THE ATTRACTION TO THE EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MAN!

How many times have we done that ladies??? LET'S BE SERIOUS!!! I know I've done this on numerous occasions!!! My last boyfriend was emotionally unavailable...my ex-husband...guys that I've met, dated, you name it!!!

Funny thing is, in some of these cases(at least for me) the guys BECAME emotionally unavailable. Things would start off great and then either something would happen out of our control or things would simply fizzle out.

Then it comes to casually dating. I have a question...if you're an emotionally unavailable man why do you insist and persist to pursue women? Whatever the excuse is. 'I need to get my S@&T figured out' or 'I'm going to quit my job and do other things so I can't have a girlfriend.' So if you're not ready to be in a relationship with anyone..why pursue anything at all? I DON'T GET IT!!!!

Maybe for guys they don't see anything wrong with it. To them they're doing the typical guy thing. Getting girls and dealing with the repercussions later...if any.

I know it may seem like lately I talk about this stuff a lot but yesterday when a good girlfriend of mine sent an email to me citing stuff about women and our attraction to these types of men I thought "GOD how many times have I done that?"

I was just reading an article online about why do we have this attraction. I found something very interesting...they asked the question (Are you afraid someone will get to know you and reject you?) I read that and I thought "maybe that's my problem." I like being in a good relationship but lately when it comes to dating I have this fear that for some reason I may not be good enough.

I've actually been trying to deal with this one for awhile now. It all started after my divorce. Even though I was the one who pursued separation and divorce, I did so because of his inaction. He didn't try to keep me or make me happy. We went to counseling and I told him that he was obsessed with work. He never even tried to change or make things better. That hurt. Instead of thinking "Oh I'm better off", (which I did from time to time) I usually took it personal and wondered why he never tried..."What's wrong with me?"

Now I know there's nothing REALLY wrong with me but I have this great group of girls that I hang out with. We're all good girls, with different personalities. One of us is maybe a little more shy, one maybe a little more reserved and other 2 are weird and wacky. Yet, none of us are dating anyone...we are as dry as the Sahara right now.

Don't we all deserve to have someone say "I can't believe I'm with (insert your name here). I know I do. Will I ever find them? Not sure. I just hope that one day I do find that guy that will say that...until then I'll do my best to avoid unhealthy people and relationships. Which may be harder than it seems considering we all get a little lonely at times.

I WANNA DATE AN UNDERWEAR MODEL!!!

This will be a silly blog.

I was walking around The Boston Store on a mission to find the luggage when I walked by the men's dept. and saw the underwear section. All the boxes of Calvin Klein underwear caught my eye!! Then and there it hit me..."I want to date an underwear model!"

Now granted the "underwear model" is probably dull, boring and more than likely has no personality but wouldn't it be nice to wake up and look at those abs every morning???

I've decided I don't need to date the hottest guy around(although that would be nice)but I take care of myself. I eat well, I don't smoke, I workout all the time. I think it's only fair that I end up dating a guy that takes care of himself too.

Maybe part of it is...well...I have a couple guy friends and they're really good looking guys and they're always interested in girls that are not cute...and sometimes not even nice....AND THEY HAVE NO PERSONALITY!!! I'll give'em that...they may have a nice body or they're flexible but seriously people give me a break!!!

PLAY THE DATING GAME AND NOT THE WAITING GAME!!!

As we've previously discussed before about me being interested in "the Bad Boy"and how it has it's trials and tribulations. We've also mentioned that this particular bad boy is not ready to date or date anyone in particular...which leads me to my thought.

I had a conversation with the said "bad boy" where he told me he wasn't ready to date and said I needed to be patient. OK...I get it...NO RUSHING THINGS! Now this guy hasn't asked me on an official date. Yet wants me to hang around for if and when he is ready. Not to mention the other girls he's been talking to. ( I think he feeds us all the same lines) I asked him..."what happens if I wait around and you can't decide...then what?" He had no answer!

Well I was talking with my friend back home and she said that I should NOT wait around for him when it's clear he can't make up his mind what he wants to do. I had already thought that. She was preaching to the choir!!! I thought it would be stupid for me to ignore what other possibilities are out there for some guy that's giving me the classic "He's Just Not That Into You!" lines.

I even said to him how I needed to turn my radar on. He didn't seem too happy with that idea but what are you going to do? Two can play this game. Not that it's a game...but there's no need to wait around!! Am I right? I like the saying..."The world is my oyster".

So would you blame a girl for going out with other guys? I mean seriously...we're not a couple...we're not dating...I guess you could say we've been talking. HOLY CRAP!!!! It's 2007 and that's all I can call it....is talking!!! That's so dumb!!! You'd think a 30 year old woman could have something better than that!!! Oh well!!

So is what's good for the goose also good for the gander?????????

WANNA GET AWAY? *DING*

I feel like I'm in a Southwest Airlines commercial. Why you ask? Do you ever just do or say stupid things? I do. Lately I seem to do it more.I over this past week I've just been in different state of mind and I can't figure out why. Analyzing, worrying, and anxiety.

There were 2 moments yesterday where I was just an idiot!! And both of these moments can also be totally explained and understood.

Situation #1

Sean sent me back all my stuff from when I would stay a t his place in Texas. We've been broken up for what....like 6 months. Anyway...I get this box and I was upset that he didn't call like I had asked and then he sent the box with no note! I was a little miffed and hurt. I mean come on! I dated this guy for a year and half...he could at least send a note with all my crap. Well i ended up talking to him and I said i was a little sad I didn't so much as get a note. He said " I sent one." I said "No you didn't it wasn't in the box." Sean then tells me that he put a note in my shoe along with something that he thought I would appreciate more then he would. So I go home and sure enough...in my show lies a note and a gift card for Tiffany's!!! Yeah the jewelry store!!! I felt like such an idiot!!! Now in my defense who thinks of looking in the shoe???? I of course apologize and and tell him Thank you...

Situation #2

Well I actually thought I had another one but it turns out maybe I was right to assume in the first place with this person and in this situation.

But situation #1 still stands

I know I have more that I've done. God knows I assume a lot. Sometimes it saves me. It's like a gut check...other times it just gets me in trouble.

AM I BEING DISSECTED LIKE A FROG IN SCIENCE CLASS???

Now since going back into the dating scene I've met all types of men. One type is the bad boy! We already discussed this. "Should you date the bad boy". Well there are so many factors that go into dating this person and so many tests that you are put through.

When you start to "see" or "date" someone you start to build on several pillars of a relationship.

In the past when I started dating a guy it is usually drama free. The guy has been into me and likes spending time with me. Tries getting my attention and so on. Calls me to see how my day is, wants to know when we can hang out next.

Now "the bad boy" doesn't want to date anyone seriously. Fine. I get it. Taking it slow. Right? That's the first thing. He wants to explore his options and date around. Which is weird for me. My experience has been that if a guy was into me he was into me. I never felt as if I has to compete for attention.

The "bad boy" also has an ex-girlfriend that won't go away. She is dating someone else...in fact it's her own ex-boyfriend but yet she likes to keep her hands in "the bad boys" life. She wants to know if he's dating someone, and blah blah blah.

Here's the thing. This is all new for me and I feel as if it's a huge test. Will I pass the test? I know this guy is watching me like a hawk. Every move I make, things i say...do I fit? I feel like I'm a little under a microscope. I mean shouldn't I have him under a microscope? I mean he's is "the bad boy"!
I mean I have my moments where I analyze. I have my moments where I am tough cookie. I have my moments where I just need a hug. I have my moments where I'm confident and I don't need anyone. And I have my moments where I do need someone.

I know in dating we pick people apart to see if they're suitable for us. Sometimes I feel as though I've been too picky. Now, I let my guard down a little and I feel as though it's backfiring on me. Now I'm being picked apart by the bad boy!

Why is that? Not to toot my own horn, but I'm going to be somewhat cocky here for a second. I have a great job, make good money, I don't have baggage (financial or personal), I have a good sense of humour, even though I have horrible grammar I think I'm somewhat intelligent and carry on a intelligent conversation. I'm an attractive girl.

Now instead of me doing the dissecting it's being turned around on me by a person who would be the most likely to end up hurting me in the long run. How is that fair?

DO I NEED TO JUST RELAX?

Over the last few weeks I've just felt weird. As we all know I'm out on the dating scene again. OMG!! Maybe that's my answer!!! Dating!! That is stressful enough. Seriously though. I mean putting yourself out there is tough but we all have to do it. And as I've stated about "dating the bad boy" it is different terriorty for me. My next blog will be about what comes with that.

Or maybe I feel weird because I'm about to leave for a foreign country by myself for Christmas and as exciting as it is, it's also a little scary.

Now let's go with this for a second. This will be the 1st Chrstmas in my adult life, the 1st Christmas where I won't be spending it with anyone. Not a boyfriend, not a husband, not my family or anyone else's family. As liberating as this experience will be, proving that I don't need anyone, there's a part of me that is sad. I'll be in France walking the streets of Paris with just me myself and I.

I always had this dream of Paris. I know this is going to sound cheesy and like I'm a total sap. But my dream was one day to have this totally romantic moment at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I had thought of how romantic would it be to be proposed to there. Now don't get me wrong. I've never been "that girl" that dreamed of having some huge wedding or anything I just dreamed of the proposal. Is that weird?

So now I leave in a the matter of just a week. I don't know a soul there in Paris. I don't speak a lick of french and I'll be there for the rest of the year. I think another part that makes me sad about this Christmas is that I'll have no presents, or noone to have wish me a Merry Christmas. Now some may say that "Erin you could've gone home for Christmas?" True. But my family is not festive and if I was going the non-festive route I wanted to spend it in a completely different way.

Some people have said that are so proud of me doing Christmas this way. I've had others tell me that they "feel sorry for me". When I asked why, their response was because I was going to be alone on Christmas. At first I thought they were ridulous. But now I think I'm letting their opinion affect me. I know that this experience I will embark on will be great no matter what. I'll learn a lot. A lot of history, a lot about a different part of world, and hopefully if the plan sticks...a lot about myself.

AM I REALLY A CONTESTANT???

I feel like I'm on the TV show "The Bachelor". As we all know I've gone on some dates. At the moment, I'm not juggling a bunch of guys. Things have died down a bit. There's a person that I've somewhat started seeing. Totally nothing serious. We've gone out. Although no official dates. So the contestant thing??? As I've dated multiple people at a time, this guy is doing the same. Problem is, he tells me about it. The bigger problem is he calls us "CONTESTANTS"!!!! Yeah you read it right!!!

At first I thought it was kind of funny. Then I was slightly offended. I told him it kind of made me uncomfortable to be a contestant and he said "I know, I didn't really want it to come out like that." But here's the thing...he still calls us that. Now I'm not sure if it's a big joke now or what...and he thinks it's funny, but there's a part of me that feels a little hurt by that comment. Like I'm a piece of meat and not a real person.

This guy by the way, has been up front from the beginning....for the most part. I'm sure there are things that he is not forthcoming with. With that said, I've known from the start that he's "dating" other girls. Whatever dating is for this guy. This is also the same guy that I wrote about being a bad boy. FYI.

I'm doing my best at playing it cool. Not being affected and non-needy but at the same time, I'm a girl who at the end of the day wants to have a guy that loves hanging around me. Is excited to see me and can't wait to see me again.

I feel over the past 2 years since my divorce I've learned a few things. One thing I learned is that I'm not a door mat. I always felt 2nd best when it came to my husband and his job. I know he was busy but he never made me feel as if I was the one he looked forward seeing at the end of his day. I think he was in love with his palm pilot! Sean(the last boyfriend) was actually very kind to me. Our biggest downfall was the fact he had an ailing brother and he was priority number 1 and after his passing Sean was never the same.

Sorry I've gone off on a tangent there....

Now I know that people date multiple people. I'm not an idiot. And the guys I've gone on dates with I've come up with nicknames for...but contestants??? Is it funny or am I being completely disrespected to my face? Granted, I'm PMS'ing like a mother but still....I'm a somewhat sensitive flower that needs a little Time...Care...and Attention.

LBS...Let's be serious here...If I'm going to be on "The Bachelor" can a girl at least get a rose at the end of the night!!! GAWD!

I know to take things slow and see how things go but at what point does taking one's time become I cop out and it becomes a classic case of "He's Just Not That Into You!"?

At what point are you playing it cool or just plain playing a fool?

I NEED A GAY MALE FRIEND!!!

I know that may seem like a rather interesting request but I've decided every woman needs a gay man friend and here's why....

This weekend I was in L.A. for a workshop on TV hosting. I was in a class with about 30 of my peers and the instructor was the very handsome and talented Mark Steines, host of Entertainment Tonight. It was a great experience! I learned a lot. At the same time it was very humbling.

I think that I'm confident and other times I can be very vulnerable. Well, I went into this workshop with some confidence. I'm on a morning radio show where I need to talk a lot. I've done a bit of TV before so I thought I could hang. I got into this class and I internally froze. I was nervous, shy and intimidated. We all had to read off the teleprompter in front of the class and in front of MARK!!! I was one of the last people to do it and I was sooo nervous! WHY??? What happened to all my confidence? I went through the copy and was horrible. I tried another 3 times before finally getting it. Mark was great by the way. He gave me a few pointers and helped settle and slow down. So where does the gay man thing come in?

I was sitting in this class next to a fashion designer named Oren. Oren was so nice. The next day he came up tp me and said..." Um, yesterday you were great!" I said "What? I was horrible! I couldn't talk!" He went on to tell me that he could tell that I was a natural and he reassured me that he was NOT just being nice to me.

In class that day, we had a new speaker/instructor. We had some new exercises that we needed to do in front of he class. When I was done with one of them he told me that I was awesome!! I thought "I love this guy, He's so uplifting...so encouraging!" I decided then and there I needed to have a gay man friend of my own.

Here's why gay men make great girlfriends....
1. They are truly like a great girlfriend.
2. They give you their opinion good, bad or indifferent.
3. They tell you that you look good and how fabulous you are.
4. They help you out with guys and scope out the rats for you.
5. They are usually good shopping partners
6. They won't be afraid to tell you that indeed your butt does look big in jeans
7. They tell you when you're too good for something
8. They will never let you leave the house looking stupid(if you look good they look good)
9. They are catty but not too catty like women...if they are... they have YOUR back
10.They don't try to get in your pants!

Seriously, I could go on. So I need a guy like Oren. The guy I met in L.A. I need a great gay man friend so that if I ever need a pep talk I won't have the need to call my ex boyfriend for kind words. I will say Sean was a great encourager. But come on, I can't have him as my go to person when I'm down or need a talk.

So there it is. My formal request for a gay man friend.