Monday, January 12, 2009

I NEED TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH

Over the last few weeks I've been kind of mentally freaking out. It hasn’t been too bad of a freak out. I've been putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I've been running a lot of thoughts, scenarios, what ifs, and why's through my head. I've been wondering a lot about my future, Career-wise, relationship-wise, and age-wise.

Career-wise, I think is fairly obvious. There just isn’t a lot of work out there and although I’ve been reassigned at work and I have a job, I’m not doing what I love to do. I am very thankful that have a job though. As I’ve mentioned before about switching careers to maybe to do TV reporting had got me a little worried as well. Where will I have to move for my first job? Will I even like it? Am I going to be poor? Funny thing is I don’t know why I’m freaking out. I act as though I need to find a job in the next week. When in actuality, I have some time. Does that mean I’m going to be lazy? Absolutely not! What I’m going to do is, do a good job at the task I’ve been given and keep my eyes open for my next opportunity. There’s no need to freak out just yet…I just need to take a deep breath.

Relationship-wise, I think I always have an issue with this. I do my best not to obsess over this but I wonder why a lot. I wonder why things didn’t work out, and if I’m doing something wrong. Like the other night I was out with my girls and we ran into some people that were from my past so to speak. After we got done talking I just felt like a loser for a second. I ended up texting my guy friend and an ex to say, “Is there something wrong with me that nobody wants to date me or claim me for a girlfriend?” Of course the answer was no but; I just couldn’t help but feel like I have the scarlet letter or something. I got bothered that girls that are L.A.F can keep a guy around yet I can’t. Girls that are immature and annoying with nothing to offer can get a boyfriend. Now, who’s to say that these people are truly happy? Maybe they have really low standards and are just settling till they figure out what they want. Like my friend said, “Erin I truly believe great things are going to happen for you soon.” So let’s see what the future holds and take a deep breath.

Age-wise, I think that this gets tangled up in the other two topics. I kind of freak out thinking that I’m getting too old sometimes. For instance, this career change that I’m thinking about, am I too old to go into a different field? I’m going to have to start all over like a kid just out of college. Lucky for me, I do have a little more experience and I’m a little more polished. But still. And what about getting married again? I’m 31 and I’m not even close. I’m not sure I want kids or not but just say I meet someone in the next 2 years and I think that’s what I want. Then I’ll roughly 33 or 34, then go through the whole dating, get married and then kids at 36? Is that too old? Deep down I’m not really concerned. I think the only reason it crosses my mind is because in Milwaukee something is wrong with you if you’re in 30’s and single with no kids. I know if I lived in Chicago being single in your 30’s would be all too normal. So as long as they make Botox I’m not going to worry and I’ll just take deep breath.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's me again, you need to relax. You have me stressed out, reading your blog. You seem sweet, the kind of woman any man would love to bring to Mom. That age thing you’re in your early 30's? and sexy. Don't push for a relationship it will happen when you least expect it. Take a deep breath and relax, you’re a talented individual maybe you could do voice-overs you have a great speaking voice. I could list numerious things about you but i don't want to have you read this for hours. :)

Erin Austin said...

I know you're right! For some reason I think we all put this unnecessary pressure on ourselves. I always have sone this. Usually it was over career. I would always compare myself and be hard on myself because I didn't think that I was far enough in my career for my age.

I do have a habit of comparing myself to others, hence the stressing. I'm working on it.

Thanks for not making feel like a basketcase.

E

Anonymous said...

Hey Erin !
After randomly running into you 2 days in a row (Karma & WAC), I decided to check out the blog you talked about! I think we all need to take a deep breath every now and again!

Well, thanks for a fun night on Sunday...it was good hanging with you guys - to think - I was going to just order a pizza to go!

Hope to randomly run into soon !
B -

Trev said...

Enjoy your youth. I'm 32, I live in the suburbs, drive a minivan, and know the words to every Wiggles song. If I'm up past 10 o'clock I'm probably covered in someone else's mucus or vomit. And what thanks do you get? A spastic colon and grey nosehairs. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT YOUR FUTURE TO BE? (But I wouldn't change anything)

Shawn said...

Erin,
I think you're way too hard on yourself. You're obviously driven to succeed, looking for self-improvement, and willing to put in the effort to make a relationship work. Cutting yourself an occasional break doesn't make you a slacker.

No one can take away what you've accomplished for yourself in your career. The success you've had is yours to be proud of. You're probably frustrated now because of the temporary snag, you might not be advancing it further for the time being. At the same time, you've already committed yourself to that for so long. Between that and the possibility of a change, it can sure be unnerving. Not many people wouldn't be anxious in that situation.

Whether it's media, or something unrelated, your hard-working and educated enough to make a good living in a number of fields. You can always go back after biding your time until something opens up. There are many post-grad degree folks out there who spend months looking for something in there field, only to settle on something temporary.

I'm almost your age, and I feel young. Okay, so there is an occasional day I wake up after a day of hard work and exercise and think "did I age 15 years overnight!?" You're only as old as you feel. I personally know people 10 years older than you or more, and haven't found the professional success they want. They are still working toward it with a healthy measure mix of confidence and uncertainty, and are happy with their lives. I don't know many people who get flak over being over 30 and without kids, but most of them who do don't pay attention to it. They'd much rather wait a little longer to find the right person to create a stable enviornment for those kids.

I seriously doubt you have any kind of "KEEP AWAY" or otherwise foreboding sign about your person. If there's anything, it's likely something minor you're unconsciously doing. There were a couple things I didn't notice about myself for a while, but when I did, it was a simple fix and since then, there has been a huge difference.

There is no quick-fix or cure-all pill for relationships. I might like to offer a chill pill, though. Don't worry about what other girls are doing to keep a man in your past, some magazine article, or movie. You have a unique personality, but that doesn't mean there isn't someone local for you. It could be some random meeting away from you usual hangouts that you find a good guy who treats you right and makes you happy. It just might be when a new guy who sees things as you see them, feels as you feel, maybe then, other things will become clearer to you as well.

Finding a match in the dark can lead to some stumbles, even painful ones. With patience, one will come into your sersory range, even if he's a strike-anywhere match. It's a good idea to sniff things out, you know, make sure you're not next to a gas tank before igniting anything. :-)

Erin Austin said...

Hey B!

Again, I hope our group didn't catch you too off guard. We all like making each other laugh.

And feel free to email anytime!

E

Anonymous said...

Hi, Erin! I just wanted to tell you that I was one of "those people" that was not pleased to have you, Matthew and AJ come to WKTI. I tried to find another show for the morning routine but I kept crawling back for a listen. Something in the beginning told me that as time went on the three of you were really going to gel and might just be something worthwhile to listen to. Over time the three of you won me over. I really missed Gino from the previous trio but came to appreciate what the three of you had to offer. It was quite a surprise to me when the format was tossed up and changed. I miss you all. I'm listening to another station out of Fond du Lac and public radio when the Christmas music gets crammed out there. Anyway...I wish you all the best life has to offer. You didn't deserve the way things turned around at WKTI. None of you did. Matthew is so diplomatic about it. I have to say it...to uproot you and then totally screw with you like that was absolutely wrong!!!!!! Very disrespectful!!! Again, I wish you the best and I wish for you the best guy this earth has to offer. Be patient. Your love will find you. P.S. What happened to AJ?

Anonymous said...

From what I've noticed, people who "stress" more about their career are more sucessful than those that take a more passive route. There's nothing wrong with assessing your strengths, skills or options.

Erin Austin said...

AJ was let go but, he is keeping himself busy doing videos for companies as well as commercial work. I think It's going ok so far. And his wife Vicki is about 4 months pregnant with their 3rd kid. Crazy timing right? Cross your fingers for him and well...all of us I guess.

Anonymous said...

ya just relax and everything will fall in to place. Ya i bet that you are going to get a good job and that you will meet someone that is just right for you

Lauren Parker said...

Hey dear, its Lauren from myspace, the girl who wrote the Radio Girl story for you ;) I just found your blog and sorry to hear about your job situation! I hope all is well with you dear. Thinking positive is always important dear. 2009 will turn out to be great if you keep the faith!

Erin Austin said...

Hey Lauren! Of course I rememeber!! Hope you're well. I actually spend my time on facebook now.

I appreciate the kind words. We'll see what happens. I am trying to stay positive and take things as they come.

Glad you found me!
E