As you know I went back home for Christmas. My ex-husband just moved back to Portland recently. Well, call me crazy but I thought while I was in town maybe we could meet up and I could see one of our dogs Boodaful. I haven't seen her in over a year. At first the ex seemed receptive to it. Although, he said he'd have to run it by the 24 year old GF. OK...whatever I'll wait.
So, it comes down to the day I leave for Portland. I call him and ask if I can meet him the next day to see the dog. He sends me back a txt message to say that I couldn't see the dog because the GF was in town. I said, "I thought you were going to run it by her, we can meet at a Starbucks and she can come too, I just want to see the dog." His response..."why don't you just relax! and stop putting me in a bad situation!"
I've just had it!!! I've NEVER met this girlfriend of his. In fact, til today I had no idea what she even looked or what her name was. Yet, this girl HATES ME!!! I wouldn't doubt it if she has gone through our wedding pictures cut out my face and put hers in its place!!! I'm serious! The girl lives in my old house, has one of my dogs, has never met me but hates me!!!! The jealousy or whatever you want to call it is unreal!!!! And has to STOP!!
I don't understand it!! I know she's young. So I guess she has 1 excuse for her immaturity but, honestly the possessiveness, the cattiness, the jealousy, the hatred...WHY? Because I'm the ex wife? I know that my ex husband never tolerated that type of behavior in me, in fact when I was 21 and he would go to strip clubs with his guy friends, I sometimes would get a little insecure about it. You know, he actually told me that I was crazy, and to get over it! So why does he accept and tolerate this in her??
All I wanted to do was see my dog. I was actually cool with meeting her maybe grabbing a coffee with the 2 of them with the dog there...Heck...we don't need coffee, I don't care!! I just wanted to give my dog Booda a little love.
What if the dogs were human children? Would she act like this? Would she insist that the kids call her mom? Would she be like a dog herself and mark her territory? She already is acting like a dog in that matter. I know that being divorced stinks at times and I'm sure dating a person that is divorced sucks at times but seriously, HE'S GOT AN EX-WIFE!! Deal with it! And if dating a guy that's divorced makes you too uncomfortable then you need to find something that doesn't make you uncomfortable.
I want people that read this to know that I 100% do NOT want him or that relationship back! He didn't treat me the way I should be treated and I need to find someone that treats me the way I want and deserve to be treated. I know I sound angry in this blog but, I NEVER would treat someone like this. When I've dated other people who had ex's and they would still call and I would tell them that it was cool if they talked. Because I know how I would feel if I was on the receiving end of that. I'm feeling it now and it sucks.
I will end with this. I know we don't have human children (thank GOD) and a lot of people think that if they're not human...just move on. Well, my dogs are my kids. I miss them. I think that I'm a pretty cool ex wife. We ended things on a good note and we were friends until GF24 had to start acting CRAZY...yeah i said it...CRAZY! I hope that one day she realizes how easy she has it and comes to grips with the fact that I'm not a threat. I never was a threat and never will be!
Maybe my ex needs to tell her just to relax and stop being crazy! Oh but that would be too easy!
Monday, December 29, 2008
NOW I KNOW WHY I'M LIKE THAT!!!
For the past week I've been back home in Oregon spending time with my family for Christmas. It was a definite learning experience for me. I was at the beach with my parents for the first days alone...no brothers in sight. I started picking up on some of my parents habits that I think I may have.
First, lets start off with the fact that when I was a kid our house was always messy. I had always thought it was because of us kids but now spending a few days with the parents I realize that my parents are indeed messy as well. My place is messy. Not as messy as my parents but it disorganized and I need to clean it.
Then I realized that I think my mom is somewhat of a pack rat. She keeps things even though they are not needed or will probably go to waste. For instance, if they were to go to McDonald's and they got extra ketchup she might keep that in the car just in case they need it. What ends up happening is that is moves to another part of the car and then someone steps on it and it goes everywhere.
Not only that but she buys things that aren't needed just because they're on sale. Like last year when she called me from Target asking me if I wanted a flute. (Yeah they sell flutes sometimes at Target) She thought I might want it for Christmas. I had to remind her that I haven't played the flute since the 4th grade. She then told it was on clearance for $50. Granted $50 for a flute is a great deal but there was no need for me to have one.
Now, when it comes to my dad I realize I got his fussiness and nervousness. I can't believe I never noticed it before but it's true. He's nervous and gets agitated rather easily. He takes things very personally and worries a lot.
Now do I have all of the possible bad habits? To a certain extent I do. Not as extreme as those are but I'll explain.
I am messy. I leave my dishes sometimes on the living room table. I don't clean the dog hair up as much as I should. I leave my clothes laying around a lot. Which brings me to the next habit. Keeping things longer than I should. I've noticed I have clothes that I haven't worn in forever. Stupid little nick knacks and things that I look at and wonder "Why do I have this again?" And last, the nervousness and worry. I seem to be working on this already. I've started to let things go that don't effect me. I've stated not to worry about the little things. I'm not cured by any means but I'm making some great strides in changing.
First, lets start off with the fact that when I was a kid our house was always messy. I had always thought it was because of us kids but now spending a few days with the parents I realize that my parents are indeed messy as well. My place is messy. Not as messy as my parents but it disorganized and I need to clean it.
Then I realized that I think my mom is somewhat of a pack rat. She keeps things even though they are not needed or will probably go to waste. For instance, if they were to go to McDonald's and they got extra ketchup she might keep that in the car just in case they need it. What ends up happening is that is moves to another part of the car and then someone steps on it and it goes everywhere.
Not only that but she buys things that aren't needed just because they're on sale. Like last year when she called me from Target asking me if I wanted a flute. (Yeah they sell flutes sometimes at Target) She thought I might want it for Christmas. I had to remind her that I haven't played the flute since the 4th grade. She then told it was on clearance for $50. Granted $50 for a flute is a great deal but there was no need for me to have one.
Now, when it comes to my dad I realize I got his fussiness and nervousness. I can't believe I never noticed it before but it's true. He's nervous and gets agitated rather easily. He takes things very personally and worries a lot.
Now do I have all of the possible bad habits? To a certain extent I do. Not as extreme as those are but I'll explain.
I am messy. I leave my dishes sometimes on the living room table. I don't clean the dog hair up as much as I should. I leave my clothes laying around a lot. Which brings me to the next habit. Keeping things longer than I should. I've noticed I have clothes that I haven't worn in forever. Stupid little nick knacks and things that I look at and wonder "Why do I have this again?" And last, the nervousness and worry. I seem to be working on this already. I've started to let things go that don't effect me. I've stated not to worry about the little things. I'm not cured by any means but I'm making some great strides in changing.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
HAPPY HOLIDAYS?????
For a lot of people this is a joyous time of year. Spending time with family, eating homemade meals. Spending time with someone special and exchanging gifts. So many people love the holidays. It's not that I don't but, my holidays over the years have been interesting.
I grew up in a very Christian home, yet we never really had a Christmas tree. Now, I will say that we were pretty poor but I do remember there being a couple years where we did have a tree. Past the age of say 6, we didn't have a tree. A couple of the reasons that my mom gave were...we can't afford it and...you kids ruin everything. I also knew at a very young age that Santa Claus wasn't real. So I was the kid that ruined it for my friends in the 2nd grade. The only taste of a traditional American Christmas I had was when we would go to dad's parents house and my grandma had the house decorated, the tree, and presents under it.
When I got older I decided that I want the traditional Christmas. So when I was married we would either go to my in law's where his mom made it so inviting. Or a couple of times we would have my parents in town for a traditional Christmas. When I dated Sean I celebrated my holidays with his family. They had family in from all over the country and we would all hang out, play card games, eat, take naps, it was great.
Now, after my breakup with Sean I've had several holidays alone. Can I just say it is difficult? I think most people would like to have someone around the holidays. Anyway, the first Christmas I was alone I decided I didn't want to just spend it somewhere at someones house. So, I decided that if I was going to spend it non-traditionally, that I would spend it somewhere I really want to see. So, I went to Paris, France. I went alone and walked all over Paris seeing all the sites. I'm very glad I did it, although my savings account didn't like it.
So this year, I'm alone again. What's the plan? Actually, I'm going home for Christmas...kind of. My parents decided to pony up what little money they had and get a condo at the beach for a week. Now, a lot of people might think this is great but, if you know what the beach is like in Washington...there's not much to do. And...if you meet my younger brothers you might not be too excited. Well, one of them isn't bad but the other one is hell on wheels. He's 22 and has the biggest chip on his shoulder. My parents said, "Erin you can bring someone if you want." I thought to myself "Hell no, are you crazy? Making someone hang out with the crazies for Christmas?"
Well, it will be Christmas with the family and even though it may not be traditional, my family may drive me crazy, and there will be someone throwing a temper tantrum, it will be Christmas. Everyone will be together and pretty healthy.
I grew up in a very Christian home, yet we never really had a Christmas tree. Now, I will say that we were pretty poor but I do remember there being a couple years where we did have a tree. Past the age of say 6, we didn't have a tree. A couple of the reasons that my mom gave were...we can't afford it and...you kids ruin everything. I also knew at a very young age that Santa Claus wasn't real. So I was the kid that ruined it for my friends in the 2nd grade. The only taste of a traditional American Christmas I had was when we would go to dad's parents house and my grandma had the house decorated, the tree, and presents under it.
When I got older I decided that I want the traditional Christmas. So when I was married we would either go to my in law's where his mom made it so inviting. Or a couple of times we would have my parents in town for a traditional Christmas. When I dated Sean I celebrated my holidays with his family. They had family in from all over the country and we would all hang out, play card games, eat, take naps, it was great.
Now, after my breakup with Sean I've had several holidays alone. Can I just say it is difficult? I think most people would like to have someone around the holidays. Anyway, the first Christmas I was alone I decided I didn't want to just spend it somewhere at someones house. So, I decided that if I was going to spend it non-traditionally, that I would spend it somewhere I really want to see. So, I went to Paris, France. I went alone and walked all over Paris seeing all the sites. I'm very glad I did it, although my savings account didn't like it.
So this year, I'm alone again. What's the plan? Actually, I'm going home for Christmas...kind of. My parents decided to pony up what little money they had and get a condo at the beach for a week. Now, a lot of people might think this is great but, if you know what the beach is like in Washington...there's not much to do. And...if you meet my younger brothers you might not be too excited. Well, one of them isn't bad but the other one is hell on wheels. He's 22 and has the biggest chip on his shoulder. My parents said, "Erin you can bring someone if you want." I thought to myself "Hell no, are you crazy? Making someone hang out with the crazies for Christmas?"
Well, it will be Christmas with the family and even though it may not be traditional, my family may drive me crazy, and there will be someone throwing a temper tantrum, it will be Christmas. Everyone will be together and pretty healthy.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I'VE GOT TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS
So, since the blowing up of WKTI and my job I've decided I have too much time on my hands. I spend a lot of my time these days thinking, analyzing, and over analyzing. I also have decided that I need to get some hobbies, a boyfriend, a gay man friend, or a F#&K buddy. Ok, I'm kidding on the last one...kind of.
But I really need to find at least one of those because I'm starting to have conversations with my dog. I tell her that I need to get dressed, I ask her what I should wear. I even ask her where she thinks we're going to live next. I tell her that I'm lucky to have her and that's she makes me happy. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!! I even spoon my dog. Yeah, you heard me. I lay on the couch wrapped in a blanket spooning my dog. To be perfectly honest with you, I even sleep in bed with Sexie under the covers. She usually gets out and sleeps on top or on the couch but, I fall asleep with her there.
Lately, I spend a lot of time thinking. Almost worrying about what is next for me. Every time I look on the Internet or watch the news I hear of more people in my industry that are out of work. Heck, people in any industry are losing their jobs and looking for gigs. I've even contemplated going to...say...Brazil, living there for say 5 or 6 months and learn fluent Spanish. I would only do that if I could do it inexpensively and have a semi-buddy to show me around and help me.
I also have been thinking about relationships that I've been in and ones I've developed while here in Milwaukee. I think about my crappy track record with guys. I wonder if in the next place I live will it be better. Will I have an easy time meeting people and friends? Will the next place I live I even have time to do anything other than work? Actually, maybe that wouldn't be so bad.
I've been thinking about how with some people, they always seem to be in a relationship. Even if it's time filler person. Some people are never alone. Girls...and GUYS are guilty of it. Since my breakup with a certain someone earlier this year, my longest relationship has been about a month...maybe 2. While that person has somewhat dated the same person since say...summer. Then I compare them to other people I've been with dated or married and you know what? They're very similar. Ever since the end of us, they've been hooked up pretty consistently. UNBELIEVABLE!
See, this is what I'm talking about. I think way too much. I think about everything all day long. When I'm not awake thinking, I'm thinking in my sleep. I've had dreams about all of my recent ex's with in the last two weeks. Most of it is innocent. (Keep your head out of there) I just have them appear in my dreams. It's strange.
Is there a pill I can take to stop thinking? OR a pill to make it so I stop worrying? Oh that would be great. A life without a care...maybe I should move to an island and live in a hut! Nah!...I like electrical outlets.
But I really need to find at least one of those because I'm starting to have conversations with my dog. I tell her that I need to get dressed, I ask her what I should wear. I even ask her where she thinks we're going to live next. I tell her that I'm lucky to have her and that's she makes me happy. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!! I even spoon my dog. Yeah, you heard me. I lay on the couch wrapped in a blanket spooning my dog. To be perfectly honest with you, I even sleep in bed with Sexie under the covers. She usually gets out and sleeps on top or on the couch but, I fall asleep with her there.
Lately, I spend a lot of time thinking. Almost worrying about what is next for me. Every time I look on the Internet or watch the news I hear of more people in my industry that are out of work. Heck, people in any industry are losing their jobs and looking for gigs. I've even contemplated going to...say...Brazil, living there for say 5 or 6 months and learn fluent Spanish. I would only do that if I could do it inexpensively and have a semi-buddy to show me around and help me.
I also have been thinking about relationships that I've been in and ones I've developed while here in Milwaukee. I think about my crappy track record with guys. I wonder if in the next place I live will it be better. Will I have an easy time meeting people and friends? Will the next place I live I even have time to do anything other than work? Actually, maybe that wouldn't be so bad.
I've been thinking about how with some people, they always seem to be in a relationship. Even if it's time filler person. Some people are never alone. Girls...and GUYS are guilty of it. Since my breakup with a certain someone earlier this year, my longest relationship has been about a month...maybe 2. While that person has somewhat dated the same person since say...summer. Then I compare them to other people I've been with dated or married and you know what? They're very similar. Ever since the end of us, they've been hooked up pretty consistently. UNBELIEVABLE!
See, this is what I'm talking about. I think way too much. I think about everything all day long. When I'm not awake thinking, I'm thinking in my sleep. I've had dreams about all of my recent ex's with in the last two weeks. Most of it is innocent. (Keep your head out of there) I just have them appear in my dreams. It's strange.
Is there a pill I can take to stop thinking? OR a pill to make it so I stop worrying? Oh that would be great. A life without a care...maybe I should move to an island and live in a hut! Nah!...I like electrical outlets.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
WHERE I AM WITH THINGS
At this very moment I'm in my pj's on my couch. It's late and I'm yawning listening to Jay Leno in the background. I just spent the last few hours looking up job stuff and thinking about what I should do on the job front.
I talked in a few blogs about feeling lost. There are several layers to that. I feel a little lost on a personal level and then there's the professional part. Right now, I'm not exactly sure which area to focus my attention. Should I stay with radio? What about mornings? Or do I go into TV? And for that where do I start? That's an area that is somewhat new to me and I'm still learning about.
I know that things happen for a reason so whatever will be will be but, I do want to be successful. I feel good because I'm really starting to get my ducks in a row. I got a website that I'm starting. ERINAUSTINONLINE.COM...It's just in the starting phase but I'm happy I actually have it up. I also put together my own channel on youtube.com which people can check out. I'm happy with what I have done right now but can't wait till all these little projects are finished.
I'm also looking into doing TV hosting. So far, I found a few things and I actually have a bite for a gig in Houston. If that worked out it could get the ball rolling.
So wish me luck and we'll see what happens.
I talked in a few blogs about feeling lost. There are several layers to that. I feel a little lost on a personal level and then there's the professional part. Right now, I'm not exactly sure which area to focus my attention. Should I stay with radio? What about mornings? Or do I go into TV? And for that where do I start? That's an area that is somewhat new to me and I'm still learning about.
I know that things happen for a reason so whatever will be will be but, I do want to be successful. I feel good because I'm really starting to get my ducks in a row. I got a website that I'm starting. ERINAUSTINONLINE.COM...It's just in the starting phase but I'm happy I actually have it up. I also put together my own channel on youtube.com which people can check out. I'm happy with what I have done right now but can't wait till all these little projects are finished.
I'm also looking into doing TV hosting. So far, I found a few things and I actually have a bite for a gig in Houston. If that worked out it could get the ball rolling.
So wish me luck and we'll see what happens.
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