Wednesday, September 7, 2011


My friend over at Fox 26 Natalie Bomke, did a segment with Mary Jo Rapini about single women in their 30's. Asking the question is it harder for women to be single in their 30's? Do we feel pressure to get married? And how is the selection for men?

Well I'll tell you this is right up my alley.

To address the first question. Is it harder for women to be single in their 30's? Absolutely!! Let's be honest, men always go for the younger girls. Once you hit 30 it becomes really apparent how old you're getting when out in the dating world. It's almost like men have a 6th sense and can tell that you're eggs are cooking.

I'd like to think that I don't look my age, but it's tough going out with my single friends and being the oldest girl in the group. Sure guys talk to me sometimes but most of the time they're younger than me and pretty immature.

Another factor is the guys that are in my typical age range are few and far between. It seems like any guy that I think I'd like to get to know, he's either seeing someone or has girlfriend. Oy Vey!

Not married yet??? I feel the pressure. Every time I look at my friends that are getting engaged, married or are having babies I feel an instant feeling of "you're a loser." I know I shouldn't compare myself. I know that everything happens to people at their own time. However, I can't help but get down and think that maybe my window has opened and closed. Sometimes I feel like I may end up settling with someone just OK because I've waited so long for my turn.

I mean, what girl wants to look at all the kids she went to high school with only to find out that she's one of maybe 2 girls that's not married, has no kids, and has no boyfriend either. Let me tell ya...that's me and it sucks sometimes.

As for the selection of men goes. There just isn't as many guys to pick from anymore and the one's that are single are either carrying a lot of baggage( i.e. kids, ex-wife, money issues) or still appear to be in play mode.

Since my divorce I've only met a couple of people that I thought had real potential. Now most of those I later found out that it was a really a good thing it didn't work out. POINT IS...PEOPLE SUCK!

Not only that but the older we get the pickier we become and a lot less tolerant of things we don't like. I know that I'm pickier now than when I was 24. I know how I want to be treated and what I expect from a relationship. That's something I had no clue about back when I was 24.

The last point I'll make is, when we get older it's harder to meet people. Back in high school or college you had a built in network of people to choose from. When you're older you pretty much just have your job. And I know a lot of people that date a work but that can get messy and it usually does. You might have an outside activity you're a part of here and there, but it's not the same.

So should us ladies in our 30's throw up the white flag and pretty much just figure that we're dried up? Are we past our shelf life?


Anonymous said...

Who cares.

Anonymous said...

I think it's funny Natalie Bomke would do a segment on that....seems she doesn't know how to be single..rebounding from an engagement right into another relationship with out any time out for herself......She may want to listen to the advice of Mary Jo, before her curent boy toy gets hurt! I feel so sorry for him... But, that's her business..rebounds are dangerous....... However, to the subject at hand, it is not harder to be single in your 30's. The trick is to look much much younger. I recently found a great boyfriend, I am 36, but look about 26. He's 25. I love to see how men's jaws drop when I tell them my real age. It's kinda fun. So take care of your skin and it will take care of you. Now I don't advocate lying as one day if you get married they have to find out your real DOB. I would just hold off on telling your age. Leave them guessing......

Anonymous said...

It looks like you have 3x more baggage than any guy with a dozen kids to 4 wives who is currently living in a trailer while bankruptcy lurks overhead!!

Bleutrinitty said...

Love this entry! Though I'm 28 I certainly feel that "i'm a loser" as more and more of friends are changing their status on facebook from relationship to married it makes me wonder did I miss the exit ramp to this life highway? Pressures aren't just from friends but family as well. I am the only single person left in my family and part of me feels as if everyone is just waiting for me to get hitched so they can either die or finally exhale. I decided a longtime ago I didn't want to get married young and kids were the furthest thing from my mind yet as time keeps ticking away I wonder if I made the right choice. I don't want to wake up at 40 alone and barren.

Anonymous said...

Well I can say this I am 30 & married with a 12yr old son and a 1year old daughter. I have one of the most sweet & immature husbands you'll ever find on this earth. I absolutly wish I would've made different decisions in reference to this person. He's on the rd working and sure sends money for bills but that's all he does in the marriage. We're not close at all in intimacy and there is no sex as well as no communication. I work, take care of all bills, take care of household, lawncare and the children. I agreed to the marriage as long as he'd return home (which was before the recession) to find work in Houston. I can call ( have did such) 18 times in one day including after work hours and receive no call back from him. Sex is an issue because he is extremly overweight, having sex w a bigger girl for a man is easy in my opinion, guys tend to believe its more cushion for the pushin. In a vice versa situation where a guy is flabby, hairy & sweaty in every spot its a super turn off. I am very attractive and although I ensure I'm looking awesome for him, its not done in return. This is on top of immaturity and no communication. He feels that I should be the person to go back to school full time for nursing which is my field. Yet he gets off, returns to his motel rm & views espn, fb, porn, and other sports web sites all on his laptop. He could've and still can go to school online but refuses to do so. Recently within the past two years and as recent as yesterday the divorce word has been discussed. I decided last week that I will do my best to return to school and let the chips fall where they may. He also refused marriage counseling so I am at my witsend and refuse to go back into depression where I lost my hair and my body would hurt due to stress and arguments. People feel that because I have a home and a car that I should be happy with this marriage but those items do not make a marriage work. I could do without material things just to FEEL loved by my husband and I could return that love and affection. It's time to put God, myself and my children first. Marriage isn't all what it's made out to be. Mrs. H

Anonymous said...

True. Stigma is there.
We may have issues, we may be carreer oriented, but at the end of the day, the reason we are single is because we are sick of all the little games guys play and have played with us to where a woman would chose to be single than being "happily married" and have a husband who is cheating on us. At the same time we have learned not to "waste" our time talking to all of the guys that we know from the moment we meet them, that they won't be our match.
Yes, I am also the girl who is 30, I am the girl who still goes out and keeps meeting 20-something yr old "boys", and I am the girl who is the oldest in her group and has all of her girlfriends being hitched, married, in an "official relationship" according to fb, yet, I am the girl who refuses to SETTLE.
I think you are too

Anonymous said...

The best thing Mary Jo said was " ladies, look at yourself before you put your makeup on". I'm woman and I realize that. Too many women don't!!! If you are pretty with makeup, but average without it, should you really be going for looks? The girl that wrote the comment about her man being overweight and how she thinks she is "very attractive" should realize that.

Anonymous said...

I am attractive with make up and without make up sweetheart, no darling I am not vain. But if I ensure that I am attractive for him and go all out to PLEASE him then why shouldn't he do the same? For we are now as one and our body's are each others therefore why not ensure that we're both pleased with each other's bodies. Sweetie make up has nothing to do with how we're attracted to each other btw my husband is handsome so you may want to go back and reread the post to actually understand and comprehend it. Mrs. H

Anonymous said...

To the girl that started off withTHE BEST THING MARY JO SAID
She also said this sweetie & it goes for men also (next time do your research)
I am attractive with make up and without
There are many, but it comes down to the three I have already mentioned: growing apart, losing their libido, and letting their sex life go. There is a belief for many, especially amongst women, that once you marry, you are married for life. You can let yourself go, begin sharing more with your girlfriends than your husband, and quit being intimate and they (husbands) will still love and want to romance with you. This is not true. Romance is enhanced with knowledge of your own body and a desire to want intimacy. Romance in a relationship demands time; it demands being open to feeling loved and wanting to love. The number one romance fantasy in most books involves the woman feeling frazzled and her man (who usually has clothes on, remember that women like men who emit power so a suit or at least shorts) taking her into his arms; she then submits to being totally pleased. The part the romance novel doesn’t mention is that the women in these stories know what pleases them and also are preparing in their head for this encounter. Even if they act surprised in the story, the room is magically candle lit and soft Latin music is playing. The man’s timing is always impeccable, which signifies that he is engaged with her; he knows her, watches her, and is aware. Many husbands in real life cannot even find their socks, let alone notice when their woman is giving signals for intimacy. If your marriage is getting stale and you are becoming distant, you owe it to your family and your spouse to work on closing this gap before it becomes insurmountable. My situation is becoming insurmountable on top of that he wants another child, whoo!!! Mrs. H

Anonymous said...

Oh Mrs H, I'm so sorry you ended up in such a horrible marriage. It sounds like you've really thought this thru & are on the path to making your life better whether he's in it or not. Good Luck.

Anonymous said...

I think the majority of you are missing the point, and are starting to focus on Mrs. H's story. That being said, while what Mary Jo said about the make-up thing is a good was her FIRST comment that should scream the loudest to most singles in their 30's - you begin to 'Lose your AUTHENTICITY!!!" You're on dating sites hoping to find a mate, right? You're not on there for your health of for kicks. I don't know of anyone posting a profile that states, "I want to get laid, play games, and I don't want a relationship." YET... when singles go on dates (either from these sites or if they met the person in a bar), talking about wanting a future relationship never ever comes up. She was right - confidence is key. (This goes for both sexes): We can't read your mind!!! If you go out with someone multiple times without expressing at some point what you want....then don't cry when the other walks away, disappears, or better yet...just hangs out with you forever before you even know they had zero intention in ever truly committing. Be Authentic. Be true to yourself. Otherwise, you're just sabotaging your own happiness and future.

Matthew B said...

Hi Erin,
New reader of your blog. Heard about you last week on the radio with the 'baggage' episode. Will comment on that one later.

Is it harder as a woman to be single in your 30s? I say it depends on what you are looking for and too what the guy is looking for.

I'm almost 31. Do I like dating younger women? Not really. They are immature and inexperienced (in many things not just sex). I, personally, would much rather date someone who is my age or slightly older. Why? Because of the reasons I said above. Older women are more mature, have their head on straight, have a stable, decent-paying job that they enjoy and very little debt (wrapping back in the baggage thing).

I would go as high as 34 right now. I do want to have 1 or 2 kids later on and my "caveman instincts" tell me that a 39-40 girl is less likely to want to have kids or even be able to.

I went on 1 date with this girl and afterwards she gave me the option of backing out because she was 39, though she looked 30. I did back out. I thought "it'll take 2 years at least to get to marriage stage, then another 2 years of just being married before thoughts of kids get introduced. so now she's closer to 46 before kid 1 comes along."

Now lets go the other way. I dated this 24 year old a couple months ago. Plenty of time to date, be married and have a couple kids all before she's 32. However, she's just out of college, emotionally unstable, no "dating" experience at all, no real job, etc.

I need to find someone around my age. +/- 4 years is good. :-)