With this latest breakup opened the flood gates on my feelings about these others. When the situation with Mr. X was getting weird that last week I called up my ex-husband to get his take. He and I remained good friends and over the past 2 years we were actually getting along well. Well his MUCH younger girlfriend had a problem with us talking. So the day Mr. X broke up with me...I called the ex-husband to let him know and his girlfriend made him tell me that we are not allowed to speak anymore.
Now lets move on to Sean. I sent him an email to give him and article I think he'd like to see for work. We had small talk in emails, "How are things", blah blah blah. Well he informs me that he has been dating a girl for a couple of months. I then checked his MYspace page and he took down my picture. All on the same day. I knew at some point that he would start dating and that my picture would have to come down but I thought maybe not all at once.
Then I get an email from someone that reads my blogs. Basically telling me that maybe I can't find a guy because there is something WRONG WITH ME!!! Maybe I'm the one that's all screwed up. Not that guys I'm finding. I usually would just blow that off but after the breakup and then other 2 things I started to really feel crappy.
Well today I had a meeting with our Life Coach on the show Melissa Malueg. We ended up talking for over 3 hours. We talked about the laws of attraction and making changes in how I think and feel about myself.
One thing that struck a cord with me is that we can control our feelings. This especially stuck out for me because when Mr. X and I had our after breakup talk he told me that his feelings had changed in a week and he can't control his feelings. Well according to Melissa we CAN control our feelings. Our thoughts feed into our feelings and we can control it. For instance, if I have a thought that I"m not good enough, that will probably make me feel bad.
So for Mr. X and his feelings, he maybe felt that 'I like this girl but I don't feel the same way about her as I did my fiance when we were dating 2 months...so that must mean we're not meant to be.' When really, everyone is different and not all relationships are the same. That doesn't mean you're not a match it means the situation is different.
Or maybe he liked me but he felt as though as was a distraction to his race and time with his friends and remembered how when had a fiance how that ended up, and was determined not to let it happen again for fear of it ending the same way.
I learned today that our experiences of the past should not dictate our future. We should learn from those experiences but not let it ruin our future happiness. So today I need to change my thinking. Even though, I've had my heartbroken a few times and have felt rejection, sadness and hurt, I will let these experiences teach me something instead of holding me back from being completely happy.
I can only hope that Mr. X can realize that whatever happened to him with his ex should not rule his thinking in relationships. He can look back and say 'I was hurt but I'm ready to move forward and be truly happy and not let what happened to me ruin my future relationships.'
I know that Mr. X and I made a pretty good couple. Funny thing is, he even said that after we broke up. So, I don't think I'm crazy for feeling and thinking that way. Maybe someday he'll realize that I am a pretty good catch and we were pretty good together and that whatever mental blocks he has, maybe had something to do his thought we should breakup.