I had a co-worker hand me a piece of paper with some words of wisdom from the "Skinny Bitch" calendar. It read: "Don't you f$@&ing dare measure your worth by the amount of attention or validation you get from men. It's nice to be appreciated, but it's not a necessity. Love yourself and your looks, even if no one else seems to. In time, your confidence and self-love will attract a winner." As much as this is true, it's easier said than done. I have a few thoughts and questions.
I know that confidence is key. People are attracted to people that are confident. There's a lot of men that aren't that attractive, but are confident and somehow get the girl. (Probably because he's rich) So I know that if you display that, you'll have more people come your way...in theory.
In the "Skinny Bitch" quote it says "love yourself and your looks, even if no one else seems to." That is a statement that I have a hard time with. I'm a person that's especially hard on myself. I pick myself apart constantly. It's not always in an "I'm so fat and ugly" way, it's more like I compare myself. I tell myself things that I shouldn't to ease the blow if someone rejects me. For instance, say there's a guy that I'm attracted to and he dates someone else, I down play myself. I'll say "Oh no wonder he didn't like you, you don't make enough money." or "Maybe you're not skinny enough for that guy."
Here's the thing, I know I'm not hideous. I know I'm not obese. I know that I'm not some lame chick to hang out with. However, I don't sit there and tell myself how pretty I am, or how hot I look in an outfit. I know I'm not a 10, but I know I'm not a 5.
The "even if no one else seems to" is the toughest part of that statement. I have to say that I don't get a ton of compliments. I've never been one of those girls that had guys fawn all over them or received a lot of male attention. I do get compliments here and there, but it's usually from guys I would NEVER date. I'll give you 2 examples.
I had drinks with 2 different guys. Guy #1 is a guy I'd never date. I just don't find him attractive at all. He asked me what my dating situation was. I told him that there wasn't one. I had nothing going on and no guys were in the picture. He just couldn't believe it. He started going off about how I should have guys all over me and blah blah blah. I kind of blew him off and dismissed his comments. Actually, it was kind of upsetting me because he's making such a production about how I should have guys from here to next Tuesday. When in actuality, the only guys that ever say that to me are guys like him.
Now for the 2nd guy. He's very attractive. I think over the course of us having a few drinks he might've said one thing that could be perceived as a compliment. When he sort of asked about my guy situation, not once did he say "oh you're gorgeous you should have guys all over you." He just moved on from it. Granted, he did give me the comment that was semi-complimentary, but in no way did he sit there and start going off about it and fawn all over me.
It just made me feel like, am I only attractive to guys that are not attractive? Is every guy that I find attractive not attracted to me? Do guys that I find attractive are they not the type of guy that will give a compliment?
I guess what I'm trying to say is, It's hard to sit there and tell yourself that you're such an awesome package and have this great self esteem, when the only guys that seem to think you're so great are guys that resemble a garden gnome.
Think about it, if you're on match.com and the only guys that ever seem to wink or send you an email are the guys that look like this guy...
What would you start telling yourself? Let me tell you, your self-esteem does take a hit. I wish I could say I was stronger than that, but I'm not going to lie. It kinds screws with ya.
Especially when the guys you do find attractive seems to pass you by or just look at you as a friend or that cool chick that works on the radio.
How do you get/keep a healthy self image when most of what you attract is guys like that guy? <---------------