Wednesday, July 7, 2010
WILL THE REAL ERIN AUSTIN PLEASE STAND UP?
So we all know that I'm single and I've been single for the past...gosh 3 years? We all know my story. I've dated guys here and there but nothing longer than 2-3 months. There's been a lot of one and done dates in there as well.
I've started noticing something about myself over the past year let's say. I think I really noticed it after I dated a guy will call lawyer boy #2. Lawyer boy #1 is currently taken by someone else.
So back on task here. He was a funny guy but at the same time kind of dry. He would sometimes ask me questions and after I would answer he would sometimes just sit there. I started getting in the habit of saying, "Is that OK?", or "Is that weird?" Like I was looking for his approval. WTF?
I've noticed that when I start dating someone new, I'm becoming more reserved. Which is O.K. I guess to a certain extent. I mean, you don't want to be telling your life story on the first and second date. However, I feel like I've subconsciously decided that people may not like me for me and so I'm giving them a 50% version of myself.
I can think back to when I dated Mr. Dallas. On many levels he was the best relationship I've had. He was very affectionate, yet on other levels it was wasn't. And not that the bad was really bad. Let's just say, I felt as though I was auditioning for a politician's wife sometimes.
We would go out with his friends and since I'm pretty social I might start talking with his friends' wives/girlfriends. After it was over I remember he would ask me, "So what did you guys talk about? He asked me if I asked them "How business going? How are things with the family?"
There's was one time we were visiting the family and his mom (love her) made a meal for the family. Everyone at the table was going on and on about how great the meal was. And don't get me wrong, it was good, but the way everyone at the table carried on you would've thought she just made some 5 course meal with Lobster flown in special for the dinner.
I sat there as everyone chimed in with their Ohh's and Ahh's not knowing what to think. I might've chimed in with an "Thanks for making dinner." Apparently that wasn't good enough because afterwards I got the Spanish Inquisition about why I didn't tell his mom that I liked her food.
Granted, I guess I could've chimed in with everyone else. But I'm a faker. YES! Her dinner was good. I just felt as though everyone else was doing a good enough job ogling over her cooking that my "thanks for making dinner" would've sufficed. I guess next time I'll play along a little more.
Point is, I often felt with him that he picked me apart, and he was really hard on me. His brothers girlfriend at the time told me once, "These boys are tough ones and Erin you got the toughest one of the bunch."
The thing is, I like guys that are very put together. Successful, smart, well educated to name a few traits. A good dresser doesn't hurt. Problem is, I've noticed that with these guys that are so put together, I find myself getting intimidated. Afraid that if they see the funny, quirky, independent, outspoken Erin they may not like me.
What is that all about? That's freaking lame is what that is!
Some of these guys are very particular. They are particular about various things and sometimes everything. I hanging out with this guy for a month and the stuff I'd hear him be anal about was mind boggling. It was little stuff too. He doesn't eat tilapia. Doesn't eat frozen food. Has to work out everyday. Only washes his underwear in lukewarm water for fear of shrinkage. OK...that last one I made up, but really this guy had so many rules, regulations, and conditions on everything that I sometimes wondered what he was doing hanging out with me...better yet what was I doing hanging out with him.
I had a guy I date tell me I was messy. Now I'm so afraid to have anybody over, especially a guy. Fearing they'll see dog fur and run!
Again, this probably all boils down to me over thinking things and needing to relax. I know that I'm not perfect and I need to think that these guys are perfect either. No matter how put together they seem to be...no one is perfect and we all have flaws.