Monday, July 14, 2008


I'm not sure what exactly sparked me writing this blog but I was thinking recently about guys and how they always seem be on the prowl. When girls do this people think we're desperate and on a man hunt. When guys do it, they are in my opinion looking to hook up. And the ones that are looking for someone to date no one ever tells them "You'll find someone when you least expect it."

In about a week it'll be 1 year since Sean and I broke up. And for most of that year I've been very single. With of course the exception of Mr. X for a few months. A few weeks ago when I talked to Sean we talked and compared dating stories since we broke up. Neither one of us having a ton of success. Although, he has dated a lot more girls than I have guys. One thing he said to me is that I need to go out and just date.

For Sean, even though i think he's truly a independent guy, I'm not sure if he ever really has NOT had a girl around. I think Mr. X is the same way. I think he had something going with someone else a week after we broke up. My ex-husband was the same way. Always had some young girl around to make him feel better about himself. I think most guys feel the need to have some sort of girl around. If only for the night.

When I'm in a relationship I like to get attention from the person I'm dating. When I'm not dating someone, sure, does the random male attention feel good? Yeah, but after a while of getting nothing but duds it gets boring....or at least dissatisfying. Guys on the other hand, always need a girl around. Or at least guys always need female attention. May she be a hook up for the night or a girl they think they could date they waste no time getting back into the swing of things. Now not to say there wouldn't be guys who have been single without much action but let's face it...guys like being on the prowl for the next kill!!!

One of my very good friends dated a guy for 3 months. He broke it off with her out of the blue. (Sounds familiar) Well it took her 10 months to even get ready for a hookup. She was not ready. Where a guy in the exact same situation (and i know one) the very weekend after she broke things off with him...he's making out with some girl in a bar's bathroom!!!! AWESOME!

Why do girls always get classified as the needy ones when clearly it's NOT at all true. When Mr. X and I broke up he later told me that I basically required more attention than he could give. He told me I wasn't needy though..which is good. Problem is, since the break up, he has been on the prowl for a girl like a run in a cheap pair of pantyhose! Hookups, name it. Not sure if he's successful with the dates but the hookups well...let's not think about it.

So why so guys feel the need to always a girl around? Is it to fill a void? Is every man deep down like a old man that just likes having women around? (I know one of those too) Why is it that women get labeled needy and guys get the label as playing the field? If a girl were to play the field like a guy she not only would be called slutty but also desperate!!!Hmmm.....


Anonymous said...

You don't have success in your present, nor will you in the future because all you do is hash and rehash your past. I've kept up with your blog since the beginning of the year and I feel like I'm reading the same chapter over and over. You say that you've got yourself together, good job, etc. but every other post is a pity party... I think it's high time I find better reading material.

Erin Austin said...

Sorry you feel that way. Although if you read my intro to this blog you'd know that I reference my past experiences often. I also use the lives of my friends to help make a point.

This blog in general is about Men, Women, relationships and our differences!

runnerfrog said...

I've been aproved by the men's union directive board to openly accept we're pretty needy.
Nice blog, well thought and written. I must say that I don't understand the anonymous complain.

Shawn said...

Really...don't you think she feels bad enough already from the sludge these swine have slung her way? Another anonymous guy that doesn't pay attention, perhaps? I am a guy and have been paying attention yet don't hear a broken record. I do hear/read thoughtful musings from someone around my own age who's done a great job of entertaining with her wit and intelligence.

I don't hear much of the show anymore, so I started to read these blogs, and related to a lot of I was reading. For recent example, the high school dating experience. More generally, I found it comforting when I was having dating problems to read a young woman with everything going for her was having trouble meeting a quality mate, yet stayed positive, even making charming fun of it all.

When I think about it, it's really guys making the noise about "needy girls". The less mature the guy, the more I really think they are the ones who need, yet somehow get more attention. Sure, sometimes I find myself getting needy and greedy! I consider myself very mature and independent, but some girls have a powerful talent for making you feel even better about yourself than you've ever felt before. Of course, you naturally always want more (from HER).

The guys who are always prowling are never satisfied with one person, no matter how giving or exciting she is. Avoidance of this type of guy is the best tactic. They tear through good girls (and their hearts) like generic facial tissue. Take heart, Erin. You are a catch, don't compromise that, and you will meet your match, in time.

Rebecca said...

I agree with Shawn. We know someone who has admitted that I/we are good girls/girlfriend material, yet continue the prowl for the attention. These same men are the ones that "criticize" us for any mis-behavior, yet it's o.k. if they participate in it. It's almost as if they need to compensate for something that they are lacking. They NEED the attention to make themselves feel better, escape,....and just get physical.

I agree that the random attention from guys once in a blue moon is nice - especially if they seem to be decent men. But, after a while, it gets real old, real fast, for those of us with a bit more maturity, and class. No woman likes a true cat call. Or should I say, those men who deliver cat calls aren't worth giving a second glance?? hmmmm....
my point is.... attention means a few different things to different people. Men seem to surround themselves in the wrong kind of attention for the sake of machoness. Women ask for the type of attention that is deserved or a given, once in an established relationship. The other type of attention? well, we could take it, or leave it.

jim said...

Guys in general don't need more attention than women. I think it's just the ones you're associating with. And I think being needy and wanting someone around are 2 different things. You just need to be comfortable with yourself and who you are. Apparently the guys you write of aren't, otherwise they wouldn't have all the women around that you speak of. Speaking for myself, (a guy) during the day I have a job that challenges me and pays me decent. When I come home, it's to my own home in a nice subdivision. My dogs greet me at the door and after supper and a beer or what not, I go outside and shoot the shit with the neighbors. On weekends I'll either work around the house, get some exercise or load up my dirt bike and go trail riding/compete in some enduros and spend time with people that I meet that day. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm comfortable with who I am, the friends that are in my life and with being by myself. I have no problems sleeping solo in a king sized bed. If I had a woman in my life it's because I enjoy her company and want to share my life with her, not because I'm trying to fulfill an inner need.