LIFE HITS YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I was let go from my job at The Bull after 11 years.  It was something I didn't see coming at all. It's only been a week since I was dealt this devastating blow and I'm still in shock and at a loss for words.  I'm still trying to figure out my plan of action and what my next steps will be.  I've had some old bosses and former coworkers reach out and they've shared some good advice as well thoughts on what I should do.  

So for the past week I've spent a lot of time thinking, talking to God, crying, and getting my stuff together.  I've been brain storming about people I need to reach out to and thinking about what it is that I want to do next.  

Like I said in my last blog, this was something I dreaded thinking about. Anytime someone would ask me what I'd want to do outside of radio, I didn't know what to say.  I mean sure, there's other things I like to do, but a lot of those things would take awhile to get going.  I'd love to have my travel blog or show, but that's not something that happens overnight. 

What's funny about the timing of all of this is, I've been having this feeling of being stuck for the last couple of years. (I'll write about this topic more in another blog) I had been doing Middays for about the last 5 years and wasn't feeling challenged enough.  However, despite not feeling challenged enough, I also got comfortable with that feeling.  So I thought maybe my answer was to finally find my partner in crime.  

 

Since moving to Houston in 2009, I have gone on SO MANY dates.  I would say most of the time I was still trying to figure out what I wanted, but also I wasn't meeting guys that were much of a match.  At one point, after trying for years without much success I gave up dating altogether.  For a whole year I removed myself from that scene so I could change my mindset and outlook.  Then I started dating someone in 2014...we got engaged.  That was a disaster.  Then, in 2018 I dated a guy for about a year and half.  It didn't work out, but we remained friends.  So again, I take a moment to figure things out and get back out there again. 

However, the term "When it rains it pours" comes to mind right about now.   About a month ago I started seeing someone that I really liked. Things seemed to be going really good and we were clicking pretty well.  While there were a few things that we were a little different on, most of the stuff we were pretty much on the same page.  However, when I lost my job my biggest fear was that he would lose interest and not want to date me anymore.   Well, that happened much sooner than I anticipated.  

He told me that I needed to focus on my career and decide what makes me happy.  While I understood what he was saying, it felt like I had been kicked in my imaginary nuts.  I mean, my life instantly became a Country song!! All I needed now was a bottle of whiskey and my dog to run off too for the story to be complete!  While that was a big blow and it sucked, I did kind of understand what he was getting at. I do wish that it wasn't the case, but I can't change his mind or the situation...so I need to focus on my path.

So moving forward...and don't judge me, but today I did something to try and see what might be on the path for me.  I had my birth chart read. I know what you're thinking..."Erin believes in that stuff?"  Well actually...I just might!  When I lived in Milwaukee, my friend Rebecca introduced me to an astrologer named Mary.  She did a couple of readings for me in 2008 and 2010 and a few months back I found the old CDs so I had to give them a listen.  My mouth just dropped as I was listening and she told me some of the things she saw for me.  In both readings she told me about changes that would be happening with my job.  Both times I had felt secure in my position. So I didn't pay much attention to it.  However, listening back and looking back on the timeline of my life,  I realized she was pretty spot on.

Well...today's reading went really well.  I have to go back and listen because there was a lot of information for me to digest, but I feel pretty good about what she said.  I still don't know what opportunities will present themselves or who I'll end up with, but a few things did stick out to me.  She said that I like to shine, but I like to find deeper meaning in things.  She gave ideas  of what good places to live and who to connect with. 

Now when  it comes to relationships, I need to feel like I'm understood and supported emotionally, but not controlled.  And often the men that come into my life don't understand my emotional needs.  Which makes sense because I'm very independent and self sufficient, but really want to have a partner that's truly by my side.  So because of that, my emotional needs and vulnerability are things that a lot of guys can't handle.  Which has been true in just about every relationship that has had an impact on me.  (Btw...I think I'll probably post the audio in a podcast soon so those people that know me can hear how spot on the reading is.) 

So what happens now that I've been kicked down?  As I stated in my podcast "Country Not Country" with Nick Russo, I don't have a spouse to rely on and help me share the burden of things...and I don't have a partner telling me they have my back and we'll get through this.  In fact, I can't even rely on my family either.  I am on an island by myself trying to figure out how I'll get to safety.  Think about that for a second.   I know I feel alone at certain moments and a little abandoned at times, but I have to believe that it will all work out.  And I also want to believe that I won't have to settle with something that I won't be happy with.  I want to believe that something will happen that is better than I expected.

So cross your fingers, pray to sweet baby Jesus, burn a candle in my honor, and hell...I'll even take someone casting a spell for me.  Because if this doesn't work out you may find a GoFundMe link or a FansOnly page so I can get money coming in!  Does anyone want to pics of my feet for $5 a piece?  😂