Tuesday, August 24, 2010


God knows I've gone on my share of 1st dates. I'm starting to feel like a pro at them. On a first date you typically are getting to know the person and asking questions. A lot of times first dates may feel like an interview. That's a common complaint that men seem to have.

One of the questions they seem to hate them most is, "So you're 30+ why are you still single? You've never been married. So, what's wrong with you?"

Apparently us ladies like to ask those questions a lot. I have to say that I don't really ask that. Maybe I'm more sensitive to it because I'm divorced and I don't want people to think of me poorly because I'm divorced.

However, I'm starting to wonder if there's anything to this line of questioning. Is there some validity here?

I'm in my 30's and I've gone on plenty of dates with men post 30 years old. I've also noticed that the older we get and we're still single the less likely we are to compromise. We become more set in our ways and less tolerant. Which has it's good and bad points.

Good because we're less likey to settle. However it can be bad, because the less tolerant part makes it easier to cut people off that may not be perfect, but might still be good people.

In my opinion, part of the issue is men are not emotional creatures and typically don't deal with any self issues. Unlike women, we talk it out. Whether it be with our girlfriends or in some cases a counselor of some type.

Not many men go to counselors to deal with emotional issues. They sweep it under the rug and move on to the next. Two prime examples of this from past are my ex husband and also Mr. Dallas.

Let's start with the ex-husband. Not only does he have an interesting childhood that has never been dealt with but also he never really dealt with our divorce. He never once thought that there was any of his actions that were the issue. I think he blamed most of it on me and didn't really deal with divorce. Instead he moved onto several very young girls that were more likely to deal with things because they have lower expectations.

Now to Mr. Dallas. He has an incredible family. They all get along, they're very close. They're really just great people. Several years ago, Mr Dallas had a brother that died far too young. They were extremely close. In fact Mr. Dallas moved thousands of miles and got a job transfer to be closer to his brother.

After he died, Mr. Dallas changed a bit. Almost like he did a mental reorganization of his life and made some life changes. One of them...ME! However, one thing that I don't think he ever did was really deal with the death of his brother. In my opinion he should've gone to someone and talked about it. But he never did.

See, that's what I'm talking about. Guys don't deal with their issues so, instead of dealing with the issue, they just move onto someone that will deal with them(the man).

Now I don't want you to think that I think every guy that is single past the age of 30 is mentally ill. I don't. I know guys are slower at making commitment. But I will stand by the statement that a lot of times guys have things they need to deal with and instead of doing it they just shove it under the rug and move onto something else.


Zues said...

How do you make the leap from not dealing with issues to men being single post 30 for as being odd?

A review of recent trends will tell you these days women are actually more likely to cheat on men. For many years it was reported as being the other way around. So I have to think that men are not so much emotional retards as we are afraid of being burned. Our egos don't handle that well at all. As you point out, the older we get the less tolerant we get.

I agree men as a whole would benefit by being able to "talk it out." But we are the FIXERS of problems. Everything from plumbing, automotive care, woodworking and emotions! Damn it! If it can't be fixed with duct tape then it's on to the next project. Or at least to the garage to think about it. You see, we deal with problems differently than a woman does. We don't need to talk about it unless it's a really big deal. We sit and think it through by ourselves. Then we take action.

We don't need a group of friends all up in our grille. That's not how we're wired.

Erin Austin said...

I don't think men that are single after 30 as odd. I'm sure there are some that are!

I do think that the longer you are single...and the older you are...the longer you maybe that way. Since we become less tolerant.

And yes the leap from not dealing with issues may come out of nowhere. I actually thought that and then read it again and then for some reason in my head it made sense.