I'M BAAAACK!

It seems like forever since I wrote my last blog!  What has it been? A year or something? WOW! Time flies by!  There's a few reasons why I took a break from writing, but now I;m ready to get back to it.

One reason I fell off the blogging scene is because I bought a house and that kept me rather busy at the end of last year.  The past year I really tried to turn things around for myself financially. I was never in debt, which is great. But I also wasn't doing a good job of saving or repairing my credit.

When I got a divorce, there were a few things that affected my credit because either my ex ran up the card or was late on the payments.  So I canceled all my cards and didn't have a credit card for 5 years.  It was great not being in debt, but it was also hurt me because I wasn't establishing "good credit."  So I got a credit card with a small limit so that I could get my score up.

After that I started to really watch my spending and was putting all my extra money into savings.  Before I knew it had money in the bank and was making the steps towards buying my first house by myself. 

Which I'm happy to say I accomplished all of those goals and I'm still moving towards better credit.

Another reason I think I took a break is because I wrote mostly about relationship stuff and frankly I didn't have any issues to write about.  Even though I might've got my inspiration for my blog from a situation that my friend was in, I always found a way to relate to it.  After going over some of my blogs I realized that the people I was referring to for my experiences were people that I shouldn't be getting worked up over.  They were a complete waste of my energy. And frankly, they probably didn't give me a second thought.

The biggest reason I probably stopped writing my blog: I started dating someone.  Say What?? I know! It's crazy! Me, the girl that barely made it past most first dates is dating someone and has been for over 6 months.  We have our moments and it's not always perfect, but it we do work together to make it work out.  (Trust me, I'll probably have a blog or two to write with stuff that we get into it about.)

Why did I decide to write my blog again? I missed it.  And honestly, most of my girlfriends that I'd talk to about stuff have all gotten married and/or had babies and aren't available much.  Not to mention, I have a new schedule which makes it difficult.

With all that said, today is the restart of my blog.  I'll still talk relationship stuff, but just from a different angle.

To Be Continued...

THE AFTER EFFECTS OF THE "NO CALL"

What goes through a girls head after we have sex with you and don't hear back

The other day I was hanging out with a girlfriend of mine and I asked her about a guy she'd been hanging out with. They had went out about a month by the time they had sex. When I asked when the last time she heard from him it had been a week or so. Immediately I said how it sucks when you're dating or you just hooked up a guy and then you sit there wondering if you'll ever hear from them again. Every girl I know over analyzes why her phone hasn't at least chimed with a text message from him. Here's a little insight for guys on what goes through our head as we sit and wait.

Literally every possible thing that could've gone wrong is what we worry about. She and I sat there and listed them off.

Was I not good enough in bed?
Did I not pull out enough tricks?
Did I do too many tricks?
Did he think I was fat?
Did he not like how I looked naked?
Was my butt too big? Were my boobs too small?
Did I smell?
Did I make too much noise...or not enough?
Did I make weird faces?

That's just the stuff we wonder about ourselves afterwards and we're waiting to hear back from a guy. There's a ton of other things we think that have nothing to do with us.

Was he just using me?
Was it just because he was drunk?
Does he really have a girlfriend?
Was it just a game for him?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I sleep with him too soon?
Was he just looking to hookup?

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. This is just a taste of the mental torture that ladies put ourselves through when we are waiting to hear from a guy. Sometimes I don't think guys even realize that by their not calling or texting us that it sends us into paranoia. I think guys just do it and move on. Where girls are wondering if we did was bad/wrong.

I know the last time I wondered these things. He and I never dated, more like friends I guess. After we hooked up I sat there wondering if or when I'd ever hear from him again. Even though I know we aren't going to date it would still be nice to hear from them. Even if it's just a quick "Hey how was your day?" It makes you feel a little better. You know, less like a piece of meat and more like a person that has feelings.

Since that night I haven't heard from him. The next week I had all those questions go through my head. Especially, since it had been a while since I'd been with anyone. I guess I was feeling a little sensitive. I wondered if I was up to par or not. Was my body good enough? Was I good enough in the skills dept.? I tried not to worry too much about it, but I have a tendency to pick myself apart and over analyze.

So guys, the next time you hook up with a girl that you're dating, trying to date, friends with, or hook up with every once in awhile, please don't wait forever to get back in touch with her. Seriously, just send her a text and say hi or something. Save our sanity.

WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A BUT???

A while back I wanted to write this blog.  I had decided to put it on the back burner, but after a few things that have happened in recent months, I've decided that I needed to get this one off my chest.

I know a lot of single ladies will feel me on this one...

Picture this scene:  Girl sees boy she finds attractive at (insert place here).  She finds out his name and maybe tries to find him on Facebook. Then only to find out that he has a (insert obstacle here: ex, wife, girlfriend, fiance, baby mama). It happens every time!  Every guy that I find attractive has a giant "BUT!"

It doesn't always have to be the typical "BUT" either. Typical "BUT's" would be, as I mentioned earlier: wife, girlfriend, fiance, baby mama, or girl they've been dating for an extended period of time. Other "BUT'S" include: kids, job issues, past relationship issues, jail time, or any other life obstacle that would make them a possible undesirable person to date.

I don't want to fail to mention that these "BUT's" aren't always labeled by me or the woman.  These are "BUT's" that the subject puts upon themselves.  For instance, I once had a guy flat out tell me he wouldn't date me because he had too much drama in his life.  His drama included: ex, kid, and some financial issues. Actually, it really included several general life roadblocks.  Put those all together and this guy is not looking for a relationship. (Or at least not one with me)

They say finding someone has a lot to do with timing.  Sometimes I think that's a little bit of B.S.,but other times I think it's got some truth to it. How is it though...that every single person that I've been attracted to in the last 5 years of my life has a "BUT?" 

Let me think of some of the "BUT's."

• There's a hot guy at my gym...BUT he's married! AND his wife is pregnant! ---He's OUT!
• I met this guy when I was out with my friends...BUT...he doesn't want a gf because he wants to travel.
• I have this great guy friend I've always had a crush on...BUT he lives in another state.
• I know this guy that is a great catch. Smart, good looking, great sense of humour...BUT he has a baby mama...AND he's still hung up on her.
• There's this guy I think is super cute...BUT he likes blonds...AND big boobs!
• I dated this sweet guy...BUT he was at a bad place in his life when we dated.

Do you get my point?  These are just a few of the "BUT's" that I could come up with in 1.26 min.  If you gave me about an hour I could come up with a ton.  

When will I ever meet someone I'm attracted to and there's no "BUT?" Is there always going to be a "BUT" and I'll just have to settle? Will I have to settle with a guy that his "BUT" is that I don't find him attractive? (He's a nice guy...BUT...I'm thinking of someone else when we're in bed together.) Just saying'.

SCARED TO BE MYSELF

I'm sure I've talked about this subject before, but in case I haven't...here it goes. 

I was flipping around TV and caught a bit of The Bachelor Pad finale. Blakeley, one of contestants, said something that struck me. She comes across as a little rough around the edges. She's tatted up and is a little bit of a tough talker. While on the show she started dating a guy. A guy that thought she was gorgeous and was happy to be with her despite her tough exterior.

Even though I wanted to puke while watching her get emotional over finding this great guy, I couldn't help feel for her in a way.  Here's a girl that comes off tough, but still found a guy that loves her.  In fact, he popped the question on the show! Now will it work out?? In today's day and age it's tough, but I did appreciate that she found someone. (Although I don't believe for a second that she's ever had a shortage of boyfriends)

The part that stuck out for me is when she said thought it was all too good to be true. Through her tears she admitted that she didn't know what she did to deserve someone like Tony. She went on to say that he lets her be herself and can let her guard down.

Even though I kind of wanted to barf, I knew how she felt.  I've never been in a relationship where I could be myself.  To be honest, it doesn't even get to that point most of the time. Every time I go out with a guy I'm paralyzed with fear to by myself.

After years of being myself without any success with relationships I thought maybe I need to tone myself down.  So now when I actually do have a date I try to be a very vanilla and non-offending version that they might like.  The only problem is I then get anxiety because I become afraid that once the guy finds out that I'm sassy and tell dirty jokes that they will run for the hills and change their mind about me.

The only guys that have seen "Erin" in her true form are my guy friends from Milwaukee or guys that I work with at the station.  I've noticed that I'm totally myself around people at work, my friends (both guys and girls), and random people I meet.  I'm myself around pretty much everyone except guys that I'm trying to date.  I'm so scared that I won't be good enough or that I'll be too much for them to handle that I tense up.

I had a Jamba juice date with a guy recently and a guy at work asked me how it went.  When I told it that it went well, he responded back with, "Don't worry! You'll have another chance to scare him off."  And you know what; I think I did just that. Although, I'm not sure what I did. And trust me, I analyzed everything I said, did, and how I acted. To be honest, there's not one specific moment that I remember pissing my chances down my shorts.

I know some people are going to say, "Erin, don't change yourself to please others. There's someone out there that can handle all that you are." Yada yada yada...blah blah blah. I get that and I get that I maybe an acquired taste, but COME ON! I can't be that bad!! Or am I?  They say you should be true to yourself, but what if the real you is the reason why they don't stay?

SMH: SHAKING MY HEAD...AT MYSELF!

Do you ever have those moments where you just want to smack yourself upside the head for something you did? I had that moment where I wanted to shake myself like a crying baby for being a bit of an idiot. You're probably wondering what it is that made me have such a lapse in judgement. Actually, it's not something I did...more like something I let myself believe.

I'm not sure exactly how to explain it, but I guess I'm feeling a little bit like a stupid teenage girl.

I've been told I'm cynical. (No kidding right?) Although, lately I've been finding myself becoming a little more gullible. I'm falling in a trap where I'm actually believing something in my head, when it would probably never ever actually happen in the real world.

Here's a scenario that has happened several times and I still somehow fall for it. Say there's a guy that's giving me a little bit of attention. He sends flirty messages, possibly even a sassy text after a few drinks. He seems to be kinda interested yet, no moves are made.

I think most girls would be a little confused. Is he Interested? Does he just want to hookup? Whats going on here?

Well, I had tell myself then and when it still happens I have to remind myself that "You're probably not the only one he does this to so stop thinking you're so special."


Those nights where he's texting you...guess what? He probably sent the same text about snuggling to 3 others girls! You're not so special anymore.

The fact that he never really asks to hang out with you should've been another ginormous clue that "Hey!! The dude isn't really that interested!"

I've heard a saying, 'If he wanted to hang out with you, He would.' And as much as I would love to believe there is a lot of gray area there, I think that if man wants something he goes after it, and if he's not going after you it's probably because he doesn't want you...or at least not bad enough.

So, I just have to shake my head at myself for believing that that guy would ever like or date me. Its like high school Erin all over again. When Adam Stockman would talk to me in the hall and say something I perceived as flirty and thought maybe just maybe that he liked me! When in actuality I had some candy and he wanted a piece! (candy is not a metaphor for something. It's actually candy)

So, the next time I'm getting these cryptic messages that are semi-flirty in nature, somewhat generic, and it goes nowhere because he never does anything about it...I'll have to remind myself a few things. 1. He probably sent the same message to 3 chicks (at least) 2. If he wanted to see you he would. 3. He's probably just messing with you. So get over yourself because you ain't so special!

WHY DO I COMPARE MYSELF?

I wrote about comparing yourself to others several years ago.  I don't remember what I wrote, but I know that it's a bad habit of mine that I still have a hard time breaking.  I just did it again today in fact.  And when I did, it instantly made me sad.

You gotta love Facebook sometimes.  It's the perfect place for someone with any sort of insecurity about themselves to look around for 5 minutes and make themselves feel like poop.  What's even more pathetic, is that half the time you're looking around on people's FB pages not trying to feel worse. Then, it happens.  Someone pops in your head and you decide to go to their page.  Some might call it Facebook stalking. I call it scooping out the scenery or scoping out the competition.

Every girl does this. There's a guy that we're interested in....and....we ALWAYS look up THE ex.  We then sit there and compare ourselves to her.  (Are we prettier than her? Is she skinnier? What does she do for a living? How much money does she make? How big are her boobs? What color is her hair?) Most girls act like they are better than the ex, but I'm not like that unfortunately.

I may see something about myself that I think is better than her, but usually that doesn't work.  Because most times the ex still has the power over him.  I could be prettier, younger, funnier, with a cooler and better job, and not be a gold diggin' biatch, and yet I won't win.

I even compare myself to girls I don't know.  When I was in Milwaukee a couple of weeks ago for my birthday, my friend Melissa was telling me these stories about the girlfriends of her fiancés buddies.  They all sounded like bitches with the personality of a wet wash cloth and dead fishes in bed. Yet, these chicks had boyfriends hanging on their every word. Then there's me...who is funny, not a total bitch with the "skills"...aaaaannnnndddd NOTHING!

I compare all the time.  Sometimes I tell myself that I'm better, but a lot of times I tell myself that I'm not. Why do I do it?  How do I/you stop it? Can you ever stop it?  I know I shouldn't compare are myself, but it is something I've done since I was in elementary school.

BEING HUNG UP ON YOUR EX

I think everyone has someone that they are or were hung up on. Usually it's an ex. Sometimes it's someone that was a little more temporary, but for some reason you can't let them go. My theory is that we tend to be hung up on people that aren't good for us.

I've been guilty of being hung up on someone.  For the longest time I was hung up on Mr. Dallas.  Some may say I'm still hung up on him however, I disagree.  I think I was hung up on the feeling that the relationship gave me.  There were so many things that he did that made me feel special, appreciated, and loved.  I was just hoping that that wouldn't be the last time I felt it.

In the last several years I've met more and more guys that "seem" to be hung up on exes.  Since I can be a little cynical about "real" male feelings, I'm not totally sure how hung up they are, but whatever it is, they're too afraid to move forward with their lives.

I can understand that.  I was so hurt after my breakup with Mr. Dallas that I was paralyzed with fear.  Although, I felt as though I kept a pretty open mind that I may find someone again.  Then again, I'm still single and have my guard up a bit...or a lot depending on who you talk to.

OK...going back to the wounded boys. Who are these these women that hold their nuts hearts in their hands? Again, it's probably someone that isn't the right person for them, but for some reason these women have the power.  I don't get it.  I mean, I'd get it if these women had the cure to cancer, helped people, walked old ladies across the street...then I might understand.  However, all I hear is how they're money hungry, selfish, narcissistic,  bitchy, and sometimes lame in bed.  REALLY??? At least the guy I was hung up on sweet, affectionate, and liked to get it on!!!

Why do we let people hold onto our hearts when they don't want them? They aren't in our present for a reason.  Yet, we let them hold on to our future because we're scared, we're hurt, and we let them.