Most every person that's been in a relationship at some point and time can say they've been hurt. There's a few people that never will feel that pain, and for them I say GOOD FOR YOU! There's also some of us that seem to get the short end of the stick in relationships more than we care to think about. For those people that's why I write this blog today.
I'd compare the person that gets hurt often in relationships and dating to a dog that is abused. After a while the dog cowers when it's approached by people because it's so conditioned to think it's going to get hurt. I think people are the same way.
After I got divorced, I was confident and yet a little naive. I thought to myself as I wanted to leave and move out that there had to be something better for me out there. That this dyfunctional marriage I was in couldn't be the best I could be treated. I was nieve because I hadn't really dated and thought that it would be so easy out in the dating world.
Was I still scarred? Yes. I had spent 8 years of my life with someone that wasn't uplifting or supportive. So I was naturally apprehensive to date someone exclusively. Yet, when I went out there in the dating world I was lucky to have found someone that seemed to sooo into me. It was a complete 180 and a refreshing change.
After a year and half, that relationship went down in flames and all the pain I masked from getting divorced came up and smacked me right in my face. You see, even though I had asked for the separation and divorce, he had moved on without ever trying to work on things and to this day has never given his reasons for not trying.
With both of those situations, I started to feel the rejection. Realizing that life's not fair and more heartache was to come.
Since then, I've been on the dating market in 2 different cities. Milwaukee and Houston. In Milwaukee I thought that I may meet a great Midwestern boy, but what I found was a lot of momma's boys that like to dump their girlfriends in the summer so they could play the field.
In Houston, I've noticed a lot of guys that are just in "F@$K MODE." Actually that's everywhere ya go, but no matter if they've been single for awhile, dating some girl, or just out of a relationship. I seem to find all the ones that aren't looking for anything serious anytime soon.
After getting burned a few times by guys that presented themselves as looking for a relationship but weren't(at least that's the excuse they gave), I've become a little afraid. .
Actually, I'm somewhat petrified! I sometimes feel like the abused dog. I feel like now when I meet someone that I cower. I'm sometimes so scared to move it's not even funny. Do I be myself? Do I crack jokes? Do you let them pick you up? Do you invite them inside? Do you kiss them? Do you have sex with them? What do you do? It's almost like sometimes you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.
My last attempt at dating I thought was going well. I decided at the beginning to take a different approach. I tried taking a slow route. I wanted to see if he really was into me. I didn't have sex with him because I wanted to make sure he'd stick around. I also tried to cut down on the dirty jokes thinking maybe that my openness gave people the wrong impression. I made the communication even(Not having me text more than him). All of it giving me the same result of him kind of doing a disappearing act.
I'm just not sure what to do from this point forward.
Sometimes you just get burned so much that you don't know what to do next. Sometimes you tried what seems like everything and nothing seems to be working. Sometimes you just get tired of another possible relationship that went nowhere. Sometimes you get tired of not having much success, that you start to question what are you doing that IS right.
Has anyone else been burned so bad that you feel paralyzed to try in the future?