Thursday, October 15, 2020


Here I sit in my office upstairs at my house.  I sit here writing this blog, recording my podcast, and looking out the window.  Most days I come up here and sit in my rather worn-out office chair and start my day by trying to get a plan together; a plan for my day and a plan for my life.  Sometimes when I sit here, I come up with a list of things that I should do.  Some of the tasks are big ones, like reworking my resume for a job outside of radio.  Some tasks are small, like calling my mortgage company to let them know of my situation.  Every day is different, yet every day is the same.

For the last couple of years, I would have a reoccurring conversation with God and the universe.  Every so often I would ask God and the universe what was going to happen with my life? Was this is all my career was ever going to be?  And of course, I wanted to know Will I ever find "my person?"  I would have this conversation in the shower, sometimes while I was going to the bathroom and sitting on the toilet.  Sometimes I would have that onesided conversation with God while I was in my car sitting in traffic.  Every time I had this conversation with God, I never really heard anything back or got any answers.  
It wasn't until losing my job that I got at least part of one of my answers.  Granted, I still have no earthly idea what this all means, but one thing is for sure...change is here.  A fellow radio gal, Juliet gave me a nugget of wisdom right when I was let go, she said, "I believe when this stuff happens, it's a course correction.  It's God or the universe saying you're no longer on the right path for your highest good.  So it forces you to change direction."  Ironically, my former co-worker, Dorian said to me the other day,  "Erin you were wanting something to change and now it did." 

So what is the right path? 

It's Worth the Wait

You may not see anything changing, but something is happening; patience is working. Your spiritual muscles are getting stronger; you’re growing, developing. Patience is building you, getting you prepared so you can sustain what God has coming. Don’t discount the waiting period. Don’t get discouraged because it’s not happening as fast as you'd like. The longer it takes, that means the more God has in store. When it’s your time, when God knows you’re ready, what you give birth to is going to be much bigger than you think. Click here to watch or listen to, "It's Worth the Wait": Video: Audio:

Posted by Joel Osteen on Tuesday, October 13, 2020

I'm not gonna lie, I had a freakout moment the other morning.  As I sat here at my desk, I went through the radio news from the night before.  Seeing the news of people getting this job or that job.  Positions that had recently popped up, but were already taken by someone else.  Some of the positions seemed to be magically created for that person.  After reading this stuff I suddenly had a feeling come over me.   It was a feeling of fear.   Imagine, you're out walking through the woods.  You've been gone for a while and who knows how long you've actually been gone and how far you've walked.  You keep going and going until you realize it's starting to get dark.  You turn around to go back and then realize you're lost.  What do you do?  You could walk back, but surely you couldn't retrace all of your steps.   You can't really call for help because you have no cell signal.  So maybe you start to walk back for a bit until you start to panic because now you realize you were so in the moment walking, that you forget to realize your moment of opportunity to go back.  That's how I felt. 

I felt as though maybe I waited too long for my opportunity to come.  Maybe I hadn't done enough to make it happen.  Now that I had been where I was for so long, maybe no one knew where I was anymore.  Maybe everyone forgot about me and when it came time to look for people, I wasn't the person they'd think of anymore.  Like being lost in the woods and people didn't know where to find me. I feared that all of the time I sat being still, was actually opportunities that I was being passed up on.  

So there I sit panicking about how much of my life has gone by and what lies ahead.  Wondering what if any opportunities for me will lie out there.  I also panicked because I felt lost in the sense of what path should I focus on.   Should I focus on finding that next radio job?  Do I focus on getting out of the business and doing something else?  Or do I focus on what several people have suggested to me, and stepping out on my own and becoming my own boss, so to speak.  

While God and the universe made it obvious that what I was doing wasn't for me anymore, how do I know what is meant for me?  That's my latest question now to God.  How will I know what path to choose?   Will it be obvious?  

People have said it'll all work out and I'll find something amazing.  I just wish I knew I'd find it.  I also wish I knew if there was something that I'm not doing that I should be doing.  That's where the feeling of being lost and overwhelmed comes from.   

I was talking with Nick my former co-worker and current "Country Not Country" podcast co-host, and he was listening to me have my mini freak out.  He said that it will work out and that I maybe should ask God instead of what's next for me, maybe I need to ask, "What is the purpose of me having all this time on my hands?  Maybe you're supposed to start that travel blog and you need to start with a cross Texas trip with the dogs."  Maybe God has given me this "free" time for a reason, so what should I do with it?  I don't want to think that I'm supposed to sit here, look for a job, and worry.   There's got to be a reason all of this is happening to me.   There's got to be a reason for my entire slate to have been wiped clean.  

So what is it and how will I know what I should do?  I don't want to come off sounding so confused, but this is an incredibly difficult spot for me.   This kind of situation often makes people or breaks them.  I want to believe it'll make me.  I just wish God would give me a bit of clarity.  Let's be honest,  it's been 11 years since I needed to get another job and probably the first time where I didn't have a job at all since I was about 14 years old.  Even if I was working part-time while I was married eons ago, I still had a job.  Being without a job and not having much to choose from is enough to make anyone's blood pressure go up.  Let alone, having a feeling of being lost.

This may sound crazy to some people, but I want it to be like Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ.  Instead of Dorothy being worried about how she'll get back to Kansas while walking through the forest scared about lions, tigers, and bears...Oh my!  I want to be the Dorothy that is on the yellow brick road.  I want to be the Dorothy that knows what is the right path to take and sees the Emerald city ahead in the distance.  I want to be the Dorothy that knows what the destination is.  However, I know that's not really how life works.  Life gives you surprises.  Life has the twists and turns that you don't see coming...both good and bad.   Life doesn't give you a heads up on what is going to happen next.  It just happens.  

So now I need to somehow figure out a couple of things.  1.  What should I do with all this downtime?  2.  What is my career path moving forward?   The whole finding "my person" question will have to wait for another day.  

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