Recently I've come to terms with being the person that someone would just call when they wanted something from me. They would call me when they had no other girl around at the moment. They would call when they needed...uhh huh!
It took me a second to figure it out. I mean with all the calling to see how I was and wanting hangout to the I'm sorry I've been such a donkey's rear end to you. I think it was misleading for sure. Then I had an epiphany. Several weeks ago on a Wednesday night I was out enjoying a happy hour with 2 of my best girlfriends. I missed this call from a number I don't know and then hear the VM and it's you know who. Calling to see how I was and how I've been. Well, I was busy so I wasn't going to call back. Then about an hour later I get a txt saying, "What U been up to?" I thought that was rather odd. Why would he be blowing me up? Was he REALLY just wondering how I am? Or was he laying the ground work to get something?
Needless to say I never called or txt back. I chose choice #2. He was probably looking to get something. You know I find especially interesting, is that it's been a couple weeks later and he has never called or txt again. Gee I wonder why? I find it interesting that if he was so curious on how I was doing wouldn't he care enough to call back? I guess not!!!
What I find even more interesting is that this person was the same person that called me to say he was sorry for treating badly and wanted to be friends. Does that mean being friends on his terms? When he wants something? When HE has time for me? When HE is lonely?
The reason this bothers me and I bring this up is because I told him and his friends that I was scared of him hurting me and using me. I even said for him not to do that to me!! You know the line I got..."Oh Erin just be patient with him, he's really a good guy." You know that maybe true....but he was not a good guy to me!
I move on but I wanted to share this story with people in hopes some people may open their eyes to how you treat people and how others may treat you.
18 comments:
I just wanted to send you a quick note and let you know how nice it was to meet you on Sunday. Just in case you don't remember, this is Andrew from Karma. I didn't want to seem to forward by buying you a drink, and would have much rather walked up to introduce myself. But you were very busy at the time and I did not want to intrude. And for what it is worth, you did the right thing by not calling this guy back. Of course the only thing he was doing was trying to get something. Like I said before, there are still some of us really great guys out there who know how to treat women with the courtesy and respect that they deserve. But we also know how to let loose and have a great time...(didn't want you to think we were dull and boring). Ihope the rest of the day went well for you and your date and maybe we will be able to talk again sometime. Take care of yourself.
An alternative to ignoring his text and voice mail could have been a quick return text asking him to contact you the next day as you were busy at the moment. Now you only can assume (and most likely correctly) that he was after something. Always remember that you have final say on whether or not he gets anything...
even if it is just the pleasure of a return phone call.
Keep hanging in there. Good things do come to those who wait.
I see your point anonymous. Although he pulled some shady stuff the weekend previously. He would call, I would return it with a call and text and nothing...he never would get back to me...or He would want to meet up and then be on the phone with some other girl in the bathroom.
Enough was enough. If he truly cared to see how I am he would've called back.
I guess I gave him another chance after he realized that he treated me bad and said he was sorry. I guess not sorry enough.
Wow what is with the stalker above!!! Kind of scary. Being a guy I am going to say almost all guys are scum (almost) Most guys would cheat on their significant other if a hot girl like yourself approached them or should interest if they thought they wouldn't get caught. What stops guys from cheating is not wanting to get caught and possibly loosing what they had. But if any guy tells you they wouldn't cheat on their significant other if Jennifer Anniston wanted him and he knew he wouldn't get caught. They are not being honest.
I know that feeling. I am a magnet for people who use me to borrow money that never gets paid back. It's like I am a living, breathing, walking ATM.
They've even gotten good at making offers to hang out or make me dinner before slipping in the request for money — or from one of them to borrow my car.
I apologize Erin. I should have realized that you had already given him more chances than he deserves. This guy obviously does not deserve the time of day from you. (my previous response as the first anonymous 10/22 @ 8:30).
Guess that is the same trap i always fell into when dating...giving a guy a chance when he didn't deserve it just because i was lonely.
No harm no foul!
I was telling my girlfriends that I put up with a lot of things from him that I usually wouldn't because I liked him and thought..maybe just maybe his "sorry" was really a sorry...not just something he'd say to get what he wanted. Boy do I have a lot to learn.
And to the anonymous that said most guys would cheat if "a Hot girl" like me approached...let's just say after our breakup the girls I know he's been with have be less than attractive in a lot of ways...and his friends agreed!!! Funny Huh?
I think the real problem is your need to feel wanted. After reading your blogs, I see that you allow yourself to be used time after time. Get some new material and a good therapist.
Erin-
When it comes down to things we all have that individual that is out there for us and that will treat us right for who we are and what needs we fulfill in there lives and vise versa. I first would like to add a note about the cheating thing, if you are with someone that you love and think is amazing and Jennifer Aniston was out and Drunk and wanted to go home and sleep with you you wouldn't. Because one night with Jennifer Aniston is not worth losing a lifetime of Happiness. I know I am going to get a lot of criticism for that comment but it is true and I am sticking to it. Might I add that I am a young male and not a chick saying this to try and instill wisdom into the so called all mighty male!!! Male or female we all make mistakes and unfortunately, guys yes you have received the voicemail and or text and ran back to that female. And you have been used and you never heard from Her again. But that can be a whole nother blog. Take Erins advice and be more conscious of what you do in dating and consider her feelings! Women the same goes to you and you know I am right!
I appreicate the fact you think I need a therapist and I have one. I will agree that I allowed myself to be used for a bit. I think that I wanted to believe that I wasn't. That this person did care about me.
ALthough sometimes when you like someone you give them chances. And that's what I did. Now I know what his motivation was. That's fine. I realize it and move forward.
Hey Erin,
I just started reading your blog a few days ago and love it. Just recently ended a year and a half long relationship with someone who turned out to be the complete opposite of what I had thought. Rather, he turned out to be the complete opposite of what he portrayed himself to be. My feelings initially were the usually shock, hurt, disappointment, etc. Now, however, I am at the stage where I've forgiven him for screwing up as he did and I wish him all the best. I'm 30 and have had 3 long term relationships. My concern with relationships at this point in my life is how difficult it may be to find someone who is honest...with themselves more so than anyone else. It seems that people not knowing themselves or what they want causes them to be dishonest (however unitentional)in the many facets of their lives. Your thoughts? What is your opinion on honestly and relationships today?
Erin,
If a guy doesn't hold your feelings in high regard, he certainly won't mind using you to get what his deceptive little reptilian brain aggressively pursues at the time. When you say things that sound like: "I'm scared of getting hurt or used, don't do that to me" the user type will probably see an invitation to walk all over you. His friends will cover his back, of course... unless they want you, too. The sad reality is users often target openly sensitive, giving personalities as they are among the most vulnerable.
When you feel like your sensitivity and giving nature are being taken for granted early on or worse, used, then it's good self-preservation to turn the page without looking back. The more chances you give in a short period of time, the less likely things will change for the better. I'm not saying you would go through as many characters in your love story as War and Peace, just turn the page on the shady ones. Moving forward from the bad experiences is the only way to get closer to your HAPPY ENDING. Guys who are worth your time shouldn't just be fun and likeable. Long-term prospects are the guys who would also protect your body and nourish your soul. Giving you at least one bad memory, and a hundred sad thoughts for every good memory isn't in a good guy's character.
My first thought on the not calling back would be this: He is likely going through a contact list or black book to see who will answer the call. By virtue of your name, you probably were an early prospect, but when you didn't answer, he went on down the list to the next one. Someone else did answer by the time you called back. If there wasn't a bathroom to duck into, he probably wouldn't want to be talking to one girl on the phone right in front of another girl he wants something from.
I don't know how you meet all these guys specifically, but it seems like they've all been losers, so whatever you've been doing it's not working. Guys approach women when they want something, whether it's a girlfriend or some action or whatever. Now I don't know if you've been doing this already, but YOU should be the one approaching guys you might be interested in. After all, YOU want something (a boyfriend or husband or w/e) so you should take some initiative. Approach some nice shy looking guys when you're out, you'll have better luck with them than the flashy ones who usually approach women in bars or where ever. In your next post I want to hear about how you got some courage and approached a nice guy out of the blue and hit it off!
What the heck happened? What are you doing now that they just canned all of you? This stinks!!!
What's going to happen next for you?
Gonna miss you on KTI. Where you headed next? Was this a surprise for you all?
Hope you didn't feel used at the station, as you no longer have a job there, from my understanding. Just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed listening the 3 of you on KTI - a bit skeptical when you arrived, but all of you've grown on me... sorry to hear the news! Look at the bright side... Move some place WARM... WI winters suck!
Erin -
What is going on at the station!?! Please update us!!!
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