Monday, December 29, 2008


As you know I went back home for Christmas. My ex-husband just moved back to Portland recently. Well, call me crazy but I thought while I was in town maybe we could meet up and I could see one of our dogs Boodaful. I haven't seen her in over a year. At first the ex seemed receptive to it. Although, he said he'd have to run it by the 24 year old GF. OK...whatever I'll wait.

So, it comes down to the day I leave for Portland. I call him and ask if I can meet him the next day to see the dog. He sends me back a txt message to say that I couldn't see the dog because the GF was in town. I said, "I thought you were going to run it by her, we can meet at a Starbucks and she can come too, I just want to see the dog." His response..."why don't you just relax! and stop putting me in a bad situation!"

I've just had it!!! I've NEVER met this girlfriend of his. In fact, til today I had no idea what she even looked or what her name was. Yet, this girl HATES ME!!! I wouldn't doubt it if she has gone through our wedding pictures cut out my face and put hers in its place!!! I'm serious! The girl lives in my old house, has one of my dogs, has never met me but hates me!!!! The jealousy or whatever you want to call it is unreal!!!! And has to STOP!!

I don't understand it!! I know she's young. So I guess she has 1 excuse for her immaturity but, honestly the possessiveness, the cattiness, the jealousy, the hatred...WHY? Because I'm the ex wife? I know that my ex husband never tolerated that type of behavior in me, in fact when I was 21 and he would go to strip clubs with his guy friends, I sometimes would get a little insecure about it. You know, he actually told me that I was crazy, and to get over it! So why does he accept and tolerate this in her??

All I wanted to do was see my dog. I was actually cool with meeting her maybe grabbing a coffee with the 2 of them with the dog there...Heck...we don't need coffee, I don't care!! I just wanted to give my dog Booda a little love.

What if the dogs were human children? Would she act like this? Would she insist that the kids call her mom? Would she be like a dog herself and mark her territory? She already is acting like a dog in that matter. I know that being divorced stinks at times and I'm sure dating a person that is divorced sucks at times but seriously, HE'S GOT AN EX-WIFE!! Deal with it! And if dating a guy that's divorced makes you too uncomfortable then you need to find something that doesn't make you uncomfortable.

I want people that read this to know that I 100% do NOT want him or that relationship back! He didn't treat me the way I should be treated and I need to find someone that treats me the way I want and deserve to be treated. I know I sound angry in this blog but, I NEVER would treat someone like this. When I've dated other people who had ex's and they would still call and I would tell them that it was cool if they talked. Because I know how I would feel if I was on the receiving end of that. I'm feeling it now and it sucks.

I will end with this. I know we don't have human children (thank GOD) and a lot of people think that if they're not human...just move on. Well, my dogs are my kids. I miss them. I think that I'm a pretty cool ex wife. We ended things on a good note and we were friends until GF24 had to start acting CRAZY...yeah i said it...CRAZY! I hope that one day she realizes how easy she has it and comes to grips with the fact that I'm not a threat. I never was a threat and never will be!

Maybe my ex needs to tell her just to relax and stop being crazy! Oh but that would be too easy!


jess said...

Well Erin, I relaize your upset, and you and I had several conversations about this, but its not you. It doesn't matter who the ex-wife is, and I bet she doesn't hate you either, its just uncomfrotable for her too. I don't know. Yes, it sucks you didn't get to see your dog, and that's not right. I think this whole situation is uncomfortable for everyone involved. The ex doesn't want to ruffle any feathers with his gf either. Bad situation, I'm sorry girlie!

Erin Austin said...

I know. I get being uncomfortable but seriously they've been together awhile'd think she'd get over it at some point. I mean for the love of all humanity

Rebecca said...

I'm with Jess on this one (hey, Girl!) It totally stinks. I've been in your shoes on this exact situation (without being married, but with the 10-yr guy, and our cats). I can guarantee you that she doesn't "hate you"....but that it IS uncomfortable for her, which then leaks onto your ex. As you said, he never wanted to deal with that behavior from you, and now he doesn't want to deal with it from he's choosing to neutralize the situation, so as to not bring that side out from her. He's just saying "no". To be honest, I'm not even sure that he actually discussed it with her.

WE (your friends) know that you want nothing to do with your ex anymore, but she doesn't. No matter how hard you voice it, she will have this jealousy streak, because you were in his life first. You had his hand in marriage, and she is still just the "girlfriend". She is probably aware every day of their age difference, and is most likely scared that one little thing might disrupt their relationship.

I'm with you, too, on the point of: if you have an issue with it, don't get involved with a divorced man. But, what are you going to do?

It kills me to this day that I can't see my cat. It's been over 5 years, and I miss him (the CAT...not the guy). If you and your ex had kids, this whole situation would be different. But, it is what it is, and I'm sorry that it sucks the big one (and that it had you so upset during your trip.) :(

Shawn said...

I must say it's nice to see that even when angry, you can still keep a sense of humor.

If two people have been together a while, I would think they'd find some way of getting through something like this without it being too much of an issue. There are a several ways of letting someone see her dog, I mean it's not like setting up an art exhibit, right? Still, leaning toward something like dropping the dog off with you for a bit, instead of coffee might have sounded to them as less awkward, not that it is, but oh well. How do those people get over the big hurdles in a relationship if they stumble over one so low to the ground, that a miniature dachshund could easily clear?

Seriously, like dachshunds, men do often dig themselves into holes. A guy could just decide it's easier to say "No" and let that be the end of it. It does raise some insecurity questions, though. You can expect a little insecurity from someone younger, but at 24, you're talking about someone who's usually mature enough to settle down and handle more adult issues already. I think in an open and honest relationship, if a guy couldn't discuss something minor like this with his girlfriend, there could be some serious long-term concerns. Good thing those concerns are not your own!

Not seeing your dog in so long, it's tough, especially when you feel an attachment as strong as to your own baby. I can't think of much comforting to say. You could take a measure of solace in that the dog has a good home, and on a personal level you might even grant yourself a smile in knowing you don't have the tinderbox full of problems those two seem to have.

Trev said...

You should get one of those sappy "Missing You" cards, enclose some pictures of yourself and send it to your dog. Even if the card is addressed to "Boodaful" there will be a fecal storm of Biblical proportions when the girlfriend discovers that one. Is it petty and childish? OF COURSE! But I guarantee you'll see your dog next time you're in town.

Rebecca said...

LOL! Trevor cracks me up!

Maria said...

You are psycho. Most people who divorce without having children together don't see each other after the divorce is finalized. Why should he want any relationship with you at all? You two must have agreed he keeps Booda. Accept the choices you've made. And to say she is jealous and then write what you She isn't in your home. She's in the home her and her boyfriend created. Seriously, there's a chance she didn't even know you asked to see the dog. He very well could have been trying to avoid meeting up with you at all. Move on.

Erin Austin said...

Erin Austin said...
WOW! Maria!! Sounds like your GF24's BFF!!

Well if you are...boy don't you have a lot to learn as well.

Give me a break..the house She created?? She's 24. He probably pays for EVERYTHING...He's makes $ and I'm SURE she's knows that.
House TMK...still in my name!!!

I know for a fact that she has an issue. I'm not allowed to call with work related things because she'll get upset.

If I knew that whoever he'd be with would be this way...I would've had it written in the divorce agreement for visitation.

Point is, He and I were friends until she started having an issue. I don't expect you to understand. I've known him for more than 11 years. To act as if he doesn't exsist is not something that one can do. I have a great appreciation for his knowleadge with the business we're in.

Again, wouldn't expect you to understand. What I would've like was to be cordial. Not be friends but at least be pleasant.

Erin Austin said...

Also... I agree Maria that she very well didn't know that I asked to see the dog. has been made VERY clear to me that SHE has an issue with me.

Maybe he was too scared to ask cuz she's had made such a fuss in the past.

I was angry for at first for a bit...but really I'm just disappointed. I'm sure after awhile that will fade as well.