I was at the pool a few weeks ago and met this girl. She was was about 35, super cute, fit, nice, and SINGLE! She's has never been married and wasn't dating anyone at the moment either. We talked awhile about all sorts of stuff. One thing that she said to me that is starting to make more and more sense is that "MEN DON'T HAVE TO PICK JUST ONE GIRL."
In fact, she went on to say why guys don't have to pick one girl. There are so many pretty girls in Houston that they can have a different one every night of the week. Which I'm thinking is kind of true. It's almost like men have dating A.D.D.
Sometimes guys don't really need a girl that has any substance...just physical attractiveness. Let's face it. Men like being around attractive women and some don't really care if the girl can carry on a conversation. They enjoy the attention for whatever reason even if the girl is totally hanging out with them for the wrong reasons. You know, what can he do for me?
When I lived in Milwaukee I always felt like it was a very small town and there were some slim pickings in the dating department. I thought for sure I'd have better luck in Houston. As of yet, I haven't had any love connections, but I'm finding guys here have a lot of options. Almost too many.
So, it makes you wonder how does anyone ever get into a relationship when there are so many women to choose from? Better question is do these men even want a relationship? Or are we ladies just space and time fillers?
I'd like to think that if a guy is asking you on dates and taking you to dinner, spending time with you that you aren't just a time or space filler. I'd like to think he enjoys your company. Although maybe I'm wrong. I missing something?
I've also noticed that guys I meet do not want girlfriends. They tell you that they don't want a relationship, that they don't have time or they want to do what they want to do and feel as though we get in the way. I'm wondering if that really true or if it's a cop out.
I did have this conversation with a guy friend of mine and he compared us ladies to an employer hiring you for a job. In other words, What makes that employer hire you over all the other candidates? Or Why does the guy pick you over all the other ladies? I mean, how do you win?
12 comments:
Change the way you view this!
Let's face it, all we have to do is say yes. It's so easy. We don't have to be rejected over & over before someone finally agrees to go out with us.
It doesn't have to be a love connection, just fun. Eventually something will come along that works both ways (he wants it & she wants it). Until then enjoy. Variety is the spice of life.
If you keep hanging all your hopes on that one guy, you'll constantly be disappointed. But if you go out with several, one (actully, several) will surprise you & want to be your companion for life.
I don't know why some women find this so hard. I have to tell one of my friends contantly to quit chasing that one guy. Time to let others chase you.
Believe me. It works.
It's not that men are unable to commit to one woman. It's that most women are CRAZY and drive us away with their moodiness, nagging and constant insecurities.
spoken like a true man! To men everything with a vagina is crazy!! Typical.
I agree that there are some crazy chics out there.
However some of it is brought on by men and the massive amount of deception that they spew.
I have yet to meet a man that isn't deceptive in sp way shape or form.
Not trying to be negative...just what I've encountered.
If EVERY man you encounter is deceptive I have to wonder why they are ALL that way toward you. You kind of come across as a party girl and I would guess that might be what's making them run. That and the fact that you blog about it. Nobody wants to be tomorrows blog just because it didn't work out. The attitude is "I'll meet the chick on the radio for a drink and hope I don't get on her bad side."
Party girl I'm not but that's your perception for whatever reason! I've always said-don't treat me like crap and I won't talk about you! Hey if need to be confident so should you. I'm not that tough or hard on people. But I appreciate you're judging of me spefically!
I'm not judging Erin. I think you're great. But I'm just letting you know that you do come off as a bit of a party girl in spite of how you may feel you present yourself. Ask around.
Confidence is not the issue here for me. I'm just letting you know that no guy wants to have to worry about being trashed on your blog simply because he didn't live up to your date expectations.
BTW: I would love to take you out but I'm not sure I want to risk disappointing you. :)
So why do you have to pick just one?
I suppose I don't have to pick just one, although having a lot of options that mean nothing would get old.
I like having meaningful relationships not this surface bologna.
So, I'm sure I don't speak for most people, be it male or female. but my perspective is this. While I am looking for the one woman to spend the rest of my life with, I don't date just the one woman I am expecting to be that person. Let's face it, part of a relationship is discovering who a person truly is. When you first meet someone, they aren't going to spill their entire life story to you and you'll know everything about them that instant. it takes time to find the great parts of people.
That being said, I don't believe in dating multiple people at the same time. If I'm taking the step to date you, that means I am interested in getting to know you and to find out if we have that connection. If I am already looking at another woman to date, then I am telling myself, this isn't the right person. SO why waste everyone's time if you already see it as failure. Sure, a night of fun is great, but is that really a date or just going through the motions for some fun time.
Just my $.02 cents.
And Erin. I have to say that I think it's takes a lot of confidence and courage to put your life out on the internet like you do. I've been reading your blog for a few years now and always look forward to your next post. Just wait and don't stress and the right guy will find you.
Do you ever want to have just red-hot nasty sex and be okay with it?
To Chris: Thanks, I appreciate your thoughts and you reading my blog. You'd be amazed on the amount of flack I receive for my blog.
My ex Mr. Dallas told me that I look bad for having this blog. I sometimes wonder if because he had girls date him read my blog.
To Zues: Sure would it be nice to get some hot loving...however..it would be nice to have it on a semi consistant basis. None of this 1 and done biz.
The beauty of having sex in a relationship of sorts is that the 2of you can learn each other and what you like and make it really really good!
Erin,
I'd have to agree with you. Although brief moments of exceptional passion can be quite gratifying in the short term, they seldom, if ever, compare to the experiences that a truly intimate couple share. I suspect this is due to the fact that, when people take the time to genuinely "invest" themselves in any stage of a relationship, they consequently take the time and effort to make their partner feel special. In return, the partner oftens responds by sharing even more of themselves with their lover, and both people experience a much greater degree of emotional, and physical, satisfaction.
I think this also relates to your initial comment regarding dating. Although it can be good to meet, get to know and possibly date more than one person, I would also agree with Chris that despite the fact that dating multiple partners simultaneously can seem fun and ego-boosting, especially for guys, it usually causes the person to reserve and/or guard parts of themselves because they're never truly focused on getting to know the other person, and thus allowing the other person to honestly get to know them.
As a final comment, although I myself have never sponsored my own blog, I think it does take a great deal of self-reflection and courage to be able to put one's self "out on public display". Not to disparage "Mr. Dallas", but I wonder if his concern wasn't necessarily that your blog might make you look bad, but how it might reflect upon him, which is a pretty self-centered way to view it, if that's the case.
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