Tuesday, April 5, 2011


To a lot of you reading this you're probably thinking "Uhhh Yeah...DUH!!" And I'm sure a lot do. Although, if you were to talk to my ex husband while we were married he would've preferred to clean the house with a swiffer mop than get frisky with me.

When I got married I didn't have a lot of dating experience and now that I'm divorced and have been for 5 years, I'm starting to experience the dating thing a little later than most. And let me tell ya this blows!!!

It's not often that I meet someone that I find interesting, but when I do there's a little voice that goes off in my head every time.

You see, my parents are conservative Christians that wanted to make sure I wasn't going to have sex till I was married. So to make sure that didn't happen, they wouldn't allow me to date till I was 16. That included school dances. Now, lucky for them they never had to worry about that because the only guys that ever liked me in high school were either the foreign exchange students or pot smokers. (I was nice to everyone) Oh and top it off I was a late bloomer physically, so that certainly didn't help. Although the most popular girl in school was pretty flat and it always worked out for her. Hmmm.

Back on track here...One thing that my dad told me growing up was, "Erin, guys only want you for one thing. Guys only want to have sex with you." So now every time I meet someone I hear that in my head. And the more men I meet I start to wonder if that's true.

No matter whom I meet or how I meet them. I feel like that men want that one thing and that's it. Now matter if it's "Banker Boy" in Milwaukee that I dated, to the musician that called me his girlfriend for the night, to the guys on match I've met. It's all the same. They all end up the same. Just like my dad told me. Which is sad. I was hoping he might be wrong. Well he was wrong with my ex-husband. There’s a guy that didn't want just sex...he just didn't want it at all.

Like "Banker Boy" In Milwaukee. He was all about me and then one day I could tell things were off, I confronted him and we broke up. After that I could pretty much guarantee that any time he was drunk and it was past 1am, I'd hear from him. A lot of times when he had a girlfriend out of state.

Or the musician that said all the right things at the time. When the last time I saw him, he told me about how he missed having a girlfriend on the road. How he got lonely, and how I was his girlfriend for the night! Now looking back I feel like he saw me coming! Or maybe I looked like easy prey.

Or how about the guys I've met on match, or at the bar. God there’s a few of those.
No matter where I've met them, I feel like they all want one thing. The treasured surprise inside. Am I ever going to find a guy that wants that, but wants me more? IS that even possible?

I know I have a sassy personality that can hang with the guys and can talk about everything. I guess it'd be nice if guys didn't think that I was some dirty pirate hooker just because I can talk about a penis! Yeah I'll talk about penis, but guess what? Doesn't mean I want to see yours!!! And just because I am comfortable to tell a dick joke doesn't mean I pass out free samples like I'm a fricking Costco on a Saturday afternoon!

I wonder if guys do this too!!


nick said...

as a guy ... i can confess that it is a big drive ..for what ever reason it is we are driven towards sex ..however there are a few of us out there that are looking for healthy two sided relationships ..i myself can attest that its been a hot minute since ive slept with a girl ...last year actually haha . thats not because i cant get a girl either i get plenty of attention ... i just get tired of wasting my time with people and im ok being single . its not just men girls are just as bad with attention.. but to answer your question there are men out there that will want u for you ...but u probably wont find them in a bar on match or anywhere that they are just passing through.. it sounds like your looking in all the wrong places to me ... a good guys not gonna be looking on match .. and he s not gonna be at the bar ...thats where guys go to get laid btw... a good guys gonna be working and living life not worried about all that crap . .... do i want sex ? hell yes ... is it my motive and my end game? by no means at all ... we re out there erin .. we just have as much trouble finding a decent girl as you do a man haha

Pea Pods Porridge said...

Erin, not all guys want sex right out of the gate. I'm sorry your ex was not interested in sex but, unless he was gay, there could have been a more hidden problem I just found out about myself. I was tested and have the testosterone level of a 10 year old boy. Hormone replacement therapy could have helped your ex. I know it's working for me.

On the other hand, three are many guys with one thing on their mind. But don't put all men in one basket. You need a male friend who will help guide you through the plethora of those who will fancy you. Maybe I can help?

Scurlock Family said...

Not all men are like that. You will meet the one person you are meant to be with, and he will come along when you least expect it. Stop looking for love, live your life, travel, pick up a new hobby. Love will find you. We have the same personality, I was always more comfortable with guys and could hang with them, and am still that way. Be yourself do not change for anyone, when you find the right man he will want you to be you, and when you know he is the one everything else will fall into place. Be patient, your time will come.

AmazingGreis said...

OMG, Erin, I'm in the same boat as you. DATING SUCKS!! A lot of guys are in it for ONE thing and yes that ONE thing may be nice some of the time, but if that is the only thing he's looking for I am not his girl!

If you find a gold mine of great men, please let me know!!!

Anonymous said...

So we all know that bars, clubs and all night life scenes is not the place where 'good guys' hang out.

Question then is, where do the good guys hang out? How do you meet them? No, the meeting through friends, or at games thing doesn't work when you are new in town, or out of college and don't have that "real" social network of friends. And come on, we all know that no one will just approach someone at a game or some sort of daily event out of the blue when ppl are out there with their friends hanging out, and so are you...And we all know that no one will chat up a stranger at the grocery store... we all have read the articles "where to meet people" That doesn't apply to real life.

Dating sites & online? No... they are not for everybody... Yes, I did try it, but it feels it's not the right people who "hang" there...

Maybe I'm not the "right" person either...

LVDave said...

There are just so many of you women out there wanting marriage and/or kids...or just a serious or long term relationship. I just have to say that not all of you are wife material; not all of you are LTR material; not all of you are even gf material.

Each guy needs to find want he really wants, and whatever it ends-up being, we're all different. My friends/workmates like faces and asses; I personally am a boob guy, and I like blondes and redheads but redheads the most. "Marriage material" for me is a pale redhead with freckles and C cups who isn't too fat and not too wild. When I do find a woman close to that spec, she either never replies to my e-mails or has the wrong type of personality. Every other girl is "less-than" material to me...but I can still have respect.

Females have sexual needs, too. Why not just have exclusive relationships until you `do` find that soulmate you're looking for?

Anonymous said...

I have been internet dating for the past 10 years and it seems like it gotten worse over the past few years,that a guy assumes if your meeting them for dinner your up for sex too. I just go dutch now so its easy to just end off when I realize that they came thinking sex would be part of the evening. I like sex but I am so tired of the assumption that its going to be part of the date I rarely even consider it anymore. I have no answers..... but it only takes one guy to be the right one so I keep going dutch and meeting guys for dinner.

Anonymous said...

As a man, and really understanding the male psyche, I can say yes. All normal heterosexual men wants sex if that woman meets his standards. If any man tells you otherwise, he is lying or believes his moral perception. That moral compass will be shattered when the woman of his dreams tells him let fuck and no one has to know (if he's married). If he believes he will not be caught, he'll cheat and have sex. Men are drawn sex like ants are drawn to sugar. It's in their DNA. If you are a woman and doesn't believe this, then you are a fool and don't understand man. This is what makes men, well, men.