I got sad because he made it look so easy. He's been divorced for a year or so and now has a serious girlfriend that he seemed pretty into. Some people just make it look like finding love is a piece of cake.
I went home that night and watched some TV. Something someone said about their spouse made me start crying. I just sat there on the couch crying and talking out loud to God asking him if he was ever going to bring someone in my life that really loved me. "God will you ever bring me the love of my life? Or are you trying to tell that it's never going to happen?"
This is the thing I wonder about year in and year out. And the older I get the more I worry.
I want to believe that God does have someone great for me, but with all the time that's passed and still not finding anyone that trips my trigger, it makes me have doubt. I want to believe that my great love is just taking a little longer to make his way towards me, but then I wonder if I'm missing the sign from God that it's not his plan for me.
What makes me feel worse is just yesterday, while out at rodeo, I saw a guy I know that I had such a crush on. (I put him on such a pedestal in my mind.) Out of nowhere he walks by and all he did was wave from a distance. He barely acknowledged that he saw me. I couldn't have felt smaller. Imagine a scene from a cheesy high school movie where the nerdy girl see's the most popular guy in school waving, and really he was waving to the pretty cheerleader behind her. That's kind of how I felt.
I'll be honest, I have felt myself getting into a funk for a few weeks now. Seeing my friend that makes it look so easy and getting the "do I know you" wave only confirmed what I thought was starting to happen. I don't want to be in the funk. However, there is some negative self talk plays a role. (We'll save that for a different blog)
I know God's plan for everyone is different. Just because everyone else seems to be finding love doesn't mean I won't. It also doesn't mean they're truly happy. I just want to know that will happen for me someday.