Wednesday, June 20, 2012


Has there ever been someone that you've been intrigued by or interested in, but had no idea where you stand in their mind? You're not sure if they're interested at all or if they've put in you in the "Friend Zone."

I've been in that situation. There was a guy that I guess you can say I was friends with. He's is someone that I found extremely attractive. We didn't hang out a lot, but we would text every once in awhile to keep in touch. I had drinks with him and got caught up on stuff. You know the usual. We talked about jobs, dating, his ex, my ex...blah blah blah. As I sat there listening to his stories I couldn't help having a voice in my head ask questions. "Why is this guy hanging out with you? Does he find you attractive? Does he think of you as just a friend? Are you just like one of the guys?" These were all questions I had spinning in my head for the rest of the night. I remember leaving that night saying to myself, "What just happened?"

Most of the conversation was two people sharing stories and sharing opinions. There was a little bit of flirty talk, but nothing that was obvious as to indicate if he was interested or not.

One thing that I remember was when he talked about his ex. She really did a number on him. Despite the fact that he broke up with her, he still kind of missed her. Almost like if she promised to change her ways he'd take her back. However, I think if that ever happened, it would be because it was convenient and comfortable for her.

After hearing about her and some other people he dated a little, I couldn't help but feel a little sad. Like "What is it about these chicks that he'd date them, but not me? Why are they so special?" That's when I had the voice in my head start asking about being in the fabulous "friend zone."

What did I want from him? I'm not sure. I do know that I want a lasting relationship. Was I wanting that from him? Not necessarily. I think I just wanted him to consider me as someone he'd date. He didn't need to make me his girlfriend or anything. I would've liked to be an option as a person he could possibly date. Someone that he could see potential in dating vs. a girl he just wanted to bang. Or a girl that he considered to be a good girl friend, but that's it. "Oh Erin? She's just a cool chick."

I guess I would've liked the chance to see what could happen. Especially, after hearing stories about how he got screwed over, it would've been nice to prove that I was not the typical girl he was used to. I mean who wouldn't want to be considered? Do you want to be the last kid picked on the playground for that kickball team?


Anonymous said...

I guess a lot of it depends on how you know this guy. A co-worker perhaps? An old school friend?

Anyhow, if a guy is telling you all about his ex, dating stories, etc, chances are he's not all that interested in "dating" you much. He'll probably still hook up with you if you let him though. When a guy wants to really "date" woman for a long term relationship, he'll go after her usually. Even if he doesn't due to shyness or whatever, women are very intuitive and will be able to sense that he's interested.

If you found him extremely attractive, why not just ask him out? Men do it all the time and risk rejection. If you see this guy again, throw caution to the wind and just ask him on a date. At least that way, you'll know whether he's also interested in you or not.

Anonymous said...

You're analyzing it way too much. Just let it go and accept that he wasn't interested in you romantically. I'm sure you've spent time with men that you weren't interested in romantically as acquaintances. Just because a guy talks to a woman doesn't mean he wants to date her. Also it doesn't mean that you're the last kid picked on the playground. It just means you're not one of the firsts, which most men/women just won't be. The reality is that most people are just average in looks/jobs/personality, but somehow think that they're actually way better.

Justin said...

Great post it provides wonderful insight into going unnoticed from a woman's perspective. Isn't ironic how it seems the one person we want to notice us seems oblivious while everyone else seems to not only take note but understand the dynamics at work. Speaking as a guy who has been on both sides of the table; if he is as good of a guy as you say he might have put you in what I refer to as "Off Limits" a section reserved for best-friends-sisters, best-friends-ex's, ect. I believe he notices you he just won't allow himself to think of you in that light. I can understand you wanting to be noticed or looked at as relationship material, I guess the question is are you willing to do something about it? One question I would ask is he too comfortable around you (similar to a woman feeling "safe" around a guy, and by safe I mean when a woman feels a guy won't be gawking at her as she bends over or leans over, leaves us asking seriously!?!? I'ma guy I'm not dead you should not feel that comfortable around me)