There a few things that are no secret with me. One of them is, right now all my friends have someone they're dating except me. Granted, not all of it is completely fantastic but, they've all have at least someone. Number 2. I don't believe in "the one". I believe that you are truly compatible with more than one person. One thing that my friends have told me and I think they might actually be right is that I HAVE BAD LUCK WITH MEN...AND HORRIBLE TIMING!!!
I think of when I met Sean. We got along great, things were progressing nicely, then...he moves because his brother has cancer. After that, timing was all off. I tried to get a job in Austin where he lived but that fell through. I tried getting a job in Dallas but, I moved here instead. Yeah! My timing couldn't have been worse!
Then, I think of a guy that had a girlfriend break up with him shortly before he started dating me. At first things were great. Then, I think he realized that a girlfriend takes time and work and he wanted to spend more time doing "his" stuff and playing the field. Again, me and my timing.
Now lets go to guys I simply encounter or have showed interest in me. May it be the married guy that WANTS a divorce or the married guy GOING through a divorce. My timing again and luck are impecable! Really? Does it ever get any better?
I'm starting to wonder if this is just how it's always going to be. Me, attracting and being attrached to men that are UNAVAILABLE!! They're unavailable in every way. They're unavailable emotionally, physically...they're just NOT someone that I can have! It's actaully starting to make me irratated. You know, my girlfriends are starting to notice the trend of the men that like me. Either they are NOT what I'm looking for, or I don't find them attractive. Or the men that like me have something in their life that makes them unattainable.
I wrote a note on my Facebook page how I seem to have bad luck and timing and Erin sucks! The comments came coming in. Advice telling me to "Stop looking and start living!" What? What do you think I'm doing? I almost feel selfish because most of the stuff I do, I do for MYSELF!!! I have traveled to Europe for vacation TWICE ALONE!!! Is that not living for myself? After my divorce I bought my SUV. I found it on the internet in Dallas, TX. I negotiaited the deal by myself. I flew to Dallas, took a cab to the dealership, bought the car and drove it back to St. Louis all by myself. No Guy came along or helped me. Hell I was even dating Sean at the time...he didn't come with me. I moved to Milwaukee ALONE AND FOR MYSELF!! When will I not be by myself?
I had someone else comment, "Erin go to Europe and find a man, guys in America suck!" Well I would but, see comment above. I never looked for a guy in Europe but, my trip to France I had not a single guy hit on me. My trip to Italy I did but, one guy had the teeth of a sewer rat and the other guy was about 22 years old.
So what's the deal? Do I have have bad luck? Does someone have a voodoo doll on me or some sort of spell cast on me? Seriously, I'm ready to start consulting a Wiccan to cast a good luck spell on me! Or is my clock of life off? Everyone I encounter I'm just an off by a few months and if would've met them just a bit later I might be happier?