In my recent years of dating I've noticed something. People love to talk about themselves. I, I, I, and ME, ME, ME. It even goes to the Internet with online dating. Let me explain.
As mentioned previously, I've tried online dating. From time to time I'll get an email. The one that sticks out is one that I received from a random guy whom I never spoke to. It literally started off, "I had a great weekend. On Saturday I flew to Chicago to visit MY brother. Blah Blah Blah.
Now this wouldn't have been so bad if I knew him or asked him about his weekend, but I didn't know this guy from Adam and he started giving me his life story.
I dated a guy for a second that loved telling me stories about himself. Problem is he NEVER asked me questions to get to know anything about me. When I mentioned that he never asks me anything, he said that he leaves it to the other person to talk about themselves. I DISAGREE. And how could I when he's always talking about himself.
When you never ask questions about the other person it gives the impression that you don't really care about that person, let alone getting to know them. I ask questions because I'm interested. I also like to tell stories, but it makes it hard to tell a story if the person you're with doesn't show any interest in anything you have to say.
I had a conversation with a guy and he said, "I like talking with you, we have good conversations." This precedes a 50 minute conversation that we had. More like he had and I just sat there going "uh-huh, yeah, wow, interesting."
For 50 minutes he told me all about him. His travels, his hobbies, his work, his working out, his writing. Funny thing, I kept waiting for him to direct a question my way and the only question he asked me was in the very beginning when he asked how things were going at work.
I think a lot of it has something to do with that these guys work in sales. They're always in sales mode. Trying to sell you on them, when really just be yourself and let it flow. It makes a girl think you're putting on a front or a show.
What's funny is, if they're in sales it would be wise for them to ask questions. If they're looking at you as a client, wouldn't it be wise to build a relationship with that client? You know...get to know that person.
I know we can all get a little wrapped up in ourselves at times. I'm guilty of it. I sometimes get so preoccupied with what I have going on that I forget to look outside myself for a second. I get so worried about my problems that I forget that my friends have they're own crap. I get it.
I just know that I'm seeing a trend of inwardly focused men. "I do this and I have this" type of guys. I just wonder if anyone cares about anyone other than themselves anymore.
4 comments:
Hello, again!
Everyone at some time or another makes a bad impression. They talk about themselves too much on a date, don't pay enough attention to the person they're with, expressing every negative thought that comes in their head. These things can make or break a relationship, or at first meeting, end things before they begin. The question is, is this really who this person is, was it an exception to the norm?
With a self-absorbed man, or woman, there is nothing to forgive. They are who they are, and giving them a chance to prove otherwise is inviting them to put a blindfold over your eyes to hide the truth.
There are some people who genuinely care about others, but are so used to dating people who are first and foremost interested in how much money they make, what they do for a living, what kind of ride do they have, and automatically talk about those things out of habit. Is that forgivable? Maybe, but that person should really be more in tune with the needs of their date.
You raise an interesting subject Erin. No doubt there are those out there that are "I-noceroses" (I just made that up)of both sexes. But trying to impress a girl in radio is HARD! How can we (I'm a guy)compete with the guys you are likely to run into? You meet guys who are rich, talented and have gold selling records. Hard for a welder from Pasadena to compete UNLESS he makes his job sound even cooler. So cut us a little slack. It's hard out there.
Anonymous,
I'm not trying to be hard on guys.
Sure, is it great if the guy has X, Y, and Z? Yeah...it's cool.
My point is, there is a difference between a guy that has stuff and the guy that likes to talk about his stuff.
Isn't more about personality? Sure I could date a guy that has money but if the guy is LAF (lame as F$#%) everywhere else...that doesn't make me want to snuggle up to them.
Be you! No selling points needed.
PS...I don't date musicians or athlete's typically they have a chick in every city! And I hate to share!
It must be tiring being you.
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