Monday, December 3, 2007

AM I REALLY A CONTESTANT???

I feel like I'm on the TV show "The Bachelor". As we all know I've gone on some dates. At the moment, I'm not juggling a bunch of guys. Things have died down a bit. There's a person that I've somewhat started seeing. Totally nothing serious. We've gone out. Although no official dates. So the contestant thing??? As I've dated multiple people at a time, this guy is doing the same. Problem is, he tells me about it. The bigger problem is he calls us "CONTESTANTS"!!!! Yeah you read it right!!!

At first I thought it was kind of funny. Then I was slightly offended. I told him it kind of made me uncomfortable to be a contestant and he said "I know, I didn't really want it to come out like that." But here's the thing...he still calls us that. Now I'm not sure if it's a big joke now or what...and he thinks it's funny, but there's a part of me that feels a little hurt by that comment. Like I'm a piece of meat and not a real person.

This guy by the way, has been up front from the beginning....for the most part. I'm sure there are things that he is not forthcoming with. With that said, I've known from the start that he's "dating" other girls. Whatever dating is for this guy. This is also the same guy that I wrote about being a bad boy. FYI.

I'm doing my best at playing it cool. Not being affected and non-needy but at the same time, I'm a girl who at the end of the day wants to have a guy that loves hanging around me. Is excited to see me and can't wait to see me again.

I feel over the past 2 years since my divorce I've learned a few things. One thing I learned is that I'm not a door mat. I always felt 2nd best when it came to my husband and his job. I know he was busy but he never made me feel as if I was the one he looked forward seeing at the end of his day. I think he was in love with his palm pilot! Sean(the last boyfriend) was actually very kind to me. Our biggest downfall was the fact he had an ailing brother and he was priority number 1 and after his passing Sean was never the same.

Sorry I've gone off on a tangent there....

Now I know that people date multiple people. I'm not an idiot. And the guys I've gone on dates with I've come up with nicknames for...but contestants??? Is it funny or am I being completely disrespected to my face? Granted, I'm PMS'ing like a mother but still....I'm a somewhat sensitive flower that needs a little Time...Care...and Attention.

LBS...Let's be serious here...If I'm going to be on "The Bachelor" can a girl at least get a rose at the end of the night!!! GAWD!

I know to take things slow and see how things go but at what point does taking one's time become I cop out and it becomes a classic case of "He's Just Not That Into You!"?

At what point are you playing it cool or just plain playing a fool?

5 comments:

Rebecca said...

AMEN, Sista!!! My question always has been: At what point do we start fighting for a guy, and at what point do we stop fighting for them?

To the first question: After time, I've come to realize the obvious - and that is - When and why did chivalry die? Women Should be 'chased/pursued', they Should be taken out on "real dates" in the beginning, and should be shown RESPECT...no matter what. If we have to 'chase' a guy, or if we find ourselves constantly questioning his intentions, or his degree of 'like' towards us - then the answer is simple - he really ISN'T into us. If a man likes you, he will do everything in his power to show you, and tell you. It will be a 'given'. And there won't be any other "Contestants".

To the second question: A past boyfriend of mine randomly sent me a message that read, "If we chalk up every heartbreak or misfourtune to 'It just wasn't meant to be', then what in this world would be worth fighting for?" Great question, I thought...and so true, on so many levels!! So when he broke up with me, I threw that statement/question back in his face when I "fought" to get him back. The problem or question to that, now becomes: How LONG do you 'fight'??

Is this guy REALLY, TRULY worth it to you to stick around and play the "wait and see what happens" game? I know that men find patience in a woman very attractive, however should we really sacrafice our own happieness to get them to like us?
I'm trying my hardest to give my ex the 'space & time' he needs, sacraficing MY happieness, hoping that maybe one day, he'll come to his senses and see that he has had a great catch in front of him this whole time. But how long do I really need and want to wait?? I have needs to, and so do you.

I'm proud of you to admit that you're a "sensitive flower", because most women are. We are wired completely different from men. However, we are all the same to one extent: in one moment of time in our lives, we all have been a "contestant" and have also had "contestants"....it's never easy, and someone always ends up getting hurt. Just dig deep inside, think about what will make you happiest, and you'll know what to do about this one.

Anonymous said...

You should have guys falling all over you, don't settle for the BAD BOY. Can I send you my picture?

Ric

Kim said...

Erin this guy sounds like a "player" and just into his own needs and wants. Anyway, if he's calling you "contestants" and you've already told him it bothers you, then he should have stopped it. Sounds like this guy is not ready to date one woman and is enjoying being "the man" with all his prospects. Is he sleeping around with these
other "contestants"... if yes then yuck! He's not for you. At this point I'd believe what people have been telling you about him. So don't make excuses for him and start listening to your instincts, you know they are always dead on. You just talk yourself out of them. Don't waste any more time or energy on someone that is not ready to engage in the type of dating you want.

Anonymous said...

Or maybe, Kim...

I'm not ready to date someone serious, yet she finds that I am worth hanging around for when I am. Maybe I have had my heart broken recently and I am chosing to take things slow. To help myself do that, I make light of the topic. By-the-way, Sweet Innocent Erin is quick to call the other girls contestants, so why can't I joke about it as well?

I am a catch and a great guy, I am just trying to take things slow. I don't want to jump into another relationship that isn't right for me. I am ready to settle down with the right girl, I am just not going to waiver from what I think that girl is. My parents got divorced when I was young, and I never want to do that, nor do I want to put my kids to be through that kind of situation.

As I have explained to Erin on more then one occasion, my plate is very full right now with work and other obligations, and I don't want to date someone half-assed. I think she is a great girl and I enjoy my time with her, but I don't want to get hurt again, or make another bad dating decision.

-The Bachelor

Brewcity said...

Bachelor... if that's really the case, then why would you STILL call her a "contestant?"

Seriously, as a man... that's just plain rude to say. You're not on a ridiculous reality show; rather, if you really cared about her as you claim to do... then you need to respect her wishes & desist with the "contestant" references.

Before I got married... I too took it very slow with women & made some light of it. But if they ever told me that they didn't feel comfortable with something I said, I stopped immediately, especially if I really wanted to be with that woman.

Erin... don't be fooled by this feigned attempt at "kiddie" humor. If "Bachelor" can't respect your wishes (which he's shown he won't... but would much rather defend his actions), then he's not worth your time or energy. Move on & just live your life. Don't worry about guys... they'll come to you.

Remember... the Tortoise ALWAYS defeats the Hare! :-)