Now if you were to ask my super conservative Christian parents they would that 1 is too many. And...that may be true morally. However, we all make mistakes, have our moments, or just need to get laid. The question was brought to me, how many 1 night stands is too many? My question is it different for guys and girls? Is it better or worse if you don't talk to them anymore or if y'all stay friends?
I'm a girl that could be considered a late bloomer. Till the age of 28 I'd only slept with 1 man which was my husband. After the separation I started dating Mr. Dallas and he was #2. Since breaking up....1, 2, 3, HOLY CRAP 4 YEARS AGO I haven't had a really serious boyfriend. I might date a guy for a couple months, but honestly, since moving here to Houston 2 years ago I haven't dated anyone longer than about 4 dates.
Getting back to the point. I'll admit, in the last 4-5 years of being completely single I've had a 1 night stand or 2. Am I going to give you the number? HELL NO!!! Am I necessarily "proud" of them either? Not necessarily, however they do make for a good story! Actually, some make for a pretty good part of my tell-all book.
I'll let you chew on this too. What if you're dating someone and when you get down to the deed they are just awful? I was dating a guy for a bit and when we came down to the business....he was just HORRIBLE! (I should've known because he was a horrible kisser.) Let's just say that it was the 1st and last time we did that. Is it bad if you don't give them a second chance at their performance?
I mean, what if you sleep someone one time but remain friends and keep in contact? Does that count as a 1 night stand?
What about men and women, is it more acceptable for a man to have a higher number of 1 night stands? And Why?
Say a woman that's 29, who's had a few long term relationships but has slept with 15 guys in her life and half of those were 1 night stands. Is she a whore or slut?
Say if a guy the same age with the same amount of dating experience has slept with say 40 women and 30 of that total number were randoms or 1 nighters. Is he a douche? Or is it normal? Is he acceptable?
I have a girlfriend that got married in that last 2 years. Her advice to my and friends and I was, "Girls, sleep with as many men as you can before you get married." God knows I think I should've sampled a little before I got married. Then again, at least I'm not married anymore .
How many 1 night stands does it take before you become "that girl?" Or do you become "that girl" the first time you have a one night stand? Also, can a guy even be able to judge any girl when it comes to this?
I can't wait for your input!
11 comments:
Let's be honest here... does any girl EVER want a guy that they are attracted to, to just be a one night stand? Regardless of how self confident you are, as a female you will feel used, and dirty in some kind of way... I know for DAMN sure many have put on that brave face of "oh please, thats all i wanted was sex...nothing more," but I find that hard to believe, deep down. I mean, you atleast want the OPTION to decide if you'd like to continue something. Ultimately, you want to seem as if you were in control of the situation...
Then there is the question, how many is too many? If you are asking yourself this question, than you may already have met your #. Lets be honest, if a guy gets blown off by you, he's going to judge you regardless, and more than likely make up some kind of lie to boost his lil' man ego anyways. It just depends on your values and limits of self-respect.
-S
I had a few one-nighters after a particularly hard breakup. (I'm a guy.) They were horrible! I was horrible! I wasn't over the girl who dumped me but I still felt like I was cheating! Pretty sure the girls gave me some harsh reviews. And rightfully so.
I was with one girl, who I found out too late, had an issue with female odor. Talk about a long night! It was beyond horrible on so many levels! The things she wanted me to do would have normally not been a problem. But I'm sure it would have meant certain death on that night! She smelled like the shit-house door from a tuna boat!
I'm pretty sure I received harsh reviews from her as well. It was impossible to perform! Zero motivation.
First of all, I think it takes more than a couple of one night stands to be labled as "that girl". But, I think the same question applies to girls who sleep with someone on the first date? I think it all comes down to guilt. women are biologically driven to have some type of guilt in these situations. Men, are the hunters, they are supposed to spread their seed, and they logically have no guilt. I have only ever slept with 2 men on the first date. 1 did not turn out well, the 2nd turned into a semi-stable realtionship for about 7 months. And, with that one I remember telling him "you're never gonna call me again are you?" I had a fear he no longer respected me. But, he did call and he's a great guy. Have I had one night stands, of course. Am I proud of it? - No, but sometimes with too much to drink, and a dry spell it happens. I have never remained friends with any of my one-night stands. In fact, I think that is the point of a one-night stand. "To Hit-it, and Quit - it." Otherwise, it would be a friends with benefits situation. But, I know guys, including the one I slept with on the first date, who are able to remain friends with people they have slept with in the past. I do agree, it all comes down to how much you respect yourself first. You should always love yourself before you love anyone else, and if you put all your self worth into a man, or a relationship, or "Your #", then you may have problems.........
It's pretty obvious why you get so few follow-up dates.
Twenty minutes of hearing your thoughts on relations... (Men are scum, men shouldn't judge what women do, men are pigs...) ENOUGH ALREADY!
You're the reason the one-night stand was invented.
I'm sure you're a sweet girl Erin. But honest to God, shut your mouth long enough to give a guy a reason to WANT to go out on a second date. You come off as a bitter bitch with NOTHING to offer a conversation.
I'm not a mean guy but sometimes the truth can be harsh. In your case you need to really read and understand what people tell you. Forget about the witty come-backs and just listen.
Guys would LOVE to like you. But you are a crazy bitch with way too much psycho going on.
To the last comment...thank you?
I find it interesting that people will take the time to read your blog entry, and post such scathing remarks, blasting you for bearing your soul. I commend you for taking the time to share your thoughts, experiences, insights. I've been reading your blog for awhile now, ever since you were in Milwaukee and I'm always intrigued by what you are willing to put out there about your life
My personal feeling, and this is coming from a guy, is the guys that are bashing you really are the ones that you are talking about. They are insecure, lack self-esteem, probably have relationship issues and want to blame everyone else rather than look inside themselves to see what the real issues are. I think what you do is great Erin. Keep on doing it. Great things will come for you.
ChrisNap- You are obviously an idiot.
Having a blog makes assumptions that others actually care what you have to say. When you say the same thing over and over again it gets rather boring.
Perhaps if you covered a variety of topics the reviews about you would be less personal. For instance, you could talk about why radio in Houston sucks so bad. Or you could bring up why people might want to avoid giving animals as gifts. Be more multi-faceted Erin. Or even great places to go on a date.
The drama that seems to be your life is boring. You do not come off well. The comments mostly reflect that. Aside from the guys who want to get into your pants and your girls, nobody is very complimentary about this blog.
Have some mystery about you! Be happy rather than bitter! Stop trying so hard to prove you are right and the rest of the world is wrong.
Angry people don't get second dates. People who wear their emotions on their sleeves don't get second dates. And people who write blogs about their relationships get NO dates.
Think of it like this: Most normal people have insecurities. You are not alone. If you thought a guy might blog about your date, and what he perceived as your flaws, how likely are you to go out on a second date? Or even a first date with that person?
Shut down the blog or expand your topics away from yourself. The only one you're impressing is YOU. Your stories are nut funny or interesting.
I predict that you are thinking of some clever retort to once again try to make yourself look witty, confident and misunderstood. The real proof will be to see if your girlfriends defend you or quietly retreat. Guys who just want to sleep with you don't count.
Let's help Erin be more interesting. Shame on your friends who refuse to tell you the truth.
@ Anonymous last comment...
Obviously, you have nothing better to do with your time. Note, this is one of Erin's friends, and I'm not hiding in the woodwork. Last I checked as Americans we have the right to free speech and expression, and there is no 'blog' etiquette out there that Erin or anyone for that matter has to follow. As far as I'm concerned, Erin has met her goal, YOU Anonymous are reading, and you continue to read her blogs! If they were so redundant and boring, whyyyyy do you know what she writes about on a 'regular' basis? People who live in glass houses should not throw stones... And Anonymous, I bet you have a really good throwing arm.
I personally, think this is a way for Erin to express how she feels, and like she said in her most recent posting she uses this blog as therapy. If we the readers choose to read, than that is our choice. Note, it is also our right as readers to make comments if we do not agree... However, you also have to live with the consequences of making those comments. WE ARE HUMAN after all, and words do have a tendency to sting.
So, Anonymous, go read something else... and unless you have something to contribute to the topic... BUZZZZZZ OFF.
Thanks!
-S
Wow! "S" really told me off! OUCH! Your words stung. I'm crying now. I'm so misunderstood. Why don't girls like me? I don't fit in! Waaaa!
Erin,
Keep on writing though some might not care to read what your thoughts are some do as a multitude of comments have made it clear. Ever since you got on the hot show int he mornings I have been following your blog and spread it to the single ladies around my office. It has certainly sparked up watercooler conversation.
In response to the blog sadly society rewards men with a high # in general and his bros think he is the man if its mostly 1-night stands while women are looked down upon. From a female perspective it is certainly up to you to decide what is comfortable for you as a # of 1-night stands and whether it's anyone's right to judge you. Since my big break-up from my fiancee 2 years ago I've had 1 or 2 and very few short term relationships but I am glad for those experiences as prior to my fiancee I really was unaware of what I wanted in a sexual partner. Though society might label women as "hussies and sluts" for having multiple 1-night stand partners I think it a good gateway to learn a lot about ourselves.
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