Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I'VE GOT TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS

So, since the blowing up of WKTI and my job I've decided I have too much time on my hands. I spend a lot of my time these days thinking, analyzing, and over analyzing. I also have decided that I need to get some hobbies, a boyfriend, a gay man friend, or a F#&K buddy. Ok, I'm kidding on the last one...kind of.

But I really need to find at least one of those because I'm starting to have conversations with my dog. I tell her that I need to get dressed, I ask her what I should wear. I even ask her where she thinks we're going to live next. I tell her that I'm lucky to have her and that's she makes me happy. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!! I even spoon my dog. Yeah, you heard me. I lay on the couch wrapped in a blanket spooning my dog. To be perfectly honest with you, I even sleep in bed with Sexie under the covers. She usually gets out and sleeps on top or on the couch but, I fall asleep with her there.

Lately, I spend a lot of time thinking. Almost worrying about what is next for me. Every time I look on the Internet or watch the news I hear of more people in my industry that are out of work. Heck, people in any industry are losing their jobs and looking for gigs. I've even contemplated going to...say...Brazil, living there for say 5 or 6 months and learn fluent Spanish. I would only do that if I could do it inexpensively and have a semi-buddy to show me around and help me.

I also have been thinking about relationships that I've been in and ones I've developed while here in Milwaukee. I think about my crappy track record with guys. I wonder if in the next place I live will it be better. Will I have an easy time meeting people and friends? Will the next place I live I even have time to do anything other than work? Actually, maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

I've been thinking about how with some people, they always seem to be in a relationship. Even if it's time filler person. Some people are never alone. Girls...and GUYS are guilty of it. Since my breakup with a certain someone earlier this year, my longest relationship has been about a month...maybe 2. While that person has somewhat dated the same person since say...summer. Then I compare them to other people I've been with dated or married and you know what? They're very similar. Ever since the end of us, they've been hooked up pretty consistently. UNBELIEVABLE!

See, this is what I'm talking about. I think way too much. I think about everything all day long. When I'm not awake thinking, I'm thinking in my sleep. I've had dreams about all of my recent ex's with in the last two weeks. Most of it is innocent. (Keep your head out of there) I just have them appear in my dreams. It's strange.

Is there a pill I can take to stop thinking? OR a pill to make it so I stop worrying? Oh that would be great. A life without a care...maybe I should move to an island and live in a hut! Nah!...I like electrical outlets.

6 comments:

Jeremiah said...

You should have a reality show, "Who wants to be my gay boyfriend." But seriously, I wish you were still on the air!!

Trev said...

Hey Erin, uh, they speak Portugese in Brazil. It would still be good to learn Spanish in South America but I think Portugese would be more helpful.

Erin Austin said...

Point taken! So how about Spain...they speak spanishe there right? :)

Kevin said...

what noone had applied with the FWB position?

Shawn said...

A couple thoughts come to mind immediately, maybe one or two could be helpful. First, I’ll give my version of a silly suggestion.

I don't know how your business works, but why not work on preparing a proposal for a segment of your own similar to your E-Report? From what I've noticed, there aren't a lot of entertaining food/dining segments on the TV or radio. You could host/produce a segment called "Dinner with Erin," do ads during the week for local businesses (you make yourself an asset by generating revenue), give tips for bargain shopping, (food, dinnerware, wine) dining room themes, and discuss some dining/nightlife news, recipes, etc. Then, once a week you could tell about a recent experience with a friend or date at a new local restaurant. Perhaps even have a chat with the owner of a restaurant that’s been in the area a while but is facing a potential for going out of business. Although many people are pinching more often, they still buy groceries, and go out to eat. You could really connect with people and find a niche, at least with female listeners who do most of the shopping. Add your sense of humor, include some listener or viewer feedback and it could even take off in ratings, or grow into your own show.

Whatever idea you come up with, as long as it's something you could love doing, there could be a lot of good to come from it. You could get a ball rolling, even if it’s a big, heavy one that needs you to push it uphill. In creating and bulletproofing your idea, you'd be creating an opportunity for yourself more on your terms instead of going where the work might be now, but in a month, who knows? You could also feel more confident in staying where you have friends, if you have something you can really put your heart into nurturing along while you do temporary work to ensure you have enough to live on, and of course, take care of that hobby need.

Shawn said...

I'm a bit confused about the boyfriend need. If the question is no longer if you'll move, but when, then it could really put off many of the guys who would treat you the best. No matter how great the gal, not many good guys want to be someone's place-holder until something better comes along, or a career opportunity knocks, and you're gone. As long as you're up-front, he can still decide to pursue a relationship with you even with that knowledge. Watch out for the ones who don't hesitate, they're out looking for something very specific, if you get my meaning.

Maybe having dreams about exes is just your mind's way of junk-novel-writing a chapter in your love life as filler until you start writing a new chapter, yourself. Since you don't have a special connection with someone right now, I can only guess you're briefly reliving some past connections for a little comfort.

As long as you've given your heart time to heal from the past, and pretty much moved on, then you probably should invest some of yourself into getting a new guy. I'm a bit surprised to see some guy hasn't risen to the challenge of making you happy without going flaky after a couple months. Whether they were buttertastin, or just greasy, they are in the past. I'd bet when you do meet your compatible heartbeat, those dreams will stop, and not only will he inspires trust in you that he'll always have your best interest at heart, he will support you in all you do, help with dinner and dishes when you've had a long day, take some of that spooning from your dog, and give you some GENUINE EMPATHY. If your dog misses that attention, maybe he can take her out for a walk, allowing you to sleep in or nap.

The last person I would look into the eyes to communicate something nonverbally... looking for a little empathy, I got nothing more than a clueless expression and "what?" Between that and not getting all those negative waves from her, I feel so much better, I might call myself "Optimist Prime" again now that a faulty relationship is done. All that's left is deciding what to do with the Christmas present she never got. Do I take it up north to burn or do I donate it? I mean who ends things by leaving a childish voice-mail!? I'll opt to donate it, of course. :-)

That brings me to the bad track record... that is something I can relate to. For every year I can remember, when this time of year rolls around, I've been single. I always thought it was bad luck, but it could be just that it's the busiest time where work's concerned, and I throw myself even more into it when not seeing someone. "Sacrifice health before integrity," I guess is my problem. The “what you did was nothing short of miraculous” comment from my boss got me thinking. What if I chose to trade one miracle for another? Whatever the case, a bad track record is what happened in the past, so it's somewhere behind you. You can always take a good firm step forward. Have faith in that. That's what keeps me warm despite those colder elements outside, or maybe it's the metabolism.