Wednesday, November 23, 2016


We all learn something from our relationships.  I've learned a very painful lesson about narcissism and other personality disorders. In my relationship with a narcissist, I felt as if I couldn't do anything right.  I was made to feel like I was a bad person and everything that went wrong in our relationship was my fault.  It was after a big fight that I started doing some research about what I was going through and discovered that what I was dealing with was just par for the course with someone that has a personality disorder.  

They start off nice and act like you're the love of their life.

They will compliment you and act so proud of you.
They will show you off to all of their friends.
They will woo you and be chivalrous
They will slowly turn on you and start fights with you.
They will start fights out of nowhere 
They will start complaining that you're not giving them enough 
They'll start making you apologize for things you didn't know you did wrong.

They will say and do terrible things to you and not say sorry.
If they did something bad to you, they will deny it even if you were there (gaslighting)
They may apologize, but only if it benefits them

They will lie to your face.  
They will lie to everyone including your friends and family
They will lie even when confronted with hard evidence and facts

They never tell the whole truth
They never admit they're wrong
They turn things around on you
They make everything your fault

They will give you the silent treatment
They will withhold affection and sex from you when mad at you
They will tell you that people think you're in the wrong and they are right

They use your weaknesses against you
They will make you feel like you're crazy and make you doubt things
They attack you with information that you confided in them

They are constantly seeking out attention from others
They need constant reassurance from you and others
They need constant affection
They are never satisfied 

They cheat...A LOT
They cheat with multiple people at a time
They cheat even if you're engaged or married
They cheat and they blame you for it

They don't have real friends
They mostly have superficial relationships 
They don't appreciate what people do for them
They use people 

They don't really love you (unconditionally)
They don't care about your feelings
They don't care who they hurt 
They have no conscience

They only think of themselves
They are generally selfish 
They lack the ability to understand other's feelings
They don't think about consequences

They only keep you around to fulfill their needs
They come back if they want something from you
They always have someone else in the picture
They discard you when they have no more use for you 

They will never be happy
The sabotage the good in the lives
They are deeply troubled individuals

You will never be good enough for the narcissists.  They will always find something that you're not doing to be good enough.

If you're not fulfilling their needs to the level they want they will find someone else (even if you are, they'll cheat)

If you challenge them and stick up for yourself they will find someone else to fulfill their needs.

One painful lesson I've learned from my experience with a narcissist is that they don't feel remorse. They are not wired to feel bad for anything they've done. In fact, they don't believe they did anything wrong.  They think they're in the right and have a right to do what they do.

My narc cheated on me over and over and over again and only apologized when when he wanted me back, but even then he was still cheating.  He admitted to cheating on me with only 1 woman. As it turns out it was at least 4-5 different women. I'm sure there were more that I'm not able to trace.  Point is, I was never his girl, I was never the only one.

I know that I will never get an "I'm Sorry" for all the horrible things he did to me while we were together. I know he will always blame me and say that I'm the one with issues.  I know that he'll never admit to any wrongdoing more than the one thing he already admitted to.  I know that he will never change and will continue to treat every woman the same as he did me.  

This is just the tip of the iceberg on my experience with a narcissist. There is sooo much more to my story and I hope I'll be able to share it one day.  


Anonymous said...

The really sad thing in this situation is the damage left behind. You will likely be untrusting of even well meaning men who see you for you.

I know you on a very surface level and now I know why. It seems like you don't quite believe me when I compliment you. Or perhaps you think I'm just trying to use you. Who can blame you for always having your guard up.

For what it's worth, you are witty, great, wonderful, funny and gorgeous.

Anonymous said...

Erin, you will thank God one day very soon that he removed this guy from your life. You will be the happiest girl in the universe because you as much as the other girls he did this too deserve better. I know this.....!

Erin Austin said...

I know you're right. Sometimes it's hard getting over the initial trauma of all the pain he caused. I may have setbacks, but everyday gets a little better.