HOW DO YOU MEASURE YOUR SELF-WORTH?

I had a co-worker hand me a piece of paper with some words of wisdom from the "Skinny Bitch" calendar. It read: "Don't you f$@&ing dare measure your worth by the amount of attention or validation you get from men. It's nice to be appreciated, but it's not a necessity. Love yourself and your looks, even if no one else seems to. In time, your confidence and self-love will attract a winner." As much as this is true, it's easier said than done. I have a few thoughts and questions.

 I know that confidence is key. People are attracted to people that are confident. There's a lot of men that aren't that attractive, but are confident and somehow get the girl. (Probably because he's rich) So I know that if you display that, you'll have more people come your way...in theory.

 In the "Skinny Bitch" quote it says "love yourself and your looks, even if no one else seems to." That is a statement that I have a hard time with. I'm a person that's especially hard on myself. I pick myself apart constantly. It's not always in an "I'm so fat and ugly" way, it's more like I compare myself. I tell myself things that I shouldn't to ease the blow if someone rejects me. For instance, say there's a guy that I'm attracted to and he dates someone else, I down play myself. I'll say "Oh no wonder he didn't like you, you don't make enough money." or "Maybe you're not skinny enough for that guy."

 Here's the thing, I know I'm not hideous. I know I'm not obese. I know that I'm not some lame chick to hang out with. However, I don't sit there and tell myself how pretty I am, or how hot I look in an outfit. I know I'm not a 10, but I know I'm not a 5.

 The "even if no one else seems to" is the toughest part of that statement. I have to say that I don't get a ton of compliments. I've never been one of those girls that had guys fawn all over them or received a lot of male attention. I do get compliments here and there, but it's usually from guys I would NEVER date. I'll give you 2 examples.

 I had drinks with 2 different guys. Guy #1 is a guy I'd never date. I just don't find him attractive at all. He asked me what my dating situation was. I told him that there wasn't one. I had nothing going on and no guys were in the picture. He just couldn't believe it. He started going off about how I should have guys all over me and blah blah blah. I kind of blew him off and dismissed his comments. Actually, it was kind of upsetting me because he's making such a production about how I should have guys from here to next Tuesday. When in actuality, the only guys that ever say that to me are guys like him.

 Now for the 2nd guy. He's very attractive. I think over the course of us having a few drinks he might've said one thing that could be perceived as a compliment. When he sort of asked about my guy situation, not once did he say "oh you're gorgeous you should have guys all over you." He just moved on from it. Granted, he did give me the comment that was semi-complimentary, but in no way did he sit there and start going off about it and fawn all over me.

 It just made me feel like, am I only attractive to guys that are not attractive? Is every guy that I find attractive not attracted to me? Do guys that I find attractive are they not the type of guy that will give a compliment?

 I guess what I'm trying to say is, It's hard to sit there and tell yourself that you're such an awesome package and have this great self esteem, when the only guys that seem to think you're so great are guys that resemble a garden gnome. 

Think about it, if you're on match.com and the only guys that ever seem to wink or send you an email are the guys that look like this guy...



What would you start telling yourself? Let me tell you, your self-esteem does take a hit. I wish I could say I was stronger than that, but I'm not going to lie. It kinds screws with ya.

 Especially when the guys you do find attractive seems to pass you by or just look at you as a friend or that cool chick that works on the radio.

How do you get/keep a healthy self image when most of what you attract is guys like that guy? <---------------

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

Has there ever been someone that you've been intrigued by or interested in, but had no idea where you stand in their mind? You're not sure if they're interested at all or if they've put in you in the "Friend Zone."

I've been in that situation. There was a guy that I guess you can say I was friends with. He's is someone that I found extremely attractive. We didn't hang out a lot, but we would text every once in awhile to keep in touch. I had drinks with him and got caught up on stuff. You know the usual. We talked about jobs, dating, his ex, my ex...blah blah blah. As I sat there listening to his stories I couldn't help having a voice in my head ask questions. "Why is this guy hanging out with you? Does he find you attractive? Does he think of you as just a friend? Are you just like one of the guys?" These were all questions I had spinning in my head for the rest of the night. I remember leaving that night saying to myself, "What just happened?"

Most of the conversation was two people sharing stories and sharing opinions. There was a little bit of flirty talk, but nothing that was obvious as to indicate if he was interested or not.

One thing that I remember was when he talked about his ex. She really did a number on him. Despite the fact that he broke up with her, he still kind of missed her. Almost like if she promised to change her ways he'd take her back. However, I think if that ever happened, it would be because it was convenient and comfortable for her.

After hearing about her and some other people he dated a little, I couldn't help but feel a little sad. Like "What is it about these chicks that he'd date them, but not me? Why are they so special?" That's when I had the voice in my head start asking about being in the fabulous "friend zone."

What did I want from him? I'm not sure. I do know that I want a lasting relationship. Was I wanting that from him? Not necessarily. I think I just wanted him to consider me as someone he'd date. He didn't need to make me his girlfriend or anything. I would've liked to be an option as a person he could possibly date. Someone that he could see potential in dating vs. a girl he just wanted to bang. Or a girl that he considered to be a good girl friend, but that's it. "Oh Erin? She's just a cool chick."

I guess I would've liked the chance to see what could happen. Especially, after hearing stories about how he got screwed over, it would've been nice to prove that I was not the typical girl he was used to. I mean who wouldn't want to be considered? Do you want to be the last kid picked on the playground for that kickball team?

FINDING YOUR VALUE

There are times in your life where you need to take inventory.  You need to take inventory on the people in your life, on the things you spend your money on, on what you do with your time, etc.  Sometimes you just need to take inventory on your life, period.

I've been having that feeling lately.  In the past, I'd get the feeling to take inventory about every 2 years.  It usually would happen when I'd feel the need for a change. Most times it was triggered because of my job.  I'd sit and analyze where my life was going.  I'd ask myself, "Is this all there is for me? Where is my life going? What is out there for me?" 

What triggered it for me this time wasn't because I was wanting a new job, but it did come up because of work.  Something happened out of my control that made me question my own value. Let me explain.

For years I've been writing this blog.  It was something that I really wrote for myself and my own release.  Last year, I started reading my blog on HOT 95.7 with The Hot Show every Thursday morning.  I liked doing it because it made me feel recognized and a part of something.

You see, when I first moved here to Houston I was doing morning radio.  Mornings was a way that I felt I could be myself and express myself in radio.  Although, the situation I came into may not have been the best fit for me.  Things changed and I went to mid-days. Which is great! I get to sleep in a little and I still have a great job, but I don't have much of an opportunity to show "Erin."

When I started doing the Thursday blog on HOT, I felt valuable again.  Not only was I being recognized for my thoughts and personality, but I felt valuable because I was needed in another area.  Not only was I the midday girl on KILT but I did a segment on our sister station.  I felt wanted.

Then a couple of weeks ago my segment was cut. Our boss said he thought the segment was "good," but he wanted "great."  Suddenly I knew what it felt like to be an actor and have their character killed off on a show. It's not necessarily because you suck or are bad, but they just want to change things.

Even though I understood, I was still bummed. I started to get that feeling where I evaluate my importance. It may sound weird to some, but I felt that the more things I did, the more valuable I was.  Now I'm back to being a midday girl and am questioning my value and how important I am.  I wonder. Will there be something down the road to make me feel more of an asset? 

They say that when one door closes another one opens, but I just don't know what door can open that will use my talent and make me feel as if I have value and purpose.  I guess you never know what's around the corner or what the universe and God have in store for you.  I'll just keep chugging along and keep doing what I do and hope that it all works out the way it supposed to.