Have you ever been with someone that picks you apart? I seem to have a habit of finding guys that do just that. It always seems to be over little stuff too. None of the stuff that I'm picked on for is what I would consider a deal breaker but, I guess to them it's big enough to harass me about.
Most recently I dated someone who started obsessing over my apartment and how they didn't feel it was clean enough. They even told me that I needed to get a maid. OK!! This is a bit ridiculous!! I admit...I am NOT the most organized or tidy person but, I'm NOT DIRTY! I wish I could show you a picture of it. My kitchen needs to be cleaned up but, it's not like I have tampon wrappers all over and dirty dishes everywhere.
One thing that bothered him was dog hair. I HAVE A DOG! THERE'S GOING TO BE DOG HAIR!! I let my dog sleep on the bed and yes...there is dog hair. Funny thing is, he has a dog! Although, until just recently he didn't even allow his dog to sleep in the bedroom. Long story.
Now, let me say there has been several guys that I've dated that also have dogs...who sleep on the bed. Sometimes they sleep under the covers. They even had hair IN the bed. I never had a problem with this.
There's been several other people that have picked me apart. One of them I was MARRIED to and the other I dated for awhile. My ex didn't necessarily pick me apart...more like nag, harp, and be condescending. "Are you going to leave your shoes there? Are you going do this?" The other would question me as to why I didn't do this or say that. I sometimes felt as if he wanted to be Governor and I was auditioning to be a politicians wife.
Some people may say, "Erin, you need to stop dating the same type of guy." To that I say, I've been breaking my own dating rules and reaching out to different types of guys in hopes I'll find something different....still finding the same.
I also wonder if there is something wrong with me. Like am I some horrible person that these people are right and should be so critical of me. OR IS IT THAT THEY ARE CONTROLLING? Do they have control issues? I know that's true with my ex. He always had to be right and thought he knew EVERYTHING!!!
Now, I admit...I should probably be more tidy but, I wasn't raised in a clean house. In fact, my house growing up looked like something you'd see in an episode of COPS. So, it's not going to be super easy for me to be really tidy. Although I'm better now than I was just a few years ago.
And my thought is, so what if my place is a little messy or whatever? He didn't cook! Maybe I'm pissed he couldn't cook. Am I going nag him about his lack of skills...NO. My thought is, you compromise. Maybe I could be the cook and they could be the cleaner. That's compromise. AND...If you're married or living together this is an issue. Not when you're just dating.
I just hope that one day I find someone who can take me with the good and the bad as I would do the with them. I feel like I'm willing to compromise. The only thing that I ask is for someone to adore me and take the time to be with me. And for some reason, that seems to be too much to ask for. Yet, I'm going to be picked apart because of my shoes on the stairs?
Ya know...I'll make a video of my place...just to show you what it looks like.