Wednesday, January 18, 2012


Imagine this scenario: It's a random Tuesday night and you're sitting on your couch semi-watching television. You have your laptop out and your mind starts to wonder. You pull up the googles (I call it the googles vs. google just to be funny) and start typing in your exes name into the search bar.

How many times have you done that? Come on now!! Admit it! You've done it a few times. I know I have. Well...I've done it more than a few times, but it's something I've tried to stop doing. (we'll get to that later)

I think more women look up their exes vs. men. Maybe I'm wrong about that, but I feel like most guys don't give a crap about you once you're out of the picture.

I think it's a pretty normal thing to be curious about what they're up to and where they are. However, at what point do you stop doing it? Or do you ever stop?

I think as women we're pretty curious beings and are excellent at snooping and investigating. Depending on how the relationship ended, a lot of women want to know what the guy has moved onto. We wonder if he's happier. Is she prettier? Does he like her more than he liked you? Granted, it's probably not a healthy thing to do, but we do it.

As I admitted earlier, I've done the internet snooping. But in the last couple of years I've cut it down, if not stopped it all together.

For example, my ex boyfriend Mr. Dallas I've stopped looking up because whatever I find will probably not make me feel very good. I mean, when he broke up with me he used the line, "Erin I just feel like the next step for you is marriage and I'm not ready." I asked, "Are you just not ready to get married to me...or to anybody? He said, "To you or to anybody...I'm just not ready."

Well, since then, he's pretty much always had some sort of girlfriend in the picture. I've pretty much figured that he's engaged by now. At least that's what I tell myself, and try to convince myself of. And if that's the case, I'd rather not see that it's actually true. Why? Because if he thought that the next step for me is marriage, and he got married before I did...I'd get pretty depressed. Not sure if that makes sense, but knowing that someone else WAS good enough to marry and I wasn't, is not something I need to see in BIG, BOLD print. (I have enough issues, thank you very much!)

Now, my ex-husband I've totally stopped looking up. There's nothing I need to know anymore. I mean, he's re-married, he's got a kid, and one of the dogs we had together has died. That's it. There's nothing else that can really happen as far as life changes go that would be relevant or shocking.

Do you look up your exes still? What about your exes new girlfriend or boyfriend? What if you're currently in a relationship. Do you ever Google their exes? Is that normal? When does it get to be too much and when do you have to let it go? Do you ever have to let it go? Maybe it's all perfectly normal and OK. What do you think?

Have you ever googled an ex found out something that made you upset of was made you regret looking them up?


Jerry said...

I do not look up my ex-wife. I could care less about what or who she is doing.

I have had a few girlfriends since I got divorced 17 years ago. 4 to be exact.

The first one I lived on and off for a while. She would leave, then come back, then leave, then ask to come back. I finally got off the "crazy-carousel" as I called it. I still look her up on FB page to look at pics of the kids and see if I can catch the name of her "newest" relationship. Similar to you, just to see if she ever found someone that would tolerate her and her actions.

One of them I talk to on another site occasionally. I dont go there to speak to her specifically, but we had alot of friends and I go there to speak to them often. Sometimes I initiate conversation with her, sometimes she initiates. It wasnt a horrible break-up, just uncomfortable because of a couple of her BFF's.

The other 2 and I are Friends on FB and still talk to each other or comment on posts or whatever. No stress, no tension, no BS. The last one, I will admit to looking at whatever guy she is with to do the "comparison thing"... it was a short relationship primarily because of the distance and the busy schedule that we both have. So I am naturally interested to see where the new guy is and if they have time to do stuff together. This recent one does and I just spoke t her yesterday (via FB Msgr) and told her I was happy for her and hoped he made her happy too.

So since I am semi-guilty, I would have to say it is semi-normal! LOL As far as healthy, I dont think it is completely unhealthy. I have been able to prove to myself that I wasnt the bad guy, the new guys arent any "better" than I am/was and for the most part, the ex is no more happy than they were with me. So I am OK with me and my actions and attitude.

Anonymous said...

I'm a guy and I only look up only one ex-girlfriend periodically. That's because she's the perfect girl that got away not because anything bad happened, but because I was too much of a coward to commit to a marriage when it came time to man up. I think everyone has that one person who you truly felt a connection with, but the relationship didn't work out for whatever reason without it being a bad breakup. In these sort of cases, it's normal to wonder about that person even if you and that person no longer have any contact.

As long as one can let go of the past and move on, I don't think being curious about someone from one's past is unhealthy.

Anonymous said...

Maybe a question you should ask yourself is whether you would take any of your ex back if you could today.

People go though several relationships, but many not always end up with the right person for them for many different reasons. Is it better to end up being alone forever? Or is it better to end up with someone who isn't a preconceived notion of an ideal mate, but someone who's still good for you. I'd prefer the latter.

Erin Austin said...

I might consider it. Although it would depend on a lot of factors.

I understand what you're saying as to ending up with someone thats nit your ideal mate...but the one thing I won't compromise on is being treated well. There was a relationship where someone treated ne better than anyone ever has. And I don't feel like I should settle with less than the best I've ever been treated. They dont have To be the perfect guy...they just need to be the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Yvonne said...

I look up this guy that I was head over heels in love with. We never dated, we just met up for nocturnal activities. He knew how I felt about him, but whatever. Anyway, I google him all the time. We were facebook friends but I deleted him because I was borderline becoming obsessed. It was the hardest thing to do. But the best thing for me. After I did it, I would google him and his gf. That was a long time ago though. So, my long winded answer? Yes, it's normal. :)

AmazingGreis said...

I've Googled past "loves" before, but nothing to obsessive. I think Facebook has taken away the Google factor, because you can find out so much more about old flames there.

JazD06 said...

I think its normal I would occasionally look up my past loves well one in particular. I dont know what it was about him but he was always on my mind no matter how happy I seemed to be with someone else. I never had the courage to actually say anything to him, in fear that I would look just crazy, but one day out the blue, and many years later he wrote me. We became friends and he admitted to me that he a few months before contacting me had googled my name because he was "bored" or so he says but I think its completely normal to be curious and wonder.

Anonymous said...

What was the websites you and sarah pepper mentioned on air to look up phone numbers and criminal history of your friends new boyfriends?


It's pathetic really. Why would you even care ? Don't get it.