Monday, August 13, 2012


A friend of mine told me a story about this couple that has been talking about getting married. The couple has been though their ups and downs, but recently bought a house together despite not even being engaged.  The guy said that now that they have a house together that the "next step" is to get married.

That for some reason sat so wrong with me. I immediately chimed in with, "Wow so he's a next stepper!" My friend said, "I don't get it. What's that mean?"

I told her that basically it's not a matter if he really loves or thinks they're meant to be, but more of a matter that they've been together this long and are here at this point that they should just go with the next step and get married.

I just thought how I never wanted a man to think that way about me. I never want a man to marry me because he thinks that's the next step since we made it this far.

That might sound weird to some and some people might take offense or wonder what the big deal is, but I got married because I thought that was the next step and I was wrong.

I remember thinking that since we were dating for a few years and since he didn't beat me or anything that we should get married. Not realizing that we probably weren't really a match, but more of a couple that was together it wasn't bad enough.

As much as I'd love to find someone and make a life with them, I don't want to do it with someone that isn't a good match for me or I'm not a good match for him. I don't want the only reason we're together is because it's comfortable or convenient. And certainly not because it's the next step.

It has to be and feel right.


Anonymous said...

The guy is 100 percent correct. If you've been with someone for many years and even bought a house together, then at least the couple can get along fairly well most likely. At certain age, it's definitely the natural thing to consider the next step is to get engaged & married if that's what they want to do.

You seem to place way too much emphasis on feeling just right with someone. Adults aren't teenagers and just remember that feelings and passion change with time, so long term compatibility is the most important between two people to build a life together.

Anonymous said...

I agree with "Anonymous". That is how 100% of my successfully married friends and family members preceded in the relationships. It is important to see if you are compatible with someone and know that it all will not be hearts and flowers the entire time. Men rationalize things differently than women, see Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. However, it is important to love someone and ultimately want to be laying right next to them at the end of the day, no matter how much you temporarily "dislike" your partner for whatever stupid fight transpired that day. I do think you need to really examine what it is you are looking for and to stop comparing yourself to others, it's not healthy. Look at the blessings you have in life and start from there. If you don't truly love or like yourself, start changing what you don't like. Otherwise, you never let anyone else love you the way you want to be loved..