Monday, January 13, 2014


Some people may think dogs are just animals.  I believe that they are so much more than that. I believe they are a part of the family. They are a companion, your travel buddy, your snuggle buddy. They are your best friend. And this past week I lost the best thing that came into my life, my dog Sexie.

I want to share how Sexie came into my life. Sexie was the first dog I've ever owned.  I had always been scared of dogs until one day I snapped out it and I wanted one. When my ex-husband and I were newlyweds in Omaha I decided I wanted a dog. He asked me what kind and I said a Rottweiler. At first he thought I was crazy, but after doing some research he agreed and the search began.

After looking for weeks we came across this lonely puppy in a crate that caught our eye.  Maybe part of the reason she got our attention was because every time we asked how much she cost, her price went down.  Lucky for her and I the price was right. Sexie found a home.

Sexie was a pain in the ass puppy.  She'd bite our ankles when we'd take her for walks.  She'd constantly try to get in the front seat when I'd take her for rides in the car.  My ex would get phone calls from me during the day about how crazy she was making me.  It was about that time we decided to get Sexie a friend and we rescued Oscar. The two became playmates in no time.

Shortly there after we moved to Austin, TX. That was the first move of many to come for Sexie and I. In total we have made 4 cross country moves and at least 6 moves into different places to rest our heads.

We have gone through a lot together; a marriage, a divorce, countless bad dates, numerous lonely nights, and lots of nights where we'd  just snuggle up on the couch. Sexie was truly my partner in crime. She was a mama's girl.

I feel like Sexie was part human.  She'd get jealous if she wasn't getting attention. She'd watch tv with me. She knew how to hug, kiss, high five and shake. Sexie was so smart. She even knew that when one of other dogs did something bad to hide in the other room so she wouldn't get into trouble.  Almost like she knew that shiz was gonna go down once mom got home and she didn't want any part of it.

Over the last year and a half Sexie's health had gone down hill.  A vet told me that she had a tumor in her intestines and the next day she pooped out a pair of my socks and a pair of my underwear.  After that she didn't get back to 100%.  For the longest time I thought it was stomach issues. I kept her on a very strict diet and I cooked her food everyday.  

Until I took her to the emergency vet on Wednesday, stomach problems were the extent of what I thought were her issues.  It was when we got more X-rays done that the vet told me Sexie had a tumor on her heart.  It was causing her to have heart failure and somehow that was causing her lungs to fill up with fluid.  It was at that moment that I had to make the hardest decision of my life.

It took me over 3 hours to decide what to do.  There I am in this vet office, with no one with me other than my dying best friend.  I was pacing back and forth asking God to give me a sign of what to do.  I kept asking the vet to give me more time.  I just couldn't imagine my life without her.  I just couldn't come to grips with the permanence of my decision.  I needed to wrap my head around it.

I called my ex-boyfriend who was nice enough to leave work a few hours early so that he could be there with me.  I just didn't want to be in that room alone when it happened.  I balled like a baby and told her how sorry I was.  As I type this now I crying because the pain to still too fresh.

I will miss so many things about Sexie. I'll miss her laying in bed with me, her nudging my hand to pet her more if I stopped, the smell of her ears, her barking at the TV when she'd see a dog on the screen. I'll miss her greeting me at the door when I get home, I'll miss her nub of a tail wiggling when I call her name.  I'll miss whispering in her ear and telling how she's the best dog ever.

I just hope that I never forget her.  I hope she knows how special she was to me.  I hope she knows what a difference she made in my life.  And my biggest hope is that God is a kind God. I pray that God doesn't give us these precious creatures for such a short time, only to have them here with us now and then not being able to see them ever again.  I want to believe that Sexie is up in heaven walking around getting pets from everyone.Or walking around giving little kids kisses on their face.

My life will never be the same.  My heart will never be completely whole again.  Some people may not understand the impact that an animal can have on your life, and for them I feel sorry.  For those that do,  I ask that you give your animal an extra long hug tonight. And then give them one for me too.

Enjoying a summer day in Milwaukee

Sexie loved rolling around in the grass

Being a good girl waiting for a treat

Hiding in the bathtub during a thunderstorm

Sexie loved playing in the snow


DriverK said...

Hon, I feel so bad for you. Jeff and Jenny had to put their Roxy down recently (she was only 2-1/2) and it hurt so much. Sexie had an awesome life with you, every dog should be so lucky. Treasure your memories of her. Love you, Aunt Kathie

Anonymous said...

So sorry for your loss. I know its hard for non-pet people to understand how much of a loss this is. I still miss my little yorkie 2 years later. I cried for months. I feel sorry for those who've never experienced being greeted every day by a little furry face that's so happy you're there & loves you unconditionally. I know what a loss that is & its obvious that you & sexy had a special connection.