tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9528490787389052282024-03-13T12:46:36.620-05:00ERIN AUSTIN'S THURSDAY BLOG AND PODCASTErin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.comBlogger338125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-48333881135007747992020-10-30T10:35:00.000-05:002020-10-30T10:35:51.846-05:00I'M AT A CROSSROADS<p>I've come to an interesting spot with my blog and newly launched podcast. While I've only had the podcast going maybe a month with 10 episodes, I've received some great feedback and some not so great feedback. I've had several girls tell how much they like it with one even telling me that she thinks I should look into being the new co-host for the "Call Her Daddy" Podcast. * Then I looked into that podcast because I never really researched other podcasts before and let me just say OMG! So they are connected with Barstool Sports. When I googled them I found their videos on YouTube. Here is the host, this gorgeous young blonde named Alex. She appears to be reading a letter or something from a girl talking about her boyfriend and her having sex. Then Alex goes on to read that this girl got up to get an after towel for her boyfriend and instead goes back and licks it up. I watched and listened with excitement and horror at the same time. Here were these two girls talking about some pretty nasty stuff and while part of me was like "Holy crap these chicks are getting nasty!" The other part of me was like, "Yessss! These chicks are getting nasty!" </p><p>What's even more interesting to me was my girlfriend that has a great job in TV was the one that knew about this podcast and thought I'd be a fit for it! </p><p>So then let's go to the not so great comments. Well, I can tell you one person that's not really a fan of the podcast is the guy that I talked about in the last episode. Needless to say, he wasn't too happy. For the record, I wasn't trying to make him mad, hurt his feelings, make him look bad, or upset him; but clearly, I did because he let me know after he heard and said a few things that felt like he was trying to hurt my feelings. In any event, let's move on to the other comments and thoughts I received. </p><p><br /></p><p>I had a couple girlfriends tell me they weren't the biggest fans of the podcast. They both had several points that were similar. One friend was a little harsher than the other, but both were pretty much saying the same thing. I thought we should go over a couple of those points and discuss them. Also, keep in mind both of the friends that had the criticism, did so unsolicited. </p><p>1. Both mentioned the direction of my podcast. Now starting off this podcast I was talking about me losing my job and my mental state. It wasn't until the last couple of episodes did really focus on the relationship aspect. The last episode was probably the most about relationships. So both of these friends knew me back when I started my blog. Much of that blog was revolved around my dating life and my thoughts and observations surrounding it. Both of them were telling me that I should go a different direction with my podcast. One said that my blog/podcast talking about sex and relationships wasn't a "good look for me." While the other friend said I essentially had a man-hating podcast. </p><p>So how do I feel about what they said? Well...I was rather taken aback by their comments. Especially, since both were very passionate and both unsolicited. That being said, I didn't really agree with the notion that my podcast sounded like a man-bashing podcast. Now, I'm sure the guy I spoke about probably felt picked on, but I felt I was rather fair to him. I just said that I felt like it was a jerk move not that he was a jerk or asshole. In fact, I ended it with a compliment. So there. </p><p>2. Both mentioned that it would make it harder for me to find a job. One friend said that an employer would "cringe" at it. while the other said, "your podcast is not going to do your future career any favors." </p><p>Alright, this one I'm torn about. I have felt at many points in my career as though I haven't able to express myself and truly be "Erin." So having my blog and now podcast, I have felt that this is where I can be myself. Granted, I'm still not unleashing all I could at this point, but it's a start. Now as far as me having a hard time getting a job...I think that's a bit up for interpretation. I mean, I'm not trying to get a job as a school teacher or something. And maybe the one friend is right, maybe this would make it harder for me to get into TV, but at the same time, I'm not looking to be the anchor of ABC News. If I did TV, it would be light and fluffy stuff, you know more personality-driven and opinion-driven. As for radio, well I think that would depend on the station format and the person in charge. </p><p>3. Both mentioned the dude I referenced. Now both of them that several things about this. They didn't understand why I let it/him bother so much. Both mentioned how this guy essentially was a flash in the pan in my grand scheme of life. Ok...true. Both friends thought that I shouldn't have called him out. In fact, one friend said she's probably given a fake excuse every time she broke up with a guy. Maybe the other said it made me look like a psycho. </p><p>Where do I start with this one? Let's start with calling him out. While these 2 friends thought it was a bad idea, I had plenty of others that totally thought I should've done it. I even had one friend tell me that I should do another podcast talking about the things he said to me afterward. Now, she is a hardcore bitch and is a girl that if you do one thing wrong...one time...you are DONE! So for her, that guy would've probably been out the first time he didn't keep his word. She doesn't mess around. Me on the other hand, I'm probably overly forgiving and give too many chances. Now as for me looking psycho? Well if it that's the definition these days then whatever. I'm pretty sure that I could be so much worse. And clearly, I'm not psycho...so we need to stop throwing that word around so carelessly. </p><p>After getting both of those harsh reviews, I seriously questioned myself. Here I was thinking that I was starting to get a groove going, and then I get that. It got in my head. It made me feel like I have no idea what I'm doing anymore and I should just give up. It made me feel like rethink everything. It also made me feel like I wasn't talented and was wasting my time. </p><p>And you know what's sad is that I let those 2 unfavorable critiques outweigh all of the other favorable comments. I had dozens of comments and compliments from women that loved it and can't wait for more. Yet somehow I let the negative stick inside my head. Isn't that funny? However, it's always easier to criticize than it is to compliment. While those 2 friends comments stung a little, I also took into account where they are in their lives vs me and who would listen to the podcast. Both girls are married with children living the suburban life. They also have their hands full with kids stuff, so I'm sure to them my dating life and single girl woes are something they can't even being to fathom...and thankfully they don't have to because it's not a pretty world out there. </p><p>So what do I do moving forward? While I'm not dating anyone or anytime soon, I do enjoy talking about that stuff. Even if it's not my dating stories. I love dissecting people's behavior and why people do what they do. That's something I've always tried to figure out. I will say this though, this podcast and blog will have a variety of topics...dating will just be one of them. </p>Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-46679962449725998822020-10-15T21:30:00.002-05:002020-10-19T12:37:46.542-05:00WAS HE DOING ME A FAVOR OR WAS THAT A JERK MOVE? <p>In a past blog and podcast, I mentioned the guy that had broken things off with me after I lost my job. I actually talked to him the other day. Once again it was a good conversation. It was one where I thought about how that was one of the things I liked about what we had going on. He mentioned that he had gone to a friend's child's birthday party. It was a friend that I had met and actually, we had a mutual friend in common. He told me that the friend asked about me and of course I had to know what they asked about and what they said. He told me how they asked what happened to me and why we weren't dating anymore. Apparently, he told them that I needed to find myself or whatever. Then they asked why. He told them that I lost my job and I needed to figure out who I am. Needless to say, they gave him shit! They were like, <i>"Dude you broke up with her because she lost her job?"</i> Of course, I'm sure he did some back peddling and justified his reasons. However, it got me thinking...<b>Did he do me a favor or was that a jerk move? Or is it both? Or was it neither?</b></p><p>I thought about one of the reasons that he gave and it just doesn't make sense to me. Maybe I'm some sort of dimwit, but I can't wrap my head around it. However, maybe it'll make sense to you. So one of the things he said was that <b>I needed to find my identity and I needed to do that without him in the picture. He said didn't want me to find my identity by being in a relationship.</b> While on the surface that answer kinda makes sense, it honestly has me baffled. </p><p>I know some women have lost their identity or their identity has morphed into something else over the years. For instance, my best friend who was a TV reporter and anchor got married and had a child. When she got married she switched careers and got into public relations. Shortly thereafter she and her husband welcomed a precious baby boy. As months went by they discovered that their child wasn't hitting milestones and something seemed off. </p><p>Turns out their sweet little guy had a rare mitochondrial disease. It's so rare that he may be the only person with his set of issues. Needless to say, a tough road was ahead for them. My friend ended up quitting her job to stay home and tend to their child. It was grueling for her. Countless sleepless nights, and endless doctor appointments, not to mention all the bumps in the road along the way. She was in a tough spot. One day, she told her husband that she wanted to go back to work. She said she needed to have her own identity, besides being his wife and their child's mom. She wanted to be her own person. I totally understood what she was wanting. That made sense to me.</p><p>So what doesn't make sense to me is that was the reason for him. How would I find my identity being in a relationship with him? What does that even mean? I'm not sure if he thought that if we stayed dating that I might not take certain job opportunities because I was too worried about him and us? Although, he said if we're still dating and I took a job somewhere else that he would figure it out. So now I'm scratching my head even more. Like did he think that I wanted a relationship so bad that I would just throw my career out the window for him? That's not how I saw myself. </p><p>While I am a girl that would love to have finally found my person, I'm not so desperate for a relationship. I mean for the love of God, I've been divorced since 2006! If I really wanted to get married, I think I would've by now. I'm not so co-dependent that I need to have someone in my life. I've lived more of my life alone and single than all of my relationships combined. However, I'm not willing to settle for just anyone or anything. I'm also not looking for perfection because that's unrealistic and doesn't exist. I'm looking for someone that gets me, that appreciates me, that will let Erin be Erin and love her for all that is she and what she isn't. That's what I want. I want my better half. Oh...and good in bed! Did I mention I want them to think I'm an awesome catch? Cuz let's be honest...I am! <b>Even without a job...I'm a fucking awesome catch!</b></p><p>After he told me that story I said to him that I was glad he told me that. He said, "Well I'm glad I could make your day." I told him it didn't necessarily make my day, but I'm glad to know that his friends had my back. I went on to say, <i>"You do know that was kind of a shitty thing you did...and what's sad is you did it to a good girl. A really good girl!"</i> While he agreed, he also stood by his decision. </p><p>I know someone reading this or listening to the podcast will have something to say. I can hear it now. So let's start off with the tough comments. <i>"Erin, this sounds like a copout!" </i> <i>"Erin that sounds like it was just an excuse." "Erin he was doing you a favor." "Erin, it's better you find out now when times are tough then later on down the road." "Erin, if he really liked you he would still be dating you." "Erin, he just wasn't that into you." </i> All of those statements I've heard. All of them hurt. Some people probably think some it will help or make me feel better, but the sensitive girl in me is well...sensitive. Then I thought, <i>"Well...maybe they're right."</i> Maybe he really didn't like me enough, because if he did wouldn't he still be around. I mean, isn't that how it works? If someone likes you they make it work. Isn't that how it's supposed to be? </p><p>As I often do, I think, re-think, overthink, oh wait...then I think some more. Being the girl that I am, I of course think was that really the reason or was there something else? <u><i>Did my breath smell? Did he think I wasn't good in bed? </i></u><i> (Who am I kidding? I know damn well that's not the reason!) Was he just not as interested as I thought? </i>Maybe not...or maybe his logic is truly different than mine and there's something that he is thinking or sees that I don't quite get. Whatever it is, and whatever it is I don't understand, I'm sure at some point in the future it'll make sense. Maybe someday I'll be like..."Ohhhhh so that's why that happened the way it happened!" </p><p>I don't want to seem like I'm beating a dead horse, so I promise that this will be the last post and podcast about this topic and if he ever comes up again, it won't be about this topic. These are just the feels and thoughts that I have in my head. Also, I want to finish by saying I always believe the best in people, so while I don't think what he did was necessarily the nicest or best thing to do, I still believe he's a genuinely good guy with a good heart. ❤</p>Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-86602361965650034742020-10-15T17:50:00.008-05:002020-10-16T08:56:36.121-05:00WHAT IS THE RIGHT PATH AND HOW WILL I KNOW?<div><br /></div><div id="fb-root"></div>
<script async="" crossorigin="anonymous" defer="" nonce="eqPrZ0hQ" src="https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/sdk.js#xfbml=1&version=v8.0"></script><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZsjV-oExsqA/X4jYa9fiHSI/AAAAAAAABy8/McozPT5qsuUj3ZJ61cUjg7mIbL3DaxFWgCLcBGAsYHQ/s300/images-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="224" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZsjV-oExsqA/X4jYa9fiHSI/AAAAAAAABy8/McozPT5qsuUj3ZJ61cUjg7mIbL3DaxFWgCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h224/images-4.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /></div><div><br /></div>
Here I sit in my office upstairs at my house. I sit here writing this blog, recording my podcast, and looking out the window. Most days I come up here and sit in my rather worn-out office chair and start my day by trying to get a plan together; a plan for my day and a plan for my life. Sometimes when I sit here, I come up with a list of things that I should do. Some of the tasks are big ones, like reworking my resume for a job outside of radio. Some tasks are small, like calling my mortgage company to let them know of my situation. Every day is different, yet every day is the same.<div><br /></div><div>For the last couple of years, I would have a reoccurring conversation with God and the universe. Every so often I would ask God and the universe what was going to happen with my life? Was this is all my career was ever going to be? And of course, I wanted to know Will I ever find "my person?" I would have this conversation in the shower, sometimes while I was going to the bathroom and sitting on the toilet. Sometimes I would have that onesided conversation with God while I was in my car sitting in traffic. Every time I had this conversation with God, I never really heard anything back or got any answers. </div><div> </div><div>It wasn't until losing my job that I got at least part of one of my answers. Granted, I still have no earthly idea what this all means, but one thing is for sure...change is here. A fellow radio gal, Juliet gave me a nugget of wisdom right when I was let go, she said, "<i>I believe when this stuff happens, it's a course correction. It's God or the universe saying you're no longer on the right path for your highest good. So it forces you to change direction." </i> Ironically, my former co-worker, Dorian said to me the other day, <i>"Erin you were wanting something to change and now it did." </i></div><div><br /></div><div>So what is the right path? </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>
<div class="fb-video" data-href="https://www.facebook.com/JoelOsteen/videos/375758357108955/" data-show-text="false" data-width=""><blockquote cite="https://developers.facebook.com/JoelOsteen/videos/375758357108955/" class="fb-xfbml-parse-ignore"><a href="https://developers.facebook.com/JoelOsteen/videos/375758357108955/">It's Worth the Wait</a><p>You may not see anything changing, but something is happening; patience is working. Your spiritual muscles are getting stronger; you’re growing, developing. Patience is building you, getting you prepared so you can sustain what God has coming. Don’t discount the waiting period. Don’t get discouraged because it’s not happening as fast as you'd like. The longer it takes, that means the more God has in store. When it’s your time, when God knows you’re ready, what you give birth to is going to be much bigger than you think.
Click here to watch or listen to, "It's Worth the Wait":
Video: YouTube.com/JoelOsteen
Audio: https://bit.ly/JOAPodcast</p>Posted by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/JoelOsteen/">Joel Osteen</a> on Tuesday, October 13, 2020</blockquote></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>
I'm not gonna lie, I had a freakout moment the other morning. As I sat here at my desk, I went through the radio news from the night before. Seeing the news of people getting this job or that job. Positions that had recently popped up, but were already taken by someone else. Some of the positions seemed to be magically created for that person. After reading this stuff I suddenly had a feeling come over me. It was a feeling of fear. Imagine, you're out walking through the woods. You've been gone for a while and who knows how long you've actually been gone and how far you've walked. You keep going and going until you realize it's starting to get dark. You turn around to go back and then realize you're lost. What do you do? You could walk back, but surely you couldn't retrace all of your steps. You can't really call for help because you have no cell signal. So maybe you start to walk back for a bit until you start to panic because now you realize you were so in the moment walking, that you forget to realize your moment of opportunity to go back. That's how I felt. </div><div><br /></div><div>I felt as though maybe I waited too long for my opportunity to come. Maybe I hadn't done enough to make it happen. Now that I had been where I was for so long, maybe no one knew where I was anymore. Maybe everyone forgot about me and when it came time to look for people, I wasn't the person they'd think of anymore. Like being lost in the woods and people didn't know where to find me. I feared that all of the time I sat being still, was actually opportunities that I was being passed up on. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ax7upwsd8QI/X4jVKR7UR7I/AAAAAAAAByg/lC88LtBukIQzPAdw-W-akTHf9vUev1WmgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1080/121394490_10164608572210227_8721277189807419539_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ax7upwsd8QI/X4jVKR7UR7I/AAAAAAAAByg/lC88LtBukIQzPAdw-W-akTHf9vUev1WmgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/121394490_10164608572210227_8721277189807419539_o.jpg" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>So there I sit panicking about how much of my life has gone by and what lies ahead. Wondering what if any opportunities for me will lie out there. I also panicked because I felt lost in the sense of what path should I focus on. Should I focus on finding that next radio job? Do I focus on getting out of the business and doing something else? Or do I focus on what several people have suggested to me, and stepping out on my own and becoming my own boss, so to speak. </div><div><br /></div><div>While God and the universe made it obvious that what I was doing wasn't for me anymore, <b>how do I know what is meant for me?</b> That's my latest question now to God. <b>How will I know what path to choose? Will it be obvious? </b></div><div><br /></div><div>People have said it'll all work out and I'll find something amazing. I just wish I knew I'd find it. I also wish I knew if there was something that I'm not doing that I should be doing. That's where the feeling of being lost and overwhelmed comes from. </div><div><br /></div><div>I was talking with Nick my former co-worker and current "Country Not Country" podcast co-host, and he was listening to me have my mini freak out. He said that it will work out and that I maybe should ask God instead of what's next for me, maybe I need to ask, <i>"What is the purpose of me having all this time on my hands? Maybe you're supposed to start that travel blog and you need to start with a cross Texas trip with the dogs." </i> Maybe God has given me this "free" time for a reason, so what should I do with it? I don't want to think that I'm supposed to sit here, look for a job, and worry. There's got to be a reason all of this is happening to me. <b>There's got to be a reason for my entire slate to have been wiped clean. </b></div><div><br /></div><div>So what is it and how will I know what I should do? I don't want to come off sounding so confused, but this is an incredibly difficult spot for me. This kind of situation often makes people or breaks them. I want to believe it'll make me. I just wish God would give me a bit of clarity. Let's be honest, it's been 11 years since I needed to get another job and probably the first time where I didn't have a job at all since I was about 14 years old. Even if I was working part-time while I was married eons ago, I still had a job. Being without a job and not having much to choose from is enough to make anyone's blood pressure go up. Let alone, having a feeling of being lost.</div><div><br /></div><div>This may sound crazy to some people, but I want it to be like Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ. Instead of Dorothy being worried about how she'll get back to Kansas while walking through the forest scared about lions, tigers, and bears...Oh my! I want to be the Dorothy that is on the yellow brick road. <b>I want to be the Dorothy that knows what is the right path to take and sees the Emerald city ahead in the distance.</b> I want to be the Dorothy that knows what the destination is. However, I know that's not really how life works. Life gives you surprises. Life has the twists and turns that you don't see coming...both good and bad. Life doesn't give you a heads up on what is going to happen next. It just happens. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>So now I need to somehow figure out a couple of things. 1. What should I do with all this downtime? 2. What is my career path moving forward? The whole finding "my person" question will have to wait for another day. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br />Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-66649692666860685662020-10-09T08:07:00.000-05:002020-10-09T08:07:27.626-05:00IS THIS MY MID-LIFE CRISIS? <p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XeGW-6s2By4/X4BgWpVRBVI/AAAAAAAAByQ/EHfdwDyIn10RT7U2teThbbnIlOSIHjzngCLcBGAsYHQ/s283/download-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="178" data-original-width="283" height="252" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XeGW-6s2By4/X4BgWpVRBVI/AAAAAAAAByQ/EHfdwDyIn10RT7U2teThbbnIlOSIHjzngCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h252/download-3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>The other day I had a conversation with the guy that I talked about in my last blog and podcast. He wanted to clear some things up that I talked about in the podcast and communicate what he was thinking. Overall it was a good conversation. There were a few things that I walked away thinking about and ended up having more questions, not necessarily for him, but in general. </p><p>One of the things he said was he could tell when we got together that I was somewhat bored with my job and that at times he thought I seemed a little scattered and that I was looking for things that made me happy and because of that he felt like I was having a bit of an identity crisis. Now that I've lost my job it was like I'm having a bit of a mid-life crisis. So from what I remember of our discussion he made it seem like that's why he broke things off...I guess. So like they say on Shark Tank, "For those reasons I'm out!" By the way, I still think that another reason is that there's a lot that's fallen on to his plate and it was easier to remove me because we hadn't dated long versus sticking it out. </p><p>After we got off the phone, I did feel better, but I also felt like me going through this big transition period was the reason I'm not able to have a relationship. Like there was part of me that kinda felt like it was my fault even though I know that's not true. Like somehow because I didn't have it all figured out and had a plan together of what I'm going to do, that I'm less desirable or less worthy of dating. Which is ridiculous I know.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DjocAuWrpfk/X4BgOsMlaFI/AAAAAAAAByM/FIFh9Hm4zG06CHnNIwnq6gmggMLUVUiKgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1102/885f2ccda83283405c55aebfb5cccd0f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DjocAuWrpfk/X4BgOsMlaFI/AAAAAAAAByM/FIFh9Hm4zG06CHnNIwnq6gmggMLUVUiKgCLcBGAsYHQ/w266-h400/885f2ccda83283405c55aebfb5cccd0f.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>So with that being said, let's go over some of those things that stuck out to me.</p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">1. Mid-life Crisis</span> </b>- Well statistically he would be correct. Since I'm over the age of 40 and the life expectancy of a woman in the United States is about 84 years old, then by all accounts, he would be right saying I'm having a midlife crisis. Ironically, when I had my horoscope chart read after getting let go, the astrologer Mary said something about me going through a bit of a mid-life crisis right now because of my career. </p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">2. Being Scattered </span></b>- Maybe I am a little. I think I can be a little scattered when it comes to my thoughts and conversation. Although, I think that's because of my A.D.D. So I could be a lot worse...TRUST ME! My last boyfriend I felt was really scattered. When we started dating he didn't want to get married or have kids, then a few months later he did. Then he wanted to buy a house. Wait, no he wanted to rent. No...now he was going to move out of town. Oh hold up...he's staying and now he's buying a house again. Geez, Louise...then he bought the house, furnished it, and then thought of renting it out to save money. Did I mentions he cheanged his diet about 3-4 times while we dated? That my friends...is scattered! Considering I've had the same career for the past 20 years, the same job for the past 11 years, I've lived in the same house and driven the same car for 8 years, I think my level of scatteredness is a level 3 out of 10 with 10 being you're getting whiplash from the person being all over the place. </p><p>If anything, I'd say I'm more spontaneous and go with the flow. Maybe those are things that he's not used to in a girl. I can't be for certain, but I'd venture to say that I'm probably, one of the most adventurous, spontaneous, fun, and easygoing girls he's been with. In fact, from what I know, I'd put money on it. </p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">3. Searching For Things That Make Me Happy</span></b> - This one I don't totally disagree with, but I also think that he has a different perspective on this than I do. What does every self-help book or life coach tell you to do? They tell you to find out what makes you happy and do it. Whether that's a job or a hobby, find the things that give you pleasure, joy, and fulfillment so you can live a happy life. Isn't that what we're all trying to do right now? Here we are, we're all in this fucked up time in the world, and we're all just trying to figure out how to let go of the worry and stress and be happy. </p><p>I think the reason I have an issue with its being one of his points is that his perspective is different than mine because of where he's been in his life and what he does for a living. Obviously, I've been in radio all of my adult life. So when I'd go out and meet new people or go on dates, one of the questions is "What are your hobbies or what do you like to do for fun?" For a long time, I never really had much of an answer for that question which always made me feel like I was missing something. Sure, I love to travel and that can be considered a hobby, but that's not something I can do all of the time. Also, for a lot of people in radio, this is our hobby. People in radio or TV are getting to do their hobby everyday for work, so outside of that sometimes we don't have a ton of interests. </p><p>So then take the guy I dated for example, he has a great career where he does well for himself. He's very smart and went to school for years to get where he is in life. Now, if you were to talk to him about his career and ask him why he chose it, he'd tell you that he chose that line of work because he knew it would make good money. He didn't choose it because he was passionate about it. He didn't choose it because it sounded fun. He chose it because it was steady, it was good money, and it was a career path with plenty of options. So for him, he must have other things outside of work that make him happy otherwise he'd get bored or lost. I get that. And he does. He likes to work out, he likes to watch certain sports and even likes practice certain sports. He likes to travel. Now, he's even working in a side business that can be seen as a hobby or passion project. He has found those things because he knew he kind of had to. </p><p><b><span style="font-size: medium;">4. Identity Crisis</span> </b>- This one os a little tricky for me because like I've said before when it comes to my career, radio was something that I've wanted to do since I was a little kid. My obsession became my profession. Besides a few jobs I had in high school and college, radio and TV has been all I've ever done. So when I lost my job, of course I'm going to question who I am. For the last 20 years I was Erin Austin the radio girl, Now I'm Erin Austin the former radio girl, or just Erin Austin. And who is that girl now? I'm trying to figure that out. Will she again be Erin Austin the radio girl, the TV girl, the podcast girl, the blogger, girl, or does she become something outside of those things and find a place in marketing or PR? I don't know.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ReVQ3XB9NCU/X4BfUU7OigI/AAAAAAAABxw/3xiMHje7Mq8Ik0Lyx5NzSGFbo6cIsBbJQCLcBGAsYHQ/s798/f07062406e8a1309f99a92001daf05c0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="798" data-original-width="570" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ReVQ3XB9NCU/X4BfUU7OigI/AAAAAAAABxw/3xiMHje7Mq8Ik0Lyx5NzSGFbo6cIsBbJQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/f07062406e8a1309f99a92001daf05c0.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>After I got off the phone with him (the guy that broke things off with me) I feel like he should have a nickname for the sake of this blog. I called my friend Corey who also lost this job in radio recently. I asked him, "Am I having a mid-life crisis? Is it bad that I don't have a plan together right now and don't know what my next step is? He of course asked me whay I was asking this and I told him the story. He said, "we're all going through that right now. There are hundreds if not thousounds of people in our industry that are trying to figure it out and decide what their next step is. It's not even just people in our industry. There are millions of people in the country that have lost their jobs and don't know what they're going to do. So don't beat yourself up. We're in a pandemic and this is probably one of the worst times in history to be looking for work. I feel like people that aren't in radio don't really understand what it's like it's like when we lose a job. They just get another one sometimes it's down the street, where we have very few jobs to chose from and more than likely we have to move." I think he's right. This career is one that's different than most other professions. Professional sports is similar. TV is similar. Which has always been so interesting to me how all those women TV anchors and reporters seem to have no problem finding a guy that will move with them where ever, yet I've never had a guy once actually consider moving with me if I got a job somewhere else. I digress...</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S77BpbshEw4/X4BfkT5xTlI/AAAAAAAABx8/-0J5ODoe-cgOPvRKRGYIYlad0xFUWAEsACLcBGAsYHQ/s1102/b97be2ea77d93e708ad6f6f70e3b22b6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1102" data-original-width="735" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S77BpbshEw4/X4BfkT5xTlI/AAAAAAAABx8/-0J5ODoe-cgOPvRKRGYIYlad0xFUWAEsACLcBGAsYHQ/w266-h400/b97be2ea77d93e708ad6f6f70e3b22b6.jpg" width="266" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>So what are my final thoughts. Am I having a mid-life crisis? I guess it sort of is one. It's definitely a time of rebuilding. </p><p><i>Do I have a plan in place? No. </i></p><p><i>Do I know what I'll do next? No. </i></p><p><i>Do I have it all figured out? No, and that's OK. It's OK that I don't have it all figured out right now, and I shouldn't be so hard on myself that I don't, because none of us really do. Nobody has it all figured out. </i></p><p>What I do know is that I'll land on my feet. I always have and always I will. I'll take of myself just like I always have. I'll get through this and if you want to be a art of my journey and support me in my time of need I more than welcome it. </p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>You never know what the future may hold. </b></span></p>Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-53513043121305499802020-10-01T21:30:00.001-05:002020-10-02T14:22:42.731-05:00WAS IT EASY FOR HIM?<p>I know this is a post I probably shouldn't write or record for my podcast, but I'm going to do it anyway because it's something that's been on my mind and I need to get it out. So you might remember me talking about the guy I was seeing and him breaking things off with me right after I was let go. If you don't know, well then let me remind you.</p><p>I had been dating a guy for about a month. Things had been going really well and felt pretty good. We had even talked about some small future stuff. When I got let go from my job a few days later he broke things off with me. He said that it was too much pressure for how early our relationship was and that I needed to figure out my career and what makes me happy. He said, "Radio isn't what you do, it's who you are." He said I needed to focus on my future and not to include him in the equation. While what he said made some sense, it hurt. It still hurts. And frankly, I feel dumb that it does.</p><p>I know we hadn't been dating very long, but I thought we had a good connection. Finding someone you have a good connection with and someone you get along with isn't easy. That's why so many people settle. So with that being said, that's why it still bums me out about him walking away. I know some people will say, <b><i>"Erin! Fuck that guy!"</i></b> Or "<i><b>Erin, you guys didn't even date that long...Get over it!"</b></i> However, it still sucks when you meet someone you like. </p><p>This is the other part I hate. I have found myself going back and evaluating our time together and find myself second-guessing stuff. I've sat there and wondered, <i><b>"Did he even really like me?" </b></i><b><i>"Was he really being honest about why he was breaking things off with me?" "Was there something else that played a part in his decision?" "I wonder if he got back on dating apps already...Or if he's been going out on dates...Nevermind you don't want to know the answer to that."</i></b> I find myself having this inner dialogue with myself every now and then and I frickin hate it. Oh, the questions that have popped into my head that have dragged me down the wormhole. It's definitely one of those times where I wish I could shut off my brain. </p><p>I think the part I've struggled with the most is when he broke things off with me, he didn't say that it was hard for him. If he did, I don't remember it. I guess I wish I knew that he was bummed like I was. I wish I knew that he didn't really want to do it, but felt like he was helping me out. I wish I knew that when he walked away, that it wasn't easy for him, and wishes it were different. There's a line in the Maddie and Tae song 'Die From a Broken Heart' that says, "To leave me so easy." I just wish I knew it wasn't an easy decision for him.</p><p>My good guy friend, Dorian gave me a bit of a pep talk when I told him some of the questions I was asking myself. He said, <i>"No need to worry about that. You come first and then you, after that you, and finally you."</i> He's right, I can't worry about that stuff. Right now my number one priority is figuring out my next steps. I need to figure out what I will do with my career and how I can make it happen. The other stuff shouldn't be a concern. I need to focus on Erin and what lies ahead of me. Once I figure out my career stuff, then and only then should I even think about dating.</p><p>I don't want to sound pathetic for talking about this. I also don't want people to think I'm some obsessed chick or something. I just wanted to put it out there that this has affected me. You see, despite me being this incredibly independent girl, I'm also the girl that deep down that wants nothing more than to be loved and accepted. While I want to be successful and have a great career, I want to finally have that loving relationship. I want my partner in life. I want to that person that's just as into me as I'm into them. Hey, what can I say? I've always been the girl that wears my heart on sleeve. That's why I have this blog and my podcast so that I can put my feelings out there. </p><p><br /></p>Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-11025653839579256902020-10-01T08:35:00.004-05:002020-10-01T11:52:00.956-05:00DON'T GET TOO COMFORTABLE<div class="separator"><p style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></p><p style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" data-original-height="255" data-original-width="198" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8xLZJ4i-rAI/X3TQ9MDogII/AAAAAAAABw8/8oxBOMTCx3o0ZdkyWgRZp7XvQh67paARACLcBGAsYHQ/w311-h400/download-2.jpg" width="311" /></p></div><p><br /></p><p>Too comfortable...That's something I feel like I became over the last couple of years. Not that my comfortability for my job became so ho-hum that every day I came into to work and just "mailed it in." Even during this pandemic working from home, I still got up early, watched the news, took notes of things that were local to talk about in Houston as well as Portland, OR, but I also posted content on 2 radio stations websites and social media pages. I sat at my desk in my home office pretty much every day like it was a normal non-COVID day. Yeah, sometimes I made an appointment for myself during the day, but I still was trying to come up with real content that was non-passive throw-away breaks. I made sure not to rush through my show, because I never wanted to be seen as someone that was slacking off or didn't take my job seriously.</p><p>Now let's talk about before the pandemic and how I felt. There were definitely times where I felt underutilized. I felt unchallenged. I felt unappreciated. I felt unrecognized. I sometimes felt invisible. I felt pigeonholed. And I felt stuck. You see, for a lot of the time that I worked at The Bull/KILT, I was told what I was or what I wasn't. <i>"<b>Erin, you're not a morning person."</b></i><b> </b>Or <b>"<i>Erin, you're a midday person, not someone that's an afternoon person."</i> </b>How do you think that made me feel? After a while, what others say about you, you start to believe. So I started to think that maybe that this was all there was for me and I was just a midday person.</p><p>I think getting moved around to the different dayparts is why I wasn't getting too comfortable at first. Typically in the past, about every 2 years I would get the itch. The itch to expand my horizons, the itch to go further with my career goals, and the itch have Erin shine. I can look back on some of the jobs I've had, and I would access the situation. I would take inventory of my position and my workplace, and then I would look around to see who was there and determine what my growth potential was. If I had that gut feeling that I wouldn't be able to move up, I got the itch for more. I became restless. </p><p>Once I came here to Houston and started getting moved around to different dayparts, I didn't get the itch, because the new position kept that itch at bay. Honestly, there would be times I'd get disappointed. Sometimes it was because I was passed up for some opportunity, but I would squash that disappointment by telling myself, <i><b>"Erin, you still have a job. Things could be worse. You're in market number 6. People would kill to be here. Stay positive. Maybe something else will pop up." </b></i>Unfortunately, nothing ever really popped up. So part of me decided to be happy with what I had and find other things that piqued my interest. That's probably about the time that my love for traveling really got kicked into gear. </p><p>For the next several years, I actually worked on becoming more comfortable, which was both good and bad. The good part was that I was trying to be happy with what I had and live in the moment more. I was trying to see the positive in my situation. I tried not to focus on my feeling of lack. The bad part was that I stopped trying to go further. Since I had pretty much been told no or was pigeonholed, I just kind of accepted it and became comfortable that I <u>was</u> just a midday person. Sure, I had other responsibilities, but none that were showcasing my talent. Don't get me wrong, I'd get a bone here and there, but those weren't always so plentiful.</p><p>I think the other part of becoming comfortable was coming from those around me. So many of my former co-workers and I had such great ideas, but because of how things operated, those ideas never got to grow. I mean, a lot of those ideas took time, money, thought, and then execution. However, with the way that corporate radio is run, everyone is wearing 5 hats, they're not getting a raise for any of it, and then they're trying to make it through the day while praying to God they make it through another round of budget cuts. <b>People's true talents and skills are often ignored or not cultivated because no one has time to deal with it. </b></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4eHGNLMUXos/X3TSozzN3XI/AAAAAAAABxk/_GdTCeFwZV4glRK3MgrHVsWRldN5jJsOACLcBGAsYHQ/s225/images-7.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4eHGNLMUXos/X3TSozzN3XI/AAAAAAAABxk/_GdTCeFwZV4glRK3MgrHVsWRldN5jJsOACLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h400/images-7.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>I had a couple of co-workers that are amazing at video editing and video production; were their talents ever really used? No. In fact, one was let go in one of the last rounds of the budget cuts, and it made no sense to me because I felt like he was totally underutilized. He did 7 pm-Midnight on the air for us. He came in to do his show, that's it. He had no other responsibilities. However, we could've got so much more out of him, had we just gave him some other duties. We could've had him come in earlier in the day and produce web content, or produce videos for the station. He would've been elated to have more to do, but instead, he was let go, when truly he would've been a good person to re-purpose. </p><p></p><div style="text-align: justify;">Another way I got too comfortable was feeling almost too confident and secure in my position at the station. Since I had been there for so long and had seen so much, I knew how most things were run. I was kind of the glue that kept the station together. I knew when something didn't seem right, and I either would fix it or let the appropriate person know so they could fix it. I was kind of like the momma bear of the station. People would always say that I was the most stable person and the most consistent person at the station and that there was no way they'd get rid of me. Having been told that over and over made <span style="text-align: left;">me kind of take for granted the reality of things. The reality that it doesn't matter what a team player I am, or how much more I'm willing to do and help out. When they want to make cuts, the fact that you're an excellent employee and a good co-worker means absolutely nothing.</span></div><p></p><p>When you get too comfortable, you can become lazy and unmotivated. Although, there's more to it than that. When you become too comfortable, you can lose your edge. If you have a light inside of you that wants to do more and be more when you get too comfortable, that light starts to fade. The light that once shined so bright that people would see it from across the room becomes a faint flicker in the corner. Don't get too comfortable or let your light go out. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2EA0xcSb20U/X3TRqL_mwNI/AAAAAAAABxQ/4FCbjy3OJRwY_1b9VhTGyH1GK0ZL377zQCLcBGAsYHQ/s416/e9e7ebb83aace89bc43206615e7afa2e.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="416" data-original-width="354" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2EA0xcSb20U/X3TRqL_mwNI/AAAAAAAABxQ/4FCbjy3OJRwY_1b9VhTGyH1GK0ZL377zQCLcBGAsYHQ/w340-h400/e9e7ebb83aace89bc43206615e7afa2e.jpg" width="340" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-91723337062163880802020-09-24T14:00:00.002-05:002020-09-29T09:46:52.574-05:00HOW AM I DOING NOW? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aPz24gL2xcs/X3H0c1Fj2nI/AAAAAAAABwM/FvHhHgLtJKEph-6kbAnMsicar3d4cchdgCLcBGAsYHQ/s309/download-1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="163" data-original-width="309" height="338" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aPz24gL2xcs/X3H0c1Fj2nI/AAAAAAAABwM/FvHhHgLtJKEph-6kbAnMsicar3d4cchdgCLcBGAsYHQ/w640-h338/download-1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Well, it's been 2 weeks...2 weeks since I've been on the air. Also, almost 2 weeks since the guy I was seeing removed himself so I could figure out my next steps. I could sit here and act like every day is sunshine and rainbows, but that would be a lie. While I'm trying my best to keep a positive attitude and be optimistic, sometimes there's a lot to think about and sometimes I get overwhelmed with worry, and then I have a bad day.</div><div><br /></div><div>This is honestly one of the weirdest places I've ever been in my life. As I mentioned before, the times in my past when I needed to find a new job, I didn't have to look long or I had a cushion with a salary. This time the cushion is basically a standard size pillow vs. a king-size bed. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now one of the simple things that brightens my day is when someone sends me a message. One of those messages was from Roula Christie. People in Houston would know her from 104.1 KRBE. Her message was a rather unexpected one, but it was incredibly appreciated. She gave me some words of encouragement, which meant a lot to me. One thing she said, was that she knows that I'll go through a rollercoaster of emotions...and she was right.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've cried myself to sleep. I've woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety. Somedays I've been totally fine, and then the next day I feel overwhelmed and I cry all over again. There's just a lot to think about. Granted, I'm a worrier in general, but this is definitely a tough place to be. </div><div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J8zXPCR-ZDg/X3H2GcTZDkI/AAAAAAAABwo/HIHyP-uMKoI7a3LF2oc66SQdHDw55eTaACLcBGAsYHQ/s286/images-6.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="176" data-original-width="286" height="246" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J8zXPCR-ZDg/X3H2GcTZDkI/AAAAAAAABwo/HIHyP-uMKoI7a3LF2oc66SQdHDw55eTaACLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h246/images-6.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div>As for support, my friends have been amazing. So many of them checking up on me and wanting to meet up. The only thing that's been disappointing is the lack of support from my mom. I text my mom the day I was let go and somehow she didn't get the message. The next day I text her again asking if she got my text and she said she didn't. I told her "I lost my job yesterday." Her response? "Praying for you! What happened?" That was it. Needless to say, that was a stab in the heart. I didn't even respond. Nor do I think I will. Not only was that the worst response a parent could give outside of not replying at all, but it was also disappointing that my mom didn't even think to call me. </div><div><br /></div><div>When my dad died, I was there to answer the call, I was there to help get things going with cleaning up the house and funeral arrangements, and I was there to let my mom live with me for 6 months after my dad died so that my brother could start repairing the house. When has my mom been there for me? I can't even think of the last time. Certainly not now. I know if my dad were still alive, he would've called me a million times till I answered his call. My mom on the other hand doesn't even bother. </div><div><br /></div><div>So many people have sent me positive messages saying that I'm super talented and they know I'll find a great opportunity before I know it. While I want to believe them and hope they're right, I can't help but think of the reality of the situation. The reality...is that there aren't as many jobs in my industry as there once were. Corporate radio companies are cannibalizing themselves. Whether they overextended themselves financially or always had the intent to downsize their talent pool, the opportunities in my line of work are harder and harder to come by. Never mind the fact that it's a pandemic and 29 million Americans are also out of work and trying to figure out their life. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now, one thing that made me feel better is when my former boss Bruce Logan called me to give me the dad pep talk. In the past when his name popped up on my phone my butt would pucker a bit because I thought I did something wrong. This time I was so happy to see his name pop up and to talk to him. He gave me some really good sound advice, but also a bit of encouragement. He said that I'm very talented and I'm a girl and those things will help me when looking for a new job. </div><div> </div><div>I've had several people tell me about other jobs in radio to consider. I've even had people help me think of jobs in different lines of work that I would be good at. Several people have suggested I get into TV, but it's not like there are tons of jobs in that arena either. I know I have many talents and skills that can be used outside of radio; if that's something I decided to do, but honestly, I don't know what I want to do. Do I stay in radio and move to take a job and start all over again and hope that the new company or station doesn't go through some corporate restructuring, or do stay here and find other ways to use those talents and see what happens? </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-R9-c1XHLrJ8/X3H2QxC4WOI/AAAAAAAABws/Jdiuwz99440e3-FaSx4zeQIWzbtvDByYwCLcBGAsYHQ/s225/images-5.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="224" data-original-width="225" height="398" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-R9-c1XHLrJ8/X3H2QxC4WOI/AAAAAAAABws/Jdiuwz99440e3-FaSx4zeQIWzbtvDByYwCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h398/images-5.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div><br /></div><div>I'm making progress in getting my stuff together for the job search. I have my website up, I've been getting my airchecks and resume stuff together, and compiling contacts to reach out to. There's a lot that lies ahead. So hopefully, I'll be able to figure this out soon. (Fingers crossed) <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></div>Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-64536827225523517072020-09-17T22:53:00.011-05:002020-09-21T20:45:08.997-05:00LIFE HITS YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT<div class="separator"><p style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-FxkmsOpt8G0/X2QuJ0HvQ0I/AAAAAAAABuk/cXGp-BYu5s0NEAxMddhx-6QJ8pXunbcVgCLcBGAsYHQ/images.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="266" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-FxkmsOpt8G0/X2QuJ0HvQ0I/AAAAAAAABuk/cXGp-BYu5s0NEAxMddhx-6QJ8pXunbcVgCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h266/images.png" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">As I mentioned in my last blog post, I was let go from my job at The Bull after 11 years. It was something I didn't see coming at all. It's only been a week since I was dealt this devastating blow and I'm still in shock and at a loss for words. I'm still trying to figure out my plan of action and what my next steps will be. I've had some old bosses and former coworkers reach out and they've shared some good advice as well thoughts on what I should do. </div></div><p></p></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">So for the past week I've spent a lot of time thinking, talking to God, crying, and getting my stuff together. I've been brain storming about people I need to reach out to and thinking about what it is that I want to do next. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">Like I said in my last blog, this was something I dreaded thinking about. </span><span style="text-align: left;">Anytime someone would ask me what I'd want to do outside of radio, I didn't know what to say. I mean sure, there's other things I like to do, but a lot of those things would take awhile to get going. I'd love to have my travel blog or show, but that's not something that happens overnight. </span></div><p>What's funny about the timing of all of this is, I've been having this feeling of being stuck for the last couple of years. (I'll write about this topic more in another blog) I had been doing Middays for about the last 5 years and wasn't feeling challenged enough. However, despite not feeling challenged enough, I also got comfortable with that feeling. So I thought maybe my answer was to finally find my partner in crime. </p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-86BqyvEj-dA/X2Quh-zvvSI/AAAAAAAABus/JxRCr1bRnC0FaEXUXT9_K-EX-elhZE8lQCLcBGAsYHQ/images-1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="400" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-86BqyvEj-dA/X2Quh-zvvSI/AAAAAAAABus/JxRCr1bRnC0FaEXUXT9_K-EX-elhZE8lQCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h400/images-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /></div><br /> <p></p><p>Since moving to Houston in 2009, I have gone on SO MANY dates. I would say most of the time I was still trying to figure out what I wanted, but also I wasn't meeting guys that were much of a match. At one point, after trying for years without much success I gave up dating altogether. For a whole year I removed myself from that scene so I could change my mindset and outlook. Then I started dating someone in 2014...we got engaged. That was a disaster. Then, in 2018 I dated a guy for about a year and half. It didn't work out, but we remained friends. So again, I take a moment to figure things out and get back out there again. </p><p>However, the term "When it rains it pours" comes to mind right about now. About a month ago I started seeing someone that I really liked. Things seemed to be going really good and we were clicking pretty well. While there were a few things that we were a little different on, most of the stuff we were pretty much on the same page. However, when I lost my job my biggest fear was that he would lose interest and not want to date me anymore. Well, that happened much sooner than I anticipated. </p><p>He told me that I needed to focus on my career and decide what makes me happy. While I understood what he was saying, it felt like I had been kicked in my imaginary nuts. I mean, my life instantly became a Country song!! All I needed now was a bottle of whiskey and my dog to run off too for the story to be complete! While that was a big blow and it sucked, I did kind of understand what he was getting at. I do wish that it wasn't the case, but I can't change his mind or the situation...so I need to focus on my path.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-rlRns6hs-Lw/X2QtQegoAdI/AAAAAAAABuU/_rel0wkekrAhkO6QiS3H7gNzEQj1zS11wCLcBGAsYHQ/download-3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="246" data-original-width="204" height="400" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-rlRns6hs-Lw/X2QtQegoAdI/AAAAAAAABuU/_rel0wkekrAhkO6QiS3H7gNzEQj1zS11wCLcBGAsYHQ/w377-h400/download-3.jpg" width="377" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>So moving forward...and don't judge me, but today I did something to try and see what might be on the path for me. I had my birth chart read. I know what you're thinking..."Erin believes in that stuff?" Well actually...I just might! When I lived in Milwaukee, my friend Rebecca introduced me to an astrologer named Mary. She did a couple of readings for me in 2008 and 2010 and a few months back I found the old CDs so I had to give them a listen. My mouth just dropped as I was listening and she told me some of the things she saw for me. In both readings she told me about changes that would be happening with my job. Both times I had felt secure in my position. So I didn't pay much attention to it. However, listening back and looking back on the timeline of my life, I realized she was pretty spot on.</p><p>Well...today's reading went really well. I have to go back and listen because there was a lot of information for me to digest, but I feel pretty good about what she said. I still don't know what opportunities will present themselves or who I'll end up with, but a few things did stick out to me. She said that I like to shine, but I like to find deeper meaning in things. She gave ideas of what good places to live and who to connect with. </p><p>Now when it comes to relationships, I need to feel like I'm understood and supported emotionally, but not controlled. And often the men that come into my life don't understand my emotional needs. Which makes sense because I'm very independent and self sufficient, but really want to have a partner that's truly by my side. So because of that, my emotional needs and vulnerability are things that a lot of guys can't handle. Which has been true in just about every relationship that has had an impact on me. (Btw...I think I'll probably post the audio in a podcast soon so those people that know me can hear how spot on the reading is.) </p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HxlhNcQJZ8w/X2QusHuFR5I/AAAAAAAABuw/eQfEfFHfGIwcQ8FcULmDZDexZOLeUM5jwCLcBGAsYHQ/images.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="168" height="240" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HxlhNcQJZ8w/X2QusHuFR5I/AAAAAAAABuw/eQfEfFHfGIwcQ8FcULmDZDexZOLeUM5jwCLcBGAsYHQ/images.jpg" width="134" /></a></div><br /><br /><p></p><p>So what happens now that I've been kicked down? As I stated in my podcast "Country Not Country" with Nick Russo, I don't have a spouse to rely on and help me share the burden of things...and I don't have a partner telling me they have my back and we'll get through this. In fact, I can't even rely on my family either. I am on an island by myself trying to figure out how I'll get to safety. Think about that for a second. I know I feel alone at certain moments and a little abandoned at times, but I have to believe that it will all work out. And I also want to believe that I won't have to settle with something that I won't be happy with. I want to believe that something will happen that is better than I expected.</p><p>So cross your fingers, pray to sweet baby Jesus, burn a candle in my honor, and hell...I'll even take someone casting a spell for me. Because if this doesn't work out you may find a GoFundMe link or a FansOnly page so I can get money coming in! Does anyone want to pics of my feet for $5 a piece? 😂</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B3yuC-4W2e4/X2QrSq6o5NI/AAAAAAAABtQ/nKA9VTwATwAuwOcdeavwbR1O-Y3NoLimACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/1791544-Jim-Valvano-Quote-Life-changes-when-you-least-expect-it-to-The.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" height="360" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B3yuC-4W2e4/X2QrSq6o5NI/AAAAAAAABtQ/nKA9VTwATwAuwOcdeavwbR1O-Y3NoLimACLcBGAsYHQ/w640-h360/1791544-Jim-Valvano-Quote-Life-changes-when-you-least-expect-it-to-The.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p></p><p><br /></p>Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-55212255906387553482020-09-11T17:40:00.007-05:002020-09-29T10:01:28.713-05:00TODAY I TURN A NEW PAGE<div class="separator"><p class="p3" style="clear: right; float: right; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p><br /></div><div class="separator"><p class="p3" style="clear: right; float: right; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p></div><div class="separator"><p class="p3" style="clear: right; float: right; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p></div><div class="separator"><p class="p3" style="clear: right; float: right; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 0px;"><br /></p></div><div class="separator"><p class="p2" style="clear: left; float: left; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p></div><p><br /></p><p><img border="0" data-original-height="957" data-original-width="1440" height="414" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QSHJoGIGrDE/X1vHarfzIdI/AAAAAAAABpo/DWHO0tvCeMQekEjmrhdYYgi2fSsnOzGhACLcBGAsYHQ/w625-h414/78595896_10219036587332869_7269904680229011456_o.jpg" width="625" /></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Today I turn a new page in my life.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Yesterday 9/10/20 was my last day on 100.3 The Bull in Houston and on 99.5 The Wolf in Portland. </span><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tZ0OjwEPD98/X1vITcqtXzI/AAAAAAAABqY/J8uhOCw5y0MOmbuL9ZYWjr82dWkgRZtPQCLcBGAsYHQ/s960/88113171_10219755118455698_902792358863568896_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" height="333" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tZ0OjwEPD98/X1vITcqtXzI/AAAAAAAABqY/J8uhOCw5y0MOmbuL9ZYWjr82dWkgRZtPQCLcBGAsYHQ/w500-h333/88113171_10219755118455698_902792358863568896_n.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">This was a day I dreaded thinking about.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Honestly, sometimes I would try to envision what it would feel like and how I would react, but when I would try and go there with my thoughts, I would get a lot of anxiety. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I often would think about what my next moves might be and what I could do.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> Part of my anxiety stemmed from where I am in my life. I'm a single woman in my early 40's. I have n</span>o husband to share an income with, no backup plan or partner, and no family close by or any family able to really help if I needed it. No one takes care of Erin's bills, but Erin. The other part of my anxiety stemmed from the current state of the business and the climate of the job market. </span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-43-PwzAiPQU/X1wBAtr89EI/AAAAAAAABsU/llv2Yy6BWmw5AFIeIpBcN1rg3LbcY5hLQCLcBGAsYHQ/s960/52740040_1175734052601167_3771956694435758080_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="375" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-43-PwzAiPQU/X1wBAtr89EI/AAAAAAAABsU/llv2Yy6BWmw5AFIeIpBcN1rg3LbcY5hLQCLcBGAsYHQ/w500-h375/52740040_1175734052601167_3771956694435758080_n.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;">My Journey</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;">My journey to Houston started on August 3, 2009, when I drive down from Milwaukee to Houston to take a new job at KILT-FM doing mornings with Hudson and Harrigan.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>While the opportunity was a pay-cut, I knew that sometimes you need to take a step backward to make that make that leap forward.</span><span> </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-u833pYFLUx8/X1vx1vKZVxI/AAAAAAAABr8/4vm-ROmlQbkiz01q3zywrC7zgZudF4KkwCLcBGAsYHQ/s604/1916484_208174643681_829907_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="453" data-original-width="604" height="375" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-u833pYFLUx8/X1vx1vKZVxI/AAAAAAAABr8/4vm-ROmlQbkiz01q3zywrC7zgZudF4KkwCLcBGAsYHQ/w500-h375/1916484_208174643681_829907_n.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><br /><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">In that time of working at KILT/The Bull, I was started off doing Mornings, then middays, then afternoons, and then back to middays where I stayed for the last 5 years.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I survived numerous rounds of layoffs, 4 different bosses, and made it through the sale of a company. <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="432" data-original-width="720" height="375" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rWtJaC0QOKM/X1vHds-B2EI/AAAAAAAABps/yfI2eiFhjnACcJIcwfb8S_bPhTwcvX6oACLcBGAsYHQ/w625-h375/59592_442262113220_8142628_n.jpg" width="625" /></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">I’ve had so many great experiences. I’ve met so many great people including listeners, artists, clients, and coworkers.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I’ve learned so much in my time here.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I’ve had some really great moments.</span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5151j-KqQZo/X1v4mqaIgsI/AAAAAAAABsI/tVUfZMayQGso0LxQF8we6NbeKMScM1yAACLcBGAsYHQ/s640/22008101_10214389036741012_6387627753016953040_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="640" height="419" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5151j-KqQZo/X1v4mqaIgsI/AAAAAAAABsI/tVUfZMayQGso0LxQF8we6NbeKMScM1yAACLcBGAsYHQ/w625-h419/22008101_10214389036741012_6387627753016953040_n.jpg" width="625" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>I don’t know what the future h</span><span>olds.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Frankly,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>that part scares me a lot.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I haven’t quite been in this position befor</span><span>e.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>The times in my career where I found myself really needing to finding a job, I was lucky to have had things work out just in ti</span><span>me.</span></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="399" data-original-width="600" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YLdPuY7JeWU/X1vIarv3FyI/AAAAAAAABqc/3fv3ib-vW8YQjvL-evRoogThoi7AFzERQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/59946_1633918409098_6296469_n.jpg" width="320" /><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="720" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZpXflXTNLCU/X1vIfaNuI3I/AAAAAAAABqo/zSHmahB-kfwpBQNm1rxd2Mk41oHmWa0tACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/282429_2284933084058_5719561_n.jpg" width="320" /></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>T</span><span>he first time was when I was 20 working in Portland OR at KUPL.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>I was full-time Production Assistant and part-time on-air.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>I came in one day and part of my position was eliminated.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>My salary and benefits were gone.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>I was left with part-time on-air at $12 for 6 hours a week.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>It was at that time my roommate moved out and the rent was coming </span><span>due soon.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>Luckily, I knew I wa</span><span>nted to be full time on-air so I had applied for a job in Eugene.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>Within about the same week of that all happening, I was offered that job in Eugene and was on my way. </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><b><u>I always look back and believe that God was really looking out for me at that moment.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></u></b></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b style="font-family: arial;"><u><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></u></b></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b style="font-family: arial;"><u><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></u></b></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><br /><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b style="font-family: arial;"><u><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></u></b></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><b style="font-family: arial;"><u><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></u></b></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>The next time was when I was in Milwaukee.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I was on 94.5 WKTI, a legendary Hot</span><span> AC station starting a </span><span>morning show that was coming on after the beloved long-running morning show Reitman and Mueller.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Mathew B</span><span>lades in The Morning was the new face of KTI and the uphill battle </span><span>began. </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>I thought we had a great show. I loved my co-hosts Mathew Blades and AJ (aka now known as Marco) and I loved our boss Bob Walker.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>Unfortunately, our show was only given about a year before the company decided to flip formats on the station and we were out.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>My saving grace was that I had a “No cut” contract.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>Since the company was in financial trouble they woul</span><span>dn’t pay out our contracts. Instead, I came</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>in every day for 8 hours and walked around the 2 radio stations and the TV station to see if anyone needed anything done.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>That lasted 6 months or so until finally landed my job here in Houston.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FDao1hQL0jk/X1wDOq-E-HI/AAAAAAAABtA/9J4pgccOW8s0DUGlJ8SJrJfMZKqLUvrFACLcBGAsYHQ/s800/22281601_1619766968043342_8670135756124141314_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="588" data-original-width="800" height="368" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FDao1hQL0jk/X1wDOq-E-HI/AAAAAAAABtA/9J4pgccOW8s0DUGlJ8SJrJfMZKqLUvrFACLcBGAsYHQ/w500-h368/22281601_1619766968043342_8670135756124141314_n.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><br /><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Both of those situations were ones where I feel lucky.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I feel like things worked out and someone was looking out for me.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I’m hoping that this time I still have the same luck and blessings. </span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="469" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5mjjoJerk7U/X1vIQch2IMI/AAAAAAAABqU/LXTKMT3NMmY-zzWXyqVEa0Nz3pNaNVekACLcBGAsYHQ/w625-h469/88113175_1475108195997083_1371715878923534336_n.jpg" width="625" /></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>Just a couple of weeks ago I was ce</span><span>lebrating National Radio Day and my accomplishment of being w</span><span>ith the station for 11 years.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>I, for once was tooting my horn of what I’ve been able to do in my care</span><span>er. </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>I was proud to have made it at the station I loved for as long as I did, and was proud o</span><span>f the fact that I’ve been able to work in a business I love for as long as I have. </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>Like I said in my National Radio Day post, “ </span><b>Despite what is happening, I’m so thankful that I’m able to do what I do for a living after all these years.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>As a child that would sit in her bedroom at night listening to scratchy AM radio, to the teenager that woul</b><b>d call the DJs and win all the prizes, <u>my obsession became my profession</u>.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>That’s something I’m pretty proud of."</b></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GCWDJJI-LaE/X1vLZ9epfuI/AAAAAAAABrw/jh56Vp2NTt04eQjp4KO6ZI18cQDwKEwkwCLcBGAsYHQ/s960/118231466_10223997393863935_909580274231666286_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="500" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GCWDJJI-LaE/X1vLZ9epfuI/AAAAAAAABrw/jh56Vp2NTt04eQjp4KO6ZI18cQDwKEwkwCLcBGAsYHQ/w500-h500/118231466_10223997393863935_909580274231666286_n.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">I know that a rollercoaster of emotions lies ahead. </span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>Am I </span><span>scared? Absolute</span><span>ly.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>Am I sad? I’m heartbroken.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>Am I worrie</span><span>d? Yes without a doubt.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>Am I questioning myself? I'm fighting the self-doubt, but I’m a bit lost at the moment.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>I feel as though I’ve had a death or I’m just going through a really bad break up that I didn’t see coming.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>I had no idea this would be my situation today.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>Part of me wishes I did so that I had time to absorb the reality and have a plan going in my head.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><span>However, life often hits you when you least expect it. </span><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-G_qqZCobf5Y/X1vIw378GlI/AAAAAAAABrI/aLO7AzVifT0OV6YnWKrZQ80FKG4afbSzgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/79502911_1483843048434813_8186021286070190080_n.jpg" /><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" height="266" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--L7PoM1ZUiQ/X1vIpfNuFEI/AAAAAAAABq4/0PLvUSk4-NAtGj5tkhga71AFMSz5nVpIgCLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h266/10801533_10205273354502819_5120443607159040259_n.jpg" width="400" /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bS1mFEWM04M/X1wB0CXd6zI/AAAAAAAABss/n7RQb4tZCzQRGL8FPrraovbNs1ZIGn9aQCLcBGAsYHQ/s960/28279406_1769235366429834_4704590169633474687_n.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="781" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bS1mFEWM04M/X1wB0CXd6zI/AAAAAAAABss/n7RQb4tZCzQRGL8FPrraovbNs1ZIGn9aQCLcBGAsYHQ/w586-h781/28279406_1769235366429834_4704590169633474687_n.jpg" width="586" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"> <img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" height="416" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rC2RtSa3oHo/X1vKq7i5EUI/AAAAAAAABro/L3Sr1K7Qr8AbqIVG8GU4O9tO1F_jAmTyACLcBGAsYHQ/w625-h416/28279476_10155585940777683_5982467637671486246_n.jpg" width="625" /></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">I’m so thankful for all those that I’ve worked with over the years at KILT/100.3 The Bull.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>I’m thankful to those that hired me, believed in me, fought for me, and encouraged me. Without their help over the years, I wouldn't have made it to this point.</span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"></p><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="625" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RLtrC9OGJcM/X1wB2qSAfGI/AAAAAAAABsw/at_FwqDwhlI37y6zq7OHFa9aMQ_NSyJKQCLcBGAsYHQ/w625-h625/644375_10206242926253341_5377497064689907660_n.jpg" width="625" /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span>I also want to thank every person that has reached out, called, text, and gave me words of encou</span><span>ragement.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>In this time of uncertainty, evaluation, and self-reflection, I appreciate every bit of positivity and lo</span></span><span><span style="font-size: medium;">ve I can get.</span> </span></span><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="469" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-f8RPfzZIhIg/X1vItPeRzBI/AAAAAAAABrE/rqFV5C5xuZkwb9P7d82bSxsPvdFBbyaPQCLcBGAsYHQ/w625-h469/20374356_246254982550173_7480622696551959825_n.jpg" width="625" /></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><span><b>I don</b></span><b>’t know what my next opportunity will be, but </b></span><b style="font-family: arial; font-size: xx-large;"><u>I know in my heart that I have so much more to offer and I have many more talents that I still have to share</u>. I don’t want to believe for a second that this is my last day in radio or on the radio.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Whatever my path is to be, I pray that God, the universe, or whoever is listening, will help show me my way and I’ll be able to shine. </b></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><span class="Apple-converted-space"><br /></span></b></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></b></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="469" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4N5zJ1bz_x0/X1vINSGrziI/AAAAAAAABqQ/IUfW9oHgjj0FIkPlPfoVi4uUzxg7WNr-gCLcBGAsYHQ/w625-h469/117059035_1655548207956373_4408653772978289916_n.jpg" width="625" /></p>Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-44085562159223139662020-06-04T07:51:00.000-05:002020-08-04T10:36:53.136-05:00LIFE IN QUARANTINE<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>The last several months have been difficult for so many of us. And for all of us those reasons are many. So many of us lost jobs and others lost loved ones. Some have been lucky enough to work from home, but then deal with the challenge of making that work with their kids and spouse home ALL DAY EVERYDAY. <div><br /></div><div>For me, I've been lucky enough to still have a job and do it from home. Working from home is something I never imagined I'd be able to do. First of all, who thinks they can broadcast from their house. I also never thought I could handle being at the house all day. I thought I'd get distracted easily and wouldn't be able to do it. I wondered if I'd slack off and want to take a nap, but nope! Actually, I've done way better than I thought. I actually kind of like it sometimes! I have a small bedroom in my house that I set up as my office. Over the years it turned in to a storage room, but over the last couple of month I've got things more organized and set up. I still have to work to do, but it's definitely coming together. </div><div><br /></div><div>I think the hardest part about this quarantine life for me has been realizing how alone I am. Thankfully I have my dogs, but sometimes it kinda feels like that's all I have. I have some friends, but they all have their own stressful lives. Also, most of them don't even live close by. And the friends I have close by are typically doing their own quarantine thing. I have family, but honestly, I don't speak to my brothers often and my mother is a different story. Let's just say that my mother is not your typical mom. My mom never calls me and if I call her, she rarely answers. She doesn't text and once again, if you text her she might reply. Maybe... </div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>Then there's the single part of it. The last relationship I had didn't work out and while we're still friends, we're not a couple. So the reality is that I'll have to re-enter the dating world and what does that even look like in a Covid-19 world? Will it be just as hard as it was for me before?</div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J-tPYK3rPKs/XsFtMyXXl_I/AAAAAAAABns/IqhOIxzwlaAtWCgx5dAAa_sYDVeENjs9wCK4BGAsYHg/im-so-lonely-102468.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="460" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J-tPYK3rPKs/XsFtMyXXl_I/AAAAAAAABns/IqhOIxzwlaAtWCgx5dAAa_sYDVeENjs9wCK4BGAsYHg/s320/im-so-lonely-102468.png" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I'd be lying if I said I haven't been a bit depressed occasionally during this time of quarantine. At first, I was totally fine, but then I think as we entered month 2 and beyond, the reality set in. The reality that we weren't going to do much for awhile. Basically that feeling of being stuck set in. One of the things I really love to do is travel and that doesn't look to be happening anytime soon. </div><div><br /></div><div>Quarantine time has been tough on everyone's mental health. While it's been comforting to know that everyone in the world is, to a certain extent, in the same place. It's also been overwhelming to think that everyone is in need. So then I try and ignore my sadness because I feel like my problems aren't big enough. </div><div><br /></div><div>At least during this time I've been accomplishing some small things around my house. I really hoped that I would have accomplished a lot more, like learn a new hobby. I will say that this time of quarantine has really inspired me to start writing my blog again and start up my podcast. Now I promise they won't all be depressing, but they will be centered around a lot of my thoughts and feelings. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-35163359318794550172019-05-30T14:03:00.000-05:002019-05-31T13:13:06.366-05:00WHAT IS MY LIFE SUPPOSED TO BE? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As I approach another birthday, the older I get, the more I reflect on my life. <b> I often wonder where my life is going. Could I have done more in my life and with my life? Should I have tried harder in my career and in my personal life? Would I be married by now if I had done things differently? Should I have had kids? </b> I've been asking myself these questions and other questions more and more lately.<br />
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While I'm trying to be better about living in the present, I sometimes have a hard time with it because I know that the time we have on this earth is short. <b>Someone recently asked me what my goals were and I had a really hard time answering them.</b> Frankly, I felt really stupid because I didn't have this list of all these things I wanted to achieve. <b>I could tell them the places that I wanted to travel to and that I wanted to get married</b>, but I couldn't tell them specifically what I still wanted to achieve in my career, in my life, where I wanted to live, and where I saw myself in 10 years. In that moment I felt like a failure. <b>I felt like a failure because right then I reflected on the past 10 years in Houston and I felt like I wasted all this time and wasted away my life.</b><br />
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When I was younger I planned out certain things I wanted to achieve in my life. I told myself that I would graduate at 17 from high school, by 19 I'd be done with school for radio, and then I'd be on the fast track to my career in radio. I had places I wanted to live and places I wanted to work. However, that didn't happen exactly as planned. I got married, moved around the country for his job in radio, and then divorced by the time I was 28. I had some career growth in that time I was married, but my life certainly didn't go the way I thought it might've gone. However, I was OK with that for the most part. I got to meet a lot of great people, I have some really great experiences, and learned some great life lessons.<br />
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I guess when it came to having this laundry list of stuff I wanted to accomplish in my life, I didn't get too crazy with it after I got divorced. Much of the stuff I wanted to accomplish in my life, didn't happen; and the things that did happen, I never envisioned for myself. <b>Maybe you've heard the saying that "God laughs when you make plans."</b> So part of me tried to embrace what life threw at me and go with the flow. I tried not worry so much about what was to come. I came to Houston under the pretense of having a certain job and that went out the window when that boss left and I got a new boss. Since then <b>I feel like my life has been in a weird holding pattern</b>. Some things in my life have changed, but I sometimes feel like my life has just stood still. Most of my friends have gone and got married, had children, made career changes, and so on...I feel like I've been in the same place for 10 years and all that's changed for me is buying a house, traveling, a really bad relationship, losing my dad, and getting older. I don't feel like I've accomplished much.<br />
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I paid a visit to a coworkers house and while we sat there catching up, she said something that really made me feel good and also made me think a lot. She said, <b>"Erin you're probably one of the most untapped talents in that building." </b> I appreciated her saying that because for the last 4-5 years I've been here I've felt like I could do more and be more, but wondered if I really had the talent. I have had so many bosses and other people put me in a box of what they think I am, who I should be, what role they think I should be in, and what they think I'm capable of. That lens that they chose to see me through is why I feel stuck and unaccomplished. I blame myself for waiting to be recognized and thinking that it would happen if I had more patience.<br />
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There's been moments where I sit alone in my house and look at myself in the mirror. <b>I just stare at my refection and ask myself, God, and the universe what is my purpose?</b> <b>Why am I here?</b> I just stare and wonder is this all my life is going to be and have I wasted too much time? Is this the highest level of accomplishment that God has planned for me. Should I have made more plans for myself than I did? Should I have taken more chances? Did I make choices that have prevented me from living an amazing life? Will I still have an amazing life or is it too late? <br />
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While I know that my life is better than many, I can't help but feel like I failed because I haven't accomplished more. Maybe the fact that I'm not married and spent most of my time in Houston single, I feel like like I wasted those years where I didn't have anything to hold me back and instead of setting the world on fire, I sat back and let the fire inside me get extinguished by others and by myself because I let it happen.Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-11316295388675974552019-03-21T13:22:00.001-05:002019-03-21T13:30:47.796-05:00RELATIONSHIPS AND THE FEAR THAT CREEPS INIt’s been awhile since I’ve written a blog. There’s various reasons for that. I started dating someone. Work got busy. I also wanted to compile topics to write about including this one.<br />
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In the last 7 months I’ve been dating someone who has been so great in so many ways. And if you know me or have followed my blog at all over the years, you know that I've had some trials and tribulations when it comes to relationships. I got married pretty young and was divorced before 30. I spent much of my 30's single, trying to figure it out. Then, in my mid 30's I was briefly engaged to a cheating narcissist. Now I'm in a budding relationship and that's why I write this blog entry.<br />
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Today I want to talk about the fear. The fear that comes to me when I'm in a relationship and I start to care. <b>The fear I have of having my heart broken again</b>. The fear I have when I worry about what the future holds. The fear of getting my happy ending. <b>The fear that I have of not being loved for who I am.</b><br />
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We all have insecurities and baggage we carry. Whether its from past relationships or from something more deep rooted. We all have things that don't make us perfect. Some of my baggage I don't wish on my worst enemy. While I've made amazing strides over the years to fix some of the things that I've let me weigh me down, there's other things that I still haven't been able to shake. However, I'm still a work in progress.<br />
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<b>When it comes to my current relationship, I fear because I care.</b> The more I care, the more I get attached and sometimes when I get more attached that's when the insecurity and fear comes in; which may seem a little backwards to some people. I think part of the reason that I'm feeling some of that fear is because we haven't been dating too incredibly long. So my biggest fear right now is the fear that they'll change their mind. I think that's one of biggest fears with relationships in general. It's that fear that the person you're with will one day decide they're done with you. Maybe when things get a little tough they decide, like so many people do these days, that they don't want to deal with it or you and they're out. So many people in the dating world are super picky and when a relationship gets a little tough or if there's something they don't like about that person, they leave and cut that person loose.<br />
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I think I fear that because of the other big fear I have, not being loved for who I am. Many times in the past I'd have guys I dated pick me apart, so I've become super sensitive to criticism, hence the fear of them changing their mind. That fear of them changing their mind also comes from how our current world is. So many of us have the attitude that there's something better. They have the attitude of "Why would I date this person when I'm sure there's a person around the corner that's better, more attractive, makes money, smarter, or a better match? <b>So many people are in relationships with someone that's so incredibly flawed and they stay with them, but I, for some reason, deep down fear that if I'm not perfect, the person I'm with will not love me. </b><br />
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While I know I shouldn't have these fears because I can't control the future or what happens, sometimes I can't help it and I let those fears creep in. My co-worker said something that sticks with me. He said, What you fear is what you find." I try to remember that when I find myself falling in that hole of fear. Maybe I need to do more positive self talk. I know I could probably use it. I'm just not sure if I'll ever to totally get rid of all of it. I think sometimes I'm wanting someone to tell me it's going to alright and that they won't hurt me.<br />
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Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-35228630458585751582018-06-26T14:53:00.000-05:002018-06-26T14:54:22.520-05:00WHY DO I WANT A RELATIONSHIP?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've been asked this question from time to time over the years. Whether it was a friend, my co-worker, or my therapist, they've all asked me why do I want a relationship. Why do I want to find someone so bad? I don't think I want someone sooo bad, but I do want to find a great love. And let's be clear, I don't just want a relationship. If I wanted that, I could find someone. I'm looking for my person.<br />
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After being asked that question several times I did some self analyzing. I thought about <i>why do I worry about finding a relationship more than some of my friends</i>. <i>Why do some people not care if they ever find someone and I DO care about it</i>? After much thought, I've come up with several reasons why I want a relationship "so bad" as some have put it.<br />
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<b>It all boils down to love</b>. <b>I want to feel what it's like to ACTUALLY have someone love me</b>. I want to have that great love. I want to feel what it's like to have someone love you and they think the world of you and there's no "but" attached. I want to be in love with my best friend. I want to be with someone that thinks I'm the best thing they've ever had and that I make their life better by being in it and vice versa. I'm not sure if that's too much to ask, but I'd like to think that it's something that can happen.<br />
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One of the things I realized when I really thought about the people I've picked in relationships and dating, is that a lot of it stems from my relationship with my parents. I was a kid that needed affection, attention, to be liked, and to be accepted. My parents on the other hand weren't the most affectionate parents. They also weren't the most encouraging and uplifting. When it comes to <b>The 5 Love Languages</b> and how I receive love, I'm a <b><i>Words of Affirmation </i></b>and <b><i>Quality Time</i></b> person. So when someone I'm looking to date wants to spend time with me and gives me compliments I've gravitated towards that. Granted, if they're over the top then it sends up a red flag for me. A lot of people can be disingenuous and so when I meet someone that's a bit over the top with their appreciation I usually have my guard up with them more than I would other people.<br />
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Some people might say, "But Erin you've been married!" While that is true, I'll say that deep down I never really felt the love I wanted. My ex-husband was really my first real relationship and sometimes I feel like I just didn't know better. I didn't know what a really good relationship was, so I just went along with things. I wasn't really sure of what was acceptable and what wasn't. Granted, I learned a lot from that relationship, but I definitely felt like it was lacking a lot in the love and affection department. That lack of affection then propelled me into the next relationship where I started dating a guy right after getting separated. He was a 180 degree difference from my ex-husband. He made me feel pretty, sexy, smart, talented, and did sweet things for me.<br />
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After that relationship ended I spent a lot of time "trying on shoes." Seeing what was out there and what I liked and what I didn't. <b>I spent about a good 9 years being single and figuring it out and figuring myself out.</b> Eventually, I met someone who seemed to be serious. He thought I was amazing and despite telling me he didn't really ever want to get married, he changed his mind and we got engaged. Exciting right? Well, that was short lived because the feelings I always had in my gut were true. He wasn't ever faithful .<br />
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<b>I think that part of the reason I dated my ex-fiance was because I was ripe for the picking.</b> I had been single for about 9 years and had been here in Houston for about 6 years without much success in the dating/love department. Then here comes a smart, successful doctor who thinks I'm the shit! For once I met a guy that thought my job was amazing and wasn't intimidated by it. I for once didn't have to hide what my job was or worry about a guy asking if I'll talk about them in a blog or on the radio. He thought it was awesome that I had a career that I was so passionate about.<br />
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Now fast forward to the end. Here's a person that says that they loved you so much, but was lying the entire time. I mean, how could a person cheat on you as much as they did if they really loved you? So you can see where my examples of love haven't been what they should be.<br />
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<b>So those examples of love and relationships combined with the fact that I'm getting older have made me worry about it (love) more than I should</b>. I recently had the conversation with someone that said they were totally fine if they never found someone. They had come to terms that if they never found someone that they were fine with it. While I wish I could let it go and not worry about it and just say screw it, I can't. <b>I would like to experience what a good relationship is</b>. I want to know there's someone that won't change their mind...especially at the drop of a hat. I want to have someone that won't give up. I want to know that there's someone that would try as much as I would. I know it won't be perfect, but if both people try, then that's a damn good start. And let's be honest...I'd like to travel with someone and see the world with someone!<br />
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Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-23940970358409846582018-06-21T13:40:00.001-05:002018-06-21T14:50:45.142-05:00IF YOU'RE STILL HOOKED ON EX...DON'T DATE! There's a saying, "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone." While there might be some people that think this actually works, I don't believe it ever really helps.<br />
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I know there have been times where I thought that if I found someone great, I would be able to move on from my last relationship faster. Granted, at times those people might've been a great distraction, ego boost, or whatever, but they didn't help me really get over the ex. Also, they weren't wanting something that I didn't. Meaning, the guys weren't wanting to be serious and I was messing with their heads. If anything, I probably thought I was wanting something serious, but wasn't really ready at the time.</div>
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One thing I've learned over the last several years in dating and dating apps, is that you never really know where people's heads are at and what their intentions are. Maybe I've been naive, but I guess I take for granted the fact that not everyone on a dating app or site is wanting to find a relationship. So many people are on there to pass their time or just get laid. </div>
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Awhile back I dated a guy that was SOOOO not over his ex. Granted, I didn't know that at the time, but I figured out pretty quick. Even though he was <i><b>acting</b></i> like he liked me and inviting to family functions, I believe I was person that he was looking to help get over his ex. He even planned a trip for us, but when I called him out on some of his shady behavior, he called things off because I <i>reminded</i> him of her. Despite the fact that I <i>reminded</i> him of his ex, within days he was back with her <b>and took her on the trip that he had planned and booked for me to go on</b>. (literally 2 days later) Really awesome right? (By the way, I didn't find out that he did that until way later)<br />
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Well over the next several months those two were playing the most wicked game of relationship ping pong I've ever observed. One minute, they're done, not speaking to each other and blocking each other on social media. Then a couple days go by and they're back up each other's butts. Seriously, it's some of the most toxic relationship crap I've ever observed and unfortunately I was in the middle. I somehow became "that girl" that when she wasn't giving him attention and he was mad at her then all of the sudden he's interested again. Finally I had enough of being manipulated. No one deserves that crap.</div>
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The reason I bring up that situation is because they both were using other people to get over each other. He was using me and other women for attention, sex, and acting like he wanted a relationship. While she was using other guys to go on dates to make him jealous. </div>
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I firmly believe that <b>if you're not over an ex, you have ABSOLUTELY NO business dating</b>. If you're looking to get laid, then you need to be upfront and just "Hey! I'm not looking for anything serious at all, so if you're still game then cool." Don't be selfish. <b>If you're not over an ex, don't go through the motions and act as though you care about someone new when really you're just using them as a placebo</b>.<br />
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Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-56245982878690388082018-04-13T19:29:00.002-05:002018-04-19T08:27:21.058-05:00THE PARADOX OF CHOICE IS KILLING DATINGDating over the last 20 years or so has become significantly more difficult. A lot of that can be blamed on dating apps. The world of infinite choices has made it so that no one wants to choose anyone. American Psychologist, Barry Schwartz wrote a book called <i><b><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Paradox_of_Choice" target="_blank">The Paradox of Choice - Why More is Less</a></b></i>. The book talks about how <b>when consumers have a wide variety of choices, they are more likely to have a harder time making a choice, more fearful of making the wrong decision, and instead of being happier, they become more frustrated and unhappy.</b><br />
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In the last several years being in the dating scene and using dating apps, I've often found how fast people lose interest or will cut you off quickly. Some of that can be blamed on the modern day "hook-up" culture, but it also can be blamed on how people view others and their options. In the world where there seems to be infinite options, a lot of people are dating multiple people at a time and never really picking one. Others may pick a main person to hang out with, but are still constantly weighing their options. Whether that means they are still on dating apps or still have several people they are texting or hooking up with, they are keeping themselves from making a choice.<br />
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One part of the Paradox of Choice or also called the <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-tyranny-of-choice/" target="_blank">Tyranny of Choice</a>, is that <b>some people fear that once they've made a choice, that they picked wrong</b>. It's that fear that keeps them from moving forward in the relationship. For example, here's a situation that happened to me. I had been seeing a guy for about a month or so that was still in contact with his ex-girlfriend. I wasn't sure of the full extent of their contact, but knew they talked somewhat frequently. It wasn't till he broke things off with me that I found out just how much they were still in each other's lives. I ended up talking to him about what happened and why he wasn't able to truly cut ties with his ex and also why he popped back in the picture. His answer was a bit surprising to me. He said, <i>what if he made the wrong decision? What if he chooses and then it fails?</i> So basically, he couldn't get rid of her because what if he made a mistake, so then he never truly gave me a fair chance because of the "what if." Then he breaks things off with me, but pops back in the picture because he feels like he made a mistake, but he still is not ready to make a choice on anything because what if it fails. Does that make sense? Were you able to follow all of that?<br />
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I found an article that talks about <a href="https://thoughtcatalog.com/erica-gordon/2017/03/heres-why-too-much-choice-is-ruining-dating/" target="_blank"><b>why too much choice is ruining dating</b></a>. One of things that stuck out to me is, <b>if you meet someone that you like, what is the likeliness that you'll get off the dating apps to focus on them?</b> Having too much choice makes us pickier and more uncertain. You're also more likely to second guess the person you pick <i>(the fear of making the wrong decision)</i><br />
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As for myself I know that I suffer from this in a way. For the most part, I don't ever choose anyone because typically the guys I like never like me back, or no one really peaks my interest. In the event that I like a guy and they like me, I don't have an issue focusing on them. Basically<b> if I pick you, then you're lucky because I don't pick very easily</b>. If I really feel chemistry with someone, I don't talk to other guys <i>(not that I talk to a lot as it is)</i>. To be perfectly honest with you, <b>if I like someone </b>and I get giddy and excited when I see their name pop up on my phone, then <b>I'm willing to focus on them and give them a fair shot.</b><br />
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As for always fearing that you made the right decision or not, I found a really great article that opened up my eyes a lot about the last person I dated <i>(mentioned above).</i> It talked about<a href="https://www.bigbreaktheory.com/dating-choices-overcoming-the-fear-of-making-the-wrong-decision/" target="_blank"> <b>how to overcome the fear of making the wrong decision.</b></a><b> </b> For him, he had the fear that he made the wrong decision on both sides. Did he make the wrong decision with breaking things off and did he make the wrong decision on who picked...and will it fail?! So he has a <b>fear of commitment in both moving forward and letting go</b>. How's that for complicated? He wasn't willing to get rid of his <i>"Safety Net"</i>, i.e. the ex-girlfriend. I believe he was hoping that things with me would progress enough that then he would have to cut things off. He was waiting for things to be so great with me that, then and only then, would he get rid of his ex, because then he would know that he made the right decision in breaking things off with her. Yet, things with me would never be able to move forward because his unwillingness to be 100% in. His fear of things not working out made it so that he would not let go of her and also not progress with me. And in the end, when he got scared about his decision to date me, he went back to being the middle where he doesn't have to choose anyone.<br />
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Dating isn't going to get any better until we decide that we truly want a meaningful relationship and move forward from past hurts and fears. The grass isn't always going to be greener. <b>When you start dating someone, ask yourself "Are they are good catch?" If they are, and there's lots of things you like about them, then why wouldn't you give them a shot?</b></div>
Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-57286049326761263162018-04-02T14:35:00.000-05:002018-04-12T13:19:33.473-05:00FREEING YOURSELF WITH FORGIVENESS <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Something that I’ve been working in the last several years and especially one of the big things I’m focusing on as of late is...forgiveness. There are people that know they did you wrong and they don’t care. There are those that hurt you and own up to it. There are others that hurt you and they have no idea. Other times, the person that hurts you is YOU. I’ve encountered all the above. In the month that I was focusing on myself and working on being a better me, Nick, my co-worker<b> told me to work on forgiveness.
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He told me about the law of forgiveness
when you forgive someone, even if they don’t know they did or care that they hurt you, that you release that negative energy off yourself, as well as them, and then positive things will enter your life. Nick wrote down a quick prayer to say when I’m ready to forgive those have hurt me. It said:<br />
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<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">“Dear God/Lord/Universe/whatever you believe,</span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">I forgive (insert name) for (insert actions) for they not knew not how it would make me feel.”</span></i></b><br />
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There are several people in my past that I have completely forgiven. I feel nothing for them anymore. That’s a big step for me because I used to have such anger and resentment towards them. In some cases I held onto the anger for years. It wasn't until the day I realized that my resentment and anger for that person, who I thought did me wrong, was doing nothing to them, but only hurting me. At that moment I kinda snapped out of it.<br />
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Recently, I've forgiven someone that didn't treat me the best. I went through different emotions when getting to the point of forgiving them. I'll be honest, I still have had thoughts of disappointment of what they did and their following actions, but in the end <b>I think they did the best they could with where they were in their life at the time</b>. I don't think this person intentionally tried to hurt me. I don't think their actions were malicious. However, I do think that they acted selfishly, and like a lot of us, he messed up and wasn't ready or willing to fix the things he needed to to make things right. I do think there's a good person in there, but I just didn't get the best version of him. <b> I don't hate this person. I am disappointed in them, but I forgive them. </b><br />
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<span style="text-align: center;">I've also had to forgive myself. I had to forgive myself because I took what they did very hard and blamed myself even though I didn't do anything wrong. I blamed myself because I picked wrong. I blamed myself for another failed attempt and blamed myself that I didn't see it coming and ignored signs that I should've paid attention to. I blamed myself for the pain that I felt, because in some way I blamed myself for their actions. I'm still working on forgiving myself. It's interesting, because it was way easier for me to forgive the person that hurt me, than it was forgiving myself. </span><span style="text-align: center;">I’m still working on it all, but I’m getting better. I need to say my prayer myself.</span><br />
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<span style="text-align: center;"><b><i>Dear God, I forgive myself, Erin Austin, for the choices I’ve made in dating and the choices in people I dated, for I knew not at the time how my choices would end and how they would make me feel. Everyone makes mistakes</i></b>.</span><br />
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<b><i>Dear God, I forgive _________, for they knew not how their actions and choices would effect me and how they would make me feel. </i></b>
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Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-74924350929660854792018-03-28T15:33:00.000-05:002018-04-02T17:45:45.972-05:00HOW YOU TREAT OTHERS SAYS A LOT ABOUT YOU<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I was thinking the other day about how people treat you. There’s a saying that people only treat you how you allow them to. That’s true to a certain extent, but I also believe that people treat you because of who they are and the respect they have for other people.<br />
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I was thinking about how certain people have treated me in the last year. One thing that I noticed was that these people treated me as though they cared about me, but in the end they were using me even if they didn’t realize they were doing it or doing it out of malice.<br />
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One individual acted as though they saw a future with me, but I
believe he was using me in hopes that he would be able to move beyond his past
hurts. His actions since
we stopped dating have showed me his selfishness and lack of respect for me as
the “great person” he said he knew I was. Maybe he
didn’t do it intentionally; however, he definitely wasn’t keeping my feelings
in mind when he made some of his choices. In fact, several of the things
he did were absolute slaps in the face. Which if you look up <b>the
definition for "slap in the face" it states: If you describe
something that someone does as slap in the face, you mean that it shocks or
upsets you because it shows that they do not support you or respect you.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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I can think of 3-4 times this
person<b> </b>disrespected<span style="font-family: inherit , serif;"> me. The first time he did, I called him out on it and then he broke things off with me. The second time happened
right after he called things off. And the last time was when he came back into
the picture and told me he finally did something he should've done long ago,
only to not keep his word and then also lie (omit) about somethings as well.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I will say he apologized for some of what he did and admitted to
be a broken man, but the thing is...he continues to act the same as he did before;
which tells me that he isn’t sorry, and that the apology was just lip service
so that maybe I wouldn’t think he’s a bad guy in the future...or he only
apologized to clear his conscience. Or maybe he is sorry, but he's such a broken and troubled person with some demons that won't change and is sorry for even dragging me into his mess.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Whether, he’s selfish,
immature, broken, or plain just didn’t respect me, it hurt the way he acted and
some of the things he did to me directly and indirectly. Some of those choices
that he made that hurt me I believe reflect on his character, his inability to
keep his word, his truthfulness and transparency.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Do I think this guy is bad guy?
No</b>, in the beginning he did a lot of super sweet things and I do believe that deep down he can be a good person, but in the end he definitely didn't treat me in a way that I deserve; which he has admitted
to and knows that he did me wrong. I think he didn't respect me as a person in
some ways; hence, me questioning some of his actions. If he did respect
me, then I think he's got some things to work on with how he treats
people...especially people that were good to him.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-38595157462588339542018-03-20T22:20:00.001-05:002018-04-02T17:46:06.282-05:00I NEVER STOOD A CHANCEOne of my recent dating experiences has showed me a lot. I've learned that sometimes things don't work and it's no fault of my own. <b>I've learned that you can be a great catch and someone won't want you.</b> I've learned that guys don't work on themselves as much as they should. <b>I've learned that sometimes you don't stand a chance.</b><br />
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I dated a guy for a couple months and in that amount of time he seemed to really into me, but there was one thing that prevented us from ever moving forward. He was still friends with his ex. The ex that was the first girl he ever loved. I knew going into dating him that he hadn't had a lot of real relationship experience. He had been a player for many years and his last relationship was pretty much the first real one he ever had. In the back of my head I was a little apprehensive about these facts. However, since he seemed so into me I thought it was ok to proceed.<br />
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I went into dating him with nothing interfering me. He, on the other hand always had her in the picture. I truly never stood a chance. He said he knew that he needs to cut her out of his life, but just never did it and was waiting until he had to, but the problem is he'll never get to that point because no relationship will flourish with the ghost of the ex always lingering. <b>No girl on the planet would want to live in the shadow of the ex. No girl wants to feel like they're the second choice</b>.<br />
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The problem wasn't the fact that he was still friends with her, it was the fact that their lives were still so intertwined together. Turns out that they talked all the time and saw each other quite a bit. They were friends on every social media apparatus possible. I think they also still relied on each other for comfort. Who knows all that went on behind my back.<br />
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I think there was a part of him that wanted to move forward with his life, but it's clear that she hasn't and she kept popping her head back in...and <b>he allowed it</b>. Personally, I don't think she ever moved on and started dating other people at all. I think that he broke up with her, and she was and IS still holding on, hoping, and can't let go even though from the sounds of why they broke up...<b>it won't work because the trust has been broken multiple times and unless someone goes to counseling to work past it...IT WILL NEVER CHANGE! Even then, counseling can only help so much. </b><br />
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There was one time that he blocked her and they were done. He said it was a clean break, but that clean break lasted a whopping 24 hours. It lasted until the ex called up and begged to still stay in his life and once again he agreed. <br />
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Part of me also thinks that he's still in love with her, but knows that they're toxic, and yet for some reason <u>can't or chooses not to move forward</u>. Maybe there's a part of him that thinks maybe "this time" it'll be different. However, we all know what <b>the definition of insanity is...When you do the same thing over and over again, but expect different results.</b> They've tried at least 2-3 times and have got the same results. <b>At some point you just need to cut your losses and realize that sometimes no matter how hard you want it to work...it just won't.</b> Although, it's not my relationship. It just upsets me that their screwed up back and forth, and not being able to let go, was standing in my way of having a relationship. Again, <b>I never stood a chance.</b><br />
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<b>No matter how much of a great girl I am and all the amazing things that I have to offer...none of it was enough for him to move forward.</b> Because in the end,<b> he would rather deal with the bad of the past than the good that could be in the future. </b> It's scary to move on. Trust me...I struggled for years with moving on from my first relationship. Not because I wanted it back, but because <u>it was hard for me to fathom that a person I spent so much of my life with, doesn't belong in it anymore</u>. I also wanted an apology I never got and I held myself back because of it...until one day snapped out of it and I accepted the situation for what it was. Sometimes you have to accept what it is and rip the bandaid off.<br />
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Be alone for awhile, heal, and look forward to things that will be great in the future.Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-33899909954081827832018-03-14T17:49:00.002-05:002018-03-14T17:57:55.643-05:00ARE THERE ANY DECENT MEN LEFT? Today I’m really struggling to keep the faith that I’ll find my person someday. I’m around men all the time and I hear stories. I’m around women all the time and I hear stories, and then I know my own stories. Some of the guys I know and hear stories from really makes me question if there are any decent men that truly want a lasting relationship. I hear the stories of guys going through girl after girl. They’ve got 4-5 girls hitting them up on Snapchat. Another couple of girls they’re texting, and then there’s the few that come over.<br />
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ARE ALL GUYS LIKE THIS?? Is it the guys that are confident that do this? Is it the guys have swag that pull this off? Should I avoid any guy that is charming because I’m already girl 7 on the list? <br />
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I had someone send me this meme that said “Social media killed reality” and it really did. Now men have infinite amount of choices and then there are the girls that make it so easy for them thanks to social media. I’m starting to wonder...not only are there any decent men anymore, but can anyone have a real relationship anymore?<br />
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I know of guys that say they do want a real relationship with just one woman, but still are still talking, flirting, sexting, dating, and sleeping with multiple women. Do these guys just like the attention? And if they do...will the attention of 1 woman ever really be enough?<br />
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When does the playboy finally figure it out? Does he ever figure what he wants? When does that guy go from having 5 girls in the picture to just 1 girl? Is he capable of cutting all other girls off on Snapchat, Instagram, and other ways?<br />
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I really want to know if what I want is even possible. Maybe the kind of relationship I want doesn’t exist in 2018. Maybe the kind of man I want died with the invention social media and dating apps.Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-8413080962849397992018-03-14T14:12:00.000-05:002018-04-02T17:46:25.195-05:00WE ARE ALL LIKE A RESCUE DOGI’m a big dog lover. I’ve adopted a dog from a breeder in the past
and I’ve rescued dogs from a shelter. I’ve also fostered shelter dogs. The thing
about shelter dogs is they have a past. It’s a past that you know nothing about
and a past that they can’t tell you about.<br />
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You take that shelter dog home and it acts up. It pees where
it’s not supposed to. It chews up things it’s not supposed to. It has behavioral
issues you can’t explain. You get frustrated with that dog. Maybe the thought that you should take it back to the shelter because you can’t deal with it has crossed your mind. You want to give it back and find maybe another dog that is
better and does everything you want it to do. However, did you ever think we
are all like that shelter dog?<br />
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We all have a past. A past that makes us who we are and
shapes us into the person we become. However, our past is something we can tell
someone about. Every single one of us has a past that has shaped our thoughts
and feelings, whether that past is going back to our childhood or it’s a more
recent past. That past, can make us act or feel a certain way.<br />
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My dog Silkie is a great example of a rescue dog with
interesting personality quirks. I know nothing of where she came from. I don’t
even know how old she is. All I know is that when I brought her home from the
HSPCA, where I volunteered, the coming months were challenging. She had severe
anxiety and would tear everything up. I was at my wits end, but I knew that
this dog needed patience and love. Does she still have a little bit of anxiety?
Yes, she does, but she’s a good girl and an incredibly sweet and affectionate
dog.<br />
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S<b>o many people now days are ready to cut the cord at the drop
of a hat. You do one thing that bothers them and they are out.</b> Some of the
time it’s something that is absolute minutiae.<br />
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Parts of my past have deeply affected me that have me thinking in a certain way. I act sometimes in a certain way because of how I was treated in the past. I’m a little more guarded with my heart. Both my past from childhood and more recent past have left a few scars. However, I work on it every day.<br />
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Each of my major relationships have things that have either scarred me or have me trained in a way. For instance, my first real relationship was one with my ex-husband. <i>He actually was my first boyfriend</i>. He was extremely busy with work and when I would call him to say and see how he was doing he’s always would say “What do you want? I’m really busy right now!” Now when I call people one of the first things I ask them is what they’re doing...just in case I’m bothering them. There are few other things that he did that have deeply effected me. One of those things is the phone. That relationship started my trigger with the phone. He was constantly on it and it didn’t matter where we were or who we were with. We could be could be on a date night and he would be on his blackberry the entire time.<br />
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My last major relationship was one where I was cheated on and lied to repeatedly. Honestly, that relationship has scarred me the most. I’m scared to trust people. I often wonder if people are telling me the truth. When guys are nice to me and seem to be into me, I wonder if he really is. It’s actually pretty sad, because I’ve also developed some habits that I don’t like. I’m constantly look over my shoulder and looking out to see if the person I’m with is doing me wrong. Needless to say, I’ve become very good at figuring stuff out. Although, I also now look into things too much. <b>Honestly, if people knew just half the stuff I went through in that relationship they’d be blown away that I’m even willing to try and find love again</b>.
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I’m very open and aware of what baggage I bring and what scars I have. When I start dating someone, I try to let them know a bit of how I am as things come up. Obviously, the longer I’m with that person, the more they'll find out and get to know me. The funny thing is, that the people you may date also have those same scars and baggage and either pretend it doesn’t matter or don’t talk about it. So many people don’t talk about their scars. Maybe they don’t know how, or don’t think that it’s a big deal.<br />
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Imagine if we talked about our issues and worked on them, how much better our relationships might be. Sure, some relationships may still not work out, but <b>maybe if you talked about those scars and worked on things and tried to understand one another better, maybe we wouldn’t hurt each other</b> so much.<br />
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<br />Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-31265470131347486982018-03-03T07:08:00.002-06:002018-04-02T17:46:43.612-05:00THE HEART YOU HAVE TO GIVE SOMEONEOne of the things I think about A LOT (probably too much) is matters of the heart.<br />
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<b>Love is this intangible thing that we all seek out to find.</b> Even those of us that say we don’t care to have it, still yearn for that feeling in some way. Most of those people mask it by using sex as their tool.<br />
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I was thinking how we all have scars that sometimes make it more difficult to find love because of someone that has hurt us before. I think 99% of us carry some sort of baggage or hurt around with us. Some of us mask it and try to move forward the best they can. While others have healed, but still aren’t the same as they once were.<br />
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I also thought of those that have a heart that isn’t full. What do I mean? I’m talking about the people that seek out love from others when they don’t have their heart to give someone. Or maybe they only have part of their heart to give because the rest is with someone else.<br />
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I think about some of my past relationships. I would go into the relationship with a pure heart and clean slate. Scars? Yes, but my heart is whole. Then I look back and think of the person I was with. I realized that even though I came into to it with 100% of my heart to give, they came into the relationship with only part of theirs to give. They came in with part of their heart with someone else. I was in a losing situation.<br />
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I have scars from my past relationships. I also, know that <b>when I pick someone</b> (which I don’t do easily) <b>that the person I pick gets my whole heart</b>. <u>They don’t need to worry about my intentions, my loyalty, my attention, or affection.</u> Again...Yes, my heart has scars, but my heart is whole. My heart doesn’t belong to anyone else. There’s not a piece that I have given and left with someone else. <br />
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In those past relationships where they only had part of their heart to give because someone else had the rest...I was never going to win the whole heart. <b>I can’t give you my whole heart when I only get pieces in return</b>. <br />
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What would you rather have...a whole heart with scars...or only a piece of a heart? Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-26943912630550345462018-02-12T22:01:00.003-06:002018-04-02T17:47:09.037-05:00TOP 10 QUALITIES I WANT IN MY PERSON<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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After my last attempt at dating and finding a relationship, I’ve decided to revisit the list of qualities I want in my person. I came upon this conclusion with the help one of my girlfriends. I was telling her that part of the reason I’m taking a break from dating is because I’m not sure what I’m looking for anymore. So she encouraged me to go back over that list and focus on the things that might have changed since I last wrote my list.<br />
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As I’ve mentioned before I feel like I’ve tried just about everything and have dated all over the board. Do I want a guy with no kids or kids? If he has kids...how old and how many? Divorced or never married? Younger or older? Business or blue collar? Shorter or taller? I honestly don’t know anymore. So I sat down and thought of some things I think will be good for me moving forward.<br />
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<b>1</b>. <b>NOT ADDICTED TO SOCIAL MEDIA</b> - One of the things I’ve decided I’ll be looking for in someone is, <b>a guy not really into social media</b>. Maybe he’s on Facebook or Instagram, but he’s not on it ALL OF THE TIME. Maybe he’s too busy with work and doesn’t really have time for it. Whatever social media he is on, I certainly don’t want him trolling for chicks on it! Some might say, “Erin you’re on social media all the time!” Yes I am. However, most of the time, I’m on social media for work and building my brand as a personality and public figure.
Also, I think <b>I want to steer clear of guys that are really into snapchat</b>. I’ve noticed in the last 2 years or so that social media has played a role in my relationships that I didn’t like. <b>Trust me when I say, you can learn a lot from a person by their social media activity! A LOT!!</b><br />
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<b>2</b>. To go along with that, <b>I want someone that doesn’t need attention from a lot of women. </b>Something that has really stuck out to me in the last several years of dating and listening to my friends’ stories, is the amount of guys that need attention from multiple chicks. Again, he’s not on social media trolling for chicks, but he also doesn’t have 4-5 girls or (insert number here) that he’s “talking to”, sleeping with, or has on a chain “just in case.” Maybe that’s how it is these days, but I’m not a fan. It’s one thing if you’re just going on dates without intimacy, but if you’ve talked about how you’re only sleeping with that person and he’s still got other girls texting him...in my opinion...TOTALLY NOT COOL!<br />
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And to say one thing on the prior two points, I look at several women here locally that are in the public eye, that are in relationships, and their husbands or boyfriends aren’t following a bunch of chicks or “Inta-hoes.” Also, they certainly aren’t going around trying to get attention from other women. <b>The last thing I need is some girl I’ve never met, messaging me telling me that my man has been DM’ing her...or worse</b>. Been there...and I don’t like being on the receiving end of that. It really hurts and is humiliating.<br />
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As for the rest of the list..here we go...<br />
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<b>3. MUST LOVE DOGS</b> - For me this also on my non-negotiables list. I really love dogs and can’t imagine not having any. I mean, I’m the girl that usually talks to the family dog at a party before the people. So for me, this is hands down 100% a must!<br />
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<b>4. READY FOR COMMITMENT </b> - I’m looking for someone that’s also looking for that person in their life. Someone that wants a meaningful relationship of mutual respect. Someone that is looking for their best friend and partner. <b>I’m looking for someone who is ready for his player days to be behind him</b> and is happy with seeing my name pop up on his phone with a text versus a list of chicks.<br />
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<b>5. SOMEONE I FIND ATTRACTIVE</b> - He doesn’t need to be uber hot, all buffed out, and the male version of an “Insta-hoe”. I just need to think he’s attractive to me. I mean, I’m going “get it on” with him for years right?<br />
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<b>6. SMART/SUCCESSFUL </b> - I don’t care if he has a MBA or if didn’t even finish college. If you’re smart and are doing well for yourself that’s what I care about. I didn’t go to a 4 year college. Actually, either did my ex-husband, but both of us are pretty darn successful in our careers and I’d like to think pretty dang smart.<br />
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<b>7. LEVEL HEADED</b> - I don't need or want a guy that’s a hot head. Granted, we can all get pissy or moody...maybe one day you lose your shit and throw a temper tantrum. However, it’s not OK for me to have a guy that will fly off the handle at the drop of a hat or freak the f*$& out in public. I’ve actually dated several guys that have either gone off on people in traffic or someone else in public. To be honest, it kinda freaks me out and it’s a bit embarrassing. Again, I’m a public person, so the last thing I need is my boyfriend getting in fist fight (or worse) with another driver or some guy at a bar when he’s drunk.<br />
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<b>8. KIND/COURTEOUS </b> - Someone that has empathy and thinks of other people’s feelings. You’d think this would be a given, but in the day of overwhelming self-importanace and narcissism, people who think of other people’s feelings are actually not easy to come by these days. To me it all boils down to, “<b>Treat others as you want to be treated</b>.”<br />
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<b>9. SELF-AWARE</b> - <b>We all lack confidence</b> in some area. That’s why so many of us over compensate with something. I’m the first to admit that I’m self-conscious and lack confidence in areas of my life. I’m totally aware of these issues. In fact, I’ll admit that to anyone. I go to counseling to work on it, and do things everyday to build myself up and make myself better. Am I perfect? NO! Once again, I’m aware of it and work on it. Whereas, a lot of people shove their issues under a rug hoping no one will notice or will choose to ignore them and let their (sometimes) bad behavior continue. We all have issues and it amazes me how many people I know and see, that either ignore their issues and don’t try to be better, or are completely oblivious on how they are as people.<br />
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1<b>0. ACCEPTS ME FOR ME</b> - Granted, I have my quirks, but honestly I’m pretty easy going. I’m not a diva. I don’t need to be treated like I’m some pretty pretty princess all the time. I can stay in a fancy hotel or one that’s just ok. Again, I can eat or drink fancy...or can eat at a hole in the wall and drink at a dive bar. I can take shots or drink champagne. I can hang just about anywhere. The only thing I’m not cool with is going to the bathroom in the wilderness. And even then...I’d at least try and figure it out! I’ll admit, I hate cleaning anything, I can procrastinate, I have a potty mouth, and hold wine glasses from the wrong part of the glass. And those are just a few of the things a guy is going have to absorb to be with me. Oh...and he'll have to be understanding of my past hurts that have made me into what I am today.<br />
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This is the nuts and bolts of my list. Sure I could get super picky, but I think moving forward these are the 10 things that I need to really look for and look out for. #FINDYOURSELFFEBRUARYErin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-86505304756160041862018-02-06T12:43:00.000-06:002018-04-02T17:47:22.896-05:00ARE YOU A LOUIS VUITTON? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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During my recent trip to Spain, I met a guy in Madrid. While we
chatted and got to know each other over several glasses of Spanish wine, he
told me that he writes a blog. I said, “Wait! I write a blog! What do you write
about?” He said he writes about various topics, but one of the topics is
relationships. Again, I was like “Hey! I do too!” He had me read a few that he
wrote in English and they were really good! I could tell after reading just the
first paragraph that he was a deep thinker. Granted, he studied psychology in
college, but his writing was deep, but also with feeling. There was a blog that he
told me about that wasn’t in English asking <b><a href="http://hilarioreal.com/2017/05/fueses-bolso-serias-louis-vuitton.html" target="_blank">“Are you a Louis Vuitton?”</a></b><o:p></o:p><br />
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When I got back stateside, I
had my Spanish speaking friend translate his blog for me. There were several
things that stuck out to me. I’m paraphrasing, but he wrote, “You’re the envy
of people, and have so much that people wish they had. Your parents are proud
of you. You do great things. <b>You are valuable. You are like a prized
Louis Vuitton <span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.2" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1">bag. So why do you treat yourself like a
grocery bag?</span></b>” <o:p></o:p></div>
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He talked about how women, we
devalue ourselves because of the person we are with. We let the person we are
with take advantage of our weaknesses. We let them treat us less than we are
worth because we are afraid. We let others treat us less than because <b>we’re
more comfortable with the bad with him, then the good that could be with
someone else</b>. That fear of starting over. So we settle to be treated like a
grocery bag. <b>We settle for what is comfortable even if it’s not what is best for us. </b>He said that if we stood up for ourselves with a smile that they would
have to change. If they didn’t, we shouldn’t worry about the loneliness that
may follow because it never ends badly.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After listening to my friend
translate it, I examined myself and my life. I went through my recent
relationships and attempted relationships. My
last major relationship was one that ended terribly. He was someone that was
incredibly manipulative and did some very unconscionable things. I learned how
truly terrible people can be and it made me question a lot in people. That
ended because he left me with no choice.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I looked at a situation where I
was interested in dating someone. That was a situation I should’ve walked away
after the first date, but because I thought he was attractive and funny I decided to take less than I deserve because of a “maybe.” Maybe he’ll change his mind; maybe he’ll be ready to date soon. I finally
realized my worth and walked.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lastly, I looked at my last
attempt at a relationship. One that I thought could actually be something
really really good. Someone who I thought really liked me and appreciated me
for the person I am. However, when I was honest with my feelings and my
concerns about something he had done, instead of standing up, understanding,
working through it and making changes...he decided he wouldn’t deal with it and
walked away. That sucked. However, I am proud of myself for realizing my worth
and telling him how I didn’t appreciate what he was doing. It didn’t end like
my Spanish friend said it might, with him realizing my worth and changing his
ways. It ended much differently. Although, he did admit that I’m an amazing
catch...so apparently he’s not in the market for a Louis Vuitton <span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.4" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1">bag right now. Maybe
he’s more in the market for that grocery bag my Spanish friend mentioned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I think a lot of ladies deep
down know what we deserve, but we are scared we’ll never find it or that it
doesn’t exist. Or we’re scared that we’ll be alone forever. God knows I’ve
thought that before. I know I stayed around in the first relationship I
mentioned because I was convincing myself that it wasn’t that bad. Deep down I
knew I should’ve been treated better, but I was willing to stay for whatever
reason. I can say now that maybe it’s a good thing he did the things he did, because maybe if he hadn’t, I might be still be dealing with his excuses and would be incredibly
unhappy inside.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m getting better with
standing up for myself. Some of my friends tell me that when someone walks out
my life that I should have an attitude of “On to the next one!” Part of me does
feel that way, but I still get bummed when they don’t realize what a great
catch I am and what I have to offer...so sometimes I take it personally. Maybe<b> I
need to tell myself over and over that<i> I am a Louis and if he wants some other
girl, then sorry about your downgrade</i></b><i>.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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I think truly understanding my
value and what I deserve is one of the reasons I’ve decided to take a break
from dating for a while. Deep down I do know what a great catch I am. I know
that I’m a person with A LOT to offer and possess really amazing qualities. I
mean, let’s brag on me for a second.<b> I am independent, self-sufficient, <u>funny,</u>
thoughtful, caring, compassionate, attractive, fun, loyal, adventurous, faithful, hardworking, sexy, smart, and the list goes on.</b> I have a great career that I
worked hard for. I pay for my own stuff. I bought my own house. I love deeply. I
think deeply. Heck...I traveled the world BY MYSELF!! <b>I am a good person, a great catch and most of all I have
a good heart</b>. Someone just told me that <i>“Erin, girls like you don’t
come around a lot and you deserve someone who will treat you that way.”</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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There are times that I see what
guys choose over me and I do get frustrated. I think <i>“I’m such a better
catch than what they’re hanging out with and yet...they want that?”</i> But
then again, going back to what I said in an earlier blog, sometimes guys want what
is easy at the time. Or maybe they do realize what a great catch I am and know
that they can’t give me what I need. So they leave and go to be with what’s
comfortable for them. Will it hurt the next time I meet someone I like that
doesn’t appreciate me and what I have to offer? I'm sure it will. However,
like my Spanish friend said, that pain is only temporary.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Remember ladies, Louis Vuitton <span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.41" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1">handbags are something
not everyone can afford. They are expensive; and you can’t get them just any
old place. Sure, there are imitations, but they aren't the quality of the
real thing. They are in fact, just that...imitations. </span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span aria-haspopup="true" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1">Sure, Michael Kors handbags
are nice, but you can get them at an outlet mall for several hundred dollars.
Louis Vuitton handbags cost thousands of dollars. </span></b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">So ask yourself...Are you
the grocery bag? Are you the outlet Michael Kors handbag? Or are you a valuable and prized Louis
Vuitton hand<span aria-haspopup="true" id=":df.67" role="menuitem" tabindex="-1">bag
that you can’t get just anywhere?</span></span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-73867769615924299542018-01-31T17:00:00.000-06:002018-04-02T17:48:16.650-05:00STARTING MY DATING CLEANSE...#FYFI have several good guys friends/coworkers that give me advice about relationships. One of those good friends is Nick. I call him one of my work husbands. Nick is on the air after me on The Bull and everyday he comes in early to get ready for his show. Over the course of the last 4 years he's heard a lot of my relationship and dating stories. He's listened to me cry, get angry, and question everything about myself. He was there through all of my relationship with my ex-fiance. <i>There's some advice that he gave me that I'll still never forgot. Turns out he was right.</i> He listens to me go over every situation multiple times. So, I'm sure there’s been times that he's wanted to shake me like a baby because he was tired of hearing about it.<br />
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The other day we were talking about how I believe most guys have a Plan B and that there's always a girl on the back burner, a girl that they're texting and flirting with other than the main chick. <b>He told me he thinks I need to take a serious break from dating.</b> At first, I was a bit irritated, because I was thinking,<i> "Wait a second! I'm telling you that I think most guys always have a chick on the back burner and never go without. Whether it's getting attention or sex...they aren't out of the game long, and yet you're telling me that I should purposefully take myself out of the game?" </i><br />
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<b>He told me that I should take the month of February and not go on any dates, no dating apps, and no sex.</b> He said that I need to take myself totally out of the dating world and see what happens. He thinks that I should see how I spend my time, what I think about, and where I direct my energy when dating is not an issue. OK...this might be an interesting challenge. I told him that I'll probably have a break down at some point knowing that I've got nothing going on, no one that's texting or spending time with me, and that the guys of my past are probably swimming in p*$$y. He said, <i>"You're making a choice to do this. You're choosing solitude." </i> He went on tell me that <b>sometimes you just need to take a step back and reset</b> and if I'm still looking at life with the dating lens on, that you can't reset.<br />
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He has seen me go through a lot in the last several years to find a lasting relationship. He said,<i> "You've been hitting it hard and have been trying the dating thing for a while. Maybe you need to take a break and just see what happens in your life when you're not looking to date or not looking for ANY kind of distractions from guys. He’s right. I’ve been trying for what seems like forever. I feel like Charlotte from Sex In The City. </i><br />
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<i><b>Nick said for the month of February, “If a guy wants to take you out on a date, you tell him you're not going out on any dates until March 1st. If he wants to know why, then you say ‘If you're still talking to me on March 1st, then I'll tell ya’...then you're putting him to the test. If he's interested, he'll stick around.</b>" </i><br />
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I'm not going lie, I'm a little nervous about what I just agreed to. Although, I do think it will be good to see what happens when I let go, and just work on myself for a month without any distraction of guys. I found an interesting article online called<a href="http://www.mydomaine.com/dating-cleanse" target="_blank"><b> 21 Reasons to Go on a Dating Cleanse</b></a>. I went over the list and I think I counted about 14 or 15 out the 21 reasons that I related to. So it's probably a good idea for me to do this dating cleanse and month of self discovery. I mean...I’ve tried. I’ve dated, got hurt, picked myself up, tried again and again, and for some reason it’s not working out for me. What's the definition of insanity??<br />
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I was talking with my work husbands just today and I said, "You know...I'm actually really glad I'm taking this break from dating. I feel a bit lost. <b> I don't know when someone is being genuine anymore</b>. Maybe part of it is because of my line of work, but I sometimes question when people give me a compliment or are kind to me. I think, "Are you really being nice or are you trying to get tickets out of me?" <b> I also don't know whether to believe someone's words or actions and I'm starting to question both</b>. I've had guys do very nice things for me only to change their mind or do something that’s not OK. I've had guys tell me that I am so awesome, so cool, and they said how lucky to have a girl like me...and they left. <b>I need to figure out who is REAL and if they are impeccable with their word and actions. </b><br />
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My good girlfriend told me I need to come up with several lists. One of them is a list of all the things I enjoy doing or would like to do and start checking those things off in February. Next, she wanted me to revisit the <a href="https://erinaustin.blogspot.com/2016/05/what-i-looking-for-in-my-mr-right.html" target="_blank"><b>list of qualities</b></a> I want in my person and come up with a list of<b> non-negotiables</b>. For instance, he must love dogs. The last list she wants me to write is a <b>list of “red flags.”</b> I think maybe I’ll include some yellow flags as well. <br />
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Again, I know I'll probably get a little lonely, and there will be moments where I have every type of emotion. I'll have some serious moments of soul searching and reflecting on myself that will be enlightening. I know this is a good experiment and a good thing for me. My trip to Spain was a good start. I walked around without worrying about life. I just got to observe life and appreciate it. <b>I should probably just be Erin and appreciate her for awhile</b>.<br />
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So for the next month I publicly declare it <b>#FindYourselfFebruary</b>...#FYF I'm already off to a good start. Today I got back to the gym and signed up with a personal trainer to whoop my butt for the next month. If you feel like you're in a rut then maybe taking the next month for yourself would be good for you too.<br />
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Erin<br />
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<br />Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-952849078738905228.post-28527429323195673262018-01-25T13:54:00.000-06:002018-04-02T17:47:46.789-05:00GETTING DATING BLINDSIDEDI wrote this sitting in the United Airlines lounge waiting for my flight to Lisbon. I was thinking about one of recent dating experiences. At first, I wasn’t going to write about it because I wanted to act like I didn’t care, but I did care; and no matter what...there’s something to learn from this. I’m just not sure I realize what all the lessons are.<br />
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I started seeing a guy that I originally met on Bumble. He was several years younger than me, but we had some things in common that were pretty big. He didn’t want kids and neither did I. We both had dogs, good careers, like country music, and had a good time when we hung out. Things moved rather quick for us. He seemed to really like me and would do some very sweet things that showed that he liked me. I was a smitten kitten. For the first time in a long time I liked someone, they liked me, and things just seemed to be flowing quite nicely...and I was following where he was leading me with his words and actions.<br />
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It wasn’t until we attended a big holiday party that something really bothered me. He was grabbing drinks for us at the bar and I was standing a bit behind him when he pulled out his phone. When I looked over, I saw that he was messaging his ex girlfriend on Snapchat. My heart just sank. Here we are at this big event (something he paid a lot of money for), all dressed up, meeting up with friends when that happens. Up until that point I didn’t have any real big issues with things he did. There were little things here and there that made my radar go up, but nothing like this. <i>You know yellow flags, but maybe not red flags. </i><br />
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Honestly, I almost walked out without saying anything
because I was so hurt by it. <i>(Maybe deep down that heart sinking feeling I had was because I knew it was over.) </i> Nonetheless, I decided to let it go for a bit, but
after having another drink I decided to bring it up to him. I calmly said, <i><b>“I
noticed that you were texting ____ earlier, is everything ok?</b>”</i> He said, <i>“<b>Yeah
everything is fine.”</b> </i>I told him that him texting her bothered me. I said I
thought it was inappropriate for him to be texting her at that moment. I knew
they were still communicating, but I wasn’t sure on how often and what the
dynamic was. I went on to tell him I didn’t talk to my ex and it really hurt my
feelings that he was texting her. He explained that they do talk probably more
than he should and that as things progress with us he’ll cut things off. At the
moment his answer was enough to make it go away.<br />
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The next day I got really sick and stayed home from work for the next 2 days. While I was home alone, not doing a lot, and not talking to him a ton, I had a lot of time to think and mull over things. I talked to him and told him that it had been messing with me a bit that he was still texting her and it was making me feel insecure. At that moment, I opened Pandora’s box. He told me that my concerns reminded him of how things ended with his ex (the one he was texting). Needless to say, later that night he broke up with me. He told me that my “insecurities” were a “red flag” for him and that he thought it was too early for them to be coming in our relationship...so he was done. Well OK then...that’s not what I was expecting. <i>Which by the way...when are insecurities gonna come up? I would think it's better to have it come up early in the relationship versus later when you're an established couple. </i><br />
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Most of our conversation is a blur. I think I was in shock, so I remember a lot of it in clips. I think the biggest part I didn’t understand is how he went from “<i><b>Please tell me if anything reminds you of your ex or if anything I do bothers you so I can fix it,” </b></i>to all of the sudden <i><b>“You bringing this up and still thinking about it a couple days later reminds me of my ex and is a red flag.”</b></i><br />
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<i><b></b></i>Unfortunately, there was no changing his mind. I was so hurt and really bummed. Not trying to sound like a girl from "The Bachelor", but I thought he had real potential. <b>I thought I finally found someone that was going to like me for me and was willing to look beyond my emotional scars of the past.</b> Apparently I had picked wrong again.<br />
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I’ve tried to analyze the “whys” and the “what’s” of the situation, because...well let’s be honest...that’s what I do. My friends gave their opinion. I wondered if I did something wrong. Then I quickly realized that<b> I did absolutely nothing wrong. I was telling him how I feel in a mature way and setting up my boundaries for how I wanted to be treated</b>. I should never regret that. In fact, I should give myself some credit because in the past I've let things go that I should've spoken up about and didn't.<br />
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I tried coming up with some sort of conclusion. I thought maybe there was someone else...maybe several someone else’s, like he joked about one time. Maybe deep down he isn’t ready to settle down with just one woman. Maybe he wasn’t up for the challenge of what it takes for a real relationship...or wasn’t willing to provide what I required. Maybe he liked the thought of dating me, but the reality of a what a relationship with me entails is too much for him. I wondered and analyzed all this because I honestly can’t make sense of how my concern for him being disrespectful was a reason to break things off with me. It makes no sense at all.<br />
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<b><br /></b><b>And furthermore, I’ll never figure out how this guy went from saying how lucky he is to be dating such a cool girl like me</b>, calling me everyday, texting all day everyday, making time for me, bringing me around his family and some of his friends, doing super sweet things for me...<b>to all of the sudden we're done </b>and he's acted like he didn't ever care about me at all. I’ll always wonder, <b>was he really being sincere with ANYTHING he did or said?</b> Was it an act? Was he trying to convince himself or convince me that he really cared or was a good guy? I’ll never know.<br />
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What sucks is...and it always disappoints me when I see it, but I’ve realized that sometimes it really doesn’t matter how smart, attractive, funny, successful, cool, sexy, put together, interesting, or what a great catch you are. Sometimes men won’t want all that you have to offer or won’t be able to handle that. Maybe they’re not ready for you. Maybe deep down they really do prefer the chick that posts pictures of her boobs and new eyebrows...I don’t know. Sometimes, guys just want what is easy.<br />
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You just never know what’s going in someone else’s head and what their true intentions are. So <b>you just have to continue to be you and be the best you for the next person that WILL appreciate you for YOU</b>. ALL OF YOU! Someone that WILL take the good with the bad and will work to make it work...because you are worth it.<br />
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I know I'm not perfect by any means, and I have some scars from a past relationship that have made me build a wall that may be hard to crack. I just got keep working on being a better me and keep the faith that there will be a man I meet one day that will be willing to scale my wall, will stick around, and won't run when I confront them with something that bothers me.<br />
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<br />Erin Austinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18202243420976752377noreply@blogger.com3