STARTING MY DATING CLEANSE...#FYF

I have several good guys friends/coworkers that give me advice about relationships.  One of those good friends is Nick. I call him one of my work husbands.  Nick is on the air after me on The Bull and everyday he comes in early to get ready for his show.  Over the course of the last 4 years he's heard a lot of my relationship and dating stories. He's listened to me cry, get angry, and question everything about myself.  He was there through all of my relationship with my ex-fiance.  There's some advice that he gave me that I'll still never forgot.  Turns out he was right.  He listens to me go over every situation multiple times. So, I'm sure there’s been times that he's wanted to shake me like a baby because he was tired of hearing about it.

The other day we were talking about how I believe most guys have a Plan B and that there's always a girl on the back burner, a girl that they're texting and flirting with other than the main chick.  He told me he thinks I need to take a serious break from dating.  At first, I was a bit irritated, because I was thinking, "Wait a second! I'm telling you that I think most guys always have a chick on the back burner and never go without. Whether it's getting attention or sex...they aren't out of the game long, and yet you're telling me that I should purposefully take myself out of the game?"   


He told me that I should take the month of February and not go on any dates, no dating apps, and no sex.  He said that I need to take myself totally out of the dating world and see what happens. He thinks that I should see how I spend my time, what I think about, and where I direct my energy when dating is not an issue.  OK...this might be an interesting challenge.  I told him that I'll probably have a break down at some point knowing that I've got nothing going on, no one that's texting or spending time with me, and that the guys of my past are probably swimming in p*$$y.  He said, "You're making a choice to do this. You're choosing solitude."  He went on tell me that sometimes you just need to take a step back and reset and if I'm still looking at life with the dating lens on, that you can't reset.

He has seen me go through a lot in the last several years to find a lasting relationship.  He said, "You've been hitting it hard and have been trying the dating thing for a while. Maybe you need to take a break and just see what happens in your life when you're not looking to date or not looking for ANY kind of distractions from guys. He’s right. I’ve been trying for what seems like forever. I feel like Charlotte from Sex In The City. 

Nick said for the month of February, “If a guy wants to take you out on a date, you tell him you're not going out on any dates until March 1st. If he wants to know why, then you say ‘If you're still talking to me on March 1st, then I'll tell ya’...then you're putting him to the test. If he's interested, he'll stick around."  


I'm not going lie, I'm a little nervous about what I just agreed to. Although, I do think it will be good to see what happens when I let go, and just work on myself for a month without any distraction of guys.  I found an interesting article online called 21 Reasons to Go on a Dating Cleanse. I went over the list and I think I counted about 14 or 15 out the 21 reasons that I related to.  So it's probably a good idea for me to do this dating cleanse and month of self discovery. I mean...I’ve tried. I’ve dated, got hurt, picked myself up, tried again and again, and for some reason it’s not working out for me. What's the definition of insanity??


I was talking with my work husbands just today and I said, "You know...I'm actually really glad I'm taking this break from dating.  I feel a bit lost.  I don't know when someone is being genuine anymore. Maybe part of it is because of my line of work, but I sometimes question when people give me a compliment or are kind to me.  I think, "Are you really being nice or are you trying to get tickets out of me?"   I also don't know whether to believe someone's words or actions and I'm starting to question both. I've had guys do very nice things for me only to change their mind or do something that’s not OK.  I've had guys tell me that I am so awesome, so cool, and they said how lucky to have a girl like me...and they left.  I need to figure out who is REAL and if they are impeccable with their word and actions.  

My good girlfriend told me I need to come up with several lists. One of them is a list of all the things I enjoy doing or would like to do and start checking those things off in February.  Next, she wanted me to revisit the list of qualities I want in my person and come up with a list of non-negotiables.  For instance, he must love dogs. The last list she wants me to write is a list of “red flags.” I think maybe I’ll include some yellow flags as well.


Again, I know I'll probably get a little lonely, and there will be moments where I have every type of emotion. I'll have some serious moments of soul searching and reflecting on myself that will be enlightening. I know this is a good experiment and a good thing for me.  My trip to Spain was a good start. I walked around without worrying about life.  I just got to observe life and appreciate it.  I should probably just be Erin and appreciate her for awhile.

So for the next month I publicly declare it #FindYourselfFebruary...#FYF  I'm already off to a good start.  Today I got back to the gym and signed up with a personal trainer to whoop my butt for the next month.  If you feel like you're in a rut then maybe taking the next month for yourself would be good for you too.

 Erin