I know I talk a lot about being single and how it can lonely at times. How it would nice to have someone that's on the same page as me. Someone I can tell as to how my day went. Lately, I think my venting about being single is possibly giving the wrong impression to certain guys.
I've had several guys offer up themselves to take me to dinner or what have you. One guy wrote this as a part of a comment to one of my blog entries.
"I know on several occasions, reading your blog, that alot of men, including myself, have offered to meet with you, have lunch or dinner or attend a function with you, and have been ignored, declined, or just some lame excuse as to why you cant or wont. I believe that this occurs ALOT more than myself or any of your other readers will ever be aware of.
So, having this said, accept offers for lunches and/or dinners... you never know until you try... the worst that can happen is you will have to spend an hour with someone for a free meal! LOL
If you truly want a "roster" to pick from... add me to the list, but be forewarned... anyone on the list after me will probably not to get a chance to be called out of the bullpen!"
Here's my problem(s) with that comment. What person accepts every invitation from a man? Answer: A desperate person. If I were to accept these offers just for the "free meal" what kind of person would that make me? Also if I were to just take the "free meal" wouldn't that also make me look bad? As if I'm taking advantage of him?
Some women may have no problem spending an evening with a guy just get a free meal. However, I'm a pretty decent cook and I make enough money to feed myself so I'm not going on a date for a free meal?
Also, sometimes it's not worth the free meal if the company you're with isn't interesting or is making you feel uncomfortable. I'd rather not go on any dates for a year if I knew I'd avoid 1 date with a creeper.
Granted, sometimes you never know unless you take a chance. However, in the world where women are being assaulted or worse when they go off and meet guys they don't know, I'm not willing to go and take the chance.
Somebody might say, "Hey you went to Austin to go meet that guy!" Yes, I did. The difference is that I actually met that guy previously and spent a good deal of a day hanging out with him and talking to him. The guys that offered up dates or what not, I've never met in my life. Never seen them in person. Never had a conversation with. Never spent anytime with...NOTHING. They are just offers from men I know nothing about and have no idea what their intentions are.
If that makes me a bad person because I refuse to go on a date with a guy that is just a commenter on my blog or a Facebook friend (who I don't know)then so be it. It's just not something I'm comfortable with.
I don't know any woman that would accept an offer of a date from a guy that randomly sent her an email and she never met him before. Even on a blind date you have at least some sort of conversation or a little background on the person before you agree to meet.
And by me airing my frustration with dating or the lack there of is not intended to make guys feel sorry for me and ask me out. I'm not saying that I want "A" boyfriend. What I find interesting is that there are some guys that just because I talk about wanting a boyfriend or someone in my life they interrupt that as me willing to take whatever I can get.
I'm picky, maybe too picky. I'm also a handful. Two reasons I maybe single longer than I'd like. However, I'm not so hard up for a date that I'll take any offer on the table. Thanks, but I'm not wanting to waste your or my time.
It'll happen when it happens.
13 comments:
Hey honey, not to be picky but did you mean "what kind of person accepts, every invite from a man" not "excepts"?? - And I totally agree with you on this one ;-)
Is it okay for a man to be picky with you? It seems like when a guy does not find you attractive, you pick them apart and write a post about it, but it's okay if you don't find some one attractive. Is that right?
Men are picky with me all the time...why do you think I'm in therapy trying to fix myself and am constatly picking myself apart?
Will you go to dinner with ME Erin? ;) lol! Seriously though, I know exactly how you feel! It's almost as if a notification to every man in your life (and some not) goes out that says, "Hey, she's single! She automatically has to do dinner with every willing guy" it's frustrating as he'll to constantly explain to men why you won't go to dinner or "just drinks" I have put myself in a dating detox & am loving it! Of course there are the exceptions when the RIGHT person comes along, but for the most part I don't feel the need to waste my tme or theurs! Even if it's "just as friends!" preach on sister! It's almost like this blog is about me, but not! Lol I know how you feel & agree 100%,
I'm picky too and therefore still single. LOL
So many things/situations in dating are total double standards when it comes to men and women. It's pretty frustrating.
We should totally hang out and not worry about men some time!!
I agree completely some men think that at your age , referring to myself, you will grab any man that comes along! Sorry Charlie I don't need or want you!
Erin, I don't think you're too picky but i do think you're on the wrong track. You have a habit of dating real losers & users.
IDK, maybe you need to date someone you don't think you're interested in. Maybe they'll treat you nice & you'll realise you've been approaching dating all wrong.
Do you think that maybe you're one of those girls that always dates the bad guys & then complains but would never date a nice guy because she doesn't find them 'attractive'.
Honestly Erin I can count on 3 fingers the a$$-holes I dated & I dated a lot of men.
I dated almost everyone that asked me. I ended up with someone who's faithful, treats me great, loves to travel & likes people.
I've never been desperate. When I started dating him I was dating 4 other guys.
The point is that dating is just that. You're testing the waters. It may turn into something more eventually but usually not.
So go out & test the waters.
PS-but don't date someone that creeps you out!!!
Erin,
I am happily married for 20+ years and I met the love of my live through a chance encounter in a grocery store? How is that different than meeting someone online, whether through a blog post or website or other means? You have to give time for a relationship to develop. Yes, it is risky and you are vulnerable. Take proper precautions, but unless you adjust the level of risk/vulnerability that you are willing to accept, you never will know what you are missing.
Erin,
I do agree with the last post regarding "testing the waters" You really never know in tell you try new things (in the dating world) From a guys point of view, be picky, also step out of your comfort zone or box you never know but be careful and do not let your guard done.
I have been reading your blog's for some time, and what I have noticed is that you go on a date or two and then write about it in a way, as a guy I may not want to date or go on another date with, I would be in a way walking on egg shells on what I say or how I act (cannot be my self), I would be scared that it will it be on the radio or on your blog for people to know.
Good luck.
Points aren't too far off. May sound too corny but I'm all about finding the RIGHT person to be with rather than SOMEBODY. Been with smokin' girls and also the girl next door, and the looks may not always carry a good relationship through 3 months. lol. I'd rather be single than be with a dingbat or someone that I don't get along with just because they're cute or because I feel lonely.
It use to be a numbers game, but now it's about quality rather than quantity. Sure sometimes you MAY be too picky at something, but we all gotta figure that on our own and work on it. You also gotta work on yourself, that's the part that the guys leave out. What are they doing to improve themselves?
Last thing, sorry lol, the approach may have scared you off. Calling it a "date" may have backfired, especially because you don't really know the guy. Since I'm in no rush anymore, I usually KNOW someone before I ask them out...talk to them, get to know them as an acquaintance or friend, then ask to hang out for coffee or drinks solo one day...but I'd never call it a date, or portray it that way. Kinda scary. lol.
I'd rather invite a girl out to an event I'm already going to with other people, kinda tones the intensity down and makes it more fun and social. Girls should be able to do the same thing too.
Hey Erin,I was listening to you on the radio talking about this blog entry. I just want to say that i agree with you men do have issues with rejection, they tend to act like 5 year olds and throw temper tantrums. Me being a man myself i witness this all the time. I think it goes back to how they were raised. I myself handle rejection very well, but that may be because I was raised right and raised to respect women. When a lady says shes not interested you accept her decision and move on. You have the right to pick who you want to talk to or pick who you want to go out with, not as a woman, but simply as a person. It sometimes disgusts me to see how some men act these days. There are good men out there, not many, but they do exist. So do not settle Erin you will find a man that is an actual man and not a 5 year old in a mans body.
To anoymous about being scared to go out with me...I get that a lot! I've met, dated, or what have you with plenty of guys that never make the blog. I'm not Scary...if anything I'm the chick trying to crack jokes.
To the gal married 20+ years...I see your point but trust me when I tell you that 90% of the guys that ask me out are not someone you would probably even consider for a date!! In all honesty I'm a little burnt out on dating so I'm to the point where unless you knock my socks im not really willing to put myself out there...does that make sense?
Dear Erin
I totally agree with you on the point of meeting people that post on your blog that is kind of creepy the good points about women getting assulted and all i personally would not want a woment to take that chance, I also agree that things happen naturally as you will meet the guy when you arent even expecting it. So that dosent make you picky just from not meeting people that post on your blog. I wish you the best and everything. Wisconsin misses you
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