I've been dating a guy for about 10 months now. We actually live together. When I bought my house last year he moved in as a room mate. I dated him for a few months several years ago and we remained friends. So when he moved back to town I told him he could live with me. At the time we weren't romantic or anything, just friends. After spending a lot of time together we decided to make it official.
Well, lets flash forward to now. While we were talking today and he was doing laundry I found a receipt. A receipt for $10,000 paid to a home builder. Yep, my boyfriend has decided to go and buy his own house.
My heart sank. I was hurt and angry all at the same time. I couldn't stop crying. I feel betrayed.
When was he going to tell me that he did this? When the house was built and he gives me a 30 day notice? Was he just using me for a cheap place to live till his house was built?
He said that it had nothing to do with us. And that's true. He didn't think one thing about us when he signed those papers. No where was I even put into the equation. Sure, he now tells me that I can live there too, but I almost feel like he's has sealed our fate for this relationship. I've always heard you can't go backwards.
I'm trying to figure out what was he thinking? Was he just hoping that I'd go along with it? Did he even care? Part of me feels like that he didn't care and doesn't because this is what he wants to do.
I also have a feeling that he has a BIG problem with living in a house that "I" bought. You know how guys are about "their" stuff. I suppose he feels it's perfectly fine to expect me to live in "HIS" house with his stuff, and triple my commute to work because HE wants to live in that house that's "HIS".
I'm not sure what will happen from this point forward. He says he doesn't want to break up, but let's be honest, it doesn't look like he wants to stay in this relationship. So a part of me believes that I should just let him build his house and go on with his life, because clearly he does what he wants to do anyway.
Just like when we dated before. He did what he wanted, when he wanted and I was always an after thought.
I guess somethings don't change. What is the saying? A zebra can't change their strips. Or...
2 comments:
every relationship requires communication to stay healthy, grow, and prosper. buying a home is most certainly not like going down to the store to pick up a new electric toothbrush. there usually is not any flippancy in the decision process or impulse in commitment.
my take comes with two vantages; both not so flattering. 1. you both are not serious enough and he didn't feel the need to discuss his long term plan. even then, at the minimum, you two should be friends and this sort of thing would normally be discussed, even if done casually. the take away is that he doesn't value you enough for your input, is most certainly not your friend, and sees this "relationship" as transactional 2. he just doesn't care about you. no need to elaborate. he may throw that he didn't want to hurt your feelings or that he didn't know how to tell you, but whatever the case, he does not value you as his partner.
i'm sorry to hear about your challenges. i hope you make the right decision as it relates to best "next steps" for you, not for him or for the relationship.
el miguel
Bless you,
Erin don't despair too badly, the fact you realised you was not in as deep a relationship as you thought might actually come as a blessing, maybe even if only to open up a path for that new true love.
After one day of full commitment in any relationship their should be no secrets, like Miguel mentioned before me, the value this guy had on your trust and love after 10 months was not a strong one for any foundation for life's love.
I'm sure he is not a bad person, maybe a little reckless and Naïve, maybe even a little bit immature, of course only you can answer those Erin bless you.
I don't claim to be all knowing or worldly wise in the dealings of life and love, far from it, but I would say to you, trust and respect are two things we earn in life, these things are not given freely, if you feel both have been put to the way side, worse in the gutter, then yes I would say for sure its time to move forward.
Life is life we each make it our own, but this one mortal life we share is all we have, cherish it and fill your self with ones that wish to respect and cherish life with you.
JG
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