Thursday, September 11, 2008

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE...WHICH I DON'T HAVE!

I can just hear it now, my mom telling me "Erin you just need to be patient." As a little kid and as an adult I've lacked patience. I want things now. I want answers now. I want to know what's going to be before it is. I get so impatient that I even drive myself to worry.

In work, I never was patient enough to see what would transpire for me. Earlier on I wasn't sure where exactly I wanted to go with my career. I just knew I wanted to see how far I could go. Now that I'm a little older I know that mornings is the place I want to be. I now have ultimate goals that I think that mornings is the place for me to achieve it. Will I get there? Not sure, but every once in awhile I do get antsy thinking "How am I going to make this happen?"

In relationships I've been impatient as well. Now I'm not one of those girls that starts dating a guy and starts going crazy with planning the future. Although, I do question myself and what's going on when I don't think that things are going on the timeline I think they should be. Now, I don't always bring it up but occasionally I do. Tylpically I wait for a guy to say something.

Recently, I was hanging out with a guy for a month. He would never really call or text and when he did, it was to make plans to do something. At first I was just going with the flow but after a few weeks everything was the exact same. Nothing ever progressed. He still wanted to go out and do things but he actions never were any different. I figured that if you're somewhat dating someone at some point you decide if you want to see the person more. Well, not in this case. The thing was, he was hard to read. One minute I thought it was going somewhere the next minute he acted like we were buddies. Needless to say after a month I grew a little bored with the status quo.

I think a lot girls when they enter a relationship with someone they like, they start to think about where things are headed. I know that I do. I don't want to waste my time. Hell, I'm 31 years old and I'm not getting any younger. As I've said before, I'm not looking to get married right away but I don't want to be in a completely dead end relationship. I know some girls that can do it but that is not my deal.

I'm kind of mad at myself because, when I enter a situation I hang out for awhile and then I start to assess where things are going. That is where I drive myself crazy. How do you learn to take things as they come? How do you learn to to just let things happen and not try to hurry yourself? How do I learn to just breath and let life happen?

9 comments:

Khatz Gnaquer said...

Erin,

In general, yes, you aren’t a patient person. That said, you don’t need to be more patient with EVERYTHING. You say that you don’t want to get married right away. Fine, but I think you DO immediately want to meet the guy that you will one day marry. There is nothing wrong with that or with the evaluation process that it drives. Most guys consciously or subconsciously are after the flavor of the month. If you don’t see a relationship going anywhere, keeping in mind what you are looking for….end it. Why be patient with someone if you are pretty sure there is no long term potential?

Have patience and confidence that you will one day find what you are looking for, but you don’t need to waste time with a dud.

As a side note, I’m not a participant or a fan of on-line dating services, but….. I think you have a unique personality (that requires a special person) and I’m sorry to say, maybe some flaws in your selection criteria. If you do the on-line thing, I’d suggest less Match.com and more eharmony. Eharmony seems built for people who need a little help in determining who is right for them and are after serious relationships. (Sound like anyone you know?)

Anonymous said...

Erin, I don't think any girl dates just for fun. Even if your intention isn't marriage, we all wonder where this will go.

Anonymous said...

Just be completely honest the guy you're with. If you're getting bored, you should just come out and tell him and ask where he's at. What do you got to lose? Guys hate trying to figure out what a girl is thinking when they could simply just come out and tell them. Maybe your guy thought things were going good and you were happy. When something's bothering you don't bother waiting to see if someone else changes the situation for you, take the bull by the horns and say something and be honest. You might be surprised at how much more you might get out of the relationship.

Shawn said...

Having patience in work is much easier than in relationships, there's that little detail called emotions...When you see couples out there that are happy, you want that, too. Who doesn't want to step outside one day, out of the blue get levitated off the ground and swept up in a whirlwind romance that leaves you breathless, begging for more!? I know I'm impatient for that. Problem is that when I get most impatient for that, it's when I make the worst dating mistakes. So what do I do? I just live my life day-by-day until one day she hits me like a baseball to the head, knocking me off my feet. As I struggle to regain my senses, say "WTF!?...Oh, hey what's up?"

I never read all your blogs... I just now went through quicky (I exceeded my 5-minute email rule there) and didn't find anything that stuck out at me as a flaw in dating criteria. I was a bit surprised to see you have dated more types than I gave you credit for, my bad. I don't think there's anything wrong with being picky, I get the same criticism from some of my friends. You probably shouldn't compromise on most things, but could bend a little.

I find it's much easier for me to chat up someone, and get a number in person. I know my social skills are better suited to face-to-face situations, but I don't often have the time for getting dates this way. I hate the idea of someone or some formulaic system telling me who I'm compatible with. I've used a couple online sites as a tool to create opportunities to meet people I otherwise would never have met. The last person I met using Match turned out to be a really good friend and that is exactly what I needed at the time.

"...I don't think any girl dates just for fun." Unless I've been unknowingly drinking some sort of hallucinogen, they're out there.

"Guys hate trying to figure out what a girl is thinking when they could simply just come out and tell them." One day I realized I was intelligent and attentive enough to figure out most of what was being communicated without being plainly told in words. The challenge...or goal in dating someone is not just to make her feel good about being with you, but taking the time and thought to read and anticipate her emotional needs. Too often I hear the frustrations of lady friends who feel as if they're being drowned only for their guy of choice to offer what amounts to an observation of the water.

"Maybe your guy thought things were going good and you were happy." Seriously!? After a month of what amounts to a total lack of progress, being bored is the least of your problems. You may as well have watched the grass grow, or sat sniffing a new bottle of wine as it breathed. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hey Erin,
I agree with anonymous, just tell the guy what you are thinking..
you have nothing to loose. It took me a long time to figure that out. I too was always making myself crazy wondering "where things were going" and could be quite a "stalker" in trying to figure things out...
You do need a special partner, especially as a radio personality that uses their relationships during the morning show...
Your partner should have an excellent personality and be able to laugh at themselves.

Jayme said...

Erin...I swear I could've written this myself! I actually just ended a status quo "relationship" because I think he was fine with it the way it was...but it wasn't progressing. I wanted it to. I've told him I needed more...and he picked up on that for a while and things were great. Then after a few weeks they went back to the way they were. So, I told him that I wasn't going to wait for him to figure it out. If he does sometime in the near future...I'll still be here (hell, in the distant future I'll probably still be here! LOL!). We'll see...but as the previous poster said, "take the bull by the horns". After a month you don't have to be "exclusive", but you should at least feel like you're important enough in that person's life to get a phone call more than once a week.

Anonymous said...

Erin, I hope you're smart enough to not listen to someone (shawn) who starts out by belittling you (I never read all yor blogs...). This guys implies that he's too important to read what you have to say but wants you to listen to him as he goes on and on. If he is at all like the type you're dating then that's your problem.

Trev said...

One rule I follow when dealing with people (anyone) is something I read when I was a kid.
"You have two eyes, two ears and one mouth. Look and listen twice as much as you talk".
This was going somewhere but I lost my thought. Sorry.

Shawn said...

You're joking. I'm not the first person to say "I haven't read all your blogs." I am busy, but enjoy taking a few minutes a week to carefully read Erin's writings.

I'm thinking this is a misinterpretation of one thing I wrote. What I was saying was: "I personally limit what I write online to five minutes, (preferring longer communication to be done over the phone, in person, ect.) and at present, I have yet to read through almost a year and a half of blogs. After going further back quick, sure, I was ignorant and shouldn't have said "you seem to limit yourself to dating one type of guy," a mistake, and I acknowledge it."

In case something I've written reads as condescending or belittling, I am sorry, Erin. Every time I write, it's with respect for your thoughts and accomplishments. I may not be humor-compatible with everyone, but if I've been offensive here, I'd consider submitting to twenty lashes with a wet noodle, or being fitted for a muzzle, or perhaps even a shock collar. It's your court, Judge Austin, I await your ruling.

Come on now, it's guys such as myself that cause gems like Erin the most grief!? Theoretically, they'd sooner allow the lady to beat them to the ground with a shovel, then watch as she grinds a stiletto heel into their bruised chest, through the heart... than to be responsible for making her cry.

Now for a little bit I read when I was a kid: "Patience is power." Just thought that was more inspirational and appropriate than some preceding remarks. :-)