Friday, October 6, 2017

ONE MAN'S TRASH IS ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE

You've heard that term used when it comes to things that people throw out.  Something that someone saw as junk and someone else found a great use for it.  That goes for people too.


We all meet people who don't appreciate us.  We also meet people that we probably don't fully appreciate.  Let me tell you about the moment when this happened in my life and how it hit me.

I had started talking to a guy back in March or so. After texting and meeting up for drinks a couple of times he told me that he wasn't wanting to date anyone serious right now.  Well...OK then!  We were still friends, but it was more like friends that would mess around here and there.  Like a total idiot I liked him and hoped that he'd change his mind.

Eventually, I grew tired of being the girl that he would say "Hi" to and would only want to hang out with maybe once a month.  I felt as though I was wasting my time on someone that didn't appreciate me or give a crap about me as a person. So I stopped talking to him.  I'm not really sure what he thought of me.  I do think he thought I had some good qualities and I had things that he liked in someone, but I'm not sure if in his mind he looked at me as that chick he can text if he had no other options.  By the amount I heard from him and saw him...it's probably a safe bet that that's how he thought of me.   I feel like I was just a girl on the list.

Coming to terms with the notion that that's probably how he felt about me hurt a lot.  I second guessed my worth and my value.  I wondered if I'd ever find someone that appreciates me. I got mad at myself for taking the scraps for as long as I did.  I even sat down and wrote a list of my good and bad qualities.  Some of my guy friends helped a lot and shared what they thought were some of my good qualities, even some bad ones too. They thought of things I wouldn't have. They helped me see all the things that I bring to the table that this guy didn't care about. My guy friends also helped me realize that I wasn't getting treated well and that I deserved better.




Then, not long after I stopped talking to that guy,  I met someone else.  This guy was super nice and he asked me out on dates...REAL DATES!  He seemed genuinely interested and you know what else?  He actually gave me compliments and told me how pretty I was.  WHAT????  This is crazy! (I don't think the other guy ever paid me a genuine compliment.)  I'm not going to lie, I was wondering at first if there was something wrong with him because he seemed so interested.  He'd tell me that he like to see me again and he'd actually follow through and take me dinner!


After I stopped over analyzing why this new guy liked me, I had to laugh to myself.  Here I went from a guy that would barely text me back, rarely wanted to hang out, always seemed too busy, acted inappropriately, and pretty much didn't seem give a crap about me. (I'm not sure if he even looked at me as a friend.)  Maybe to him I was just that girl on the radio that he hooked up with and if he was bored, then I would hear from him.  He didn't seem to have any respect for me or value me as a person. He didn't seem to care about my feelings. He didn't seem to appreciate my good qualities. He probably just thought of me as notch. Then I go to a guy that wants to hang out 3 times in one week. He wants to be around me.  He takes me on real dates and plans things.  He includes me where he doesn't have to. He compliments me and tells me things that he likes about me as a person.  He acknowledges what I have to offer. How can this be?

It's crazy to think that I'm the same person and have been myself with both of these guys, yet the one guy could have frickin cared less and treated me like I really didn't matter. Then the other guy enjoys hanging out with me and wants to get to know me as a person. How can two people treat you so differently?

It really is like what the one guy didn't care to have, the other is happy to have found it.  It also just goes to show you that there IS someone who will appreciate you. It may not always work out, but it can at least give you hope and let you know it can happen.



 


Wednesday, September 20, 2017

MY TRIP TO GREECE...I DID IT FOR ME

I just celebrated my 40th birthday and took a trip to Greece to mark the big day.  This trip was truly an amazing trip and probably the best I've ever taken...and taken alone.



When I was thinking about what I wanted to do for my big birthday I thought about maybe taking a trip with friends, or maybe throw a big party here in Houston.  I had several people give their opinions about what I should do.   However, I knew that if the people I invited didn't show up that my feelings would get hurt. And instead of enjoying my birthday I would have felt as though people didn't like me. (ridiculous I know, but that's how I'd feel)  So I made a decision that I was going to take a trip by myself and check a place off my bucket list.  I decided to do something that I wanted to do and not care about anyone else.  I did it for me.

Most of my life I feel like I've been living and doing things for other people.  When I was married, my life and career path was based off what happened to my husband.  I quit jobs because of what was happening in his career. When you're married, you do make sacrifices, but when you're the only one sacrificing...that's tough.

Especially in the last couple of years I feel like I was doing things to make others happy. In my last relationship I feel as though a lot of the time I was constantly doing things to keep him happy.  It seemed to me that much of the time I was never good enough and was jumping through hoops to keep the peace. Doing things that I didn't feel comfortable with because it made him happy.


Even when it comes to dating I've pretty much done things, acted a certain way, and said certain things hoping to a get a guy to like me.  I was compromising myself for someone else, who most of the time didn't even know what they wanted themselves.  


On this vacation I had a lot of time to think and reflect.  I thought a lot about the things I've learned in my life and where I am with what I want in life.  I thought about the time I've wasted on people that don't deserve my time let alone my brain space.  I've thought about what I feel like I've been missing in my life and what I can I do to get there.  I will admit, at one point I got a little sad because I was disappointed about not having certain things I wanted in life, but I snapped out of it and went on to have a great rest of my trip.

Traveling alone has its challenges, but it also it so liberating.  Not having to worry about anyone else is great.  I don't have to babysit a wasted boyfriend.  I don't have to worry about getting in a fight with them.  I'm in charge of me and I get to do whatever and frankly whoever I want!

Don't get me wrong, I would've loved to have "my person" to travel with and I hope to have that one day, but until then I need to do things for me.  The only thing is...I need to make more money to make some of this happen.





Monday, July 17, 2017

LIFE IS SHORT AND PRECIOUS

Several things have happened lately that have really demonstrated how short life is and how truly precious it is.




Some people may know that back in May my father died unexpectedly.  He was out mowing the lawn and collapsed.  The paramedics and medical examiner determined that he had a massive heart attack.   He was just 64 years old.  He wasn't even old enough to get social security.  He also wasn't able to enjoy any of his retirement because he and my mother struggled financially.  As a result of his passing I'm currently taking care of my mother until we figure out what the next step is for her.

My mother and father were married 41 years and spent everyday together. They went everywhere and did everything together.  Now that my dad is gone, I know that my mom doesn't really know what to do with herself.  I'm not sure even knows what she wants to do moving forward.

When my dad died, not only did his life get cut short, but my mom's life was turned upside down. She keeps talking about all the things that she and my dad wanted to do, looked forward to doing, or hoped they would be able to do one day.



Another example happened while I was on a date recently.  I explained to him that my dad recently passed away and that I was taking care of my mother while we figure out what to do next.  He explained that he also was taking care of his mother.  However, she was battling cancer and was staying with him while she was getting treatment at MD Anderson.  It's early in her treatment process, so who knows what will happen in the coming weeks and months, but it was something that weighed heavy on him.  She also is pretty young. I believe she's 66 and from what my date mentioned, a lot of his family members have passed early in life or have had cancer at a young age.

My last example is something that just happened today.  I had logged onto my Bumble app and a guys' profile pops up.  I was going through his pictures and noticed that in some of them he appeared to be rather skinny and gaunt.  When I got to the his profile description he mentioned that he was battling stage 4 cancer and was currently undergoing chemo.  My mouth dropped.  I went on to read him say that he wants whoever he dates to know that he may not be around in 2-5 years.  My eyes just welled up with tears.  Here was a guy the same age as me that was hoping to find love just like me.  Yet, he was dealt a terrible hand and was battling for his life.

I just sat there and cried, thinking about life and the things that I worry about.  How the things that have kept me up at night, whether it's a guy that doesn't want to date me or finding enough money to pay all my bills were all so trivial in comparison to what he was dealing with currently.  I then wondered if he felt alone and sad because he was going through the biggest battle of his life and was possibly doing it all alone without anyone to help.  I also wondered why he decided to get on Bumble.  Did he put off getting into a relationship until it was the perfect time for him, but then this happened and he realized he didn't have time to waste anymore?

Our time on earth is so short.  Are you making the most of it?  Are there things that you want to do, but are putting off until it's a perfect time?  There are things that will happen when it happens, but there are things that we ignore and put off until we think the timing is right for us.



Be thankful for your health.  Be grateful for the time you have with the people you love. And if there's something that you want to do, don't wait to do it until it's too late.


Thursday, July 6, 2017

HOLY MOLY I'M TURNING 40!





What is it with these milestone ages, i.e. 30, 40, 45, 50... that gets people all freaked out? And I'm one of them!!

 It seems like just yesterday yet, it seems so long ago that I turned 30. It was a non-eventful one. I lived in a new city and didn't have any friends.  The only people I knew were my 2 morning show co-hosts and their wives.  I was somewhat recently divorced and the relationship I got in post divorce just ended. There were a lot of life changes I was experiencing around the same time.

Flash forward 10 years.  I live in a different city.  I have a job that I've been at for almost 8 years now. My role has changed about 4 times in the time frame, but we're doing good.  I have been single for most of that time, but also was engaged very briefly.  There's been some interesting and great learning experiences during the last 10 years.

So here I am 1 month away from turning the BIG 4-OH.  I've been on a kick of losing weight and getting fit by my big day.  I planned a big trip for myself to hopefully have some enlightening moments.

 There's definitely some things I struggle with this big birthday.

 * I'm not sure where I thought my life would be, but I definitely thought it would be AND feel different. 

 * If you would have told me back in 2005 when I was 27, getting a divorce, that 12 years later I was still single and trying find my person, I would've probably asked the bartender for the strongest drink he had. 

 * If you would've told me that time would fly by as fast as it has, I would've taken more vacation days. I would've done more things to get out and see the world. I wouldn't have worked every holiday because I felt guilty.


Still being single is something I really struggle with.  (SHOCKER!!) I just have a hard time believing that in the last 10 years or so that no one has come along that is a good fit for me.  It's especially frustrating when I have my girl friends, my guy friends, and my friends parents tell me that they don't get why I haven't found someone.  (This will be a topic for another blog)  When I hear them say that it gets me down.  It makes me feel like I have something wrong with me.




Over the last 10 years I've learned a lot and I've been through a lot, but I know I still have so much to learn. Some things I want to do differently after turning 40 

 * I want to do a better job of standing up for myself. 

Whether it's in my search for my lobster or with other aspects of my life, I've let people take advantage of me.  I've let guys take advantage of me.  I've let people walk all over me, and take advantage of my kindness.  I don't want to become some militant hard ass, but I should stop letting guys disrespect me and stop letting people take advantage of me.

 * Stop worrying about trivial guy crap or trivial crap in general

 I've spent way too much time over the years worrying about if some guy liked me or not.  I need to start telling myself that if a guy doesn't want to date me than that's his issue and not mine.  I'm frickin' Erin Austin!  I'm funny, have a good job, I'm decent looking, I'm talented, have a good heart and I'm a good person with great friends.  If a guy doesn't want to be a part of my world than I should just let him be.

 * Stop worrying about my age so much 

Does that mean I'm going to let myself go and stop coloring my hair? No,  I'm still going to keep myself looking as young as I can for as long as I can, but I'm going to try like hell not to let the number of my age affect how I feel about myself or worry about if my age scares off guys.  'Cuz if it does...than go to the point I made above. 

I mean, look at all the women in their 40's + that look amazing: Gwen Stefani, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lopez...I mean there's a ton of them.  And you know what else?  A lot of these ladies are with younger guys! BOOM!!!  So there!  As someone said to me the other day..."The boys love the cougars!!" 

So as much as I'm freaking out about this milestone birthday and where I am in my life, I'm here and the only thing I can do is keep learning, keep experiencing, and be the best Erin Austin I can be and hopefully it will all come together.  

Cheers to older women!!  

   

Monday, July 3, 2017

HE JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU ENOUGH

We've all heard about the book and movie, "He's Just Not That Into You."  Well this is along those lines, but goes a bit further.  This is for all the ladies that sit there dissecting the moves of a guy you're interested in.  He seems interested in you, but then sometimes he doesn't.  This is the classic case of mixed messages.

One of my recent dating experiences has had my scratching my head for awhile.   I met this super funny, attractive, successful guy on a dating app.  We spent a good month messaging before we met for our first date.  The banter was great and on the first date the great banter continued.  He was hilarious! He was really great at asking questions to get to know me. (which was different) The date ended with a walk towards my car and a quick hug goodbye.  We kept texting and messaging, but he wasn't asking me out again.   I finally asked him if he was interested in meeting up again.  He told me that he wouldn't keep messaging if he wasn't interested, but his job had him working and traveling a lot. Combine that with being new to town and not in his new place yet it made made things difficult. OK...so there's that. I get it.

Well another month or so goes by and we meet up again for a drink.  Over the course of the next week or so we hang out a couple more times.  In that time he got off the dating app and deleted his account. However, on our last "date" he told me that basically he wasn't ready to date. Hence, why he got off the app.  He said that since he just moved to Houston he wasn't ready to answer to anyone. In a way I could understand where he was coming from, but then there was that part of me that was reading between the lines.  What I heard him say was, "Hey I'm new to town and want to keep my options open and not be tied down."

While he explained his position of not wanting to date and things he wanted to do differently with dating in the future, I got the "You're great" speech.  He told me that we have the same sense of humor and we can have a actual conversation.  He finds me attractive and said I have pretty eyes.  All of that is very nice, but apparently that's not enough.



Since that conversation, we still talk and kept in touch. Sometimes he's flirty and other times he's just popping his head in to check in.  I've been so confused. Yes...SURPRISE!  I've been a typical girl and have over analyzed what it all means.  So of course with anything I over analyze, I hit up the Googles and found an article that pretty much summed it up.

Sabrina Alexis wrote, If He's Sending You Mixed Messages, The Message Is Clear: He Doesn't Like You.    There's a couple things she said that really smacked me in the face.  This paragraph was one of them:


In the end, the guys who liked me were the ones who clearly liked me. The guys who had my head spinning were maybe a bit interested, maybe somewhat attracted to me, but they didn’t like me … not enough anyway.

She went on to say that, "He may want to hang out with with you, he may want to hook up with you, but that's not the same as being with you." 

Sabrina did also mention later in the article that "Sometimes a guy just isn't in a place where he can be in a relationship. Maybe he has deeply ingrained trust issues, maybe he just isn’t ready, maybe he’s struggling with his career." His career was the main reason I got from him not wanting to date.  So when Sabrina follows up with "And if he isn’t demonstrating he likes you in an obvious way, then he doesn’t like you enough."

What sucks is...she's right.  The guy that got me all smitten,  just isn't that smitten with me...for whatever reason.  And there's nothing I can do to change his mind. I can't convince him that I am awesome.  He's either going to see that on his own or he isn't. And if really isn't ready, there's nothing I can do about that either.

After I read that article I was bummed out for sure.  I think what bummed me out the most was the word ENOUGH.  I think most girls want to know that they are enough for someone.  I know that's what I want in a relationship.  I know that there will always be a girl that's prettier, skinnier, or younger.  I want to know that even when those girls out there, that my guy looks at me as a total package and I'm ENOUGH for him.




I think when a girl isn't ready to date, but meets a great guy, she changes her mind.  Where a guy  in the same position, he doesn't change his mind. He'll let the good girl go. (That's a topic for another blog)

I'm not saying this guy is bad or a jerk.  He's been pretty upfront with me.  So, whatever the reason is for him not wanting to date me, it boils down to him not finding me "enough" to make things any different...at least not anytime soon. Even if the reason is him not being ready.




Thursday, June 29, 2017

SHOULD I DATE THE DORKY GUY?

This past weekend I went to Vegas with 2 of my best friends.  We spent a lot of time talking about all different parts of our lives.  Besides the recent passing of my dad, the other topic that came up (and always does) is my dating life.  I've been friends with these girls for years, so they've seen me through just about everything...and then some.  We talked about some of my most recent dating experiences and how the guys I meet don't seem be looking for a serious relationship.  Either they are just looking to hook up, just want to see what's out there, or say that they're too busy with work to date anyone seriously.







Now, what sucks is that with every person I go on a date with I try do something different from what I did the time before. Whether I'm picking a guy that's not my "typical type", or try to go in at a slower pace, I make the effort to not repeat doing the same thing over and over again. I even tried meeting a guy through friends of friends. However, no matter what, I'm getting a bunch of guys that are either non-committal types or just looking to play the field. Oh...and keep in mind these guys are in their late 30’s to early 40’s. 

As I told the girls about the last 6 months of my dating life, one of them chimes up and says, ”You know Erin...you need to date the dorky guy. These guys you meet don't appreciate who you are as a person and want to keep their options open. You need to find a dorky guy that will appreciate you and worship you.”  Now while I agree with them that the guys I meet probably don't appreciate me and all I have to offer, I'm not sure how I feel about just going for a dork just because he might appreciate me more.


There's no doubt that the guys who think and know they are good-looking, tend to be a little more self-involved. The same can be said for the girls that are always posting bikini pics with their hand placed at the correct angle above her hip. It also is no surprise that whatever I'm doing in finding someone is not working. 

In the last year I've gone through just about everything relationship wise. It started with ending a serious relationship with someone that constantly cheated, there's a couple of guys that I thought drank waaaay too much. 1 guy stopped dating me because I wasn't sure about kids, 1 guy ghosted, 1 guy didn't even make it to the first date because he was acting douchey, and 1 guy was new to town and told me that he didn't want to answer to anyone right now. 

After my friends, my friends' mom, and her aunt told me I need to start dating dorky guy, I decided to look up advice online. I found a great article in Cosmopolitan Magazine giving “14 Reasons Nerdy Guys Are The Best.” Some of the reasons were a bit silly, but one stuck out. Reason 5. They Aren't Superficial. WHOA!! I like that!

It seems like a majority of the guys I meet lately are searching for the hottest girl they can land. I went on a few dates with a guy that talked about what guys like in a girl. He said guys like a girl with really big boobs and anorexic girl arms. Although, he didn't say anorexic girl arms he used another disease as a reference point. 


I know I'm not a supermodel, but I'm not hideous.  Sheesh...I mean, unless of course you catch me on a morning where I'm hungover, forgot to take my makeup off, and my hair looks like I rolled around in grease.  I think once you add up all the parts of  my package, I'm pretty awesome! Yet, for some reason I'm still finding guys that don't appreciate me as a package. 

Is there really something to dating a dorky guy?  A few of things that I've wanted in "my person" was for me to find them attractive (even if they're not "my type"), I wanted someone that makes me laugh and I make them laugh, and I want someone I can have a conversation with.  Oh and love dogs! So...Is there a dorky guy that is funny?  Or one that is someone I'll find attractive?


I can't help but think of the song from Lonely Island - "I Just Had Sex."  The line in the song that says




Friday, February 24, 2017

WHERE SHOULD MY NEXT TRAVEL ADVENTURE BE?

I've hadn't had the chance to travel like I really love to do.  I've been saving my money and getting that all straightened out.  Now I'm really getting anxious to go somewhere and have something to look forward to.  The question is when and where do I go next?


The very first trip I took alone was to Paris France.  It was Christmas time and I don's usually spend the holidays in a traditional sense.  That became the time of year for me to travel.  That trip was so liberating because I had never traveled all by myself before. Not only that, but I don't speak or understand any French.

Arc de Triomphe








The next trip was to Rome Italy. I went in the summer, which was simply amazing.  I loved it!  I can't think of anything I didn't like about that trip.


Trevi Fountain





While in Rome I took an excursion to the island of Capri!  Seriously, it was so gorgeous!

The top of Capri


The next Christmas trip I took was to London.  I landed on Christmas day and left New Year's Eve night.  I watched the fireworks at midnight and then got on The Underground and headed to Heathrow


Stonehenge


Each one of these trips was amazing in their own way.  I left each country meeting people and making friends.  I came back with amazing stories and amazing experiences.


Last April I took a trip to Australia.  I booked my travel plans a week before I left.  It was a last minute trip to say the least.  Australia has always been on my places to go.  The only bad part of my trip was only being there for about a week.  Australia is so big and there's a great distance between the major cities that you definitely need to take a plane to each stop.



I landed and then walked across the Harbour Bridge to take my first selfie


Sun down at Manly Beach




It's not bungee jumping...just bridge climbing

So where do I go next?  Granted, I'd love to have a travel partner, but I don't know when I might find one. So a girl has to make her own plans. South Africa has always been on my travel wish list.  Cape Town looks amazing!  Spain and Greece are high up on my list as well.  Cuba would be awesome to see before it totally changes.  Iceland would be cool. I have to see the Northern lights at some point in my life.

There are so many places that would be amazing.  My only requirement is that I don't do tropical beach vacations by myself.  That's one type of vacation that I want to be with either girlfriends or my romantic friend.


The adventure is mine to make.