Tuesday, March 17, 2009


You've always heard that guys like the thrill of the chase. They like a girl that's a challenge. Although, lately I'm starting to wonder if times have changed and is that really true anymore.

Let's face it. Times have changed since when our parents were young single adults. Most of our parents probably don't even remember what it's like to be single because they got married right out of high school. I know that my parents married young and were both supposedly virgins. So needless to say, the advice I got growing up was "Don't do it till you're married" and "Guys only like you because they want to have sex with you". Wow! Talk about having a complex when you grow up.

The advice girls always got was to hold off as long as you can because then, guys will respect you. Is that REALLY true? I know some guys do have this stigma that if a girl gives it up too quickly they think she's a slut. I actually had a guy friend tell me that if a girl gave a BJ or more on the first date that she was automatically out! Wait! Didn't you want the BJ?

Here's where I think the problem is. Yes, some girls are horny and like getting it on. Although there are some girls that may think differently. Remember the line that guys would use to get in a girls pants when we were younger. "If you love you'll do it with me." So I think that some girls subconsciously think that "Well if I do it with him...maybe he'll like me." I know that I fell victim to that line of thinking. I hate to admit that.

Back in the day, us ladies would go out on dates...several of them before we gave up the goods. Now days, we don't even need guys to ask us out...we spread our legs like mayonnaise without them saying so much as "Hi". So does the modern man still like the chase? Or has he become so used to girls that are easily coerced that they don't feel like they need to try? I even had a guy tell me that recently got back out on the market. "Erin, I don't even have to take girls out to dinner...they give it up without it! Boy, times have changed."

Do men enjoy conquering a woman's affection or is it like a lion in the safari? Imagine a lion waiting in the grass surveying a herd of antelope. The lion makes a move, the herd scatters and there the lion finds the one that isn't fast enough to escape. The lion finds the one that is weak and can't fight off the lion. The lion finds the one antelope that is an EASY catch. The lion likes easy prey. Do men like easy prey? Or do they like catching that elusive muskie?( that's a friends reference)Do men like fishing or hunting...so they can get the big fish...or the big buck that they've been waiting for?

Sorry for my hunting and fishing references but we are in Wisconsin.


sandra said...

It it sad but true, I think most women "give it up" to eagerly. There just aren't that many good men out there and they probably feel like they want to hang on to this one that they think might be a possibility because it's so tough out there.

As for your problem with men Erin, I think it is just that you are a strong and beautiful woman and most men are intimidated by you. If you could find someone who knows nothing about you being a "personality in the business" you might find that an easier way to start with him. Then of course, there is always the stop looking and you will find someone. That's exactly how it happened for me. I was single for 10 years after my divorce. I stopped "looking" and it just happened. I wish you luck and hope you find a wonderful, fulfilling job first then maybe a man second!

Erin Austin said...

Sandra...I love you. Ok...maybe that's a bit much but seriously I think you maybe on to something.

And I agree with you...job first...then...maybe a guy.


Brett said...

Hi Erin. I'm a 34 year old single guy / recently divorced. Thought I could fix someone with major emotional problems and was wrong. Live and learn. Now, being ready to date again, I would answer this post as if it's too easy I don't want it. Now, is that becuase I like the chase? I don't think so. I think I like the idea of finding someone that isn't a slut. There isn't a bigger turn off to me. Obviously, some, maybe most guys don't feel this way but some of us do. I'd rather be by myself than with someone like that. With that said I have the same desires and wants as I've ever had (especially having gone without for a while!)but the best part is that if it's started the right way the connection is intense, magnified, and memorable. The relationship started with actual potential. Even if the limit of that potential is mutual respect. Bottom line is be true to yourself and beliefs. Don't change from them to keep up with the times. Second time poster. We'll see if this one makes it through the moderator....

Shawn said...

I’m sure any woman reading what you had to say would be howling in agreement. It isn’t that there isn’t truth in what you say, but good grief! Most guys do enjoy the chase. It’s when sex happens soon after meeting that the chase seems over too soon. I’m not going to sit here writing there aren’t guys who love the one-time extravaganza. They exist, and there’s a growing number of women who are the same way. For the guys looking for a fulfilling relationship, he needs to be able to respect the girl. He isn’t likely to commit to dating a girl he can’t respect. Would a girl behave any different? Without exception, a guy should respect a girl for holding out. It isn’t that giving up some goodies to appreciate you more is ineffectual, it’s all about timing.

For the occasional good guy who gets frustrated with chasing the ultimate catch, it may get to the point where he says “WTF, I might just as well be a dog chasing my OWN tail!” At the point where he meets someone and it happens on the first date, he’s every bit a slut, too. We just don’t like the negative connotation, so we created a positive spin to use and call him a stud.

Things have changed. Hooking up is the trend. Guys are supposed to be more sensitive. Girls are told to have a more cavalier attitude about dating like guys do. More women are educated, successful, and have higher standards. Until they’ve achieved a stellar career, many women won’t commit to anyone. To even get a date from a great female catch, sometimes, you gotta be A, you gotta be B, .... you gotta be ZZZZZZZ ... awake when she finishes the laundry list!

For a guy who doesn’t lead a charmed life, there are few options to choose from.
1. Keep to short chases and pursue “LAF” girls
2. Resort to some form of skulduggery
3. Commit to a good to great girl somewhere between perfect match and raging ball-and-chain
4. Be persistent and patient that a really great catch will take a chance on him
5. Hope he’s drafted by a major sports team, or he’s in the next issue of GQ, or...

A lion on the savanna, eh? Interesting analogy. He spends his day hunting, resting, courting, protecting his territory, and making a lot of noise. He isn’t built to keep up with fittest antelope that has the hardest body, the prettiest fur, the most captivating eyes. He’ll probably starve to death waiting for it to trip up on a rock. He doesn’t care how the lame antelope tastes, if he’d sooner eat the cheetah’s sloppy seconds, a poor mouse, or even the treacherous crocodile.