As my birthday hits next week, I think back to my last serious relationship. It ended right before my 30th birthday. When I got the "dump speech" he made sure to tell me that I'd have no problem finding another guy. I think the moment those words came out of his mouth he jinxed me. Since then, I've had a hard time finding someone that makes me feel anything.
When I look back, I never would've guessed that I would have this hard of a time finding someone. Considering how easy some people make it look. Jumping from one relationship to the next.
Sometimes when I think about where I maybe in 5 years and the possibility of still being single, I envision people asking me, "How come you're still single? How have you NEVER really dated anyone?" I imagine that my answer would be the same as if I were to give it right now. 'I'm single because it just never happened for me. I never met someone that I liked that ever really liked me back.'
I've lived here in Houston 3 years now and haven't dated anyone more than 2 months maybe 3. And that was when I first moved here. Flash forward....and sitting still.
I meet people all the time because of work. I go about and live my life. I hang out with my friends for dinners, drinks or brunch on a weekly basis. Yet, I rarely met anyone that I'm interested in.
You always hear stories about fate bringing people together by a chance meeting. Like the couple that met on a flight or at the airport. Or in line at the grocery store. I always end up sitting on the plane next to the fat guy taking half of my seat and in line behind the 80 year-old woman writing a check. I just don't understand how I can meet someone.
Most times when I go on a date with someone or meet someone for the first time, I have the "ehh" feeling. You know...the feeling that if I didn't go out with them again it wouldn't make a difference. The feeling where I'm sitting across the table from a guy having awkward conversation thinking about am I even attracted to them at all.
I'd love to meet someone and feel the butterflies. You know...the za za zoo! Someone I have an instant connection with and have that feeling be mutual. I want to meet someone where it just comes with ease to be in their company. and someone I want to spend time with and have no problem putting them in my schedule.
How do you ever find that person? Is everyone better at it than I am? Or is everyone else looking at what's on paper vs. the feeling they get when they're with that person?
In a world with so many people, why is it taking half of my life to find him?