The other day I was hanging out with a girlfriend of mine and I asked her about a guy she'd been hanging out with. They had went out about a month by the time they had sex. When I asked when the last time she heard from him it had been a week or so. Immediately I said how it sucks when you're dating or you just hooked up a guy and then you sit there wondering if you'll ever hear from them again. Every girl I know over analyzes why her phone hasn't at least chimed with a text message from him. Here's a little insight for guys on what goes through our head as we sit and wait.
Literally every possible thing that could've gone wrong is what we worry about. She and I sat there and listed them off.
Was I not good enough in bed?
Did I not pull out enough tricks?
Did I do too many tricks?
Did he think I was fat?
Did he not like how I looked naked?
Was my butt too big? Were my boobs too small?
Did I smell?
Did I make too much noise...or not enough?
Did I make weird faces?
That's just the stuff we wonder about ourselves afterwards and we're waiting to hear back from a guy. There's a ton of other things we think that have nothing to do with us.
Was he just using me?
Was it just because he was drunk?
Does he really have a girlfriend?
Was it just a game for him?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I sleep with him too soon?
Was he just looking to hookup?
I could go on and on, but you get the idea. This is just a taste of the mental torture that ladies put ourselves through when we are waiting to hear from a guy. Sometimes I don't think guys even realize that by their not calling or texting us that it sends us into paranoia. I think guys just do it and move on. Where girls are wondering if we did was bad/wrong.
I know the last time I wondered these things. He and I never dated, more like friends I guess. After we hooked up I sat there wondering if or when I'd ever hear from him again. Even though I know we aren't going to date it would still be nice to hear from them. Even if it's just a quick "Hey how was your day?" It makes you feel a little better. You know, less like a piece of meat and more like a person that has feelings.
Since that night I haven't heard from him. The next week I had all those questions go through my head. Especially, since it had been a while since I'd been with anyone. I guess I was feeling a little sensitive. I wondered if I was up to par or not. Was my body good enough? Was I good enough in the skills dept.? I tried not to worry too much about it, but I have a tendency to pick myself apart and over analyze.
So guys, the next time you hook up with a girl that you're dating, trying to date, friends with, or hook up with every once in awhile, please don't wait forever to get back in touch with her. Seriously, just send her a text and say hi or something. Save our sanity.
16 comments:
Here's my take on this topic as a guy.
If a guy's dating a girl and doesn't call after sex, he's a selfish prick. However, if both the girl and the guy are just hooking up or friends with benefit without actually dating, and he made it clear of this intention to the girl and didn't mislead her in any way, then it's perfectly fine to not call unless he wants to hook up again with the girl. If the girl feels like crap or got emotionally attached it's her own fault. Guy didn't do anything wrong at all.
Gotcha! Well in my case I don't think he did anything wrong...I'm just saying it would've been nice to hear at least something in the weeks afterwards. Like I said, especially since it had been over 6 months since I had "coffee"
Dear Erin
I do think that a guy should at least call or text a girl after they get together. I think that it is just common curtesy and rude if they don't
On another note i am glad to read and hear your stories as we miss you from Wisconsin. The radio is not the same without you
from steven
Here's what guys you date are probably thinking after the weekend "hump me-dump me."
1. Why is Erin so needy?
2. Why is Erin so focused on herself all the time?
3. Will this end up on her blog?
4. Do these pants make me look fat?
Okay, just kidding about the last one. Guys don't care if they look fat.
So who's lined up this week? Where do I apply?
I have to expand on the last poster. Erin, you do seem a bit self obsessed. I rarely see even a hint of concern for how the other person might feel. Unless it's wondering how they feel about you. Perhaps, and I'm just saying, you could be a little less self involved and start developing your empathy toward others a bit more.
I suppose it's tough being judged all the time as you are in the radio industry. But there really is no need for you to reinforce how wonderful you are. We already know.
I'm sensing a tad bit of sarcasm on the "there really is no need for you to reinforce how wonderful you are. We already know." part.
I certainly don't think I'm wonderful. I guess that's why I write this blog. Since I pick myself apart ALL THE TIME...I guess I write about that so that people know how hard I am on myself. I also do it so that I know that there might be someone that goes through the same stuff.
I may be a little guilty of being concerned about myself. However, in my defense...I am by myself. I'm single with no kids. My family doesn't live close by...they're 2000 miles away and most of my best friends live 1200 miles away.
In the last several years I feel like I've just been coasting. Waiting to see what will life bring me. This last year I decided to make a concerted effort to change things that I needed to change. Things that I had been putting on hold for no good reason.
So if that makes me some so-called "self obsessed" person then whatever. I look it as a way of trying to improve myself vs. being like self involved Kim Kardashian.
Sometimes when you're alone you live in your own bubble.
Anddd more more thing...I'm working on it. We're all a work in progress and I'm trying the best I can at the moment.
It's your blog and you can be self obsessed all you want if that's how you want to come across or write whatever you want to. It's just writing on a blog. People who think they actually know a person just from reading a blog entry are totally delusional. I'm sure people who know you in real life like accept you for who you are.
One thing I would say is that men aren't the only selfish people in a relationship and dating. If may feel that way to you and your girlfriends, but it's not true. In fact guys tend to be abrupt and curt with girls that they weren't all that interested in to begin with once they get what they want, but usually it's the women who are far more manipulative and spiteful.
People that write blogs are self- absorbed and need attention. That's why they write them. It's sad that the previous poster is so delusional that he does not realize that.In "real" life, people tend to hang out with people that are like them and tell them what they want to hear.
I was not being the least bit sarcastic when I said you were a wonderful person. It was a sincere compliment.
But... take a look at your response and count the number of times you say "I" in it.
Sure it's your blog so of course you will talk about you. But there are ways to say things without referencing yourself all the time. You have all day to write these things. Take some time to smooth out the edges. We know the thoughts expressed are yours. You don't have to say, "I think..." all the time.
And for the record: I like you and think you are fantastic. Your friends will except you with your flaws. We all have flaws! Just be you! No need to be defensive at all. Flaws make a diamond unique. Embrace yours and have fun with them. Own them. We love them.
2 things.
Totally agree that men aren't the only selfish ones in dating and relationships. There's a lot of trifling ladies out there that's for sure.
As for "People that write blogs are self- absorbed and need attention"...hmm So I guess my friend Erin's blog that i follow that has cancer she's self absorbed and needs attention. Good to know.
Hell we all want attention. That's why people post stuff on facebook, twitter.
It all depends on the kind of attention. Are you a girl that needs male attention so you post cleavage pics on fb or wear revealing clothes to get looked at?
Or do you want to funny so you crack jokes to get attention?
No, you are a girl that needs a nose job, botox, long hair, and makeup to get male attention. How is that any different, or any better than a girl that wears certain clothes to get attention? I have 2 friends that have cancer and they don't have blogs, because they don't want people to pity them, or see them as victims. Your friend needs people to do that.
Listen here Bitty Betty!!!
I got a nose job because ME, MYSELF & I wanted it! Not because I thought the fixing of my deviated would attract more men!
2. Botox makes me feel younger so I will continue to get it/
3. I hate short hair and prefer how i look with long hair. And it's real...
4. 98% of women wear makeup.
So get off your high-horse.
BTW.. a lot of people that have cancer have blogs. Isn't that what caringbridge is?
And who cares if people that have cancer want attention?? Giv'em a break! They are probably feeling alone and lost with what they are going through and knowing that people might care can make them feel better.
I feel bad for you. You seem like such an angry, judgmental, bitter, know it all, kick them while they're down kind of a person.
Your future comments of negativity will be deleted. Not because they are critical, but because they truly offer nothing constructive to the conversation of even pertain to the subject at hand.
In fact, I'd prefer if you stop reading my blog all together...because frankly I don't need your kind of attention.
The poster who mentioned your Botox is a jerk. Doing things to make you feel better about yourself is never a bad thing. That poster should try it. Clearly they need help feeling good about ANYTHING.
"People who write blogs are self absorbed"???? So I suppose, using the posters logic, anyone with any opinion on any subject is also "self absorbed". Bloggers are simply sharing observations and opinions. Kind of like people in general do every day. In this case it's simply a wider audience. And in Erin's case it tends to be more about her struggles through life.
So what's the issue?
Hi Erin,
I always enjoy your blogs and find them so true & insightfull. I glad you blocked the one anon commentator..Continue the great blogs and hope you get back on the radio or tv,, miss your 95.7 conversations.. Best wishes
Brad
The idiot that commented about botox is just that, an idiot! Don't even give him the time of day.
I understand how writing a blog can actually help a person. It is a release and in some cases, an easier way to express how you feel. I sense that in person you sometimes have difficulty in expressing what you think or how you feel. This blog is a good way to do that. We all have flaws and hopefully, we all are working on them. There will always be negativity in this world, just don't let it get you down.
Hi Erin found your blog purely by accident, this story perplexed me as to how to comment to it, as you could offer two very different opinions, both of which being of value and truth. Firstly, after the hook up one could argue why maybe you did not text or call the guy? as he actually might be thinking exactly the same of you, hence both parties both feeling left rejected and pondering each others negative/positive feelings of each other?
Second outcome was quite different, if say you had met a guy and hooked up on first occasion, both parties might be seen to be equally to blame for poor judgement or weakness of holding back from rushing into something so sensitive, its easy for the reader to subscribe to any judgment on this issue, but I would go with my first and a little bit of my second analysis, and suggest maybe both parties are equally to blame and maybe call or text the guy and you never know you both would have benefitted from that outcome :) ,..anyway this blog is very old so im sure both parties have either moved on or made that call or text :) .
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