EFFECT"




I call it the "Monkey Effect" although, some might call it something else. Basically it's when a person has their backup person before they've finished the relationship they're in.  Whatever you want to call it, I've noticed that a lot of guys seem to do this. Granted, I know there's women that do this too, but it seems that as of late, I'm finding more guys that have their hands on multiple relationship branches at one time.

My girlfriend was telling me a story about a guy she had been seeing.  He told her that he likes to live his life like musical chairs, because he'll never be left without a seat.  He then went on to tell her that once he's done with her that he'll have a new chick in 30 minutes.  Yep...he actually said that crap to her.



I've always thought that if you're unhappy in the relationship you're in, you break up and then move on...not before.  Why is this such a hard concept for some people?  I think it's because these people can't be alone.  A lot of people can't enjoy their alone time. Maybe they don't really like themselves.

 I understand that being alone sucks.  Trust me, I get it.  I'm back to being single and I've got nothing going on.  No guys calling me, no dates lined up, and  no prospects to speak of.  Does that suck a little? Sure,  I wish I had some dating possibilities, but I'm being careful of who I spend my time with and I don't want to date just to occupy my time.  My time is precious and I've wasted enough of it.






Why is it so tough for people, men, women, whoever, to finish what they've started before they start with someone else?

I think a lot of people also have a 'grass is greener' mentality.  They can't be happy with what they have. They need constant attention and would rather get it from new prospects, than cultivate the relationship they're already in.   They always think that something better will come along.




I once dated a guy and he told me, "Erin, this is the first time I've never had a backup plan.  I always have something in the picture and right now I don't and it's scary. I'm putting all my eggs in your basket" Well first of all, Thank you? And secondly, I guess that should've been my clue that things wouldn't work out, because it didn't take too long for him to get his backup plan going again.



Having him tell me that hurt because I want to be with someone that really wants to be with me, and I want to know that I AM enough for them. Unfortunately, for some people, one person is never enough and they're always looking for the next best thing. Forming their roster of women so to speak.



If you're in a relationship with someone you should never be sending other women/men flirtatious messages, pictures, or be communicating with the intent of starting something with them.  If you want out, then leave. Don't go and line up your next set of prospects.  It's not how someone should treat another person...just sayin'.