I decided to write this after I got a comment just today which was aimed to hurt my feelings immensely. Since reading my blog with "The Hot Show" on HOT 95.7 a month or so ago I've seen an influx of hurtful comments and negativity directed at me. In a way, I can't say that I'm surprised. However, as strong as I try to be and as thick I try to make my skin, sometimes you can't help but have it bother you or make you sad.
The comment that I got today read like this:
Having a blog makes assumptions that others actually care what you have to say. When you say the same thing over and over again it gets rather boring. Perhaps if you covered a variety of topics the reviews about you would be less personal. For instance, you could talk about why radio in Houston sucks so bad. Or you could bring up why people might want to avoid giving animals as gifts. Be more multi-faceted Erin. Or even great places to go on a date.
The drama that seems to be your life is boring. You do not come off well. The comments mostly reflect that. Aside from the guys who want to get into your pants and your girls, nobody is very complimentary about this blog. Have some mystery about you! Be happy rather than bitter! Stop trying so hard to prove you are right and the rest of the world is wrong.
Angry people don't get second dates. People who wear their emotions on their sleeves don't get second dates. And people who write blogs about their relationships get NO dates. Think of it like this: Most normal people have insecurities. You are not alone. If you thought a guy might blog about your date, and what he perceived as your flaws, how likely are you to go out on a second date? Or even a first date with that person?
Shut down the blog or expand your topics away from yourself. The only one you're impressing is YOU. Your stories are nut funny or interesting. I predict that you are thinking of some clever retort to once again try to make yourself look witty, confident and misunderstood. The real proof will be to see if your girlfriends defend you or quietly retreat. Guys who just want to sleep with you don't count. Let's help Erin be more interesting. Shame on your friends who refuse to tell you the truth.
Comments like this have always bothered me. Sure, the fact that they're hurtful doesn't help. But, the fact that this person feels the need to rip me to shreds, yet doesn't have enough balls to name themselves. Even if it's just a fake name.
Do they possibly have some valid points? Possibly. Do they bring some things up that I'm afraid of myself? Sure. Does this person get off on bringing others down? I would put money on it.
The beauty about having a blog is that you can talk about whatever you want. If I want to write about cupcakes for the rest of my life then so be it. I personally enjoy talking about relationships and all that comes with it. So, if you don't like it...then read something else! No one has forced you to read this. You don't comment on a sports blogger and tell them to write about other things that sports!
Have I always wondered if this blog will be the death of me when it comes to dating? Absolutely!! And now that I'm on "the Hot Show" on Thursday mornings it's crossed my mind even more. However, when I start dating someone I don't write about them. Usually, I don't write about them till after it's all done with (if they even make the blog at all). Also, I write about my friends' dating life so, I have that to work with too.
I post my blog with open ended questions at the end so that if you have an opinion on the topic you can give your 2 cents. I didn't intend for people to use it as an opportunity to chastise and bully me. Hence, why I blame myself.
I blame myself because I put myself out there. And let's be honest it's always easier to criticize than to compliment. When is the last time you called a restaurant to tell how great your dinner was?
I blame myself because I write to entertain and yet it gives people an avenue to be mean.
I blame myself because something that started because a boss of mine wanted to me do for this work has turned into something that I get great pleasure from. Something that is a bit of therapy for me. Yet, it makes it a place for people give their opinion on me, rather than the topic at hand.
At the end of the day, I have no one to blame for it because I put myself out there and when you make yourself vulnerable, people will take advangtage of it.
21 comments:
i dont think you should stop your blogs erin, just because some ppl dont agree with you. Not everyone has the same opinions, & yes some of us actually can relate to you....so its nice to know that other people feel the same way. For the ppl that feel the need to insult or criticize you, like you said they can read something else if they dont like what they read in ur blogs. Obviously they keep coming back or listening for SOME reason....
ERIN! Do NOT let these douch bags get ya down. I have personally worked side by side w/ you and Erin, you do not owe any of these idiots an explaination on anything. It's a freakin' blog...its what YOU want to write about. IF they don't like it...DON'T READ IT. Just like I say when you listen to radio and you don't like what you hear turn the damn channel.
Do NOT apologize or take this shit from these idiots. YOu are a much stronger, intelligent and beautiful woman than that.
You will find someone...you WILL be successful and YOU WILL make these people eat their dirt one day. You are an amazing talent and I could only hope to be the level that you are at one day.
I love ya girl. Don't let these people get you down...you're too cool for that! NEVER EVER let them get the best of you!!! NEVER!
Love ya!
Ms. Stone
First Amendment: "Freedom of Speech". Enough said.
Whoever doesn't like your "Random Thoughts and Happenings" blog may simply move on.
Haters will always be haters, just don't let them get to you... Instead, adopt a Hollywood approach - you know you've made it, once people start hating on you :)
Best,
D
I happen to love your blog!! But I'm with you, why do people feel the need to write negative or hurtful comments? It serves no purpose!! What's worse however, is when someone else writes a comment about your friend or your ex & you get blamed for it!!! That's what I'm dealing with and it sucks!! Someone who was mad at me, made hurtful comments about someone I care very much about. Anyone who feels the need to be-little another is not very mature. And for the record, I will always post comments under my real name! I have nothing to hide.....Perhaps we'd all be better off if blogs or videos didn't have comment sections??
I happen to love your blog!! But I'm with you, why do people feel the need to write negative or hurtful comments? It serves no purpose!! What's worse however, is when someone else writes a comment about your friend or your ex & you get blamed for it!!! That's what I'm dealing with and it sucks!! Someone who was mad at me, made hurtful comments about someone I care very much about. Anyone who feels the need to be-little another is not very mature. And for the record, I will always post comments under my real name!! Perhaps we'd all be better off if blogs or videos didn't have comment sections?? Remember the old saying "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!!" :-)
I don't understand something here. You point out the guy may have made a few valid points. But then you claim he's "shredding" you.
Is something missing here?
Shari Stone: Blogs are meant to be a release. I get that. But don't you think that with that comes the inevitable critique or challenges to what is being written?
Are people hard on Erin. Sure! But when you review how hard she is on males in general it's not really unexpected. Erin is not above name calling. And I should point out that the guy who wrote the response that set her off never called her a name. In fact others have called him a "douche bag" for sharing his thoughts. Are they being accused of "shredding" him for expressing his feelings? Nope.
Erin: You think this guy gets off tearing others down. Have you read what you've written about people? One could make the same argument for how you express yourself.
Anonymous said: First Amendment: "Freedom Of Speech." Enough said. My question is don't readers also have the same freedom of speech? It's ignorant to use the Constitution to only bolster YOUR right to vent while telling others to "move on." Really???
And I think the Hollywood quote is "Only worry when they STOP talking about you."
If I may quote the great Forrest Gump: "Stupid is as stupid does."
One last quote: If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.
Erin, you're exactly right in saying that the point of a blog is to write whatever you want. A blog is not meant to please others with a vast variety of topics. That person has no grounds for saying that. It's not like you're writing a column in a newspaper. If they have an opinion and wanna give feedback in regard to a topic that you covered, then so be it. But A BLOG WOULDN'T BE A BLOG if you were writing specifically to cater to what others want to read!! Again that person has no grounds and their stance lacks any stability. It's like having someone tell you that "you really should cover more topics" and "be more positive" when writing in your diary... Because basically that's what a blog is, it's a diary that you've chosen to make public. So that person obviously doesn't get it and lacks common knowledge about what blogging is all about. What a total d-bag...
Erin, you're exactly right in saying that the point of a blog is to write whatever you want. A blog is not meant to please others with a vast variety of topics. That person has no grounds for saying that. It's not like you're writing a column in a newspaper. If they have an opinion and wanna give feedback in regard to a topic that you covered, then so be it. But A BLOG WOULDN'T BE A BLOG if you were writing specifically to cater to what others want to read!! Again that person has no grounds and their stance lacks any stability. It's like having someone tell you that "you really should cover more topics" and "be more positive" when writing in your diary... Because basically that's what a blog is, it's a diary that you've chosen to make public. So that person obviously doesn't get it and lacks common knowledge about what blogging is all about. What a total d-bag...
I know what I've written about others. Not a single person has ever had their real name attached to it. Also, if I write a blog and it mentions some guy I went out with...the story is true. I don't name call him. I tell the story and state how u thought that behavior was wrong.
Secondly, as for this guy having valid points. I shouldve made myself more clear. This person touched on a couple if things that I had already heard, thought of, or was worried about. I guess they just brought something I was insecure about and made it more apparent to me. For instance, here's an anology. if I was insecure about my feet...that person pretty much said, "hey have you ever thought about getting a pedicure?"
I keep trying to get your attention, but seem to be neglected or ignored. I don't know if its because I'm too old, or too ugle or what the reason is... nice guy and you are missing it! Keep up the blog's, I keep reading them, and quite frankly, would like to be the one that changes the blog from "this DB I dated" to "I went out with this really sweet nice guy that was a perfect gentleman..."
Okay- I feel bad that I hurt your feelings Erin. If I could we would hug-it-out and I would reassure you that you are a good person that men most assuredly find attractive.
Validation is what we all seek.
Your friends defend your blog as "therapy" for you. I guess I don't get it. therapy is a private matter. That's why it's done behind closed doors. And diaries are private conversations you have with yourself that you can later reflect on. How many young girls penned something in their journal only to read it years later and confess, "What was I thinking???"
The problem with blogs is that they have digressed to nothingness. Travel Blogs I understand. Food Blogs I understand. Legal Blogs I understand. Personal Blogs... not so much. And unlike the diaries of old, they aren't private.
Tell me if I'm wrong. I would imagine the insecurities your job creates are the reasons for seeking validation through your blog. It gives you some feedback you probably don't get at work. You probably talk too much about yourself on dates in an attempt to feel validation and it backfires.
Having seen how women interact I can tell you this for certain: Your girlfriends are rarely going to be the voice of reason. And if somebody hurts your feelings, your friends will NEVER be the voice of reason.
I was called a "Douche Bag" even though I brought up some valid observations. How many of them said, "You know. This guy said a few things that might be right."
None. They wanted to make you feel better rather than be honest with you.
I'm just sayin' Erin. Trust the ones that tell you the truth. They have your best interests at heart. Recognize "mean" from "constructive" criticisms. And get rid of some of the idiot girlfriends you hang around with! They are toxic.
I'm not sure if i totally believe that you feel bad you hurt my feelings...but we're moving forward.
I don't expect you to understand why someone would put their "therapy" out there for everyone to see. I'm a very open and honest person...and sometimes to a fault. It's just how I've always been. I like bouncing things off of people.
I do find it interesting that you have no problem with other blogs that are about one topic i.e. travel, food, politics. However when it comes to my blog you demand that I'm "multi-faceted." Isn't that a contradiction?
As for trusting the ones that tell you the truth....not sure who to believe anymore. And don't take it the wrong way but I'm a little apprehensive to take advice from someone that has no name or face and as far as I know is a complete stranger.
By the way, you may feel like you have something valid to say. However if you're delivery is one filled condicending and snide remarks it doens't do much good.
It's almost like saying. "Honey you look great in that outfit...but aren't you a little old for it?" Everything before the 'but' is null and void.
E
Dare I say, you make some good points- and I do feel bad that I hurt your feelings. Sorry.
First, The Blogs: Food or Travel blogs are multifaceted just by the nature of their content. There are lots of places to see with extraordinary contrasts. The same with food. So many cultures and flavors. Okay, a legal blog might be boring. Relationship blogs have nowhere to go. It works or it doesn't. It's fun or it's not. Do you see where I'm going?
The issue I have with your blog is that nearly every encounter ends the same way. You are left alone and sad. On some levels it hurts to see somebody hurt from rejection or loneliness. But to see you do it over and over makes me wonder, "What's wrong with this picture?"
The analogy you use about the outfit is perfect. How many times does a woman ask "Does this make me look fat" only to be disappointed by the honesty of the answer? There are only so many ways to say "Yes!"
I am amazed how many times your girlfriends don't step up and be honest. I suspect many of them are also single so it's kind of like the blind leading the blind. If you want to know about guys, don't ask a girl who is single. ASK A GUY.
For the record, Mr. A - Erin DOES ask the guys. In many blogs, she states it in the title, or at the end of the blog, "this one's for the guys"... And for that matter, she does have many guy friends that will be pretty blunt with her and give answers from their perspective.
Then you have me, a friend who's like a sister - we are alike in many ways, yet so different at the same time. But it lends itself to the perfect combination. We WILL and have argued, and even gotten into tiffs, but we hug it out and apologize the very first chance we have. It's our differences that sometimes benefit us greatly - from my end and hers. Many times she asks me, "WWRD?" (what would Rebecca do?) with regards to different scenarios because she knows that I most always provide a solid, no bullshit, devil's advocate answer. And she will always give me her honest feedback to my answers - she'll tell me if she agrees or not. Most times, she thanks me for my "brutal honesty" and has called me her "voice of reason." As a friend, I take that as a compliment, because I DO HAVE HER BEST INTERESTS at heart and in mind at all times. Why in the world, if I care about her, would I steer her wrong? That's just stupid. As her friend, I want her to find complete happiness. So I don't give her sappy answers or suggestions - just honest ones - or as our mutual friends would attest, "in my honest opinion" ;)
So to your statement about her having "toxic friends" - she has actually had a couple, and has been able to see for herself which ones they are - and has chosen not to hang out with them anymore. She's not blind. She's a smart woman - you give her no credit.
There is a reason that the book, Men Are From Mars - Women Are From Venus, was so popular. We are a completely different species, with different thought processes and coping mechanisms. "Validation" to a man, is sought in a completely different way than a woman would seek it. In respect to a personal blog, a woman feels some sort of "normalcy" if she realizes that she isn't the only one out there who feels a certain way. I'm not a mom yet, but I can only imagine that is why there are so many "mommy blogs" out there - and similar chat forums. Women feel validated when others reach out to them and say that they are going through the same thing. So honestly, you can have your manly opinion, and voice it when it pertains to her answers sought....but don't judge someone for a blog when you have no insight to who they are and what they are feeling/seeking.
To go back to your earlier analogies - To know her is to love her. And you, Mr. A, don't know her, or at least that's what you portray behind "Anonymous". Do Not Judge a book by it's cover. Erin, as a person, and not her flat-on a computer scree-blog, is very multidimensional.
To Rebecca- Did somebody sell you a box of words??? Jesus H. Christ. Make a point will you.
Well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black, Mr. A??? Why don't you stroll through some of your past posts...hmmm?
~ Jesus H. Christ
Erin do not listen to this person, I personally LOVE your blog, I listen to it every Thursday on the way to school. People will say things, but that is their opinion, in my opinion your blog is awesome!! Keep doing what you are...Listening to hot show everyday and listening to you on thursdays make my morning...I start off my day laughing thanks to ya'll
That person is a douche and doesn't even deserve your attention to their comments. Like you said if they don't like it then read something else. Your blog only helps others be more aware they are not alone in their struggles and helps them find humor in situations they may want to cry about. Keep on keeping on and forget the negative hurtful people!! You Rock!!
Damn Crystal, why you calling Rebecca a "douche"?? Sounds kind of negative and shit.
Dearest Erin,
I enjoy your blog, more so when it's on radio. You're quirky, for sure, very beautiful and talented. Those alone are reasons for people to hate you. More importantly, you're a woman. There's so much hate for women driven blogs on the internet you won't believe.
Just search google for women bloggers being trolled.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/nov/05/women-bloggers-hateful-trolling (Example). I'll quote the article for you "...the net, however, makes it easier for boys in lonely bedrooms to become bullies." Read it, and feel better!!!
Don't take it personally, brush it off and do what you love.
xx Minh
Oh, and one last thing, go ahead and wear your emotions on your sleeves. It's true that there are a lot of guys who'll find that a turn off, but on the other end there are guys who'll find that kind of honesty endearing.
Mr. A said for you to open your mind and yet he wasn't doing that himself. Why pay mind to a hypocrite?
xx Minh
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