In the recent days I'm trying to keep my spirits up. I do have a lot to be thankful for I know that but, I also feel a little lost. Now granted I'm partially sad because it's that time of the month but I'm also sad because of all the stuff that's going on.
To start off this whole job thing is weird for me. Granted, I'm in a decent spot at the moment but I'm scared to think of what's next. I'm about 90% sure that I'm going move. Now moving doesn't scare me because God knows I've done a fair amount but, it's all that comes with it. What job will I end up taking? Where will I move? Will I even like it there? Will I get any friends? Will I make enough money to live on? Will I even like the job I get?
Some people live in the same town and have the same job for years and years. I haven't had that since I was a kid. I know life is about change and nothing stays the same but I'd like to be somewhere where I call it home...at least for more than 2 years at a time.
The next thing is guys! I just can't seem to catch a break here. I go from an ex boyfriend that breaks up with me because he doesn't want to be tied down but now dates a girl in college to a guy that goes MIA. I thought things were going good. My friends all thought that he seemed into me but now I haven't heard from him in 5 days now. This isn't the first time he's pulled this. The last time I didn't hear from him he forgot his phone at work but even after he got his phone back he didn't try to call!
What upsets me about him is that I told him about my past experiences with people I dated and my ex's and he thought I'd met some doosies. He said "Erin I can't believe all the jerks you've met, I'm not like them at all." Really? He's proving to be one of the worst. What kind of person would completely disregard the person they're dating feelings? I sent him a txt telling him I was feeling a little down over the weekend and I never heard a thing back...not even a "sorry I'm busy" txt. The only excuse that is acceptable is that he is in a coma or he died. Nothing else makes sense.
And to top things off, the ex boyfriend stills calls me at about 2 am on the weekends. Gee! Wonder what he wants? Doesn't he have some really lame college girl to tag?
I know things could be so much worse. I know that. Sometimes I just feel a little lost. I sat at breakfast with my friend and I started crying because I felt like I may not have a purpose. I don't know where I'm headed and if I'll ever have what I want or deserve in life. Will I ever have the career I want? Will I ever feel appreciated? Will I find my purpose and do I have one?