Monday, June 9, 2008


Over the weekend I had an Epiphany. I don't know how it all started but I had a major breakthrough when it comes to men, women, over thinking, and marriage! I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner.

I have a several guys friends that are commitment phobic. Most of the guys I've dated are commitment phobic. And there the guys that I meet out and about that are commitment phobic. I know, you're thinking "Erin knows a lot of commitment phobic guys." Well, here's the thing. Guys are only a piece of the puzzle here, but they are a very significant might even say a GRANDE piece.

So let me move to the ladies. Women typically are the ones ready to settle down. Women are famous for wanting to get married. Now, let me make another observation about women. As women, we love to over analyze things. You might even say we over think things. I know it's true with me. I over analyze things people say to me, how someone looks at me, what they meant in an email, why didn't someone call me back. You name it I think about it.

With all of that being said, I noticed that there's one thing women tend not to over analyze. That would be marriage. In my observations and in talking to people, I have discovered that women will date someone, fall in love with them and then if everything goes well, they'll marry that person.

Here's where I think it's different for guys. And I have several different examples. Guys can date a girl, fall in love with her, and then say to themselves..."Am I really supposed to be with this girl?" "Is she really THE ONE?" So, even if they love her and they ask themselves that question...they think she must not be "THE ONE" if I have to ask myself that. Then they break up with her. "I love you but I don't think you're the one...I don't a future with you."

I recently met a guy who is a little older and has never been married. When I asked why had he not married yet he said "Well, there was this girl in college I should of married but didn't and since then I haven't liked anyone as much." I'm pretty sure that when I dated someone he compared to his ex-fiance. Almost like "I like Erin but...I don't have the butterfly's I think I should have like I did with my ex so this is going nowhere."

I had one of my very good guys friends tell me that he was going to pop the question to this one girl he dated and decided not to because he didn't get that feeling he thought he should feel if she were "THE ONE." What's with guys and "THE ONE?"

What does "THE ONE" even mean? Are guys looking for the butterfly's? Are they looking for a girl that agrees with everything they say? They need to agree on everything all the time? They need to let them do whatever they want? I'm not sure why guys are so focused on "THE ONE." I can't remember ever hearing a girl I know say that she was looking for "THE ONE", she would usually say "I want to marry him!" or "He's going to be my husband!" or "I hope I find my future husband." All of the girls that I've talked to about this agreed with me.

Like I said before, I think men expect the heavens to open up, angels need to sing, butterfly's should be in his tummy and there needs to be big bright red neon sign with an arrow pointing at the girl for him to marry a girl. Where women just date, fall in love, and get married. It's the one thing that we tend to not over think. We don't look to see if he has one toe longer than the other, we just love the person and visualize what our life would be like if we were married.

So why do guys over analyze marriage? Are they ahead of the game? Or do they over analyze so much that they end up making a decision that's the best one because their judgement was clouded? Do they over analyze because it's the commitment phobic part of them?

I know what I think.


Anonymous said...

Erin, Erin, Erin, another issue of the life and times of Erin. Erin when will you stop with the insanity? Sean, Mr. X, whatever, all are posers, and all are not worth your time. As for men's commitment issues in general, yes they exist, but look at the general public, and the perception of how you can always find better, thus men and 'women' are all BOTH looking for the "ONE", and they all think if they if they commit to one person they will end up missing out on something better. What you need Erin, besides and enema, is to find a man that doesn't necessarily feel the need to find the "One" or have to be searching for that "One", but instead a man that takes you for good and bad (which there is definitely a bad side to you), and rather puts that energy into you. Just think Erin, how great you could have it if you and some guy where to put their energies into a solid relationship that would grow, just how GREAT that could be.

Find that guy, and you've really found the "ONE."

Peace be your heart Erin. Waste not your beauty down dead end alleys.

Justine said...

You are dead on for this one. Did you also notice that after a break-up and when you are finally over them, somehow they return to your life and want to "try again" or they "miss you" more then they thought they would? Why couldn't they just figure this out before all the sleepless nights and tears?? Men never know what they have until its gone. That's when they FINALLY figure it out, but most times its too late. Maybe one of these days they will figure it out. Hopefully in my lifetime!!!

(the blonde girl with the long purple dress from SITC Vliet that reads ALL your blogs and wanted to join your "friend group"....haha)

Erin Austin said...

Well I don't think I need an enema. If you know me, you know that I have issues with my I think I'm good.

Sean, Mr. X are not posers. They treated my pretty good but in the end had their own stuff that was more important than me. Well at least to them. They are pretty good guys...of course they have some issues but I guess so do I.
For one thing, I don't belive in "THE ONE". I believe we are compatible with more than just one person...maybe I'll write a blog about that.

And as far as me having a bad side...what does that mean? My right or left? The fact that I could cuss like a sailor? Or that I'm fiesty?

Anonymous said...

Guys that do over-analyze do it because they are a little commitment-phobic. As a dude, I've probably blown a few potential relationships because I over think things and eventually talk myself out of stuff. There have been girls that I've been interested in that have shown interest back, but then I start to think, "Wait, do I really want to be in a relationship with her? She's a nice girl, but I don't know. What if I'm in a relationship with her and then a girl I really like comes along? Forget it, I'll wait for a girl I really really like."

I'm sure alot of guys are like that. That quote "It's not you, it's me" probably would apply here, because most of the time it has nothing to do with the woman involved, it's just about the guy worrying about if he's ready for a serious relationship or not, and it's him panicking and thinking "I'll be ready to settle down when it's the ONE." (For the record I'm sure most guys, myself included, don't know what type of woman the ONE would be).