Tuesday, January 11, 2011

BOYS BARKING UP TREES

I'm going through a drought at the moment. At the moment? Who am I kidding? I've been in drought for years now. I'm NOT going to to tell you the number of years because at this point, I'm actually trying to forget.

You see, it's been years since I had a serious boyfriend. A good year since I dated anyone more than a month, and at least 6 months since I went on more than one date with a guy. Needless to say, I don't have guys lined up asking me out either. I think most nights I have my phone sit there in silence because NOBODY is calling. Like I said, it's a drought.

So how does this relate to guys barking up trees? "Trees" is my metaphor for girls, and the "barking" is the boy calling, texting, going after her. Most of the time, I don't have anyone "barking" up my tree. If guys are "barking", I'm usually not interested, or the guy doesn't "bark" that loud and they fade off.

One thing I've noticed(in my experience)is that guys are "barking" up more than one girls tree at a time. Even if that guy seems semi-interested in you, he's probably working 4 or 5 girls at the same time. It's a numbers game.

For instance, I had a guy texting me, "When are we getting together?" What are your plans for the weekend?" When I respond with my plans or lack thereof, I wouldn't hear anything back. CRICKETS!

Come to find out, this guy that wants to know when we're going to hang out invited some HOOTERS girl to a party as his date. And according to his buddy he had one chick at his place for the night, while another was knocking on his door! Fricking Really?

Or how about when I met Mr. Dallas. I remember when we met at the end of January 2006, he told me that he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years that past August. So, we start hanging out, dating, you know? All the while his "ex" keeps calling him.

Now these two dated long distance. She lived in Dallas, while he lived in St. Louis where we met. When I met him he told me about girls he'd date in St. Louis and how lame they were. Well...here's where it gets good.

So he takes a business trip to Dallas and by this time we're dating a month or so. Anyway, he calls me one night to tell me "something." He said, "Remember when I went to Dallas for work awhile ago?" I said, "Yeah." Mr. Dallas: "Remember when I told you that I broke up with my ex back in August?" Me: "Yeah." Mr. Dallas: "Well I didn't break up with her until that weekend when I went down to Dallas."

HOLY CRAP!!! It's now MARCH!!

So, to give to you the recap in case you couldn't follow:

Mr. Dallas meets me in January, said he broke up with the ex in August.
Dates other girls in St. Louis while "broken up" with his ex from Dallas.
Breaks up with ex in March and has been dating me for at least 2 months at that point.

So not only did Mr. Dallas cheat on his girlfriend of 3 years with multiple girls in St. Louis, but then starts dating me all the while this poor girl is somewhat clueless back in Dallas.

You know what's really funny about it all? I remember going on a few dates with Mr. Dallas while there was another guy I was interested in(which was going nowhere)still kind of in the picture. Mr. Dallas asked me if I was still talking to other guys and I said there was one guy. He got all huffy and told me that he stopped talking to ALL other girls when he met me! Really??? Mr."I'm cheating on my girlfriend with multiple chicks" has the audacity to get on me about if I'm still talking to other guys??

I think of that story every once in awhile I get bothered. Wondering if he pulled that on me after he moved to Austin and would turn his phone off at night because "he didn't want to be bothered." Hmmm

Here's another story. I have a good friend that met a great guy. He has a great job, makes great money, is funny, fun, and seemed really into her. Called, texted, or emailed her everyday. Told her that he broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years when he started pursuing her. And may I add this guy pulled out all the stops. Even the cute little stuff like making her dinner. Well, guess what? The ex girlfriend wasn't such an ex after all. Nope, she was in the picture the entire time. And they're still together!

The reason I bring this up is because I think most girls (well at least this girl) can only focus on one guy at a time. There's no guys on a rotation. I don't have Mr. "Good For Now" lined up. While most guys probably are texting, dating, hooking up with a roster of chicks. Better yet, they're probably working on getting her lined up before they even break up with you.

If that doesn't make ya want to get out there and date I don't know what does! So just when you think there might be a guy that seems soooo into you, just remember there's probably a girl in front of you and one behind you to take your place. There's always another girl in the hopper.

7 comments:

Matt said...

I can agree with all you said, as most boys/guys (90%) are jerks and only think with their penis. I also feel your pain about not having dated anyone in a long time. But, I also see the girls/females doing a lot of the same. It's such a different world than when people our age (30 somethings) saw what the world and dating life should be like....at least in my opinion. As I have had the pleasure of being able to meet you in person and talk to you a few times, I can say that I honestly think you're a wonderful woman. You have a great personality, sense of humor and are a very attractive woman. Keep looking...someone will come along that will be worth the time and effort! :)

Matt

Anonymous said...

I'm wondering why you always choose to date men like this. I can honestly say I've rarely had these problems you're describing.

Are you maybe attracted to slimeball guys? I know there are good ones out there (lots of 'em). So why is it you always end up with the bad ones?

I think its time to rethink what you're looking for. If they seem cool & confident & really lay it on thick about how great you are when they first meet you maybe its just the overly rehearsed line that they throw out to every gal they see hoping a few will be naive enough to believe their BS.

Erin Austin said...

Well let's make one thing clear. Mr. Dallas is someone I dated. I was fresh out of a 8yr relationship, and had some learning to do.

As for the other guys in my story..I did NOT date them. One was a guy I just randomly met the other was a Gf of mine and her experience.

I want to believe you when you say there are PLENTY of great guys...at this moment not buying it.

As far as rethinking it...I've tried that at least 5-6 times. Maybe I'm too picky, maybe I should give this guy a shot. Ya know it's always that same result.

Maybe you're just blessed with finding GREAT guys...trust me when I say there are plenty of people in the same boat I am...so many it's getting a little crowded!

steve said...

there are nice guys out there yes not alot but a few. I feel that you are going find one Erin maybe you just dont have to worry about it and yo u will meet them when you least expect it. I know its funny how things work out like that but you never know. I knwo you are a very intellegent and any guy is lucky to know you.

smiles from a wisconsiner steven
ps come back to wisconsin

Erin Austin said...

Thanks Matt!

Glad to know that when I met you I didn't totally embarrass myself!

To be honest I think I'm gonna give it a break for awhile. I say that but I don't know how I'll really stop looking. Actually most of the time I don't met anyone really interesting or for that matter even attractive to me.

We'll see how it goes...

Have a good one!!
E

Lauren Parker said...

Erin

Nothing wrong with you barking up a few trees yourself. :)

Anonymous said...

There are girls that can't seem to get rid of a relationship. As soon as they are done with one guy, boom, a month later she is in a relationship with another... and there are girls who can't seem to find guys who want to date them pass the booty call, pass their ex, or just date you and want to be with you period. Erin and I seem to be that kind of girls...

Well, what do you do - jump off a bridge? Hell no. Brush off your shoulders and move on.

And I promise, we're not out there stumbling across the wrong guys. Somehow we seem to attract that type of guys. Beats me why. I wish we weren't, yet that's our reality. How do you fix this? I don't know. It is discouraging and disappointing, yet it is what it is. Give up? Not an option. Come off too desperate - I don't think so. It's the douche bags that keep pursuing us.

I can go on and on and on...

Best,
D