Over the weekend I had an Epiphany. I don't know how it all started but I had a major breakthrough when it comes to men, women, over thinking, and marriage! I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner.
I have a several guys friends that are commitment phobic. Most of the guys I've dated are commitment phobic. And there the guys that I meet out and about that are commitment phobic. I know, you're thinking "Erin knows a lot of commitment phobic guys." Well, here's the thing. Guys are only a piece of the puzzle here, but they are a very significant piece...you might even say a GRANDE piece.
So let me move to the ladies. Women typically are the ones ready to settle down. Women are famous for wanting to get married. Now, let me make another observation about women. As women, we love to over analyze things. You might even say we over think things. I know it's true with me. I over analyze things people say to me, how someone looks at me, what they meant in an email, why didn't someone call me back. You name it I think about it.
With all of that being said, I noticed that there's one thing women tend not to over analyze. That would be marriage. In my observations and in talking to people, I have discovered that women will date someone, fall in love with them and then if everything goes well, they'll marry that person.
Here's where I think it's different for guys. And I have several different examples. Guys can date a girl, fall in love with her, and then say to themselves..."Am I really supposed to be with this girl?" "Is she really THE ONE?" So, even if they love her and they ask themselves that question...they think she must not be "THE ONE" if I have to ask myself that. Then they break up with her. "I love you but I don't think you're the one...I don't a future with you."
I recently met a guy who is a little older and has never been married. When I asked why had he not married yet he said "Well, there was this girl in college I should of married but didn't and since then I haven't liked anyone as much." I'm pretty sure that when I dated someone he compared to his ex-fiance. Almost like "I like Erin but...I don't have the butterfly's I think I should have like I did with my ex so this is going nowhere."
I had one of my very good guys friends tell me that he was going to pop the question to this one girl he dated and decided not to because he didn't get that feeling he thought he should feel if she were "THE ONE." What's with guys and "THE ONE?"
What does "THE ONE" even mean? Are guys looking for the butterfly's? Are they looking for a girl that agrees with everything they say? They need to agree on everything all the time? They need to let them do whatever they want? I'm not sure why guys are so focused on "THE ONE." I can't remember ever hearing a girl I know say that she was looking for "THE ONE", she would usually say "I want to marry him!" or "He's going to be my husband!" or "I hope I find my future husband." All of the girls that I've talked to about this agreed with me.
Like I said before, I think men expect the heavens to open up, angels need to sing, butterfly's should be in his tummy and there needs to be big bright red neon sign with an arrow pointing at the girl for him to marry a girl. Where women just date, fall in love, and get married. It's the one thing that we tend to not over think. We don't look to see if he has one toe longer than the other, we just love the person and visualize what our life would be like if we were married.
So why do guys over analyze marriage? Are they ahead of the game? Or do they over analyze so much that they end up making a decision that's the best one because their judgement was clouded? Do they over analyze because it's the commitment phobic part of them?
I know what I think.