11 THINGS EVERY GIRL SHOULD HOLD OUT FOR

Ok...I'm not going to lie. When it's toward a certain time of the month I get a little more emotional and sometimes my lonliness kicks in a little. I was talking to a girl here a work about dating and who's together...you know girl stuff.

After our little talk, she sent me an article that her mother passed on to her. It's the 11 Things Every Girl Should Hold Out For. My comments are in ().


Written by Shallon Lester, Single-ish, Glamour Magazine.

Here it is:

I’m holding out for a guy with a sense of adventure as well as a big sense of humor. You’re going to need that to be with me.

Since I’m in between relationships at the moment, I’ve had some time to think about what I want and don’t want in a future partner. It helps, too, that I’ve had ample opportunity to observe all of my friends and their relationships. So I made a list of some must-haves we single ladies should be looking for. Well, not just looking for, but holding out for. Here’s what is non-negotiable:

1. A guy who can make you laugh.

Some things in life are not funny. Can he make you at least chuckle when the chips are down?

(I always want a funny guy but there are hard to find)

2. A guy who will laugh at your jokes and “get” you.

He might not understand you perfectly on the first date, but if you think you’re funny at all, I hope he gets that and appreciates it about you. Otherwise, you could be Kathy Griffin and you’ll still be laughing alone your whole life. Well, she's single. But I mean, if Kathy Griffin were—whatever!

(This is HUGE for me. I need a guy that can handle my vagina jokes and random bathroom humour. You'd think it wouldn't be hard but not many guys can handle my randomness)

3. A guy who will attend your lame “things.”

Adult dance recital, Mom’s birthday party? Find the guy who will go to something boring even though he will get nothing out of it—but he'll go for you.

(I like going to costco on the weekends)

4. A guy who will do nothing with you.

And I mean Nothing. If you’re feeling low-energy, anti-social, or blah, can he sit and do nothing with you or does he always leave you on the couch and go party with the guys? And could you two entertain each other on a deserted island or while stuck in traffic?

(I've always wanted a guy that would fall asleep with me on the couch)

5. A guy who will give you a thoughtful gift or card.

Not every time, obviously, but I would hope this dude would have his moments of showing you he has thought about you.

(This is the best when it's for no reason and when you hand write the entire thing)

6. A guy who will say he loves you.

I do not care about his made-up theory that love is just a social construct or what have you. Hold out for someone who can and will say it. Also, he shouldn’t say it just because you want him to; he should say it because it feels good to say it.

(Again it's great when it's unexpected and not just the way they end the conversation.)

7. A guy you respect.

Does he have a good head on his shoulders? Does he generally like his job? Is he proud of himself? Let’s hope so, ‘cause if you think he’s a lazy idiot, you’ll end up resenting him.

(I want to be proud of my man)

I asked some of my friends what they held out for, and this is what they told me….

8. A guy you have good chemistry with.

He doesn’t have to be Jude Law, but you should be attracted enough so that every time you have an argument, you will be motivated (by your underlying desire for him!) to work it out.

(This is a HUGE one for me again. After my failed marriage where the sex life was bleeeech, this is in my top 3!)

9. A guy who agrees with you about travel.

If you have wanderlust and he never wants to leave his hometown, don’t compromise by staying with him long-term and staying home. It’s fine to be a homebody, but if you're interested in exploring, find a guy with the travel bug. Otherwise, you’ll look back one day when you’re too old, tired, or broke and you'll wish you had seen the world.

(Absolutely! I love to travel and even though I do it alone it'd be nice once have a partner in my adventures.)

10. A guy with similar family goals.

Don’t compromise on whether or not you’ll have kids. If you want them, find a guy who does. Me, I don’t get serious with guys who say “maybe” they want kids. I want someone who feels as sure as I do—and I can't talk anyone in or out of anything.

(This is a tough one for me because it really depends on who I marry. I want to marry a guy that I can see being a great father and a great partner.)

And finally, the best one—of course, comes from my wise friend Melissa:

11. “Wait for someone who sees you the way you want to be seen.

He thinks you’re smart, funny, beautiful and powerful—always. Even on days when you can’t believe any of that about yourself.”
That’s a good one! Can’t wait for that.

(I'd love to find someone to love me on good days and bad. The pretty and the plain days)

What are you holding out for?

Here's a few I'm hoping to find although I'm wondering if it's possible.

A honest man that won't cheat. A guy actually puts you in the equation. A guy that likes me and there's no "but" that comes with it. Is this even attainable?

DO ALL GUYS JUST WANT SEX?

To a lot of you reading this you're probably thinking "Uhhh Yeah...DUH!!" And I'm sure a lot do. Although, if you were to talk to my ex husband while we were married he would've preferred to clean the house with a swiffer mop than get frisky with me.

When I got married I didn't have a lot of dating experience and now that I'm divorced and have been for 5 years, I'm starting to experience the dating thing a little later than most. And let me tell ya this blows!!!

It's not often that I meet someone that I find interesting, but when I do there's a little voice that goes off in my head every time.

You see, my parents are conservative Christians that wanted to make sure I wasn't going to have sex till I was married. So to make sure that didn't happen, they wouldn't allow me to date till I was 16. That included school dances. Now, lucky for them they never had to worry about that because the only guys that ever liked me in high school were either the foreign exchange students or pot smokers. (I was nice to everyone) Oh and top it off I was a late bloomer physically, so that certainly didn't help. Although the most popular girl in school was pretty flat and it always worked out for her. Hmmm.

Back on track here...One thing that my dad told me growing up was, "Erin, guys only want you for one thing. Guys only want to have sex with you." So now every time I meet someone I hear that in my head. And the more men I meet I start to wonder if that's true.

No matter whom I meet or how I meet them. I feel like that men want that one thing and that's it. Now matter if it's "Banker Boy" in Milwaukee that I dated, to the musician that called me his girlfriend for the night, to the guys on match I've met. It's all the same. They all end up the same. Just like my dad told me. Which is sad. I was hoping he might be wrong. Well he was wrong with my ex-husband. There’s a guy that didn't want just sex...he just didn't want it at all.

Like "Banker Boy" In Milwaukee. He was all about me and then one day I could tell things were off, I confronted him and we broke up. After that I could pretty much guarantee that any time he was drunk and it was past 1am, I'd hear from him. A lot of times when he had a girlfriend out of state.

Or the musician that said all the right things at the time. When the last time I saw him, he told me about how he missed having a girlfriend on the road. How he got lonely, and how I was his girlfriend for the night! Now looking back I feel like he saw me coming! Or maybe I looked like easy prey.

Or how about the guys I've met on match, or at the bar. God there’s a few of those.
No matter where I've met them, I feel like they all want one thing. The treasured surprise inside. Am I ever going to find a guy that wants that, but wants me more? IS that even possible?

I know I have a sassy personality that can hang with the guys and can talk about everything. I guess it'd be nice if guys didn't think that I was some dirty pirate hooker just because I can talk about a penis! Yeah I'll talk about penis, but guess what? Doesn't mean I want to see yours!!! And just because I am comfortable to tell a dick joke doesn't mean I pass out free samples like I'm a fricking Costco on a Saturday afternoon!

I wonder if guys do this too!!

MEN DATE ON THE SOCIAL LADDER JUST LIKE GIRLS

I always thought that women were the only ones that did this, but I'm starting to realize that some men date on the social ladder just like women have done for years.

What does dating on the social ladder mean? For women it was always wanting to marry the doctor. The guy that's a mover and shaker. Or dating a celebrity of some sort, whether it's the local celeb, the guy in a band, or the guy that plays some professional sport.

I've always wanted a man that did well for himself, but I don't think I have ever been the girl to seek out someone just because of how high they are on the social food chain.

In fact, I've always had my rule about guys that I wouldn't date. For instance, musicians and professional athletes. As talented and charming as I'm sure they are, I always saw them as guys that were so wrapped up in themselves and weren't really able to stay faithful on the road. Not saying that they're all that way, but I've met a musician that was married and he was giving me a hard core sales job like a used car salesman.

So let's get to how I've noticed guys dating on the social ladder. There's a guy that I semi-dated. For this story we'll call him "Name Dropper." Name dropper was a guy that lived up to his name.

He never really talked about anything of real substance but when he did talk about something, it was usually about himself or the important people he knew. When he would talk about his "good" friends he wouldn't just say, "Oh my friend Jack is going to be there." He'd say, " Oh my friend Jack that plays for the Houston Astros is going to be there." Keep 2 things in mind I've changed the names of the people and teams in this story. Also, the guy he always referenced this way, I'd met multiple times and each time that same guy also acted like he never met me before! NICE!!!

Now what's interesting about this guy is every person he associated with seemed to have a title of some sort. I remember thinking when we were hanging out that if I were some girl with a normal job, like working at a dentist office, he wouldn't have taken me out. What's funny is he's now dating a woman that used to be married to some pro sports player and you can always see her picture in the society section. Needless to say, it sounds like a match made in "who can use who more" heaven.

Now this next story I'm actually kind of embarrassed to admit. You see awhile back I met a celebrity of sorts and kind of developed a school girl crush on him. Ugh...this is where it gets embarrassing.

I actually had thought that this guy might like me!! How silly is that? Why would I ever think this guy would actually like me? Just because he got my phone number and he texted me a little? I think of it right now and I want to closed fist punch myself in the face because I feel so dumb. Where's Antoine Dodson right now?






Even one of girlfriends kind of had to tell me "Erin, I'm sure he was just being nice. He's a celebrity, he doesn't want people to think bad of him."

Unlike the first guy, who I would consider a "social ladder climber, this guy probably isn't seeking to climb the social ladder, but he probably would never go down the ladder.

Let's be honest, guys like him don't like or date girls like me. They don't date "normal" girls. Guys like him are used to dating actresses. Guys like him like/date girls that have 90210 as their zip code. Guys like him date girls that have a team of people to pluck, tweeze, and get them dressed in the morning. Guys like him look at girls like me as an afternoon snack. Guys like him probably just think of me as "that DJ girl down in Houston."

I guess I just feel silly thinking maybe, just maybe. Oy!

I'm not really sure where I wanted to end this and what my conclusion is exactly. I just know in the past guys didn't want to date me because they were afraid I'd talk about them on the radio. Now I find guys that don't think I'm cool enough to date.

I guess I just wish that someone great would find me at the top of their "food chain" (if you will) one of these days.

DEVELOPING THE "F#@* YOU" ATTITUDE!

I'm a girl that wears her heart on her sleeve. I tend to worry about things I shouldn't. Think about things too much and over think things too much. With that being said, I've had several people tell me recently that I need to develop a "F--- YOU!" attitude.

I've often taken this being "forever single" thing a little hard. Wondering if it's me. Wondering if there's something wrong with me. Wondering how and what do I need to do to fix myself if there indeed is something "broken." Hence, why I take things a little hard and over analyze.


I had someone recently send me a nice message about having confidence and self-esteem. 2 things I know I could work on. I think a lot of times since I'm out going and rambunctious that people think that I have a super fabulous self-esteem. When really, I probably use that as my defense mechanism. Crack jokes and act wacky so at least they're laughing at me in a different way.

One thing that this person touched on was basically a lot of things I worry about or get sensitive about, I shouldn't. For instance, when I get bothered that a guy doesn't respond back the way I wanted, it probably has nothing to do with me. Or why do I care what people think of me? Screw them. When I tend to let it bother me that they didn't text back and wonder if it's because of me.

I was talking to a girl I work with about something that bothered me and yes there was a guy that was the source. It probably seemed so small to her and most people, but it was something that hurt my feelings a little. After I get done venting and asking her what she thought about it, she told me a couple things that I needed to hear.

First, "The guy is a douche, and you need to stop thinking he's so great." She also told me that I need to think of 3 reasons why he's not so great. Second, She told me, "Erin you need to get a F--- YOU attitude and not let things bother you so much." That is something I've always needed to work on.

So how do you develop this "F--- YOU attitude?" How do you go from the girl that gets bothered if you don't respond back, to the girl that pulls a Mike "The Situation" and doesn't give a crap if they like this package or not. Screw you if you don't call me! Screw you if you don't want to date me! Screw you if you're lame!! Screw you if can't see that I'm STONE COLD ERIN FRICKIN' AUSTIN!!! God...that felt pretty good!

DO ALL MEN THINK THEY'RE GOOD LOOKING?

Now follow me on this topic because I may go in a couple of directions.
First direction: Does every good looking guy know that they're good looking? And does every guy think they are good looking?


The male ego is a funny thing. Most men I think have a very high self esteem. I can only think of a couple men where they're either self-conscious or lack confidence. Where as a woman, we tend to always either be self-conscious or have a low self esteem in some way, shape, or form. Sure, there are women that think they're hot and their shiz doesn't stink, but most of the time they lack confidence somewhere.

I bet if you were to ask most guys how they rate themselves on a scale of 1-10 they would rate themselves closer to 10. Where if you were to ask most women they'd probably rate themselves lower and then pick out what they don't like about themselves.

For instance, say there's a good looking guy like Ryan Reynolds. Does he ever sit at home and look in the mirror and think that he's ugly? PROBABLY NOT! However, if he did...I'd love to know.



Now when it comes to women, I can think of so many girls that pick themselves apart. When these girls are pretty girls. Yet for some reason...and I know I'm guilty of this, we look ourselves over with a fine tooth comb and down play our attributes.

For instance, I know I don't look like the back end of a horse however, I also don't classify myself as a 10. Maybe on a good day I'd say I'm a 7-8. I just think that a guy that's a 8-10 knows it and has no self esteem issues whatsoever.

I was just thinking of the good looking guys that I've come across and all of them seem to outwardly KNOW that they're good looking. Almost like they know that they could get any chick they want.

Now, let's talk about the guys that are average looking. A lot of these guys tend to think they're pretty hot stuff as well. For example....


This guy sent me an email on MATCH.com a year or so ago and he posted this picture on his profile. Obviously he thought he was pretty hot stuff standing there in his underwear.

Now I give him snaps for not caring what people may think, but really??? Did he honestly think this was attractive?


I guess the moral of the story is I know a lot of pretty girls that don't think so highly of themselves but, I sometimes wonder if every guy "thinks" they're hot and the guys that are pretty hot...know it.

Do guys ever lack self confidence?

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!

This is a a day that most single people hate! It's not my favourite day, but I don't hate it per say. I just know that for the last 4 Valentine's days I hung out with the girls or did my own thing.


Yesterday was a big big day!! Our sister station HOT 95.7 and The HOT Morning Show asked me if I'd be a part of their 1st annual "Shot Through The Heart" Valentine's video. I was soo excited. I'd never shot a gun before!!! This was a chance for me to get rid of some things in my past and let some aggression out.

I met everyone at the gun range with my marriage license, wedding photos and a card that my ex husband gave me that talked about he wanted to make things work. HAHAHA

Now there are times when I come across as a little bitter. And maybe there is a part of me that is, but most of the time I do for comedic effect. Sure, there are things that happened in that relationship that still have me scarred. I'm working on that and trying to not let that bother me in future relationships.

Here's the final video! What's great about this is that my ex husband soooo anti-gun and here I am shooting up the memories!!! AWESOME!!!

THE GAMES THE SEXES PLAY

I've never been able to figure this out. Seems like everyone plays games but apparently I'm not very good at it. And let's face it. Guys play games just as much as the ladies do. So how does this work? And why do I feel like I'm horrible at it.

Let's give you a little insight on how I used to be and at times probably still am to a certain extent. I feel like I've always been the chaser. Not that I'm really aggressive by any means, but if I like I definitely make myself available.

So if a guy "were" to ask me out, and I'm interested in them, I always seem to try to make myself available. Now if I have plans with my friends I don't cancel, but if there's something else going on, I may try to rearrange it. As much as I try to "play the game" on this one I can't seem to figure out how to be "unavailable."

How about when a you exchange numbers with a guy. I don't want to be the first to text or call. I don't want to come across too in your face. Yet, when I sit and wait for them to txt me or call me I feel like I shouldn't be holding my breath.

It's so funny because most of my girlfriends wait for the guy to call them, and it works. The guys call, yet I feel like if I do that they forget about me. I almost feel like I sometimes need to jump up and down with I sign that says "I'M STILL HERE! NOTICE ME NOTICE ME! I'M FUNNY!"I remember my ex Mr. Dallas after we broke up was giving me dating advice (AWKWARD!!!)in which he said, "Erin, you gotta act like you don't care. When you don't care then the guy comes after you." WRONG!!!!!!

I know this works for my girlfriends. Trust me, when I act like I don't care, the guy usually scurries off like a scared little kid. They fall off the face of the planet.

So no matter if I play hard to get it doesn't work, I play cool, it doesn't work. I play available, it doesn't work. How do these games work for so many other people, but I fail at them just like I did Algebra!!!!???

When I text a guy to see how he's doing am I making myself look pathetic? When I give my number to a guy should I pretty much ALWAYS expect that he'll never actually call it?

No matter how you slice it and dice it, I'm not very good at playing games. I wish I knew the magic formula. And don't get me started on having sex with a guy!! SHEESH!!! You're damned if you do and damned if you don't!!! Are they gonna call you or not???

OY VEY!!!