Over the last few weeks I've been kind of mentally freaking out. It hasn’t been too bad of a freak out. I've been putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I've been running a lot of thoughts, scenarios, what ifs, and why's through my head. I've been wondering a lot about my future, Career-wise, relationship-wise, and age-wise.
Career-wise, I think is fairly obvious. There just isn’t a lot of work out there and although I’ve been reassigned at work and I have a job, I’m not doing what I love to do. I am very thankful that have a job though. As I’ve mentioned before about switching careers to maybe to do TV reporting had got me a little worried as well. Where will I have to move for my first job? Will I even like it? Am I going to be poor? Funny thing is I don’t know why I’m freaking out. I act as though I need to find a job in the next week. When in actuality, I have some time. Does that mean I’m going to be lazy? Absolutely not! What I’m going to do is, do a good job at the task I’ve been given and keep my eyes open for my next opportunity. There’s no need to freak out just yet…I just need to take a deep breath.
Relationship-wise, I think I always have an issue with this. I do my best not to obsess over this but I wonder why a lot. I wonder why things didn’t work out, and if I’m doing something wrong. Like the other night I was out with my girls and we ran into some people that were from my past so to speak. After we got done talking I just felt like a loser for a second. I ended up texting my guy friend and an ex to say, “Is there something wrong with me that nobody wants to date me or claim me for a girlfriend?” Of course the answer was no but; I just couldn’t help but feel like I have the scarlet letter or something. I got bothered that girls that are L.A.F can keep a guy around yet I can’t. Girls that are immature and annoying with nothing to offer can get a boyfriend. Now, who’s to say that these people are truly happy? Maybe they have really low standards and are just settling till they figure out what they want. Like my friend said, “Erin I truly believe great things are going to happen for you soon.” So let’s see what the future holds and take a deep breath.
Age-wise, I think that this gets tangled up in the other two topics. I kind of freak out thinking that I’m getting too old sometimes. For instance, this career change that I’m thinking about, am I too old to go into a different field? I’m going to have to start all over like a kid just out of college. Lucky for me, I do have a little more experience and I’m a little more polished. But still. And what about getting married again? I’m 31 and I’m not even close. I’m not sure I want kids or not but just say I meet someone in the next 2 years and I think that’s what I want. Then I’ll roughly 33 or 34, then go through the whole dating, get married and then kids at 36? Is that too old? Deep down I’m not really concerned. I think the only reason it crosses my mind is because in Milwaukee something is wrong with you if you’re in 30’s and single with no kids. I know if I lived in Chicago being single in your 30’s would be all too normal. So as long as they make Botox I’m not going to worry and I’ll just take deep breath.