I'm not talking in the physical sense or work wise. We all know men work very hard. I'm talking in the sense of dating. Has the modern man lost his touch when it comes to getting a woman? Or has the modern woman made it too entirely easy?
I might've mentioned this before, but I think a lot of women are told by their father when they're young that if a guy really likes you he'll move mountains to be with you. And if the guy really likes you he really try to get your attention.
A common complaint from my single girlfriends is that most men don't try anymore. Men just make the effort like they used to. You always hear the stories of guys going over and above to try and get the lady of his affection. Now it seems that if the guy can't get the girl right away and get what he wants...well like the Jay-Z songs says...On to the next one!
Example #1 - NO DATES JUST HANGING OUT
Seems like the days having having an old fashioned date are over. The days where a guy would take you to dinner are few and far between. And the guy bringing you flowers...forget about it!
Rarely when I go on a "date" with a guy does he take me out to a restaurant. Lately I'm noticing it's more of meeting up for drinks or meeting all of his friends out on a Friday so you can "hang out."
Not sure if it's age thing or not, but some of my younger girlfriends have been going out with guys that either all they want to do is meet in a big group or they think they're gonna be on a date and the guy brings a few of his buddies along.
Example #2 - NO CALLING JUST TEXTING
I know communication has changed a lot since when our parents dated. Heck, they're even different than when I first started dating. However, we still have phones and for some reason men tend to only use them for their texting capabilities.
Remember the days when a guy would actually call you and might be on the phone for hours and hours? Talking about everything and sometimes nothing at all. Now you're lucky if he responds back to your text in an hour. A conversation that once took 15 minutes now takes 3 hours all because it's via text.
And don't get me started on texting and asking girls out. Guys rarely actually pick up the phone and call you to ask you out anymore. Now they just send a text hoping that you respond back with at least "Sure."
I can't tell you how often the texting to ask for a date happens, but it happens too much!
I have a co-worker that tells me NEVER and I repeat NEVER go out with a guy that asks me out by text. At first, I thought that was a bit harsh but after I went out with the last guy that asked me out via text and seeing as how that working out I think maybe I'll stick with the tougher rule for a while and see what happens!
Example # 3 - NON DECISIVE NO PLAN
When it actually turns out that both parties have agreed on getting together then the trouble is guys having no cajones to make a decision of what to do on the date. A friend of mine says that she always finds that guys that will say, "Uhhh What to do want to?"
Her complaint and mine too is, What happened to the guys that would call you to ask you out. Then once you said yes, he'd tell you that you'll have dinner at 8pm on Wednesday at (insert restaurant here) and he'll pick you up.
I know I reference Mr. Dallas a great deal, but one thing I will say he did a fabulous job at was courting me.
We got introduced, he got my number, called me, asked me to dinner, and had a plan. That was the best first date I've ever had!
Even after the 1st date he kept trying. He surprised me with dinner at my place one random night and brought, several bottles of wine, cheese and crackers as an appetizer. A nice dinner from a swanky restaurant, and strawberries and chocolate for dessert. I never had someone put so much thought and effort in. And I haven't since.
Note to men reading or listening...Mr. Dallas got lucky that night!! And that was good too!
I'm gonna finish things with this. Guys may get girls by being a d-bag or treating a girl like crap, but eventually I'd like to think that that gets boring and you want to be with someone you respect.
All in all...men keep trying and please keep chivalry alive!
16 comments:
I'm a guy and I have to say That girls make it too easy and also guys have become lazy. But pretty much these days all guys want to do is hit it. They don't want a relationship. Its too much work for this lazy generation of ppl. There are those out there that are like What you want. You just have to look in the right places that's all. Good luck in your search.
Maybe you should try the other team (a woman knows what a woman wants.
And when did going to Starbucks become a appropriate first date??? its more like a job interview
You can't complain about men texting you to chat or to ask you for a date if you text them.
I never text nor do I respond to texts. EVER
I never have a problem with men who don't call. If they want to ask me out they have to call.
Where have the gentlemen gone? We're still here, but we had to turn into the "bad boy" that so many of you are looking for. You want a nice, honest guy "with a little bit of bad boy in him." I swear I'm so tired of hearing that... Either you want an asshole or you don't. There's no magic button you can push to make a guy an asshole when you want him to be one and a nice guy when you want him to be one.
Us true Texas gentlemen have been rewarded by being walked on by the girls we treat right, and we're tired of it now. So we're done putting out all that effort to do the right thing because it doesn't get us anywhere. It's much easier to just care about ourselves. We get laid more that way anyhow, so that's where all the Texas gentlemen went.
When women get their head out of their ass and stop trying to tame the assholes and realize it's a lot easier just to find someone you actually like as a person, then the world will be a better place. But until then I'm done being a nice guy, because women don't appreciate that anymore. They might say they do, but they don't.
I think the entire game has changed, however women still believe that while the playground is different, the male participants should play by the same old school rules while women play by the new standard. Why should men "move mountains" while women just hop from peak to peak looking to get their "entertainment" fill for the week. Missing is the commitment and follow through to date someone even if it is not exclusive; the mutual engagement where both make efforts to engage the other.
My experience, personally and through my male friends, is that while the expectation is to “court a woman”, which per the definitions in the blog means to be accountable for the entire evening’s entertainment so that an environment can be created to be conducive for becoming better acquainted, most women do not reciprocate. When was the last time you ladies actually made a guy who has taken you out on many dates dinner? In the “old school” days when courting was a pleasurable and mutual experience, both sexes went through lengths to demonstrate mutual value and appreciation. Its established that the goal is share each other’s time yet I’ve heard women express that a man SHOULD take her out if he wants to enjoy her company. Today’s gal seems to feel entitled to be taken out in exchange for her time and really offers nothing in return. Is not the goal to become better acquainted? …and let’s get this clear, we are not talking about anything sexual…
Today’s game, however, has provided all the participants with copious amounts of communication and networking media. From online dating portals to social networking sites, access to potential partners is EVERYWHERE. My hypothesis is not that men are getting lazy but that the game is changed to selectively provide optimization of resources. That would explain the scenarios of just having drinks or hanging out versus elaborately planned out evenings. It appears to me that the goal has become to weed through all the noise until you find someone who really appreciates and values you as a person not what the entertainment is for the day.
I don't believe all men have lost their touch. I believe that its come to a two way concern to add have some women become less appreciative of "chivalry"? I don't mind going above and beyond to get what you want I believe of you have to work for it then its worth more as well as appreciated in the end. However through my experiences, I have come to instances where at the end of my above anbeyond calls and even go as far as going out of my way I am later just the ride to the next stop or I was just unappreciated. Neither here nor there I don't hold it against other women. Furthermore, I believe if a man asks the woman out he should pt no question, however if he doesn't ask then I feel he at least should offer, or in some instances do it anyway. This concludes my thoughts for now.
6 words.... "He's just not that into you!"
To the last comment....trust me I thought of that. In fact, I remind myself of that all the time.
So what are guys supposed to do when we find a girl we really like, do everything right and then get the "texting relationship" crap or because they don't want to talk on the phone? I hate texting and that's the only way girls want to talk these days. Or they love to do the "hang out when it's convenient for them" at the last minute relationship.
I can't imagine any girl complaining about guys as much BS and non-sense and you make us put up with. I had a date with a girl and she didn't want to go out that night because it had rained earlier. She ended up going when I pointed out that it wasn't raining and if it did I had an unbrella. It only got worse from there and after a few dates I'd had enough.
Also, where do girls get these incredibly unrealastic
expectations and start asking how much you make, how big your house is and junk like that before they even get to know you? I own my own business and it's very successful and the constant questions get old fast. I don't mind doing nice things for girls but but it gets old doing nice things and nothing is ever enough. And ya'll wonder why guys are like we are... Grow up and show a little class and maybe you'll get what ya'll are looking for.
Well honestly something to work for makes it a lot more fun! Not all guys just "want to hit it". Some of us just don't date like we used to because like women we get "hurt" & "burned" too! It just gets to a point where you don't want to go through it anymore.
It's simple economics and evolution there are more woman than men percentage wise so when you pass on one good man you have to meet the 20 bad ones the demand exceeds the supply. Technology has really made the way people interact different if one female doesn't respond to a text or PM through face book or even twitter there is another two three possibly more that will. Men are finding females that put out quicker than ever and having to put in less work and money than ever. The dating game has evolved from what it use to be at one time and technology has sped up the the amount of people we can meet. Men can just click and search for females and find multiple females instead of having to go out and meeting less women.
I have had women cheat, lie and steal from me. They've taken advantage of generosity and exploited dating into nothing more than free meals. (No I'm not expecting sex or even a kiss goodnight. Just courtesy.)
One girl even scheduled dinner with me and had a date later that night to meet a guy at a club. (Her friend told me.)
Guys don't try? Give me a break.
ERIN, WHERE ARE YOU????? LOL MISS READING YOUR POST. HOPE TO HEAR FROM YA SOON! *V
I agree with David. There are a lot more women than men, so the ratio women/men is in their favor.
Plus, I think, us, as women have screwed ourselves with the whole sexual revolution. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about femminism, girl power, women independence/ rights and all, but when it comes to values, women have become so sexually open and available that men don't need to put all that extra work to get a girl, when there are 3 others who would go home with him the same night.
The simplest example: look at the club and bar scene. Girls dress up provocatively, and often are the ones who would first go and talk to a guy and throw themselves at him. Men are men, they will take whatever they can get. Even if it's for a night. Once this really good looking guy was talking to me, and while we were having a conversation couple of girls approached him and started talking over me trying to get his attention. They literally tried to push me to the side. Lucky, he was a gentleman, so he excused himself and told them he was talking to me so they left - not without giving me a "hate look". Come on girls, don't sabotage each other!
No wonder the "shy, old fashioned good" girl sits by the corner sipping at her drink... by herself
I thought it was only me observing this transition over the years, but i can now see it's becoming a phenomenon - the rise of the Lazy Modern Man! due to technology making things easier and women becoming more aggressive of a result...old-fashioned courting has become a thing of the past and men can't be assed to even pursue the woman of their dreams these days!!
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