After my last attempt at dating and finding a relationship, I’ve decided to revisit the list of qualities I want in my person. I came upon this conclusion with the help one of my girlfriends. I was telling her that part of the reason I’m taking a break from dating is because I’m not sure what I’m looking for anymore. So she encouraged me to go back over that list and focus on the things that might have changed since I last wrote my list.
As I’ve mentioned before I feel like I’ve tried just about everything and have dated all over the board. Do I want a guy with no kids or kids? If he has kids...how old and how many? Divorced or never married? Younger or older? Business or blue collar? Shorter or taller? I honestly don’t know anymore. So I sat down and thought of some things I think will be good for me moving forward.
1. NOT ADDICTED TO SOCIAL MEDIA - One of the things I’ve decided I’ll be looking for in someone is, a guy not really into social media. Maybe he’s on Facebook or Instagram, but he’s not on it ALL OF THE TIME. Maybe he’s too busy with work and doesn’t really have time for it. Whatever social media he is on, I certainly don’t want him trolling for chicks on it! Some might say, “Erin you’re on social media all the time!” Yes I am. However, most of the time, I’m on social media for work and building my brand as a personality and public figure. Also, I think I want to steer clear of guys that are really into snapchat. I’ve noticed in the last 2 years or so that social media has played a role in my relationships that I didn’t like. Trust me when I say, you can learn a lot from a person by their social media activity! A LOT!!
2. To go along with that, I want someone that doesn’t need attention from a lot of women. Something that has really stuck out to me in the last several years of dating and listening to my friends’ stories, is the amount of guys that need attention from multiple chicks. Again, he’s not on social media trolling for chicks, but he also doesn’t have 4-5 girls or (insert number here) that he’s “talking to”, sleeping with, or has on a chain “just in case.” Maybe that’s how it is these days, but I’m not a fan. It’s one thing if you’re just going on dates without intimacy, but if you’ve talked about how you’re only sleeping with that person and he’s still got other girls texting him...in my opinion...TOTALLY NOT COOL!
And to say one thing on the prior two points, I look at several women here locally that are in the public eye, that are in relationships, and their husbands or boyfriends aren’t following a bunch of chicks or “Inta-hoes.” Also, they certainly aren’t going around trying to get attention from other women. The last thing I need is some girl I’ve never met, messaging me telling me that my man has been DM’ing her...or worse. Been there...and I don’t like being on the receiving end of that. It really hurts and is humiliating.
As for the rest of the list..here we go...
3. MUST LOVE DOGS - For me this also on my non-negotiables list. I really love dogs and can’t imagine not having any. I mean, I’m the girl that usually talks to the family dog at a party before the people. So for me, this is hands down 100% a must!
4. READY FOR COMMITMENT - I’m looking for someone that’s also looking for that person in their life. Someone that wants a meaningful relationship of mutual respect. Someone that is looking for their best friend and partner. I’m looking for someone who is ready for his player days to be behind him and is happy with seeing my name pop up on his phone with a text versus a list of chicks.
5. SOMEONE I FIND ATTRACTIVE - He doesn’t need to be uber hot, all buffed out, and the male version of an “Insta-hoe”. I just need to think he’s attractive to me. I mean, I’m going “get it on” with him for years right?
6. SMART/SUCCESSFUL - I don’t care if he has a MBA or if didn’t even finish college. If you’re smart and are doing well for yourself that’s what I care about. I didn’t go to a 4 year college. Actually, either did my ex-husband, but both of us are pretty darn successful in our careers and I’d like to think pretty dang smart.
7. LEVEL HEADED - I don't need or want a guy that’s a hot head. Granted, we can all get pissy or moody...maybe one day you lose your shit and throw a temper tantrum. However, it’s not OK for me to have a guy that will fly off the handle at the drop of a hat or freak the f*$& out in public. I’ve actually dated several guys that have either gone off on people in traffic or someone else in public. To be honest, it kinda freaks me out and it’s a bit embarrassing. Again, I’m a public person, so the last thing I need is my boyfriend getting in fist fight (or worse) with another driver or some guy at a bar when he’s drunk.
8. KIND/COURTEOUS - Someone that has empathy and thinks of other people’s feelings. You’d think this would be a given, but in the day of overwhelming self-importanace and narcissism, people who think of other people’s feelings are actually not easy to come by these days. To me it all boils down to, “Treat others as you want to be treated.”
9. SELF-AWARE - We all lack confidence in some area. That’s why so many of us over compensate with something. I’m the first to admit that I’m self-conscious and lack confidence in areas of my life. I’m totally aware of these issues. In fact, I’ll admit that to anyone. I go to counseling to work on it, and do things everyday to build myself up and make myself better. Am I perfect? NO! Once again, I’m aware of it and work on it. Whereas, a lot of people shove their issues under a rug hoping no one will notice or will choose to ignore them and let their (sometimes) bad behavior continue. We all have issues and it amazes me how many people I know and see, that either ignore their issues and don’t try to be better, or are completely oblivious on how they are as people.
10. ACCEPTS ME FOR ME - Granted, I have my quirks, but honestly I’m pretty easy going. I’m not a diva. I don’t need to be treated like I’m some pretty pretty princess all the time. I can stay in a fancy hotel or one that’s just ok. Again, I can eat or drink fancy...or can eat at a hole in the wall and drink at a dive bar. I can take shots or drink champagne. I can hang just about anywhere. The only thing I’m not cool with is going to the bathroom in the wilderness. And even then...I’d at least try and figure it out! I’ll admit, I hate cleaning anything, I can procrastinate, I have a potty mouth, and hold wine glasses from the wrong part of the glass. And those are just a few of the things a guy is going have to absorb to be with me. Oh...and he'll have to be understanding of my past hurts that have made me into what I am today.
This is the nuts and bolts of my list. Sure I could get super picky, but I think moving forward these are the 10 things that I need to really look for and look out for. #FINDYOURSELFFEBRUARY
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