Tuesday, July 1, 2014


After one my more recent dating casualties I've noticed along with a few of my friends that online dating is transforming how we date...and not for the better. I believe that we are becoming so picky that most people don't meet our requirements.  That in turn will cause us all to be single for a very very long time...Possibly forever.

Most of us have an idea of what our perfect mate will be.  Some of us have quite an extensive list of requirements.   A few years ago I wrote a list of all the things I wanted in my mate.  The list was so long that it was 2 pages.  Some of things were very basic.  Others were so nit picky, for instance "must like red wine."  Here's my old list .   Over the years I've modified that list.  Somethings have been cut, some have become more important, and others have been added.

I've noticed with my recent dating causality that it seemed as though I didn't meet his check list of requirements. We had 3 dates and had REALLY good time together, but he told me that he "didn't know if he was feeling it,  like not how he expected."  I'm not sure what he was "expecting" to feel or think after 3 dates, but clearly he has his list of expectations and I didn't fill them.

A co-worker of mine said something that made a lot of sense about online dating.  "Infinite number of choices leads us to set unreasonably high expectations, question our choices before we even make them and blame our failures entirely on ourselves."

I know that when I sit across from a guy I met online I do check things off on my list.  However, the one I'm a big stickler on is "Is he funny and can he make me laugh?" If you can make me laugh, I'll forgo the red wine drinking! We don't need to be identical on every aspect, but I definitely need to enjoy your company.  Especially if the idea is that you'll be spending the rest of your life with this person. 

I think too many of us have the mentality that there's always something better out there.   It just doesn't leave any room for human error.  You literally have to be perfect on paper or you get the toss.  My friend compared online dating sites to customizing a new car tool.  If the person you go on 3 dates with isn't 100% of what you're looking for, well then by God they're out there somewhere and you're going to find them.

God knows I don't want to settle, but I also don't want to become so picky that I toss aside someone I'm compatible with because of something I think they should have or I envision how I should be feeling about them by date 2.  However, clearly if there are glaringly obvious red flags that's completely a different story.   

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

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