Tuesday, December 18, 2007

THE ATTRACTION TO THE EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MAN!

How many times have we done that ladies??? LET'S BE SERIOUS!!! I know I've done this on numerous occasions!!! My last boyfriend was emotionally unavailable...my ex-husband...guys that I've met, dated, you name it!!!

Funny thing is, in some of these cases(at least for me) the guys BECAME emotionally unavailable. Things would start off great and then either something would happen out of our control or things would simply fizzle out.

Then it comes to casually dating. I have a question...if you're an emotionally unavailable man why do you insist and persist to pursue women? Whatever the excuse is. 'I need to get my S@&T figured out' or 'I'm going to quit my job and do other things so I can't have a girlfriend.' So if you're not ready to be in a relationship with anyone..why pursue anything at all? I DON'T GET IT!!!!

Maybe for guys they don't see anything wrong with it. To them they're doing the typical guy thing. Getting girls and dealing with the repercussions later...if any.

I know it may seem like lately I talk about this stuff a lot but yesterday when a good girlfriend of mine sent an email to me citing stuff about women and our attraction to these types of men I thought "GOD how many times have I done that?"

I was just reading an article online about why do we have this attraction. I found something very interesting...they asked the question (Are you afraid someone will get to know you and reject you?) I read that and I thought "maybe that's my problem." I like being in a good relationship but lately when it comes to dating I have this fear that for some reason I may not be good enough.

I've actually been trying to deal with this one for awhile now. It all started after my divorce. Even though I was the one who pursued separation and divorce, I did so because of his inaction. He didn't try to keep me or make me happy. We went to counseling and I told him that he was obsessed with work. He never even tried to change or make things better. That hurt. Instead of thinking "Oh I'm better off", (which I did from time to time) I usually took it personal and wondered why he never tried..."What's wrong with me?"

Now I know there's nothing REALLY wrong with me but I have this great group of girls that I hang out with. We're all good girls, with different personalities. One of us is maybe a little more shy, one maybe a little more reserved and other 2 are weird and wacky. Yet, none of us are dating anyone...we are as dry as the Sahara right now.

Don't we all deserve to have someone say "I can't believe I'm with (insert your name here). I know I do. Will I ever find them? Not sure. I just hope that one day I do find that guy that will say that...until then I'll do my best to avoid unhealthy people and relationships. Which may be harder than it seems considering we all get a little lonely at times.

7 comments:

Trev the Rev said...

Hey yo,
If I may offer some advice. If you want to meet someone go to a bookstore. You know, Barnes and Noble or Borders etc. The benefits of this are a) You know he can read, that's always a plus b)You can see what he is interested in an start up a conversation c) Almost every bookstore has a coffee shop in it and d)It's in a public place and relativly safe.
I don't really know if that works, I've been married for five years, so maybe I'm not the best one to give advice. Ok

CresceNet said...

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Anonymous said...

Erin-

I think there are some pretty good guys out there that are under rated, because they are not the picture perfect guy! Or they may not be the Underware Model you are looking for. It's funny I have a good friend who is one of the best guy friends I have, he and my Boy friend get along great. We go back almost 10 to 12 years, he was engaged sometime back and it ended when he caught her cheating on him! If you want to be set up with a great guy, heart of gold and someone who will never give up, let me know and I can email you his information. He is cute in his own way, but will protect you in any way you can think of. He is a guy that I would let my sister date and never worry about her in any way shape or form!

Let me know

Sue

erin austin said...

a translation for my non-portuguese speaking readers!

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A hug.

Anonymous said...

Totally understand this. It's like this type of man is ready to give you everything that a relationship has (affection, intimacy, fun) but only for a short time and never calling it a 'relationship' you're 'just having a good time together'

Then they're suprised that you've taken all this love and affection as a sign that he wants to be with you

Anonymous said...

Easily I acquiesce in but I think the post should secure more info then it has.

Anonymous said...

Again a gentle post. Thanks your crony