Thursday, June 5, 2008


The other day when I met with out Life coach Melissa Malueg she asked me how I thought my divorce affected me. I never really thought about it before but I do know that I am a little self conscious about it. I can't really explain how I'm self conscious about it other than now that I'm back in the dating world I wonder if guys look at me differently...especially if they've never been married. I never dated a guy that was divorced but I have dated several guys that were engaged and I never thought twice about their failed relationship.

When I dated Sean and I would spend time with his family and I would get weirded out if I had to mention my ex for some reason. Like when they asked who my dog stayed with while I was there visiting them. Although, I never thought they were the type of people that would judge me I just wondered if they had some sort of disapproval.

I know that with some of the recent people I dated who were all engaged at one time or another, some were completely cool with my being divorced; while others I wonder if they deep down had a problem with it. They never said they did but, I wonder if there a was a lack of them taking me serious because of my divorce. Almost like they didn't want to consider me as a possible mate because I had been married before.

I probably look way to into it but, I wonder if anyone looks at divorce as a strike against you? I know I would probably worry if I dated a guy that was married a couple times or even engaged a few times, but if it's only once I probably wouldn't think twice.

So do you think people look at divorced people differently? Granted I don't have children, so that may make it a little different for me, but I wonder if I've been judged because I maybe got married a little too young and things didn't work out as planned.

Does being divorced really even matter to people? And if it does...why does it?


CB1 said...

I seem to have the same problem but a different letter!!! I have a big "S" on my forehead! I am in my early 40's, decent looking, good career, own a home, am a nice,God- fearing(tee hee)women, etc... BUT, I've never been married. Gasp!! "Oh my god, what's wrong with you?!" is what I feel guys, well actually any person, is thinking when they meet me. I have been in 3 long-term relationships(one for 10 yrs.) BTW:I was the one to end 2 of them, only to have it followed by the "wait, I didn't know you wanted to be married... here's a ring...blah,blah,blah."

So I guess I am somewhat responsible for my 'status' in the fact that I'm not into giving ultimadums or I don't hit the road sooner... but, that aside, I feel your pain of pre-concieved judgement on someone's marital status. You don't know how tempted I have been, when I've had my profile on dating sites, to lie and say I was Divorced. That, or get married even if I know it's not the 'right one' just so I can get divorced. As I type this it sounds really pathetic but hey... I'm fed up too! I envy my sisters who have, or are close to, celebrating 25 years of pretty great marriages. Hidesite is 20/20 and if I could I would have changed so many things in my personal/dating life back in my 20's. ~ sigh ~ Keep positive Erin! If he's a good guy your status won't matter to him.


Anonymous said...

I totally argee with CB1. If he's good enough for you, it doesn't matter what you do or if you're divorced. He will love you just for being you! Hang in there. When the "right" one comes along you & HE will know it!!!! It's worth the wait.

Take care, and love listening to morning show! Felicia

Erin Austin said...

Thanks ladies...I love knowing that there are other people feel the same way.

It feels good knowing that we can all encourage each other.